The Muppets After the Muppets: episode 8 - Rowlf for President

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Enjoy my latest entry in my "Muppets After The Muppets" series.

Act 1

The Muppets were in attendance at a city council meeting. They were all talking at once.

“I don’t know why I came”, said Fozzie, “nothing funny ever happens here.”

“Uh cenk undoorstoond der wyrt dey swaying”, said The Swedish Chef.

The governor then took the stands.

“Order! Order!”, said the governor, “Let’s start this meeting!”


“Yes, let’s!”, said Sam, cheerfully.

“Enough of that”, said the governor, “Anyway, it has come to my attention that this is an election year…”

Everyone murmured in agreement.

“…And it has also come to my attention that one candidate has dropped out of the race.”

“No birth certificate, huh?”, said Rizzo.

“So this country needs another candidate for presidency.”

“Hey, why not have a Muppet run for president?”, asked Walter, excitedly.

“Well, why not?”, said the governor, “the only people who showed up are Muppets. Everyone else is away watching the game.”

“The game’s on tonight?”, said Bobo, getting up out of his chair, “I’ve got to get home fast.”

“I would like to volunteer to run”, said Link.

“I don’t think you would make a good president”, said Miss Piggy, “Now moi, on the other hand…”

“We need a dignified president!”, said Sam, “and I am what this country needs!”

“Uh, no you’re not, okay”, said Pepe.

“What do you mean I’m not okay?”, said Sam.

“I second the motion”, said the governor, “you are not fit for presidency.”

“I’ll run for president, okay”, said Pepe.

“No”, said the governor, “you’re not an American citizen.”

“I’ll run for president”, laughed Crazy Harry.

“How about you, Kermie?”, said Miss Piggy, “you’d make a great president, if I don’t run.”

“Yeah”, said Kermit, “but I don’t think I could run a country. I can hardly even run a show.”

“Hey, why don’t you run for president?”, said Floyd to Rowlf.

“Me?”, said Rowlf.

“Mee mee mee!”, said Beaker, in agreement.

“Well, he DOES have cultural taste…”, said Sam.

“And he doesn’t waste his money”, said Sweetums.

“And he’s always on time”, said Kermit.

“And he’s a good role model”, said Dr. Strangepork.

“And he plays good roles”, said Fozzie.

“Rowlf would be perfect!”, said Walter.

“All in favor of Rowlf running for president say ‘aye’”, said the governor.

“Aye!”, said everyone.

“Well, I guess I’m running for president”, said Rowlf, “By the way, am I a republican or a democrat?”
 
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Act 2

“It was just announced that Rowlf, the beloved Mupet dog, is running for president”, said Rush Limbaug, on his news show, “And personally, I don’t care if he’s conservative or liberal. He’s not getting my vote. But let’s see his speech right now.”

“If elected”, said Rowlf, “I promise to plant more trees, and to approve of less tree chomping!”

Various dogs cheered.

“And I plan to put an end to dog catching!”

“Boo!”, jeered various dog catchers.

Statler and Waldorf were watching this on TV.

“I don’t think he’ll keep his promises”, said Statler.

“Name one president who did”, said Waldorf.

“Lincoln”, said Statler.

“You should know”, said Waldorf, “you went to school with him!”

Back at the Muppet theater…

“Beaker and I have invented something that’ll help you when you become president”, said Bunsen.

“Don’t you mean if?”, said Rowlf.

“Uh, yes”, said Bunsen, “Anyway, we’ve invented a formula that prevents mistakes. Beaker, would you take a sip?”


“Mee mee mee mo mo!”, said Beaker, shaking his head and walking away.

“Well, there’s one mistake prevented”, said Rowlf.

“Now, now, Rowlf”, said Bunsen, “Just take a sip, and you’ll be able to avoid any mistakes.”

“Well, okay”, said Rowlf, nervously.

Rowlf took a sip.

“Hey! I feel better!”, said Rowlf, “I feel I can do… ANTHING!”

“Well, why don’t you try something?”, asked Bunsen.

“Okay, I will”, said Rowlf, who turned to the side of the screen, “hey, can we play some montage music?”

And then the Theme from Greatest American Hero played over a montage of Rowlf doing things perfectly. Beauregard watched in amazement as Rowlf hammered several nails across the wall quickly and without problems.

“Wow!”, said Beauregard.

Next, Rowlf played a perfect violin rendition of the song playing in the background.

“Wow, like, I thought you play the piano”, said Janice.

“I can play any instrument”, said Rowlf, who then grabbed Lips’ trumpet from his hands and played a brief but perfect trumpet rendition of the song playing in the montage.

Next, Rowlf threw a basketball backwards and made the shot. Several Muppets cheered.

Next, Rowlf and Bean Bunny played a video game.

“Anything you can do, I can do better!”, said Bean.

“Uh, wrong song”, said Rowlf, “and I just beat you.”

“That’s not very cute”, said Bean.

Next, Rowlf went to get a lottery ticket.

“I’ll pick numbers 9, 27, 43, and 71”, said Rowlf.

Cut to Rowlf watching TV, cheering that he picked the right numbers.

And then the montage ended.

“Wow, Rowlf, you sure have been perfect”, said Link, “but you’re not as perfect as me.”

“Oh, I’m sure I am”, said Rowlf, “I can’t make any mistakes, which is more than I can say about you.”

“Uh, what?”, asked Link, puzzled.

“I can’t make any mistakes, therefore, I’m sure to make the right choices to win the election!”, said Rowlf, who walked off.

“That could have been me saying that”, pouted Link.

“Well, Rowlf”, said Kermit, “Good luck with the election.”

“Luck?”, said Rowlf, boastfully, “I don’t NEED luck!”

Rowlf pushed Kermit aside.

“What’s gotten into him?”, wondered Kermit.

“Oh, it’s probably that formula I invented”, said Bunsen, “it prevents him from making any kind of mistakes.”

“A perfect quality for a president!”, said Sam.

“Yes”, said Bunsen, “but I’m starting to think it’ll turn people into jerks.”
 
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Chapter 3

Rowlf was riding to his next designation, via limo.

“Go faster!”, said Rowlf, “my speech begins in five hours!”

“I’m going as fast as I can”, said Rowlf, “I can’t control the slow traffic.”

“I cannot make any mistakes”, said Rowlf, “I’ll give you the best directions there are!”

And soon Rowlf was ready to make his big speech.

“Five minutes ‘till airtime, Rowlf!”, said a production assistant.

“I know”, said Rowlf.

“I’d like to give you a touch of make-up”, said a make-up lady.

“I already have enough make-up on”, said Rowlf.

“Oh, yes”, said the lady, “I can see your make-up people did a perfect job.”

“Thanks”, said Rowlf, “but I put it all on myself.”

Rowlf’s friends were watching TV, anticipating the speech.

“Rowlf has been acting a bit rude lately”, said Kermit.

“I think I might have to create a cure for the formula”, said Bunsen.

“Mee mee meep mee?”, asked Beaker.

“Oh, good point”, said Bunsen, “since he can’t make mistakes anymore, it’ll be hard to trick him.”

“Shh!”, said Scooter, “the speech is starting!”

“My fellow Americans…”, said Rowlf.

“Well, he’s starting out a good candidate”, said Sam.

“I would like to tell you why you should vote for me instead of any of the others”, said Rowlf, “And for one thing, I cannot make mistakes of any kind!”

“How can you be so sure?”, asked one reporter.

“Yeah”, said another, “I’ve seen your work on The Muppet Show.”

“Well”, said Rowlf, “I don’t make mistakes, but I did… I made the mistake of taking a formula that makes me immune to mistakes.”

“Well, he’s got my vote”, said one of the other candidates.

“And since I can’t make mistakes because of it, I shall announce my resignation”, said Rowlf, “since taking a formula to prevent mistakes is cheating.”

The public all cheered.

“Wow, so not making mistakes means not cheating, okay?”, said Pepe.

“I can’t believe he went from boastful to honest”, said Kermit.

Gonzo noticed Fozzie writing something on a note pad.

“What are you writing?”, asked Gonzo.

“I’m writing jokes based on Rowlf’s speech”, said Fozzie, “I’m trying my hand at political humor.”

“I doubt it’ll be a hit”, said Dr. Teeth.

Link then showed up at the site of the political speech.

“Hey! I’ve got something to tell you all!”, yelled Link, running on stage, “I just discovered that Rowlf is cheating by taking a perfection formula!”

“Yes, we know”, said one of the observers, “Rowlf admitted it.”

“And I’m dropping out of the race”, said Rowlf.

“Well, then maybe I’ll run”, said Link, “after all, I don’t need a formula to be perfect…”

Link then fell off the stage and into the technical equipment.

Back at the Muppet theater…

“Thank you for helping us invent a formula to cure you of the other formulas effects”, said Bunsen.

“Well, since I couldn’t make mistakes it’s the least I could do”, said Rowlf.

“It’s interesting how the formula made you boastful and then humble”, said Kermit.

“Yeah, it was some sort of side effect”, said Rowlf, “But the cure formula doesn’t have any side effects.”

“Well, if you made the cure while on the perfection formula then it must be true!”, said Dr. Strangepork.

“Thank you, Strangepork”, said Rowlf.

“So I guess Link is running for president now”, said Dr. Strangepork.

“Actually, I hear he’s still in the hospital”, said Rowlf.

“So that means no Pigs in Space for another week?”, said Walter.

“Looks like it”, said Scooter.

“Well, I guess I’ll perform a closing number on the piano”, said Rowlf, who went to the piano and started a piano rendition of “For the Longest Time”, only to hit a flat note within seconds.

“Well, it looks like I’m imperfect again”, said Rowlf.

“Yay!”, cheered everyone.

“I just hope it doesn’t lead to a terrible president”, laughed Floyd.

Rowlf went back to playing “For the Longest Time”, with the others joining in.

The End
 
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