Miss Piggy's Muppet Adventures: The Great Beartender

[WebMistressGina]

So after many a taunt and threaten, yesterday I was struck by the unending poking stick to write this. This, ladies & gents, was originally supposed to be some funny Muppet adventures, but her royal highness seemed to appear in quite a few of them, that it seemed only fair to grant this series to her name.

Ironically, the first adventure was suppose to feature Piggy and Gonzo, but for some reason, this idea wormed it's way into my head yesterday morning when I walked in the office and discovered, for the billionth time, that we had no Internet connection. Anyway, every fandom I write for has at least one parody story in which I take a movie or TV show thrust character into said situation; well yesterday this idea reminded me so much of a Designing Women episode that I went with it. So peoples of Mup Cen, I bring forth...to you...episode one in....

Miss Piggy’s Muppet Adventures Presents​

Miss Piggy Fozzie Bear​

in​

The Great Beartender​

​

A normal day at the Muppet Theatre usually consisted of loud music, comedy routines, and maybe an explosion or two. So far, they had only gotten one explosion. The Muppets were riding high after their latest movie had been released, followed by their nomination and win at the Academy Awards, which was then followed by getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

When they weren’t showing up and promoting themselves, they were where they were the happiest – that of their studios located in downtown Hollywood. The studio lot had grown since the group had first decided to expand; now encompassing their theatre and that of their multiple studio attractions, the studios themselves had been in and out of their hands several times before they managed – by the grace of fate – to keep a tight rein on it.

Inside the theatre proper, things were progressing as they usually did – on stage, the Muppet Show orchestra was going over a few pieces, while backstage, director Kermit the Frog, stage manager Scooter Grosse, and comedian Fozzie Bear had been literally shanghaied by the resident stuntman and daredevil, the Great Gonzo. Gonzo was in the process of explaining his next act, which consisted of several different canons that would shot him back and forth, while the orchestra played the 1812 Overture.

The highly complicated and extremely dangerous stun called for four canons which would be strategically placed in the theatre – two on stage and two in the back of the hall. “If all goes well,” the weirdo was saying. “I’ll be hurdled back and forth between four canons and at the end, a bunch of fireworks go off!”

“No,” Kermit said. “No Gonzo, absolutely not. In fact, never, ever will I let you do that. Not only is it extremely dangerous, but you know how susceptible to fire this place is! I can just see it now - you, crashing into a wall and starting a fire. Or you, fireworks in hand, and starting a fire. Or you, bursting out of a canon and bursting into fire!”

“Okay, firstly,” Gonzo replied, skeptically. “That last one, physically impossible. And secondly, that only happened once. Lightning doesn’t strike twice.”

“Gonzo,” the frog said, looking his friend square in the eye. “It’s you, which means lightning will find you to strike you.”

“What?” the weirdo chuckled. “That’s ridiculous.”

“It’s true.”

“Oh come on,” he huffed. “It’s that so true, then let me be struck by…”

The sounds of thunder and lightning echoed overheard before the stuntman could finish he’s sentence.

“That’s weird,” Scooter murmured. “It’s a perfectly sunny day outside.”

“See?” Kermit retorted.

“…a flying ice cream truck!” Gonzo finished, smirking. However, when he heard the telltale sound of something about on top of him, he quickly screamed, “And live!” right before a large, flying ice cream truck fell through the roof, running over the daredevil, and quickly speeding away.

“I’ve never seen a flying ice cream truck before,” the stage manager mentioned.

“Too bad he didn’t stop,” Fozzie commented. “An ice cream cone sounds pretty good right now.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“No, please,” the frog retorted, walking towards the now flattened stuntman. “Don’t rush to help or anything. I’ve got it.”

“Oh good,” the manager replied, just as their phone started ringing. “I’ll get the phone then.”

“You do that.”

“Kermit, when did your brothers get here?”

“Muppet Theatre, Scooter speaking. Yes he is,” Scooter said, signaling Fozzie to come over. “May I ask who’s calling? Okay, hold on a sec.” Placing a hand over the mouthpiece, Scooter whispered, “Jeanette Pausen?”

“Jeanette Pausen!?” Fozzie exclaimed. “What is she doing calling me? I can’t believe she’d call.”

“Who’s…Jen…Jenny…Petersen?” Gonzo stumbled, wobbly taking the aspirin and water that Kermit or one his brothers was thrusting in his hands.

“Only like the prettiest, meanest girl at my school,” Fozzie grumbled. “Why on earth would she be calling me? Tell her I’m not here.”

“I’ve already told her you’re here!”

“Jeanette Pausen,” Fozzie muttered, taking the receiver from Scooter. Once he was ready to speak with her, he nodded to Scooter to remove his hand from the mouth piece. “Fozzie Bear,” he said, in his most debonair voice possible. “Well, Jeanette, how are you? Really? That’s fantastic! Well, of course I’ll have lunch with you; I’m ecstatic to see you! Why don’t you give me a call when you’re closer in town? Right. Bye!”

Hanging up, he replied, “Can you believe that?”

“Who is Jeanette Pausen?” Kermit asked

“This girl I knew in high school,” Fozzie replied. “I had such a crush on her, but she hardly knew I was around, much less that I was alive. Which why her calling makes no sense what so ever.”

“We’re pretty popular again,” Scooter said. “It wouldn’t surprise me if she saw you on TV or something.”

“Well now…meal having,” Gonzo began, before shaking his head to clear it. “What’re you…doing? For?”

Fozzie’s face drained of all color. Now that he’d agreed to lunch, he wasn’t sure what he should do. “Oh no,” he whispered. “I hadn’t even thought that far ahead! What do I do? What do I do?”

“No worries, Fozzie,” Kermit replied, patting the bear on the arm. “We’ll help you. Just as soon as we take Gonzo to a hospital; I’m pretty sure he had another concussion.”

“Thanks, Kermit,” the bear sighed. “I need all the help I can get.” Suddenly the bear’s eyes widened and his mouth opened. “I gotta go!”

“Fozzie!”

“S’okay,” Gonzo slurred. Reaching out, he tried to pat Kermit on the arm, but missed completely.

“I’m right here, Gonzo.”

Following the sound of his voice, a blue furry hand managed to grab a slightly out of focus green arm. “Solid,” the Muppet slurred. “So solid, Timrek.”

Kermit sighed. “Scooter…”

“Already on it, Chief,” the assistant said, his smartphone already attached to his ear. “Dr. Winekirk, please. Hey, doc, Scooter Grosse. No, it’s Gonzo this time. Again. Got hit by a flying ice cream truck. Yeah, that’s what I said…”

 

[The Count]

Too much... Going on...

Shows how much the little blue weirdo knows, lightning does and can strike the same place twice.
Flying ice cream cart? He must have the same luck as Newsie.
Do they have fudgie swirl?
: What about honey ripple?
Guys, we'll go to the ice cream place after I finish this post.
I could go for a Transylwania Tvist myself.
Er, moving on... Jeanette Pauson? Where did that come from? Cause I know Newsie has a Jeanette as Piggy's assistant, though who and/or what she is hasn't been revealed yet in Fear of Furry Monsters. But I wait for the bear's lunch date to see how that goes.
Timrek, nice, nice reference.
"No, it's Gonzo this time, again," classic.

Okay, now I'm done. If you'll excuse me, we've got an ice cream run to do. You want we should bring you back anything?

 

[WebMistressGina]

Too much... Going on...

I know. Sometimes I can't help myself and I just let it flow.

Shows how much the little blue weirdo knows, lightning does and can strike the same place twice.
Flying ice cream cart? He must have the same luck as Newsie.
Do they have fudgie swirl?
: What about honey ripple?
Guys, we'll go to the ice cream place after I finish this post.
I could go for a Transylwania Tvist myself.

You can thank a sponge who lives in the sea for that. While not my favorite of episodes, the line where he says 'may I be struck by', followed by the ominous sounds of lightning and thunder, and then the brilliant idea of stating a falling ice cream truck has been stuck in my mind for years.

I've been meaning to put in something and there you go.

Er, moving on... Jeanette Pauson? Where did that come from? Cause I know Newsie has a Jeanette as Piggy's assistant, though who and/or what she is hasn't been revealed yet in Fear of Furry Monsters. But I wait for the bear's lunch date to see how that goes.

I have no idea where I came up with the name, only that I wanted the last name to be some sort of bear pun (paws-son, get it? Yeah, it was late)

Timrek, nice, nice reference.

I thank you.

"No, it's Gonzo this time, again," classic.

Yeah, I figure with the amount of insurance they have on him and the amount of dangerous things he does, they probably have their own doctor. Obviously, it's not the first time Scooter has called Winekirk, nor is Gonzo the first person to get called about (can you imagine? "Hey Doc, S Grosse. We've had another incident with the penguins..." or "Hi Dr. Winekirk, it's Scooter Grosse over at the Muppet Theatre. Um...listen, are there any adverse effects to being put in a tuba?" Or even "Hey Dr. Winekirk...oh, you knew it was me? Okay, guess. Huh, how did you know it was Gonzo and Piggy?")

Okay, now I'm done. If you'll excuse me, we've got an ice cream run to do. You want we should bring you back anything?

You know...an ice cream sammich sounds mighty mighty good to me!

 

[WebMistressGina]

So...my day is already starting off badly. Thankfully there are Muppets to cheer me up. Here's the next section of TGB!


Across town, in the quaint Beverly Hills mansion of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, the diva was hoping to enjoy a day off from the theatre. With her pianist working on other musical numbers for the day, Piggy decided that she would enjoy some time to herself at home, while also doing a favor for famed actress Nicole Kidman. Kidman was out of town for the week and had asked Kermit actually, if he didn’t mind checking in at least twice; she was also expecting a package and wondered if he wouldn’t mind accepting it for her.

Kermit, being the nice frog that he was, had of course stated he’d be happy to do that, only to realize that he’d only be able to do that once. And that’s where Piggy came in; their relationship had been growing steadily to something a little deeper and a lot more solid than what they had been doing in the past, but it wasn’t there quite yet.

Certain situations caused the two of them to question their actions before they did anything, but every once in a while they slipped up and got back into the same routine as before.

Her frog – being the Southern gentleman that he was – had apologized profusely at leaving her with a day in which to stop in. She had let him know that it was fine; well, she let him hang himself a little bit before assuring him she didn’t mind dropping by and signing for a package.

Piggy had made plans to do that today, at some point, but for now she was planning on relaxing. Dressed in a pair of jeans and a blue button down shirt she had ‘borrowed’ from Kermit, the diva had rolled up her sleeves, put her hair up in a ponytail, and was ready to sit on the couch, read some trashy novel, and finish off her mocha latte. She had just come into the living room and had thrown her novel on the couch when the doorbell rang.

“Never fails,” she muttered, giving the door a glare. Why was it that whenever she was about to do anything relaxing, the doorbell rang? She was already gearing up to tell the other person to get bent, when she flung open the door and was accosted by something fuzzy and wearing a hat. “What the…?”

“Piggy, you have to help me!”

“Fozzie!?”

“Please Piggy, I’m desperate and you were the first one I thought of and you’re so great and I know you could help me, if only you would help me, please please, Piggy, I’ll love you forever!”

Piggy wasn’t sure why Fozzie Bear – and she was pretty sure it was Fozzie – was on his knees and hugging her waist and really, she didn’t care, she just wanted him to stop. “Stop it!” she growled, pushing on his shoulder so he would let go. “Get up. Get up, get up, get up! Get up and get in this house before someone calls the cops or worse, thinks I know you!”

Fozzie scrambled his way off the floor and into the house, hat in his hands and poor, pathetic puppy dog look on his face. He watched as Piggy closed the door and turned on him, her blue eyes trained on him like a marksman on a target. That’s when Fozzie noticed her attire; far from being Piggy’s usual outfit, the bear was struck by the rather feminine form of his best friend’s girl.

“You look perky,” he replied, looking her up and down. A raised eyebrow and the crossing of arms put Fozzie on the offensive, quickly trying to backtrack what he said. “Not that that’s bad! Cause it’s not! It’s cute! Wait, I don’t mean that. Wait, I mean…I just…”

Raising one plumb finger, Piggy said, “Stop talking.” Fozzie immediately shut his mouth and snapped to attention. “Now,” she continued. “You have one minute to explain to me why you have disturbed my relaxing morning. Go.”

Fozzie quickly explained his situation, how Jeanette Pausen had called him out of the blue and she wanted to have lunch with him, like in a few hours, and he was now panicking. Piggy listened to the pitiful way that Fozzie went on and on, barely containing the urge to fall to his knees and beg for her help. Again. She must be feeling generous, because something inside her couldn’t let the bear hang himself later in the day with someone he obviously still had some latent feelings for.

“I must be feeling generous,” she sighed. “Alright, saddle up. I got things to do today and there’s nothing that says we can’t think up something on the way.” She started to go past him in order to grab her coffee and keys, when she suddenly stopped and turned to him.

“Perky?”

“Well,” the bear started. “I did want to say ‘domesticated’, but I thought perky was a much better word in describing how cute and pretty you looked today.”

Piggy glared at him for a moment, thinking over his words before finally saying, “Good call, Bear,” and continuing on her way. Fozzie let out the breath he had been holding; you could never tell when you’d get a pass or fail when it came to Miss Piggy. The bear dolefully followed the diva as she headed out to the garage in order to get a vehicle.

That’s when Fozzie realized she planned on driving.

Miss Piggy had a reputation, several really, that preceded her and one of those was her driving ability. Never one to turn down a chauffeured ride, Piggy had none the less taken to the fast and furious rules of the road like a biker on steroids. It all started with that bike sketch they did once – Kermit was sure of it – because suddenly, Piggy was interested in motorcycles.

That had led to the pig insisting on doing her own motorcycle stunt when they did their second movie. Kermit of course had tried talking her out of it, but when Piggy made up her mind on something, it was set in stone. From there, it snowballed, with the frog just relenting and getting her a very nice black Harley Davidson for her birthday one year.

Piggy had of course returned the favor and gotten Kermit a hot little sports car that the frog never drove or even rode in.

Which of course was the car that Piggy was headed towards.

“Can’t I just follow you?” Fozzie asked, nervously. He didn’t want to be in a car with Piggy, especially if she was behind the wheel.

“What?” she asked. “That would take too much time. Just come on.”

“Wouldn’t you rather have 80s robot drive us?”

Turning to look at him with a huff, she asked, “Do you want my help or not?”

“I…I do.”

“Okay then,” she stated. “Now get in the car and let’s go. Tick tock, Fozzie, let’s go.”

“Piggy, I just…” Fozzie began, taking tentative steps towards the passenger side. Oh, how could he tell Piggy ever so delicately that he feared for his life if he got in this car?

“Come on, Fozzie!”

Knowing a command when he heard one, the bear quickly opened the passenger door and got in. While very much a bear of the classics, he couldn’t help but note that Piggy, as always, had excellent tastes. Leather interior, state of the art navigation and computer console greeted him as he closed the door; Piggy had already placed a pair of stylish shades over her eyes, started the car, and was just waiting for the bear.

“Piggy?” Fozzie asked, softly. “So…there’s a word I’ve been trying to think of that reminds me of your driving…”

“Ready?”

The bear opened his mouth to reply, but found himself thrown back against the seat as Piggy did 120 from the garage to the front gate. “Dangerous…” Fozzie stuttered. “That…that was the word I was looking for.”

“Seatbelt on?”

“Uh…” Fozzie scrambled to grab his seatbelt, only to find that the buckle didn’t want to seem to buckle. “Uh, hold on, Piggy, I can’t seem to…”

“Awesome. Let’s roll.”

“Wait, Piggy I haven’t…”

 

[The Count]

*Comes back from the Deep Freeze ice cream shop in town.
Here, we got you a stony sandwich, it's a choc mint ice cream in between two small hot waffles, saw it on Iron Chef. *<333 that show.

Jeanette Pauson. Yeah, it works. Just wonder if people might think that's Jeanette Possum instead and get confused.

Nicole Kiddman? She's part of a long record of Tom Cruise ex-wives.
First Mimi Rogers, then Nicole Kiddman, now Katy Holmes. Yeah, smart of that last one to ditch returning as Rachael Daws in The Dark Knight cause she wanted to stay with her marriage, which she's now leaving.
The next starlet who we think Cruise might target... Kirsten Stewart. Run away Kirsten! ! !

*Appreciates Fozzie's plight and likes where this is headed now that it's the pig calling the shots in helping him with his impending dinner date, much like how she worked her magic with Scooty G.

More please?

 

[WebMistressGina]

*Comes back from the Deep Freeze ice cream shop in town.
Here, we got you a stony sandwich, it's a choc mint ice cream in between two small hot waffles, saw it on Iron Chef. *<333 that show.

But Count...I don't like choc mint ice cream.

Nicole Kiddman? She's part of a long record of Tom Cruise ex-wives.
First Mimi Rogers, then Nicole Kiddman, now Katy Holmes. Yeah, smart of that last one to ditch returning as Rachael Daws in The Dark Knight cause she wanted to stay with her marriage, which she's now leaving.
The next starlet who we think Cruise might target... Kirsten Stewart. Run away Kirsten! ! !

First, I so saw that divorce (Holmes/Cruise) like a mile away; second, I was so tempted to have Piggy say something about Nicole and Tom and then decided against it.

Kirsten Stewart, as in that chick from Twilight? No, no, I encourage that as punishment for helping to make vampires sparkly. And maybe Lestat will teach her some manners.

*Appreciates Fozzie's plight and likes where this is headed now that it's the pig calling the shots in helping him with his impending dinner date, much like how she worked her magic with Scooty G. More please?

Well, because you asked so nicely, here's more and then I actually have to get to work.



Thirty minutes later, Fozzie Bear was convinced he just had an out of body experience. It was probably due to the heart attack he was sure he suffered, as he and Piggy drove through Beverly Hills, the radio playing some newfangled pop music that Fozzie didn’t get, but obviously Piggy enjoyed. He thought she had asked him if he had a preference, but he couldn’t remember what he said, as he was trying his best to hold on to the dashboard and hope that one of her sudden brakes wouldn’t fling him out the front windshield.

“Okay,” Piggy replied. “We’re here.”

Fozzie managed to pry his hands from the dash before stumbling out of the passenger side of the car. Looking up, he saw that they had parked in front of a large white gate that opened to a very nice and large house. “Oh frog, she killed me,” he muttered. He really did have an out of body experience!

“Are you coming?” Piggy had already made it to the gate and watching as it opened too slowly for her tastes. She could already see that whatever Nicole had ordered had come in and the deliveryman had placed it behind the gate. Picking it up, she handed it to the bear when he finally caught up with her. “Hold.”

The diva then made her way up the drive to the door, fishing out the keys given to Kermit in order to gain entry. Fozzie, was a normally laid back and mellow type of guy, was never one into the lifestyles of the rich and famous. He was quite happy in his little apartment, though he admitted that he also enjoyed Kermit and Piggy’s house, just because of the homey feeling he got when he was there.

This place was of course completely different from what he was used to. It looked to be a two story building, decorated in a style that reminded the bear of a Roman Colosseum on the outside, while the inside was done with corresponding colors of beige and white. A baby grand was located off to the side in the foyer, while several couches lined the living room, stationed right in front of a cozy fireplace.

“Wow,” he breathed.

“Nice, huh?” Piggy asked, smirking at her co-star. “I had thought about doing the house in neo-classic, but I think the country French went much better with the mood, don’t you agree?” The bear stared at her in open confusion. “Say yes, Fozzie.”

“Yes, Fozzie.”

Piggy rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop the smirk that lined her face. What was it about Fozzie Bear that could make anyone smile? Out of all the Muppets and really, all of Kermit’s friends, Fozzie was probably the only one she really couldn’t stand to stay mad at.

Not that she would ever tell him, or anyone, that…

“Goof,” she replied, heading over to one of the couches and taking a seat. “Alright, talk to me. What’s going on with this date of yours?”

“It’s…it’s not a date,” he stammered. “Is it?”

“High school crush you haven’t seen in years, mysteriously calls up out of the blue, happens to be in your area,” Piggy recounted. “If the date fits…” She was momentarily interrupted when she felt her phone go off in her pocket. Pulling out, she quickly scanned the text she had just received. “Did you take off from the theatre today and forget to tell someone where you were?”

“Oh,” Fozzie blanched. “I…may have.”

“Scooter’s looking for you,” she replied, quickly sending back a reply. “No worries, I just told him you’re with me. See that phone over that? Shout out the numbers so that if your girl calls, she can call here.”

Fozzie went over to the phone that was placed on a nice table behind one of the couches and read off the phone number. “Why is Kermit at the doctor’s with Gonzo?” she asked.

“Oh, Gonzo got another concussion.”

“Figures,” Piggy muttered. “Shoot himself into a wall again?”

“No,” Fozzie replied, taking a seat opposite the pig. “Got hit by a flying ice cream truck.”

Piggy looked at him in surprise. “Don’t see that every day,” she replied. “Even where the little weirdo is concerned. Anyway, back to the topic at hand…”

“Gonzo’s concussion?”

“Oh no,” the diva replied, with a knowing grin. “I want to hear more about this crush who has suddenly decided to find you.”

Fozzie shrugged. “What’s there to tell?” he asked. “We went to school together, like from middle school to high school. She didn’t even know I existed back then. I don’t even know why she called this morning!”

“We are a bit popular as of late.”

“That’s what Scooter said,” the bear replied. “Piggy, you’re a woman and you know more about this stuff than any of us, this isn’t a date, is it?”

“Fozzie,” she began. “You can make this whatever you want it to be. She’s obviously reaching out to you for something, which means you have home court advantage. Should use that and run with it. I mean, that’s of course assuming you even remember what she looks like.”

“Gosh,” the bear sighed. “I didn’t even think about that. The last time I saw her she was this chocolate bear, about medium height, eyes like deep pools of honey, curves that went on for miles…”

To say that Piggy was surprise – and amused – was a huge understatement. In all the years she had known this particular bear, she had never seen or heard him speak like this. “Pretty?” she asked.

“Gorgeous!”

“Why Fozzie,” she said. “I don’t think I have ever seen you so besotted before.”

“What?” the bear chuckled, nervously. “I’m not…no, I’m not.”

“Oh you are,” Piggy insisted. “Look at you! You’re blushing!”

 

[The Count]

Well, the mint was the secret ingredient when they were making the stony sandwiches. But hey, if you don't want it, then someone else at this table won't be getting a second scoop. *Nudge to Shotsky's.

Thas why Ugly Americans did it so much better, turning those Twilligt vamps into Larry David turtlemen instead.

Interested to read how the date/non-date turns out now that the bear's got the diva coaching him.
*Leaves normal vanilla ice cream sammich for WMG.

 

[charlietheowl]

I like the idea of Piggy helping Fozzie with his date, it's really cute. Thanks for sharing.

 

[WebMistressGina]

Here's a bit more. Ugh, I'm so exhausted today, it's not even funny. The remedy? Take a quick nap when I get home and hope it doesn't completely screw up my sleep schedule.



“Nuh uh!”

“Yes huh!”

The sudden ringing of the phone stopped their childish bickering, but never let it be said that Piggy didn’t always get the last word. “Go get it, Lover Boy.”

Throwing her a glare, Fozzie none the less answered the phone, completely forgetting of course that it technically wasn’t his phone to answer. “Hello?” he asked. His face broke into a slight grin when he heard the voice on the other end. “Oh, hi. Just get in? Ah. Did…did Scooter give you the number? Oh good. Did he tell you where I was? Oh, he didn’t. Well, should probably give you my address then.”

Suddenly, an idea began to form in the foamy head of one Fozzie Bear. Against all logic and reasoning, this idea was pushing its way to the forefront of his mind. He wasn’t sure what force was telling him to say it or if he was really in control of what he was saying, but before he could even comprehend the actual words, he found himself saying, “Well, I’m at my house now.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Piggy perk up at that and knew he was in trouble. Like big trouble. And once again, before he could control the movement of his mouth, he was rattling off the address as though he’d been to the house a thousand of times. All the while, moving his body and the phone out of the reach of Piggy, who had tried jumping across to stop him.

When he hung up, he was staring at an irate pig and his heart was beating faster than normal.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Panicking,” he said, his voice a little shaky. “Hyperventilating. Panicking and hyperventilating.”

“Oh for the love of…” Piggy groaned. Why, why, why did she answer that door? She could be at home right now, reading the slutty exploits of Margarite and Antonio, but no, she just had to answer that door. “Sit down before you keel over. And for Pete’s sake, breathe!”

Fozzie slumped himself into the nearest chair, his panic attack subsiding though he did nothing to alleviate the problem he had no gotten both of them into. Looking up, he noticed that Piggy had taken a seat across from him on the coffee table. “What’re we gonna do?”

It was so tempting to just let the bear handle his own affairs; after all, he was the one that got them both into trouble. But once again, Fozzie Bear had the amazing and irritating ability to be liked, even when he had caused the trouble. He was looking at her like a little bear cub and she often wondered just how accurate their cartoon portrayal of their baby selves was to that of a real little Fozzie.

Sighing, the pig glanced at the bear. “How long until she gets here?” she asked.

“Maybe twenty, thirty minutes,” Fozzie stated.

“Alright,” Piggy replied, standing and looking around. She quickly began picking up all the photos that held anyone from the Kidman family and started hiding them in various places around the house. “That should give us barely enough time to make this house sorta look like you should belong in it.”
Turning, she saw Fozzie sitting on the couch, wide eyed and confused. “Are you going to help me or what?”

It only took a second for Fozzie’s brain to catch up with the rest of him and his zany plan, but it was all in. “Right,” he said, jumping up and following her lead of getting rid of the evidence.

[hr]

“Muppet Theatre, Kermit speaking.”

Another harrowing morning had marked the beginnings of Kermit the Frog’s usual routine. After leaving Scooter in charge, he took a somewhat incoherent Gonzo to the offices of Dr. Winekirk, their local physician. The doctor had been an unofficial physician to several of the cast, most notably Gonzo; he had treated several of Gonzo’s sprains, breaks, and yes concussions over the years, that he didn’t even bat an eye when someone from the theatre would call.

Kermit and Scooter had tried to get him on staff, but the doctor refused, stating instead that he would rather enjoy being able to sit through a show without being called backstage.

Winekirk had of course guessed that the daredevil would be out of it for a while and that he would definitely need supervision, so Kermit had no choice but to take the weirdo back to the home he shared with leading lady, Miss Piggy.

The ride home was spent trying to figure out a way to sneak Gonzo in the house without Piggy noticing. While the two of them didn’t out right hate each other, Kermit categorized the relationship between Gonzo and Piggy the way he categorized the relationship between Piggy and the Mayhem’s bassist Floyd Pepper –

One he didn’t understand and as long as they didn’t actively kill each other, he was okay with that. Gonzo and Piggy had never hit it off, even in the beginning; Kermit figured it was because Gonzo had been interested in Piggy and Piggy had been interested in him.

They had mellowed – thank heavens – but every once in a while, those two could be at it like cats and dogs. Kermit already knew Gonzo got a kick out of it; the stuntman enjoyed the unpredictable things Piggy would throw at him or say, like some crazed adrenaline junkie high on something besides the rush.

Piggy, deep down inside he thought, must have enjoyed some aspect of it too or else she wouldn’t keep coming back for more when Gonzo went after all.

And while having the two of them around could be entertaining, Kermit was not in the mood. Truth be told, he was never in the mood for it, especially not today when it was clear Gonzo was still trying to get him to say yes to canon overture thing, despite not being able to actively string one sentence that made sense.

Just when 80s robot pulled into the garage and Kermit made a quick sweep around the perimeter did he receive the text on his phone. Kermit was in no ways a technological guy; he enjoyed the simple things and joys in life and was literally being dragged – kicking and screaming – into the 21st century by his assistant and girlfriend.

He was getting better, but only by necessity. He quickly retrieved the message and gave a sigh of relief in discovering that Fozzie and Piggy were together and neither of them were at the house.

After feeling good about that, he immediately became suspicious. If Piggy hanging out with Gonzo was odd, Piggy hanging out with Fozzie was right up there. Oh, Piggy may have played the long suffering girlfriend forced to endure her boyfriend’s friends, but Piggy really – at least – tolerate the majority of them.

Spending time with them was a whole ‘nother story.

Kermit could have easily continuing pondering this situation if Gonzo hadn’t slumped over and grabbed him around the waist in a sleep induced hug. “Gonzo, get off me.”

“Love you, snugglebunny,” muttered the sleeping weirdo. The drugs, as always, made the lunatic a bit sleepy and if people thought he was a bit touchy feely when awake, it was nothing compared to when he was asleep.

“Gonzo!” Kermit exclaimed, trying to extract himself. “We are close, but we are not that close and we never will be! Now wake up and let go of me!”

And after that little debacle in personal space, Kermit had made a quick run back to the theatre, leaving Gonzo in the capable hands, he hoped, of 80s robot. He hadn’t even been in the building for all of five minutes, when the phone rang.

“Muppet Theatre, Kermit speaking,” he began. “Gonzo? Gonzo! Why are you up? And on the phone? And…what? What do you mean I should pick up mayonnaise on the way back? What’re you doing in my house, Gonzo? No, you know what? Strike that. Don’t tell me, because I don’t want to know. I’m headed back right now. Don’t move!”

 

[The Count]

Hi, do you have any more fic for us hungry readers? We'd love another piece of this Muppet Adventures, since Kermit has to pick up some mayo on his way home.
And what does he want the mayo for?
For my PB mayonnaise jalapeño sandwiches! Oh, and we're out of raisins too.
Sheesh.
Personally I prefer pickles or sweet gherkins on my croonchy nootter bootter sandwiches.
Ürder up!
Thanks Chef. *Takes lunch over to Shotsky's, maybe there'll be a new memory posted there before the place gets torn down.
plays with Roman candles. *Creepy laugh.