Most Misguided Parent Ever?

[charlietheowl]

I saw this linked on Gawker, and I really thought it was one of the worst things I've ever read. This father's daughter AT THE AGE OF FOUR has battled leukemia, and undergone "15 spinal taps to make sure the cancer hasn't spread, multiple chemotherapy treatments, skin burns and vomiting from the chemo, and steroid injections that compromised her immune system." A heck of a lot for a four year old to go through, correct?

Make-A-Wish granted her a trip to Disney World. Great, right? All she needs is signatures from both her parents. Mother, yes. Father, NO.

Her father turned down a trip to Disney World for his daughter because he "doesn't believe the wish granting organization should spend money on children who are "cured.""

What a jerk. The article speculates that he is feuding with the mother over custody and visitation issues, but that's still no excuse for doing such a thing.

What do you guys think? Is this father extremely misguided to take this trip away from his daughter, or do you disagree?

 

[Hubert]

Don't get me wrong, that girl definitely deserves the Disney trip. There's no question about that. But if he was doing it for the reason he said, I really have to commend that father. That he basically said "We're not deserving of this gift, it belongs to a child who really needs it." Though it is taking something away from the girl, that takes a lot of gut to say that. And I really have to respect that. Now if his motives were different, as speculated in the article, then that might be a different story. Now I'm not saying the girl shouldn't have the trip...I think she should...but I don't think we can call this father the most misguided parent ever.

 

[D'Snowth]

While I agree that it's pretty sad (and pathetically so, in addition to boo-hoo sad) that the father basically dashed her dreams of going to Disney World and everything, but I mean, I GUESS I can KIND of see the point he's making, usually the Make-a-Wish foundation is for terminally ill children, and if this little girl is "cured", then it MIGHT lead to a lot of parents trying to take advantage (in a bad way) of the foundation for their kids as well.

 

[charlietheowl]

My thoughts on that point of view are that it's easy for him to say that the family is not deserving of the gift because the daughter's cured because he's not the one going through the treatment. Yes, it's painful for a father to see his daughter suffering, but he's not the one actually receiving the treatment, his daughter is. She definitely deserves a week-long vacation at the very least after all that. For him to turn it down on that matter of principle doesn't seem fair to his daughter. A four-year old shouldn't have to be victimized by someone's principles.

 

[Hubert]

My thoughts on that point of view are that it's easy for him to say that the family is not deserving of the gift because the daughter's cured because he's not the one going through the treatment. Yes, it's painful for a father to see his daughter suffering, but he's not the one actually receiving the treatment, his daughter is. She definitely deserves a week-long vacation at the very least after all that. For him to turn it down on that matter of principle doesn't seem fair to his daughter. A four-year old shouldn't have to be victimized by someone's principles.

It really isn't fair to his daughter. But you can understand where he is coming from. He's saying that there are a lot children a lot worse off than his daughter, ones who really need that Disney trip.

Here's what I'd like to see happen: the father actually decides that he is going to support his daughter and her want to go to Disney, and does help work to make it happen, but not via Make-A-Wish. That then at least shows that he cares.

 

[HeyButtahfly]

Here's what I'd like to see happen: the father actually decides that he is going to support his daughter and her want to go to Disney, and does help work to make it happen, but not via Make-A-Wish. That then at least shows that he cares.

I think at the root of the issue, the father is viewing this from the point that what Make-A-Wish is offering them is "charity" and he's trying to put things into perspective. (Honestly, I wouldn't blame the father if he's trying, on some level, to say he wishes they would have stepped in sooner, when she was in the worst of her battle.) I agree with Hubert, that the way to not put the little girl in the middle of this would be to say no on principle if that's what he really feels, but to find a way to take her to Disney World himself.
On the argument that "she's been through a lot, she deserves a vacation anyway": Every child that has battled cancer deserves a vacation to Disney World, yet not every one even gets offered a Make-A-Wish trip... many of them do, but not all. From personal experience that has made me somewhat bitter toward Make-A-Wish, I can see this man's point in trying to see that a deserving, currently sick child get the chance. Maybe he felt like his family was kind of being treated as an afterthought.

 

[charlietheowl]

Here's what I'd like to see happen: the father actually decides that he is going to support his daughter and her want to go to Disney, and does help work to make it happen, but not via Make-A-Wish. That then at least shows that he cares.

That would be a good idea, and would really show if he is being principled or just trying to use this as a way to get custody/visitation with his daughter. If he takes his daughter on vacation on his own dime, then he's being principled, if not....

 

[fuzzygobo]

If his daughter is only four, and has already been through such a painful ordeal, don't make it more painful for her by denying her a trip to Disney World. If he has things to settle with the mother, that's one thing. But don't use the daughter as a pawn. Because then his credibility for being "principled" falls flat.

 

[Vincent L]

There's nothing wrong in the father saying that, but won't the girl be extremely disappointed? I hope the father took her there with his own money.

 

[charlietheowl]

That's the key to this situation, what the father does next. I just think that he's being insensitive to his daughter here.

(I think we could all agree that if he is using this as a move to fight his ex-wife, then he's completely in the wrong.)