Hands That Play

[outerelf]

This story... Isn't actually mine It belongs to a friend of mine called randomfics, and they recently, after tracking me down again, has actually been a little interested in what I've been posting. So they wrote, realized they had no account, didn't wanna make an account, and asked if they could borrow mine. I said yes.

Anyways, it promises to be a long one- hopefully one that all will enjoy.

 

[outerelf]

It was extremely hot today. Majestic trees drooped, leaves limply hanging from branches. The asphalt road bubbled slightly, the extreme heat warping the view. Off in the extremely long distance of the end of the driveway, was the view of a mirage; a shimmering shinning puddle of water.

Various animals, including cats and rats and dogs and chickens and frogs and pigs and bears, were asleep in the lawn, finding the heat less oppressive outside then inside currently.

Inside of the house, a lone chicken laid an egg- it broke, and began to fry on the hot metal radiator. With a desperate cluck, it flapped its wings, creating a small breeze. A relieved sigh broke out from the frog standing next to it.

“Beauregard, have you fixed the air-conditioning yet?”

The brown furred janitor shook his head slowly, wiping dirty hands on coveralls, wishing that he could sweat. “Nope, sorry Kermit. We’ll have to either get a new one, or hire someone else to come take a look at it.”

“And we don’t have money for either, what with the curtains catching fire last week.”

“Uhh, Chief?”

The frog turned to the yellow skinned male standing at his side with a clipboard. “Yes Scooter?”

“Sweetums asked if he could dig up the backyard and put in a pool.” The gopher flipped the clipboard page up by one showing a rough sketch. “He even figured out how long and deep he could make it without hitting any of the main pipe lines.”

“Better not, in the wintertime it could become a hazard.” Kermit smiled at Scooter’s disappointed expression. “That does give me an idea however- let’s go to the beach!”

“We got banned from the last three after the lifeguards claimed we terrorized the beachgoers.” The young teen glumly reminded the older frog, before glancing around- “By the way, where’s Robin?”

“He went back to the Swamp to spend time with family… and get away from this heat.”

“Wouldn’t it be hotter down there?”

“Two words; watery mud.”

Scooter would have blinked if he had eyelids, but restricted himself to just looking confused. “Oh, Scooter, could you make certain everyone has enough to drink? Water only- we don’t want anyone collapsing from heat exhaustion.”

“I’m on it chief!”

A blast of blessedly cool air drifted by them- both turned, smiles on their faces as they leaned into that wind- “LOOK OUT!”

Years of theatergoing had honed nerves into quick responses that threw them to the ground before they had even really registered the words. Above them, a rat flew out into the yard, and into a tree.

Frog and gopher rushed out to the tree, necks craning upwards to look. “I guess that I didn’t put it into a high enough angle- I’ll go back and try it again.” The voice drifted out behind them, as a weird looking blue thing stood in the doorway, his sprained arm wrapped in a cast.

“NO!” The shriek came from above as the rat slowly began climbing down from his precarious perch. “No more shooting out of cannons, I refuse!”

“But, wasn’t it fun Rizzo?” Gonzo’s voice reflected the child-like confusion he always had around heights- mainly how not everyone loved them. The blue creature stepped up to the tree; his good arm reaching up to try and catch the rat before he fell.

Rizzo shimmied around to the other side, snubbing Gonzo’s help. That sharpened Kermit’s attention on the two; Rizzo wasn’t one to refuse help, and Gonzo’s help had always been accepted in the past no matter what the blue creature did to the rat.

“Rizzo?” Gonzo sounded just as confused as Kermit felt.

“It’s too hot for this! I’m outta here- I’m visiting my cousins at the beach. Or somewhere where it’s air-conditioned.”

“Don’t forget me, hokay? I am a King Prawn; they can’t ban me from going home!” The shrimp, King Prawn, rushed out after the rat his arms waving in an attempt to slow the other down.

Rizzo didn’t even notice as he took off down the street, and escaped into a sewer. The blue whatever was left standing at the foot of the tree, eyebrows furrowed, one hand still stretching up into the tree to catch the now gone rat.

“What was all that about?” The low voice snapped the trio to their senses, as a brown dog slowly made his way to them.

“Rowlf! Uhh, well- I don’t know what exactly happened. One minute I had convinced Rizzo that being shot out of a cannon was fine, and the next thing-“ Gonzo was cut off when an loud voice sang out,

“AIR CONDITIONING IS BACK!”

Instantly everyone on the lawn stampeded for the house, yells of halleluiah drowning out whatever Gonzo was about to say, sweeping the three up in its mad rush for the door. “Waah! Miss Piggy! Look out for the wall!”

“Can it frog! I’m getting in that building if moi must make a new door!”

“Cold air! Cold air! Cold air!”

“Whoa Animal, wait your turn-“

“For surely that’s a relief. Like, I was about ready to melt!”

“Oh dear Beakie, I do hope that our experiment with the nitroglycerin hasn’t been warped too much.”

“Mee mee mee?!”

“Finally, the air conditioning is fixed! Now that is doing things an American way!”

“Thank goodness, I thought that my brain was going to fry out there!”

“Well, at least his jokes couldn’t get worse! Do-ho-ho-ho!”

“Beauregard, you are an angel!”

“Aww, shucks, it wasn’t anything much!”

“Hey, watch the rabbit! Watch the rabbit! Don’t step on me!”

“Quack! Quack!”

“Brawk-“

“Camilla? What do you mean that the house is filled with fried eggs? Aren’t there any scrambled- ow! I was just joking!”

Feathers flew, Muppets scrambled, and a new hole was placed in a wall. Smoke cleared to reveal Gonzo hanging upside down on the fake chandelier, Rowlf underneath the table, Scooter dazed at the bottom of the stairs, and Kermit draped (artistically) over bricks.

Rowlf groaned as he pushed himself up from beneath the table, feeling like the term ‘Trampled to Death’ had just gained a brand new meaning. Wincing, he rubbed his left arm, attempting to coax the tingling feeling from out of it.

“Kermit you alright?” The dog crouched slightly next to the frog, as said frog stirred and groaned, eyes opening slowly.

“Someone get the number on that truck that ran over me.”

Rowlf chuckled softly as he reached out to catch a flailing arm, and pull Kermit onto his own two flippers. “Come on, we should make certain that Scooter is alright.”

A yellow hand waved from the bottom of the stairs, “I’m fine, why don’t you guys take care of Gonzo first?”

The two glanced upwards, to where Gonzo gleefully cackled and swung precariously on the chandelier. Kermit whistled loudly, a theater whistle, “Can I have a ladder in the living room please?”

An angry grumble sounded from upstairs, as large feet slowly began making its way down stairs. “There, Gonzo will be taken care of-“

“Don’t bother! I’ll get myself down!”

“Fine. Never mind about that ladder Sweetums!” Feet retreated back to an air-conditioning unit. “Scooter, are you alright?”

“Yeah, sure Boss. I was just trampled by nearly a hundred Muppets- just a normal theater day. Whoo- five seconds until curtain call, right?”

“Not today- theater is closed because the seats are being refurbished.” The frog had originally been looking forward to a day off, before the air conditioning broke down, and Robin decided to leave for the swamp.

Rowlf, catching the odd look in Kermit’s eyes, knew what was wrong instantly. He always seemed to know. “Oh, Kermit, did you call your mom yet to see if Robin got back home safely?”

Kermit brightened up at that ready-made excuse. “Not yet, I should go do that. Scooter, I’m leaving getting Gonzo down to you-“

“GEROMINO! AHAHAHAHAHA!” The excited yell followed by the bright blue creature dropping into a pot of hot water made the theater leader simply shake his head as he moved towards the back to find a phone.

Scooter and Rowlf lifted Gonzo from the water. The blue Muppet eagerly checked himself over. “Cool, third degree burns!”

Scooters eyes went heavenward for patience as he began to escort Gonzo out of the room. “Come on Gonzo, let’s get you to the first aid kit. Camillia will freak out if you don’t get those bandaged after all.”

An answering squawk from the upstairs banister from a chicken made Gonzo sigh sadly, “Alright, I get it… But after this I gotta go look for Rizzo!”

“Rizzo is probably just going to go visit family Gonzo- he’ll be back before too long. Until then; relax.”

“But, what am I going to do for my show? I can’t be shot out of the cannon with a lame arm, and I need to calibrate the machine to make certain that it’ll fire properly.”

“Get Beaker to do it. He’s used to stuff like that.”

“You’re right! Hey, Beaker!” Before Scooter could stop him, Gonzo rushed off to the Muppet Labs in the basement. The Muppet took the stairs three at a time, in willful ignorance of how it would probably end up.

Sure enough, the sound of someone crashing against a wall floated upwards a few moments later. Scooter shook his head, and looked at the kitchen table. Rowlf was sitting on a chair, head on the table, breathing deep and uneven.

“Hey, you alright there Rowlf?”

The dog started slightly, looking up. “Yeah, don’t mind me. Between the new piece I’ve been working on, and heat that’s been pounding on us lately, I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“New piece?” Scooter perked up slightly; although Rowlf’s piano/music pieces weren’t the most popular part of the theater, they did bring in a solid income.

The dog stretch in his seat, yawning wildly, tongue lolling out in one of the most dog like manners the teen had seen yet. He shook himself, loose fur drifting to the ground. “New piece. It should be done in a few weeks.”

The teen smiled wearily at that- in a few weeks they’d probably need it. Between Gonzo’s wall busting, Beaker and Bunsen’s fires, Mad Harry’s explosions, and a dozen more Muppets, the theater had to be practically rebuilt once a week.

“You want to hear it? It may be a work in progress but it should be interesting at the very least.”

Scooter looked at the dog, and at the papers scattered across the table detailing the different things Muppet Theater needed to keep running smoothly. It may be a day off, but a gophers work was never done… “I’m afraid not Rowlf. I gotta get working on these papers.” The small mouth was puckered into a frown.

Rowlf swept up the papers in a single swipe, and moved towards the music room, ignoring the frantic yelp of, “Wait!”

“Come on, you can listen to music and do your papers at the same time. But you’re way too stressed right now, and I think Kermit would agree with me if I said that you should relax just a little.”

The yellow Muppet shook his head as he leaped for the papers; “But I need to concentrate! With all of this heat and the air-conditioning breaking down and everything else I haven’t been able to do any of the papers!”

“Are you saying that I’m distracting?”

Flustered, Scooter blurted out the first thing that came to mind, “No! I mean, yes! I mean- what do you mean by that?”

Rowlf, laughing at the expense of the gopher, shouldered open the door. Heat poured out for a moment, until the blessed coolness of AC’s working overtime poured into the room. “Relax, I know what you mean. Settle on down, and listen to some music. I’ll play a nice cool piece.”

The dog settled onto the bench, as the half-parrot teen settled onto the floor, sorting the papers efficiently. “Here, I’ll start off with something slow- Greensleeves by Williams.”

The first few notes filled the Muppet House, and Scooter’s eyes closed for a single moment in appreciation to the music. Rowlf’s head nodded in time to the music, paws dancing above the keys, ears filling the air.

Scooter bent to the papers with a will, letting the music flow into him, and right back out again, caught in a world of paperwork and numbers.

The music faltered, only for a moment.

 

[Katzi428]

I love it!! I'm surprised that once Gonzo mentioned fried eggs, the Swedish Chef didn't take the opportune time to take the eggs! (But then Camilla would have been pecking the heck out of Chef huh?)

 

[Aaron]

I love this too! is that all?

 

[outerelf]

No! No worries, this isn't it all. It's going to heat up pretty soon as well

 

[outerelf]

Chapter 2: Begin the Action

The day had started like it usually did; a well choreographed musical number, a line that felt like several miles long to the bathroom, Animal cutting into the line, alarm-clocks needed to be replaced, and Statler and Waldorf next door coming over to snark.

Kermit sighed sadly as he looked at an empty seat next to him, where Robin usually sat. The little frog had told him that his parents insisted he stay for a month- Kermit had agreed that Robin should stick around the Swamp, keeping his happy tone in his voice until they’d said goodbyes and hung up.

Now it felt like that he’d lost an important part of himself.

Oatmeal exploded in the kitchen, bringing the frog out of his self-pity fest. The Swedish Chef along with breakfast came flying out, hitting bowls with remarkable precision. Pepe’s voice was the first one to speak up after a confused moment of silence. “What do you know, we finally have a food to eat! Okay everyone, let’s dig in!”

There was a burst of intelligible noise from the chef as around the table, as everyone looked to Kermit. The frog gently prodded the oatmeal with his spoon, before gingerly digging out a spoonful.

Silence fell across the table as Muppets waited with breathless anticipation to see what would happen to their fearless leader. For a moment the spoon hovered in the air, before slowly making its way into a mouth.

Muppets leaned forward, waiting to hear what was to come next. “I-It’s not that bad.”

The Swedish Chef on the ground gave thumbs up.

“The Swedish Chef made food?”

“Shouldn’t the question be how he made food that’s actually edible?”

“At least its wheat- I don’t want to be nearly cooked again.”

“You know what they say, no pain no grain! Wocka wocka wocka!”

“Where’s the tomatoes when you need them?”

“Yeah, after all, veggies are a part of your complete ‘Get the Bear offstage’ value meal.”

“Do-ho-ho-ho!”

Ignoring the two old Muppet’s cackling, Kermit dug into the food with a will. He’d have to send Robin a letter and tell him that a major miracle had just happened. Yeah, sure, it tasted a little like swamp mud, but when meals cooked by the chef generally ended up running away from those trying to eat it, you took what you got, and didn’t throw a fit.

Kermit polished off the rest of the oatmeal, and looked up.

To his surprise, it wasn’t just Robin’s seat that was empty. He frowned slightly, eyes scanning across the milling crowd, attempting to spot the missing Muppet. There was no flash of the familiar color- “Oh, Kermie!”

The frog jumped slightly at the pigs high pitched voice, and turned to glance back. Miss Piggy stood in the doorway, long blond hair carefully coffered into a teasing rumpled look. Her blue and yellow sundress gave her the look of a younger woman out to have some fun. In one hand she held a floppy straw hat, complete with a ribbon and bow.

Overall, she looked younger then she generally did, and was just radiating an innocent cuteness.

“I- You-“ Kermit was vaguely aware that he should probably pick his jaw off the floor, but Miss Piggy was smirking at him, that odd little smirk that said she had gotten the reaction she wanted.

“I’m off to moi photo shoot darling!”

“In that? I- I didn’t know you even had it in you-“

“Oh, why my dear Kermie, you were the one who signed us up for this particular photo shoot, and they said they wanted someone young, someone fresh, so moi thought that I’d give them a nice summer flair!”

Kermit did have a vague memory some time ago about agreeing to a photo-shoot in order to bring in some more money to the struggling theater, but he thought it was supposed to take place a week from now-

“She’s right Boss. Don’t worry about a thing, I have it all planned out.” Scooters’ reassuring voice spoke up at his elbow. “She should be back in time for tonight’s show, a segment of Pigs in Space, right after Rowlf plays his song.”

“Rowlf! Where is Rowlf anyways?” The frog abruptly stood; mind brought back to the matter he had been contemplating before.

Miss Piggy frowned as she too turned; scanning the crowd with him- there was no flash of brown fur and droopy ears. “That’s odd.” Miss Piggy mused aloud, “Moi wonders if he simply decided to skip breakfast- he often does it whenever he starts working on some music.”

Kermit frowned as he glanced upwards towards the music room. He couldn’t hear any sounds of music, but it didn’t mean much; Rowlf had bought himself an electric keyboard and headphones so not to disturb anyone when he was trying to compose music.

He generally didn’t use it for anything other then the first stage, when still picking out the theme though. After that he played for the Muppets, letting them put in their own two cents. “I suppose so.”

The pig, taking advantage of his distraction, leaned across to peck his cheek. “Bye Kermie, don’t spend too long on the phone with your nephew- we have a show to do tonight! Kissy, kissy!”

Kermit’s jaw hit the floor for a second time that day, as he stared after the wonderful, beautiful, infuriating pig that could undo him in a single moment. Muppets, having eaten, began to separate and spread out, taking happy advantage of the AC.

“Hey,” The rough, tired voice snapped the adult out of his thoughts. “Any breakfast left?”

“Rowlf!” He turned to the exhausted looking dog standing nearby. “You slept late today?”

“Yeah, actually.” The dog laughed slightly, embarrassed by the admission. “I figured I’d scrape up something, but I guess the Swedish Chef wasn’t cooking today because I see food on the table.”

“No actually, a miracle was made and the Swedish Chef actually cooked food.” Kermit glanced towards the kitchen, “You can probably find more in the kitchen if you want it.”

The brown Muppet nodded in response to the answer, slowly making his way to the kitchen. Kermit frowned slightly, beginning to stand as he considered offering to bring the food to Rowlf.

An explosion from downstairs, followed by a wild cackle diverted the frog’s attention as a wild-eyed Mad Harry flew past on silver wings. That’s right; flew. On wings.

“BUNSEN! BEAKER!” The frog leaped by Rowlf, slowly collecting bowl and spoon. “WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?”

“Oh, we’re just trying to experiment with the idea about whether or not pigs could fly- for some reason Link refused, so we asked Uncle Deadly. Of course, we forgot he was dead-“

KABOOM!

The explosion rocked the house. Kermit dashed outside, bypassing his neighbor Steven. “Hi Steven!”

The middle-aged drawer looked up, waved half-heartedly, and went back to watering the petunias. “Hey, Kermit, think you can keep your crazy bunch away from the marigolds?”

“Right, I’ll tell them to stay out of your yard- did you see which way the flying person went?”

Steven pointed off to the right. “He went that way, carrying a bottle, and said he was going to find some pig for the two people who promised him explosives.”

“WHAT?! BUNSEN AND BEAKER-“ The frog found himself torn- go back and lecture Bunsen and Beaker, or go rescue Miss Piggy? His eyes landed on the dog standing in the doorway.

“Rowlf! Tell Bunsen and Beaker that when I get back I’m taking away all of their nitroglycerin. I gotta go stop Mad Harry!”

The frog leapt for one of the cars in the driveway, despite the fact he had no license- most police officers knew him, and knew when he was in a rush, something big was about to happen.

The dog, bemused, watched Kermit leave. He was originally going to ask if Kermit wanted the fly in his oatmeal, but it looked like the frog was far too busy. Casually he dumped the spoonful of food onto a bush, before turning around to walk back inside.

He ate a single bite, pulling on a long face at the murky under-taste. “No wonder Kermit liked it so much.” Still, food was food. Carefully he ate a few more bites, and feeling oddly full, placed it back on the table at his spot. It was Droop’s turn to clear the table; hopefully he wouldn’t break any dishes.

He opened the door to the basement, and carefully made his way down the steep stairs; sometimes it sucked to be colorblind in as dark environment as this. “Bunsen? Beaker?”

“Hmm, oh, why if it isn’t Rowlf, do come in. We’re just about to test our special uranium powered light bulb!”

Beaker, huddled and cowering in the furthest corner, shivered. Rowlf took a step back; he wasn’t the world’s smartest dog, but he had picked up a few new tricks. Mainly the knowledge that radioactivity equaled bad things.

“Well, I was just told by Kermit that he’s hopping mad right now; he’ll be taking away anything explosive, reactive, and radioactive as a two-week time out as soon as he gets back.”

Bunsen gasped, a green hand flying to his mouth. “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Beakie! Help me hide everything.”

Slowly and slothfully the lab assistant complied. Rowlf decided that it was better to retreat out the mostly lead door, and get upstairs. There he could alert Scooter to Kermit’s orders, and the big guys could take care of the Muppet Labs.

“Ohh, suuuure.” A soft voice grumbled at his elbow, “The rat can take off for the afternoon, and I can’t even go to my old spawning ground; maybe I should go back to the aquarium and try to pick up some girl prawns there. But then I’ll get eaten by the fish-“

“Pepe?” The dog turned to the muttering King Prawn. “What are you doing here?”

The shrimp- King Prawn please- looked up at the crouching dog. “Rizzo left me behind, hokay? Like…Like some kind of guy after a one-night stand! Wait, no, that doesn’t sound quite right…”

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back by tonight- the theatergoers like to leave popcorn behind, and the rats go through for food before Beauregard cleans it all up; and since Rizzo’s the leader-“

“Just how much of a leader is he?” Pepe interrupted suddenly.

Both dog and shrim- King Prawn already!- jumped as a voice spoke up from behind them. “Oh, a pretty good one.” Gonzo, arm still in his makeshift cast, had come up behind them. “He’s the leader of all the rats in the entire town practically; and he’s got family across the globe.”

“So, so do I! Hokay, I get it, alrig-“ Whatever Pepe got, it was interrupted by the hum of AC’s shutting down.

Gonzo perked up, “Oh cool! The AC’s broke again!”

A low groan came from above, and Rowlf pulled himself to his feet as Kermit’s voice from above echoed downwards; “BUNSEN BEAKER, COME UP HERE!”

The two scientists, still attempting to hide all dangerous material glanced at each other. Kermit’s voice came again, slightly stressed, “Now please!”

“We should go before he blows up.” Bunsen sighed sadly as he put down a rod of plethobium.

On cue, Mad Harry’s voice drifted down the stairwell, “Did someone say blow up?”

The explosion barely even ruffled the home. Gonzo leaped up the stairs three at a time, sniffing the air; “I know that gunpowder! You got it from old Marley’s shop down the way, didn’t you?”

Pepe’s eyes went heavenwards for patience as he started climbing the stairs. Rowlf staggered to his feet, his left arm numb. He turned his head to the side, dizzily looking for a wastebasket, wondering if breakfast had been poisoned.

Blackness rushed into his vision as he stumbled one step downward, leaning against the wall. He stretched both of his forearms, moving his head about, trying to relieve the pressure. It didn’t work, and blackness swam before his eyes.

Nausea overwhelmed him, and he felt the world tilt in a ninety degree angle, and a sharp pain dove up his right side, oddly muted.

With a low whimper, he curled up on the ground, feeling the cool cement against his fur. It felt surprisingly good, and the darkness receded for a moment.

Kermit’s voice drifted down the stairwell. “Rowlf? You down there?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Are you alright? I heard a crash-“

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Already pain and nausea was receding. “I just slipped on a step.” No need for the frog to know about the arm pain; it would probably go away on its own within a few days.

Kermit hesitated for a single moment, his worried concern palpable from where Rowlf was lying. “Really Kermit, I can take care of myself. I just wanted to stay cool in the basement, now that the AC broke down again.”

“Wait, you’re right! Gwark! Beauregard can you fix it?”

“Uhh- Kermit, today’s Beauregard’s day off, remember? To visit family?”

“Ahhh!”

Rowlf smiled at the sound of family life returning to normal, massaging his left arm.

 

[Aaron]

Oh no! I hope Rowlf is ok!

 

[newsmanfan]

-------------------------
Eek! Dog heart attack? WHY don't the Muppets have a resident vet -- er, doc -- er...medical professional? Other than Nurses Janet and Piggy of course...

-------------------------

 

[outerelf]

Oh no! I hope Rowlf is ok!

I hope so as well! Poor Rowlf...

-------------------------
Eek! Dog heart attack? WHY don't the Muppets have a resident vet -- er, doc -- er...medical professional? Other than Nurses Janet and Piggy of course...

-------------------------

I know! But since their regulars at the hospital (at least Gonzo is) they probably have their very own special room. But I hope Rowlf tells someone something!

 

[outerelf]

Chapter 3: The End of Normality

By the time night had rolled around, and it was time to open up the theater, the pain in Rowlf’s shoulders had just about entirely disappeared. The dog hummed softly as he settled down in front of the piano, the Electric Mayhem, grumbling, got into position.

The conductor’s baton raised, and the band prepped themselves for the opening number. Blackness flashed across Rowlf’s vision, and he shook his head, dispelling it in a quick flick. He could play the music blindfolded, but would prefer not too; he had a vet sketch later on, and that he couldn’t be blindfolded for.

The swish of a baton brought all of his training to the foreground. His paws reacted instantly, even if his mind was miles away, playing the familiar tune. He didn’t notice Dr. Teeth’s eyes flickering over to him, or the conductor’s raised eyebrow over the quality of the music.

Instead he was aware of a burning pain down his arms, returning with a vengeance he was beginning to get tired of. He was a patient dog, and this whole arm hurting business was beginning to become ridiculous.

The music ended, and Rowlf stood, ready to creep backstage and allow the Electric Mayhem to take over the majority of the music. Dr. Teeth tapped him on the shoulder, “Hey, Rowlf, something the matter? Your music wasn’t up to snuff today.”

The dog shook his head, “I’m fine. Just a little arm pain. If you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for my sketch as a vet.”

Rowlf hurried backstage, dodging stagehands, chickens, before pausing at the sight of a single rat. “Hey- has Rizzo gotten back yet?”

“Huh? Rizzo? Nah- the lot of us are avoiding that blue weirdo- he keep asking us if Rizzo’s back as well.” The rats tail flicked disdainfully. “Don’t see why the two of them are friends.”

Rowlf smiled at that statement. “Ah, well, friendship is an odd thing. You rats take care of yourselves.”

“Huh, you got that right. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go sniff around for the popcorn under the seats.”

The rat scurried off, and Rowlf turned to the backstage dressing area- if he were lucky he could get completely dressed before the sketch started. Maybe he shouldn’t have stopped to talk to the rat.

“Hey, Rowlf!” Gonzo’s hopeful voice broke into his reverie as he reached for a lab coat. “Any news yet?”

“None. He’ll be back, don’t you worry.” Rowlf patted Gonzo on the back as he pulled on the lab coat, idly reflecting that he should call himself a therapist instead of a vet- with how many times when, completely unprovoked, people spilled out their troubles as he played, he knew just about everyone’s troubles. “Why not go talk with Camillia until he comes back?’

“Well, that’s the problem-“

“Rowlf! Curtain call in five seconds!” Scooters desperate hiss broke both out of their conversation, and Rowlf bolted for the curtains, quietly muttering dog curses under his breath.

Gonzo forlornly watched the dog go, before sighing with a shrug- Rizzo would turn up sooner or later; he just wanted to know why Rizzo was so mad. And asking Kermit would just get a flat, disbelieving look followed by a few words of comfort.

Gonzo leaned against his cannon, peeking out onto stage to see Rowlf enter, make an incredibly lame pun about being late and started working on the patient of the day; a hospital gurney.

The blue creature turned away, looking back across his shoulder; an orange Muppet threaded its way through the crowded backstage, apologizing in soft meeps and miis as he made his way to the whatever and his awaiting cannon.

“You ready for this? Scooter for some reason insisted on doing all the calculations.” A silent breath of relief, unnoticed by the chattering Gonzo, swept out of Beaker.

Out on stage the sketch began to wrap up, the mysterious announcers voice booming through the theater. “Gonzo, Beaker, curtain call in five seconds.” Scooter scooted off, ready to track down the next Muppets up.

“Wait, what happened to our guest star singing number?”

“Oh- that- well, they wanted to do a musical number with Thog, but we’re having trouble locating him, he’s hiding from embarrassment.”

“A nine-foot tall Muppet hiding in embarrassment? Why not send him to me- I’ll help him regain confidence!” Gonzo lovingly patted his cannon, feeling the barrels gleaming length hum reassuringly under the heavy pats.

Scooter looked between the blue Muppet and his cannon, before shaking his head. “I was planning on asking Rowlf to drag him out- or Sweetums, since there’s no Robin to watch.”

“But doesn’t Sweetums have a musical number later with Thog’s brother Thig?”

“Yeah- we called him up just in case we had to dye him blue and have him play Thog.” Scooter shrugged as he began to walk off, reminding Muppets when they were up for going out on stage.

Pops in his little booth shifted uncomfortably as Scooter passed by, but managed to keep on a blank face until the gopher had passed. Only then did he look down to hiss, “Thog, get on out of here!”

The blue creature sighed unhappily as he shuffled out of the tiny booth that shouldn’t of been able to fit him in the first palace, and began looking for a new place to hide.

Rowlf, still in his hospital garb, passed by pushing the hospital gurney. Scooter, hearing the commotion, slowly began to turn. Thog, panicking, did the first thing he could think of- he darted behind Rowlf and attempted to hide.

Scooters sharp eyes instantly picked out the cowering Muppet, attempting to curl up behind the surprised dog. “Thog! Come on, our guest would like to sing with you-“

“But- I don’t want to have to be the bad guy, I’m always the bad guy!”

“Then you shouldn’t have agreed to it before knowing what you were! Come on Thog, you’re up right after Gonzo. GONZO! STAGE!”

The Whatever and the lab assistant hurriedly pushed the cannon out onto the stage. “And for your next viewing pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, my assistant Beaker here will be blasted off into a giant pool of mayonnaise, to the tune of America the Beautiful-“

“STOP!” The full blooded roar from the eagle waiting in the wings brought all eyes to the stage, as the eagle rushed out onto the stage, attempting to put a stop to such sacrilege. “STOP THIS AT ONCE!”

Rowlf placed his paw over his heart, feeling it pound fifty times per second, in a dizzying rush of adrenaline. He could see a flash of green as Kermit leaped for the stage, a flash of blue as Gonzo leaped in front of Sam, heard the dull roar of a cannon going off as Sam pushed Gonzo into the cannon and it went off, heard Beakers shrill screech of terror as he took off into the air, and finally heard the dull plop of someone landing in mayonnaise.

He cringed, the loud sounds too loud, clapping paws over ears. Something cool pressed against his side, and a soft muffled voice spoke. One eye creaked open, as he was distantly aware that the numbing pain that seemed to of taken over his arms had come again.

He gaped at the small frog beside him, “Robin, what are you doing here?” His heart rate wasn’t going down. “Are your brothers teasing you again?”

Shamefaced, the young frog nodded. “Yeah- are you okay Rowlf? You don’t look so good.”

The dog began to nod, as pain shot down his neck; it became more of a full body shiver. “I’ll be fine in a few moments Robin- want to help me get outside? Maybe some cool air will do me good.”

Robin nodded, gently taking the larger dog by the paw, and led the way past Muppets that rushed towards the stage to see the decibel of the year as Sam and Gonzo began to argue on stage over artistic qualities and Kermit’s attempts to move them backstage.

Pops in his booth watched them go past, Rowlf smiling down at the young frog, nodding absentmindedly, shivers running down his flanks. The old man absent-mindedly stroked his chin as he watched the two pass. “That reminds me of something… ah well.”

The old Muppet shrugged and turned back to his work, as Robin pushed open the door. Rowlf collapsed onto the first step, making the small frog stop to stare. “Are you sure you’re alright Rowlf?”

The dog nodded in response to the young Muppets question, taking slow, deep breaths. “I’m fine.” He breathed in deeply through his nose, and out through his mouth, massaging his shoulders.

Robin watched with concerned eyes, realizing that through his thick fur, even on a warm summer night, Rowlf was shivering. “Rowlf, I’m gonna tell Uncle Kermit. So you just stay right here, okay?”

Without waiting for a reply, the young frog darted inside. With a low growl, Rowlf surged to his feet, attempting to stop Robin; there was no need for anyone to worry about him. He would be just fine after he rested-

Blackness claimed his vision, and pain rose to the forefront before everything went blank.

-------

Robin darted among the gathering Muppets as Gonzo and Sam argued loudly over what could be considered art, deviant behavior, and Kermit attempted to shoo in a Pigs in Space segment. “Please Miss Piggy, go on-“

“But they’ll be able to hear the arguing on stage! Just let the band continue handling it!”

“Electric Mayhem can’t play for the rest of the show! Please Miss Piggy, your adoring public awaits-“

The woman couldn’t get onto stage fast enough, motioning to the stagehands to start moving scenery. Kermit moped his brow, feeling a headache coming on, as he began to shoo the two of them into one of the backstage rooms. He needed them to get into a more soundproofed room, needed to find Scooter and hope that he could sort them out, needed to get the next acts ready-

“Uncle Kermit!”

“What now? I- Robin?! What are you doing here?”

“Uncle Kermit- Rowlf is-“

Kermit perked up slightly; Rowlf would be far better then Scooter at getting everyone to calm down. “Robin, actually, could you find Rowlf and ask him to come here? I think he’d do a good job at getting everyone to calm down-“

“No uncle Kermit, Rowlf is feeling really bad. He was shaking and shivering, and when I took him outside for some air, he collapsed on the front step. I think you should come see.”

A brown bear nearby looked up as the blue Whatever exclaimed, “Rowlf? Sick? I don’t believe it!”

Robin stamped his foot in the most childish display of temper they had seen out of him yet. “He’s definitely sick! He was shaking, shivering, rubbing his arms; he’s sick.”

Kermit looked between the two arguing Muppets, before making a snap decision. “Gonzo, you and Fozzie take Rowlf to the hospital and get him checked out. It’s probably nothing, but it’s better to be safe. Sam, your skit will take the place of Fozzies’.”

The bald eagle nodded with a soft hrumph, as Gonzo darted for the door, Robin a hop before him. Kermit sighed in relief; at least he had that small knot worked out. Best of all, it was solved just in time- the Pigs in Space segment was beginning to end.

The warm happy feeling in his stomach fled when Robin’s desperate shout resounded through the theater, “Uncle Kermit! Call the hospital!”

Kermit didn’t ask; Robin didn’t panic easily, and he had a cool head. If something was panicking his nephew, then it would be panicking him. He shoved Scooter in direction of Robin, hissing, “Get the information!”

He made a leap across the table, clearing it by two feet, to land in front of the phone. Quickly he dialed the number, watching Scooter rush to the backstage door. Miss Piggy walked out from the number, running a hand through her long hair. “Miss Piggy, introduce the next act please!”

“What? Moi? But-“

“Hello, hospital? Yes, this is Muppet Theaters-“ As Kermit nervously rattled off the information, Miss Piggys mouth snapped close, and she whirled for the table, scooping up Kermit’s list of acts.

Quickly she stripped off her space costume, revealing a fluffy dress underneath. Confidentially she strode out onto stage, smiling prettily. “Hello everyone, moi will be taking over as the host for the show for tonight! For our next act, we have our lovely guest star and Thog singing a duet together! Please put your hands together for Shania Twain!”

The singer walked onstage, dragging the reluctant Thog behind her. She flashed a beautiful smile for the people, as the Electric Mayhem started playing her Today is Your Day song.

That was all Piggy saw before she darted backstage, in time to hear the sirens of an ambulance begin to grow closer. She threw Muppets left and right as she marched directly for the frog that would know what was going on. “Kermit! Kermit, what’s going on?”

Haunted eyes turned to her, as Kermit knelt on the warm pavement, flippers cradling Rowlfs head. She stopped dead at the sight, as Kermit continued babbling, “Come on Rowlf, I know you can hear me, so I need you to keep breathing, okay. Don’t give up, just keep on breathing. Miss Piggy- Robin- Rowlf! Come on, Rowlf, hang on just a little longer, the ambulance is nearly here-“

Her eyes swept the group, searching for a tiny frog- she spotted him, huddled in Fozzies’ arms, shivering and shaking. The bear awkwardly patted his back, eyes fixated on the downed dog on the steps. Men.

She swept forward, lifting Robin from the bears arms, and cuddled him close. What Robin needed right now was a dose of maternal touch, and a solid presence. She would have to find Sweetums backstage and see if he would keep the young frog close for emotional support.

“Robin, sweetie, don’t worry.” Her voice was clear, as she pulled on her acting face, covering up her own internal doubts. “Rowlf will be just fine. He’s a tough dog.”

“B-But I shouldn’t of left him, I knew something was wrong, I should of asked someone to watch him, it’s what they always teach us at Frog Scouts-“ Robin clung to her dress, undoubtedly getting marks on it, but she didn’t care very much right now.

She began walking away, shooing bystanders back into the theater and confidentially stating comforts to soothe a frog, lies she didn’t believe herself.