The Muppets After The Muppets - episode 5: Guess What's Coming to Dinner

[minor muppetz]

Enjoy my latest installment in my "The Muppets After The Muppets" series.

But first, here is a list of previous "episodes".

Episode 1: Lunch Meeting http://www.muppetcentral.com/forum/threads/the-muppets-after-the-muppets-episode-1-lunch-meeting.49834/
Episode 2: Gonzo’s Pain Birth Problem http://www.muppetcentral.com/forum/threads/the-muppets-after-the-muppets-episode-2-gonzos-pain-birth-problem.49872/
Episode 3: Trio on Tour http://www.muppetcentral.com/forum/threads/the-muppets-after-the-muppets-episode-3-trio-on-tour.49880/
Episode 4: http://www.muppetcentral.com/forum/...he-muppets-episode-4-frognapped-kermit.49897/

Act 1
Kermit and Pepe were in Kermit’s office at Muppet Studios, Pepe pitching some ideas.

“So I ride her around, okay, and then she rides me, okay”, said Pepe.

“I don’t know, Pepe”, said Kermit, “You might get crushed if a horse rode you.”

“Hmm, you got a point there, okay”, said Pepe.

The intercom buzzed.

“Kermit, Link Hogthrob is here to see you”, said Mildred.

“Tell him to come in, Mildred”, said Kermit.

Link came in.

“Kermit, I need to take tonight off”, said Link.

“But you’re so heavily featured in tonight’s show”, said Kermit, “you’re in both the opening and closing number, and we have both Pigs in Space and Bear on Patrol tonight. And it’s not like you to turn down a chance at being so heavily featured.”

“I know, Kermit”, said Link, “but tonight my boss is coming over for dinner.”

“Wait a minute”, said Kermit, “I’m your boss.”

“I mean my other boss”, said Link.

“You have another job?”, asked Kermit.

“In this economy I have to”, said Link.

“I don’t”, said Pepe.

“My other boss is coming over for dinner, and I promised him I have a wife, two children, and a wacky next-door neighbor.”

“And you don’t, huh?”, said Kermit.

“What’ll I do?”, said Kermit.

“Don’t worry”, said Kermit, “We’re the Muppets, we have scores of wacky next-door neighbors, and I know where to find you a wife.”

Cut to Miss Piggy in her dressing room, rehearsing with Foo Foo.

“Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you!”, sung Piggy.

“Woof-woof-woof!”, barked Foo Foo.

“Yes, I can”

“Woof-woof-woof!”

“Yes, I can”

Kermit knocked on the door.

“Come in”, said Piggy.

“Piggy, how’d you like to have the best acting role you possibly can?”, said Kermit.

“Why, I’d love to..”, said Piggy, excited, but then quickly hesitant, “wait a minute, I will NOT portray Link’s wife!”

“Oh, so you do know great acting”, said Kermit.

“I refuse to be Link’s wife”, said Piggy.

“He needs a wife to impress his boss”, said Kermit, “and you have to be his wife tonight.”

“But I’m in the opening number and Pigs in Space”, said Piggy.

“So is Link”, said Kermit, “I’ll find something to replace you with.”

“The answer is no”, said Piggy, “besides, can’t you replace Link in the opening number?”

“If you do this, I’ll take you out to breakfast, lunch, AND dinner tomorrow”.

“How about dessert?”

“Don’t push it”

Link was in his apartment, getting himself dressed up for Miss Piggy’s arrival.

“I hope she can find my apartment”, said Link, “it’s not like she has my intelligence.”

Miss Piggy rang the doorbell.

“Come in!”, said Link.

Piggy came in, dressed like a 1960s housewife.

“Oh, dear”, said Piggy, looking at the shoddy apartment, “we are going to have to improve this place.”

“Improve?”, said Link.

Piggy turned her head out the door, “come in, everyone!”

And several forest animals, chickens, rats, and penguins came in and started cleaning and redecorating the place. Miss Piggy led the animals in a rendition of “Whistle While You Work”, though the animals all whistled very poorly. Soon, the home looked like a 1950s-style suburban home, despite being in an apartment.

The Swedish Chef then came in.

“Eiym hurr ta cuke der dunnur!”, said The Swedish Chef.

“I never told my boss I had a personal cook”, said Link.

“Don’t you want to impress the boss?”, said Piggy.

“I don’t think the chef’s cooking will impress him”, said Link.

Piggy thought for a moment, “Okay, Chef, out! Out! Out!”

“Whad dis orr abut?”

“We’ll order something and tell the boss we cooked it!”

The Swedish Chef then went out the apartment.

“And I have provided two kids for us”, said Piggy.

Andy and Randy walked in.

“Hi, Aunt Piggy”, said Andy.

“Hi, Link”, said Randy.

“No, no, no”, said Piggy, “Tonight, you’ll call us mommy and daddy”.

“But he’s not Kermit”, said Andy.

“I know”, sighed Piggy, “Just pretend you are out children.”

Andy and Randy thought for a moment, “This job is too hard!”

“Then just say nothing”, said Piggy.

“Nothing”, said Andy and Randy.

“Well, they do have his intelligence”, said Piggy.

The doorbell rang.

“Oh, I hope it’s the delivery man and not the boss”, said Piggy.

She answered the door. It was the delivery man, with several boxes.

“I’ve got forty orders of pizza, cake, ice cream, swill, potato chips, and chocolate bars.”

“Oh, I’ll take that”, said Piggy.

“We don’t need all that”, said Link.

“That’s for me, not your boss”, said Piggy.

“Oh?”, said Link, stupidly.

“Oh, I have another order for this place”, said the delivery man.

“I’ll take that”, said Link.

“And here is your bill for this, and your bill for that”

“I’m paying two bills?”, said Link.

“Do you want me to pretend to be your wife or not?”, asked Piggy.

“Fine”, pouted Link.

“This night better be better than the opening number we were supposed to do”, said Piggy, “I wonder what Kermie replaced us with.”

Cut to Wayne and Wanda on stage…

“Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you!”, sung Wanda.

“No, you can’t!”, sung Wayne.

“Yes, I can!”, said Wanda.

“No, you can’t!”, sung Wayne.

“Stop! Stop!”, objected Sam, “I will not have you two boasting about being better than each other!”

“But it’s the song we were supposed to sing”, said Wayne.

Cut back to the apartment…

“By the way, we’re both stars of a hit TV show”, said Miss Piggy, “don’t you think your boss might recognize me?”

“Probably not”, said Link, “my boss is Amish.”

“Amish?”, said Piggy.

“Amish, Amish, Amish…”, said Andy and Randy, liking the sound of the word.

They heard a knock on the door.

“That must be him”, said Link, “he never rings doorbells.”

Link answered the door and his boss was there, a bearded pig dressed in black and wearing glasses.

“Hogthrob, good to see you!”, said the boss.

“Oh, it’s good to have you over for dinner, Mr. Abraham”, said Link.

“Just as long as I’m NOT the dinner”, laughed Mr. Abraham.

Link gave a confused reaction towards the joke.

“Anyway”, said Link, “I’d like you to meet my wife and kids. This is my lovely wife…. Uh… What’s your first name again?”

“Just call me Piggy”, said Piggy.

“Hmm, she’s better than my wife”, said Mr. Abraham, “my wife is dead.”

They all gave awkward expressions on their faces.

“Anyway, I’d like to meet your two children”, said Mr. Abraham.

“Oh, they are two of the smartest boys ever!”, boasted Link.

Mr. Abraham looked at Andy and Randy, who at the time ran into each other, kocking each other out, and laughing.

“I see”, said Mr. Abraham, unimpressed.

“Uh, why don’t we have dinner?”, said Miss Piggy.

“I hope you’re not serving carrots”, said Mr. Abraham, “I am allergic to carrots!”

“I’ll just put something down the garbage disposal then”, said Miss Piggy.

 

[minor muppetz]

Act 2

Miss Piggy was serving dinner.

“Here is dinner”, said Piggy, “Potatoes, corn, and peas.”

“Looks tasty!”, said Mr. Abraham.

“I can’t believe it is Moi who am serving dinnger”, thought Piggy, “but I’m the only smart one here. Better not risk poor service.”

Dinner was served and they all ate, never talking until they were all done.

“Well, that was a fine meal”, said Mr. Abraham.

“My corn tasted like a lollypop”, said Randy.

The doorbell rang. Link got up from his table to answer the door.

“That must be the wacky next-door neighbor!”, announced Link, opening the door and seeing Gonzo come in.

“Hello, neighbors!”, said Gonzo, “It is I, Gonzo, everybody’s favorite wacky next-door neighbor…”

“Yeah, Link already mentioned that part”, said Piggy.

“What part?”, said Andy, “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Say, I recognize you!”, said Mr. Abraham, “weren’t you the guy who danced on stilts at the Amish Festival of 1989?”

“Oh, you were there?”, said Gonzo.

“I’ll never forget that performance”, said Mr. Abraham, leading to a flashback of the festival.

“And now, for your entertainment, here is the stilt dancer, Gonzo!”

Gonzo was up on stilts.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen”, said Gonzo, “Today, I will dance on these stilts while singing a song you Amish people have probably never heard.”

And Gonzo started dancing, knocking over several stands and tripping over others, while singing “I’ve Had the Time of my Life”, ending with him tripping over and landing in a pool of paint.

“That was great!”, said Mr. Abraham, “Maybe if I start visiting all my employees for dinner, I’ll eventually see that performer again.”

 

[minor muppetz]

Act 3

Back to the present…

“What fun memories!”, said Mr. Abraham.

“Uh, yeah…”, said Miss Piggy, weirded out.

“By the way, I’m sorry that your wife died”, said Gonzo.

“How did you know she died?”, asked Mr. Abraham.

“You’ll never know”, said Gonzo.

“I know, I know”, said Mr. Abraham, “I might bore you by saying this, but she did a very good job. Such a good job we decided to give her a roast.”

“The Amish have roasts?”, said Piggy.

“Unfortunately, our cook misunderstood what we meant by ‘roast’, and I never saw my wife alive again.” Mr. Abraham started crying.

“Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?”, asked Link.

“Just don’t ask any of the usual kind of questions you ask at work”, sniffed Mr. Abraham.

Cut to a triple cut-away…

Cut-away #1…

“Say, Mr. Abraham”, said Link, “Did you catch last night’s episode of Two and a Half Men?”

“No, I’m Amish”.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t watch.”

Cut-away #2…

“Would you like to listen to this great song on my ipod?”

“I’m Amish”.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t hear.”

Cut-away #3…

“Would you like to try my electronic shaving device?”

“I’m Amish!”

“That doesn’t mean….”, said Link, struggling to think of a line, “Hmm, I’m stumped. Can we just get back to the present?”

Back to the present…

The doorbell rang again.

“I wonder who that could be?”, said Miss Piggy.

Link answered the door. It was Lew Zealand.

“AAAAAYYYYY!”, said Lew, “It is I, Lew Zealand, the wacky next-door neighbor!”

Lew then accidently knocked over a lamp.

“Did I do that?”, said Lew,

“How can you be the wacky next-door neighbor?”, asked Gonzo, “I’m the wacky next-door neighbor.”

“That’s what she said”, laughed Lew, “And no, I am the wacky next-door neighbor.”

“No, I am”, said Gonzo, “Kermit hired me…”

“And Link hired me!”, said Lew.

“What?”, said Mr. Abraham.

“What, indeed”, said Miss Piggy.

“You hired a wacky next-door neighbor?”, said Mr. Abraham.

“Uh…..”, said Link, wondering what he’d do next.

“I bet your wife and kids aren’t really your wife and kids”, said Mr. Abraham.

“You’re right”, said Andy.

“How’d you guess?”, said Randy.

“You know, whenever I visit employees for dinner, they always lie about having wives, kids, and wacky next-door neighbors”, said Mr. Abraham, “And they usually get away with it.”

“So I’m safe?”, asked Link.

“Of course not”, said Mr. Abraham, “I feel lying is okay, but lying about having two next-door neighbors is worthy of being fired!”

“No, no, no, don’t fire me”, said Link, “I’ll be unemployed!”

“Uh, Link”, said Piggy, “You’ve still got your job at the Muppet Theater.”

“I’ll have to go to the unemployment office every week”, said Link.

“And you won’t qualify”, said Piggy, “Not as long as you’re working for the Muppets.”

“And before you get the pink slip”, said Mr. Abraham, “I have one thing to say to the actors playing your so-called family and wacky next-door neighbors…”

Mr. Abraham turned around, then removed his beard and Amish clothes, revealing himself in a snazzy suit and holding a microphone.

“You’re all on Boss for Dinner!”, he said.

“What?”, said Miss Piggy.

“That’s right”, said Mr. Abraham, “the reality show where bachelors trick their friends into thinking they invited their boss over for dinner and lied about a family and neighbors. This is episode 134, even though we haven’t been broadcast yet!”

“Why hasn’t the show been broadcast yet?”, asked Lew.

“Because we’re waiting until production is over to broadcast, so everyone will be tricked”, said Mr. Abraham.

“Hmm, clever”, said Gonzo.

“So… So this was all just a gag?”, said Miss Piggy.

“Of course it was”, said Mr. Abraham.

“So Gonzo and Lew were in on this?”, said Piggy.

“Not exactly”, said Mr. Abraham.

“Yeah, I got Lew to agree to be my neighbor before I told anyone else about the opportunity”, said Link, “I just forgot to mention I already hired a wacky next-door neighbor.”

“I’ll never forget how I was hired”, said Lew.

Cut away to….

“Won’t you please, won’t you please, please won’t you be, my neighbor?”, sung Link.

“Hmm, okay”, said Lew.

“Neither of them were aware of the set-up”, said Mr. Abraham, “Originally I was planning to fire him over fake jealousy of a better, and alive, wife.”

“So how did you know I was at an Amish festival?”, asked Gonzo.

“I’m familiar with your work”, said Mr. Abraham.

“Were you really there?”, asked Gonzo.

“No”, said Mr. Abraham.

“Then how could you have been in that flashback?”, asked Piggy.

“I just jumped into the flashback as fast as I could”, said Mr. Abraham.

“What about those cut-aways?”, asked Piggy.

“We rehearsed them in advance”, said Mr. Abraham, “It took him hours to get it right.”

And in another triple cut-away…

Cut-away #1…

“Hey, did you catch last night’s… Uh, was it Big Bang Theory or The New Girl?”

Cut-away #2…

“Hey, did you catch last night’s episode of... AH-CHOO!”

“Eww”, said Mr. Abraham.

Cut-away #3…

“Would you like to use my electronic shaving device?”

“I’m Amish”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t shave”, said Link, thinking, “hey, I could use that line!”

Back to the present…

Rehearsing for those outtakes was difficult enough.

“So where are the hidden cameras?”, asked Piggy.

“Well, there’s one in this vase”, said Link, looking into a vase only to find it empty, “Hmm, where’s the camera?”

Link looked at a big picture of himself.

“And there’s one behind that picture…”

Link removed the picture, but it was gone again.

“Uh-oh….”, thought Piggy, leading to three more cut-aways.

In cut-away #1, during the cleaning sequence, a penguin cleaned out the vase, throwing the camera away. In cut-away #2, a rabbit found another camera while cleaning behind the picture. And in cut-away #3, a mink carried a trash can full of cameras.

“What do you want me to do with this trash can of cameras?”, asked the mink.

“Just dump it”, said Piggy.

Back to the present…

“Oh, no…”, said Miss Piggy.

“Where those flashbacks even rehearsed?”, asked Link.

“No, they were improvised”, said Piggy.

“Well, that’s it”, said Mr. Abraham, “we wasted our time acting to zero cameras. And on the night I forgot to bring my own hidden camera!”

Mr. Abraham walked out of the apartment, all grumpy.

Later, Link was sitting on the couch, crying over his loss.

“I had a great plan, and it failed”, said Link.

“It’s your own fault”, said Miss Piggy, “you’re too stupid!”

“And so are we!”, boasted Andy and Randy.

“Why don’t you two just go home?”, said Piggy.

“Okay, Aunt Piggy”, said Randy.

They headed for the door, but ran into the door, falling backwards.

“I wish they knew to open the door”, said Piggy.

Link looked at a clock.

“Hey, we’ve got 20 minutes until the show ends”, said Link, “and it’s an 18-minute drive to the theater. I can still be in the closing number!”

Link ran out the door as fast as he could.

Link ran into the theater.

“Who are you?”, asked Pops.

“No time, Pops”,s aid Link, “I’ve got a closing number to do!”

“How can you do a closing number?”, asked Pops, “The show ended half an hour ago.”

What?”, said Link, his spirits suddenly dying down.

“Yeah, the show’s over”, said Scooter.

“So how was your dinner with your boss?”, said Kermit.

“What boss?”, said Link.

“You told me you had another boss…”, said Kermit.

“He wasn’t really my boss”, said Link, “it was a practical joke show.”

“You gave up a chance at being in so much of the show for that?”, asked Kermit.

“I did the same thing last week”, said Beauregard.

“I wonder what happened”, said Link, “Is there a scene I missed?”

Cue another cut-away, where a moose inspected a digital clock.

“Hmm, too modern”, said the moose, taking the clock down and replacing it with an old-fashioned clock, which was 30 minutes slower than the previous clock.

“I thought I had time to do the closing number”, said Link, “And I really wanted to do it.”

Then music started playing and Link sang a rendition of “These Eyes are Crying”. After he finished, everybody backstage applauded.

“And now these eyes really are crying”, said Link, who started crying over missing the closing number.

The End

 

[kathy26]

who perform this character
Mr. Abraham

 

[minor muppetz]

who perform this character
Mr. Abraham

Peter Linz.