The Stars of The Muppets: Fozzie Bear

minor muppetz

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Announcer: Welcome to The Stars of The Muppets, promoting the new movie The Muppets. And now, here is our host, Walter!
Walter: Hi, I'm Walter, and tonight, on The Stars of The Muppets, I am spotlighting the one and only Fozzie Bear!
(Fozzie's theme music plays as Fozzie enters the stage)
Fozzie Bear: Wocka wocka wocka! I am Fozzie Bear.
Walter: Yes, yes you are. And in this movie, you've got lots of great new jokes, right?
Fozzie Bear: Right. I have lots of funny new material. Here is a funny clip...

(Leads to the "fart shoes" clip)

Walter: (unsure of whether the bit was really that good) Well, uh, but nothing will ever beat your classics.
Fozzie Bear: Oh, I don't know. I try to be funnier each day. But one of my funniest jokes involved me and Kermit.

(Leads to "Good grief the comedians a bear!")

Walter: But your talents don't end at comedy.
Fozzie Bear: Of course not. I am also a good singer.
Walter: Yeah, I've heard you sing some great songs.
Fozzie Bear: And I certainly have got rhythym.

(Leads to "I've Got Rhythym")

Statler: What do we think of the bear?
Waldorf: He's awful!
Statler: He's lousy!
Waldorf: He's crummy!
Statler: I want my money back!
Waldorf: He's the worst!
Statler: Worst than Manny Kaye and Clive Chuenga.
Waldorf: Well, maybe he's not that bad.
Statler: In fact he like to hate him.
Waldorf: We never miss a show he's at.
Statler: Money well spent!
Waldorf: I think he's the greatest!
Statler: More!

(Leads to Fozzie's attempt to bury Statler and Waldorf with their heckling)

Walter: Let's talk with some of Fozzie's friends.
Kermit: Well, Fozzie certainly is reliable. The audience might leave during his acts, but he is a good friend, and he tries very hard.
Gonzo: I'd like to do an act with him. It'd be fun to get hit with vegetables.
Pepe: He can't be funny. He's a bear, okay.
Animal: BEAR FUNN-EE! BEAR FUNN-EE!
Rowlf: Me and Fozzie both tell our own jokes. Of course, did you know that he's also good at playing the piano?

(Leads to "English Country Garden")

Walter: As I understand it you once considered giving up comedy.
Fozzie Bear: Yeah, I wanted to be a weatherbear. I visited Willard Scott on the set of The Today Show to get some tips, and I got my chance, when I accidently locked Willard into the closet.

(Leads to Fozzie's weather report from The Jim Henson Hour)

Fozzie Bear: I have also been a master ventreloquist.
Walter: (skeptical) Really?

(Leads to Fozzie's venteloquism act)

Walter: Let's talk about some of the guest stars you have worked with.
Fozzie: Well, I have worked with some of the funniest. Like Avery Scrieber.

(Leads to:
  • Art gallery sketch
  • Fozzie and Avery's "banana in ear" monologue
)

Fozzie: When Phyllis Diller was on the show, she gave me some comedy tips.

(Leads to Phyllis Diller's talk spot)

Fozzie: And I also got to meet my idol, the king of the comics, Milton Berle.

(Leads to "Top Banana")

Walter: Let's now talk about your acting.
Fozzie: Well, one of my first acting roles was in a cowboy sketch. I did a great John Wayne imperosnation, although Kermit didn't agree with me.

(Leads to "Cowboy Time")

Walter: You also had the recurring role of Patrol Bear.
Fozzie: It was fun being a police officer, though I did have some problems with the criminals.

(Leads to "Bear on Patrol: Impersonating an Officer")

Walter: Another great role of yours was Squire Trelawney.
Fozzie: I enjoyed that role.
Walter: And Mr. Bimbo was very funny.
Fozzie: (a bit jealous) Well... Uh... I don't expect us to form a duo anytime soon.

(Leads to Squire Trelawney's first scene, explaining who Mr. Bimbo is)

Walter: And you were once the Cowardly Lion.
Fozzie: Yeah, my portrayal was one of the funniest.
Walter: But as the lion, you showed some great courage when escaping the enemies.

(Leads to The Cowardly Lion doing a comedy act for the Flying Monkeys)

Scooter: Fozzie Bear is the funniest. In fact, we once performed the classic Telephone Pole bit together.

(Leads to "The Telephone Pole Bit")

Fozzie: I can't believe you showed that one.
Walter: Me, either.
Fozzie: But a good part of my success goes to my writer, the legendary Gags Beasley!
Walter: You'd have to be living under a rock not to know of him or his "Banana Sketch".
Fozzie: I didn't know Kermit lived under a rock.

(Leads to:
  • Fozzie telling Kermit about his new writer.
  • The Banana Sketch
  • The others tease Kermit for not knowing of Gags Beasley or The Banana Sketch
)

Fozzie: But Kermit is the best friend a frog can have. He once let me help him plan the show.

(Leads to Floyd learning that Fozzie was responsible for planning the closing number)

Fozzie: The band was so thankful they made me an honorary hip dude.

(Leads to Floyd giving Fozzie his shades)

Fozzie: I got to show off my coolness to that night's guest star, Don Knotts.

(Leads to Don Knott's talk spot)

Fozzie: Unfortunately, the band didn't like how the closing number turned out, and they made me give them back my shades. But at least I can see again.
Walter: Well, as we can all tell, you have had a great career as a comedian.
Fozzie: You bet!
Walter: I'd like to be as funny as you someday.
Fozzie: Oh, but you are.
Walter: I am?
Fozzie: Yeah, just watch this clip.

(Leads to the title song from "Hey, You're as Funny as Fozzie Bear")

Walter: Well, that's our show. Thank you for watching...
Fozzie: And laughing!
 

minor muppetz

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I liked that a lot! Very well written!
Don't know if you've noticed but I've also written similar scripts spotlighting Kermit and Miss Piggy, and plan on doing ones for Gonzo and Animal soon (I'm not sure if I'll do more for other characters, but regardless I am currently not taking requests).
 
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