Thanksgiving at the Muppet Theater

[minor muppetz]

Please enjoy my first fan fiction story in a long time!

Chapter 1

Kermit came on-stage for the Muppets’ special thanksgiving show.

“Hi ho and welcome to “Thanksgiving at the Muppet Theater”. I’m Kermit the Frog, and tonight we have a special thanksgiving show planned for you, with special guest stars Katy Perry, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Seth Rogan, and Neil Patrick Harris! First up, here is one of our very special guest stars, Katy Perry!”

Katy Perry performed her hit “California Gurls” on a beach setting, backed by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.

Backstage, Sam the Eagle was disturbed.

“Kermit, how could you schedule Katy Perry for a THANKSGIVING show?”, said Sam, “That number has nothing to do with Thanksgiving!”

“I know, Sam”, said Kermit, “But I was sick on the last day of planning, and I let Pepe fill in some holes for the show.”

Pepe rushed in.

“And soon me and Miss Perry will be playing dress-up, okay! I’ll be her necklace.”

Pepe walked off, making raunchy laughter.

“If you HAD to let somebody else fill in the schedule”, said Sam, “Why’d you choose Pepe?”

“Because The Swedish Chef was attending a funeral”, said Kermit.

On-stage, it was now time for a “Muppet News Flash”.

“Here is a Muppet News Flash!”, said The Newsman, “It has been reported that the Muppet Theater is donating turkeys to poor people who can’t afford turkey for Thanksgiving. The turkeys are being delivered via helicopter.”

The Newsman then did a double-take.

“But turkeys can’t fly…”

And then several live Muppet turkeys fell on The Newsman.

The next sketch featured The Swedish Chef and Angelo in a kitchen setting.

“Mama mia!”, said Angelo, “We’d like to present a special thanksgiving-a dinner give-away! We’ve got plenty of spare turkeys that we’d like to give away for free to members of the audience-a! Right, Chef?”

“Dats rught! Dats rught!”, remarked The Swedish Chef, pointing to catapults and cannons, “We rull synd derr toirkeys to yoo by catupoot und cunnun!”

“So get ready to catch some turkey-a!”, said Angelo.

Angelo and The Swedish Chef then put some turkey (not live Muppet turkeys, but the kind of turkey you’d find in a grocery store) onto a catapult and sent it flying into the audience.

Statler and Waldorf observed, and then a turkey was sent into their balcony.

“Well, this is convenient for us”, said Waldorf.

“Because we didn’t have any Thanksgiving dinner plans?”, said Statler.

“No”, said Waldorf, “It’ll come in handy when that bear goes on!”

The two laughed.

And then Kermit came on-stage.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Fozzie Bear!”

Fozzie went on-stage for his act.

“Hiya hiya hiya! Anyway, two turkeys walk into a bar. One of the turkeys says…”

And then Fozzie’s act was interrupted by turkeys being thrown at him from the audience.

Sam watched from the wings, in disapproval.

“Such waste of food”, said Sam, “What a disgrace!”

And then Muppet Sports came on.

“Hello and welcome to The Wide World of Muppet Sports!”, said Louis Kazagger, “Today’s sport is the Indians arrow shoot-out!”

Several whatnot Indians then started shooting at each other, going past (and at) Louis, before Louis fainted.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 2

In the canteen….

“Okay-a, Swedish Chef”, said Angelo, “We’ve got to make dinner for the cast and crew-a! But I can’t get these cans opened-a.”

Angelo struggled with a can opener.

“No, no, no”, said The Swedish Chef, “Yoo upynt wip dis!”

The Swedish Chef then picked up a can of cranberry sauce, threw it up in the air, and shot it with a gun. A chunk of cranberry sauce, with hole in the middle, fell onto the counter.

“Oh-a, that’ll-a do it!”, said Angelo.

Rizzo walked up to the counter.

“So is the turkey ready yet?”, asked Rizzo.

“No, we’ve still gotta wait for the turkey to finish-a!”, said Angelo.

“Well can I at least have a drumstick?”, asked Rizzo.

“Ohh, okuh!”, said The Swedish Chef, who handed Rizzo a drumstick (the kind Animal uses).

“I just had to ask”, sighed Rizzo.

Kermit came on-stage.

“And now here is another of tonight’s special guest stars, “Weird Al” Yankovic!”

The curtains raised, and for this number, “Weird Al” Yankovic performed “Weasel Stomping Day”. The female singers sang back-up, and throughout the song, Sweetums, Doglion, Mean Mama, Timmy, and the Mutations stomped on weasels. During instrumental break Marvin Suggs started hitting weasels with a mallet, until Bobo (wearing security hat) pointed to a “No hitting weasels with a mallet” sign, so Marvin hit Bobo. Droop then stomped on a weasel, before getting eaten by Carl. The stomped weasel got up and tried to escape, but Carl then captured the weasel and ate it. And then stomping was heard from inside Carl’s stomach. Weird Al then finished the song.

Backstage, Sam the Eagle was yet again appalled.

“Mr. Yankovic”, said Sam, “That was DISTURBING! And what does stomping on weasels have to do with that great AMERICAN holiday, Thanksgiving?”

“Well, we wanted to stomp on turkeys”, said Weird Al, “But they’re being saved for dinner.”

A nearly flattened weasel walked backstage.

“Thank goodness for that”, said the weasel.

“Hey, I think you could make a good accordion”, said Weird Al, who then picked up the flattened weasel and played him like an accordion.

Sam put his face into his palm in shame.

In Katy Perry’s dressing room, Pepe was giving Katy a back massage.

“Oh, that’s nice”, said Katy, “Who knew that a small person with four arms could give a good back massage?”

“Well, I’d like to get on the other side soon, okay”, said Pepe.

There was then a knock on the door.

“Come in!”, said Katy.

“How could you?”, said Pepe.

Animal then pushed the door open, with Floyd behind him.

“WOMAN! WOMAN!” shouted Animal.

“Animal! Sit!”, said Floyd, “Good boy.”

“KA-TY-PER-RY!”, growled Animal.

“Oh, I’m sorry about Animal’s behavior”, said Floyd.

“It’s okay”, said Katy Perry, “I’m used to it.”

“Really?”, said Pepe.

“Animal here just wanted to meet you”, said Floyd.

“Hey, Floyd!”, snapped Pepe, “Here eyes are up HERE, okay”, pointing at her eyes.

Backstage…

“Don’t worry, Sam”, said Kermit, “We’ve got a traditional American tune coming right up!”

“Oh, thank goodness”, said Sam, “I was thinking that this show would move away from the holidays original purpose.”

Kermit went on-stage.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is a rendition of “Yankee Doodle Dandy” as performed by Rowlf.

The curtains raised. The piano was on stage. But instead of Rowlf, the performer was Seth Rogan, in a Rowlf suit.

“Oh, I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy, a Yankee Doodle, do or die….” Sung Seth.

“Wait! Stop the performance!”, said the real Rowlf, “What do you think you’re doing, Seth?”

“I was impatiently waiting for my part in the show so I decided to take yours”, said Seth.

“Oh”, said Rowlf, “That makes sense.”

“Hey, why don’t we sing together”, said Seth.

“Good idea”, said Rowlf.

And then the two finished the song.

 

[minor muppetz]

chapter 3

Pigs in Space began:

“And now, it’s time for Piiiigs iiiiinnnnn Spaaaccceee…… When we last left our heroes, they landed on a strange planet….”

“Oh, what scary planet is this?”, cried Link.

“According to my TomTom, this is the “Planet of the Turkeys”, said Dr. Strangepork.

“oh”, said Miss Piggy, “Just in time for thanksgiving!”

Several scary-looking turkeys showed up.

“Okay, pigs!”, said one of the turkeys, “We’re taking over!”

“You can’t take over”, said Link.

“Why not?”, asked one of the turkeys.

“Uh, well…..”, said Link, stumped for words.

“Because it’s a major holiday”, said Dr. Strangepork, “You shouldn’t work on a major holiday!”

“That’s right”, said Miss Piggy.

“But you’re working on a major holiday”, said the first turkey.

“And besides…”, said the second turkey, “On this planet, we ONLY work on major holidays!”

The other turkeys cheered in agreement.

“Maybe moi should get a job on this planet…”, thought Miss Piggy.

“But if we’e going to take over”, said a third turkey, “We’d better give them their presents.”

“Presents?”, said the three pigs, surprised.

“Yeah”, said the second turkey, “On this planet, it is considered a tradition to give presents to our prisioners.”

“Crime rates must be high here”, said Miss Piggy, “But give us our presents!”

“Me first!”, said Link.

“No”, said Piggy “MOI first!”

“no, me”, said Link.

“WAIT!”, said the first turkey, “We’ll give you all the presents at once!”

“Oh, good!”, said Dr. Strangepork.

“That sounds fair”, said Miss Piggy, “I guess…”

They were all handed their presents. They all got clocks.

“Hey, I got a clock!”, said Link.

“I got one, too”, said Dr. Strangepork.

“So did I”, said Piggy, “I would have rather gotten some chocolates or a nice dress or something…”

“Those clocks contain a special surprise!”, said the first turkey.

And at that the clocks all exploded.

“SURPRISE!”, said the turkeys.

“Now take them to their dungeon!”, said the first turkey.

“Tune in next thanksgiving for last Halloween’s PIIIIIIIIGS IN SPAAAAAAACE!”

Down in the canteen….

“Well, Sam, here’s your dinner”, said Gladys.

“oh, thank you, Gladys”, said Sam.

“You don’t have to thank me”, said Gladys, “Just tip me well”.

“This has been a weird, un-American, untraditional thanksgiving show”, said Sam, “But at least I can still eat a decent American thanksgiving meal! I can have mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, peas, rolls, and of course, turkey!”

“Say, Sam”, said Floyd, “I can’t believe you’re eating turkey!”

“Why wouldn’t I?”, said Sam, “Turkey is a part of thanksgiving, which is an American holiday!”
“Yes, but turkey is a bird”, said Sam.

“So?”, said Sam.

“Well, isn’t an eagle a bird, too?”, asked Floyd.

“Well, yes”, said Sam, “But I don’t see what this has to do with…. WHAAAAAAAT?”

“Yeah”, said Floyd, “It’s like you’re eating your own kind!”

“I am outraged!”, said Sam, “I am now going to protest against this show!”

Sam left the canteen.

“I thought he already protested against this show”, laughed Floyd.

The next sketch was Muppet Labs.

“Welcome again to Muppet Labs where the future is being made today”, said Bunsen, “Well, it’s that time of the year: Thanksgiving. And I’m sure that many of you out there are vegetarians. Well if you are then we at Muppet Labs have got an invention for you. Right, Beaker?”

“M’yup!”, agreed Beaker.

“We have invented a turkey-making machine”, said Bunsen, “But instead of killing live turkeys in order to cook them, this machine makes turkey out of crayons”.

Beaker brought out a few packs of crayons.

“Dump them into the machine, Beaker!”

“Mee mee!”, said Beaker, dumping them into the machine.

“Not the boxes, Beaker!”

Beaker opened his mouth and put his face into his hand in embarrassment.

Then a bell went off, and a cooked turkey came out.

“Well, it did cook the turkey. I guess it doesn’t matter that the crayons were in the boxes after all. And now Beaker here will be the first to try the turkey from our machine. Go eat some!”

“Mee mee mee”, sighed Beaker, as he proceeded to eat the turkey, “Mmmmmmm”.

“See? Our machine which we will name later can make a good turkey out of crayons.”

Beaker’s body and clothes then changed into multiple colors.

“Mee mee”, moaned Beaker.

“Well, it looks like the crayons have changed Beaker’s color. That’s all today from Muppet Labs.”

Bunsen then turned to Beaker, “See what happens when you dump the boxes as well?”

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 4

Backstage…

“Chickens and penguins, on stage next!”, Kermit said into the intercom.

“Kermit!”, said Scooter, “We have a problem!”

“What is it, Scooter?”, asked Kermit.

“The chickens and penguins won’t go on!”, said Scooter, “They are protesting with Sam!”

“What?”, said Kermit, heading outside.

Sam, the chickens, and the penguins were all protesting.

“Thanksgiving has been ruined, thanks to the Muppet theater!”, said Sam into a megaphone, The Muppet Theater supports the killing of birds and eating turkey!”

“We do not, Sam!”, said Kermit, “Turkey is a traditional thanksgiving meal. You know that!”

“Yes, but I didn’t know that eating turkey was like eating my family!”, said Sam.

The chickens and penguins murmured in agreement.

Kermit scrunched his face, “What the hey?”

Clifford came on-stage.

“Kermit asked me to make the next introduction. And it’s just like old times. Anywho, here is our next special guest star, Neil Patrick Harris!”

“Thank you, thank you”, said Neil, “It is an honor to be spending thanksgiving with the Muppets. It really is. And I’d like to share the stage. Hey, Fozzie!”

Fozzie came on-stage.

“Yes?”

“Would you like to celebrate Slapsgiving?”, asked Neil.

“What’s “Slapsgiving”? asked Fozzie.

“It’s the time of year in which we slap each other”, said Neil, who then slapped Fozzie.

“I’d rather have something thrown at me”, said Fozzie in pain.

Bobo then entered the stage.

“Hey, behave yourself”, said Bobo.

Neil then slapped Bobo in the face.

“Ouch!”, said Bobo, “You’re under arrest for slapping a security guard in the face.”

“What?”, said Neil, as he was getting handcuffed by Bobo, “HELP! HELP!”

In the canteen…

“This is terrible”, said Kermit, “Many of the acts hardly have anything to do with Thanksgiving, the holiday we’re promoting and celebrating, and now Sam the Eagle is protesting against us. It’s not even the theater’s fault families eat turkey on Thanksgiving.”

“Weird Al” Yankovic then came down into the canteen.

“Hey, Kermit, it’s great to be here”, said Weird Al.

“Oh, the pleasure is mine”, said Kermit, “Or perhaps Pepe’s, since he booked you”.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”, asked Weird Al.

“You just did”, said Kermit.

“Well, I’d like to ask you something else”, said Weird Al, “I’d like to do a parody of Bein’ Green. I’ll call it ‘Bein’ Mean’, and it’ll be about how it’s too sleazy being mean.”

“I don’t think so”, said Kermit.

“Well”, said Weird Al, “How about a parody of The Rainbow Connection? I’ll call it ‘The Drainball Punishment’.”

“No, thank you”, said Kermit.

“Why not?”, asked Weird Al.

“Because I didn’t write those songs”, said Kermit, as he walked away.

“Oh”, said Weird Al.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 5

Then it was time for Veterinarian’s Hospital. The patient was Fleet Scribbler.

“Time once again for Veterinarian’s Hospital, the continuing stoooooory of a quack who’s gone to the dogs.”

“So what’s our patients problem?", asked Dr. Bob.

“He participated in this sketch”, said Nurse Piggy.

They all laughed.

“Actually”, said Fleet, “I have a stomach ache from eating too much turkey”.

“How much turkey did you eat?", asked Dr. Bob.

“Just a little piece”, said Fleet.

“Wow”, said Nurse Janice, “I want just a little peace, too!"

“Well”, said Dr. Bob, “He must have a bad case”.

“A bad case of what?", asked Janice.

“A bad case in court!", said Dr. Bob.

The three laughed.

“What a headline!", said Fleet Scribbler, “Doctor makes jokes out of his patients problems!"

“The doctor is the one with the real problems”, said Nurse Piggy.

“What a headline!", said Fleet, “Nurse criticizes doctor!"

“Oh brother…”, said Piggy.

“Well, if he suffered from eating just one piece of turkey”, said Dr. Bob, “He must have the bird flu!"

“The bird flu?", asked Janice.

“Yes”, said Dr. Bob, “The bird flew away from the mouth!"

The three laughed.

“Wow, what a headline!", said Fleet, “Doctor makes joke about the bird flu!"

“Wait a minute…”, said Piggy, “You don’t really have a stomach ache from eating turkey, do you?"

“Of course not”, said Fleet, “I just wanted to get some dirt!"

“Well, I’ll give you some”, said Dr. Bob, who picked some dirt off the floor and threw it onto Fleet’s face.

“Phew!", said Fleet, spitting some dirt out, “What a headline…”

A group of stomped weasels then came in.

“You know you shouldn’t have faked your illness for a news story”, said one weasel, “We’ve been waiting in the lobby for hours. We’ve been stomped on, and we can’t stand the music playing out there!"

“By the way what music IS playing in the lobby?", asked Janice.

“Stomp”, said the weasel.

“Don’t mind if I do!", said Dr. Bob.

“And so patients may have to wait longer due to a reporter faking an illness”, said the announcer, “Tune in next time when you’ll hear Fleet Scribbler say….”

“What a headline!u201D, said Fleet, looking closer at Dr. Bob, “The surgeons cap isn’t blocking it very well!"

Backstage…

“You know what I like best about Thanksgiving?", asked Beauregard.

“What?", asked Lew Zealand.

“I like the colored eggs we get”, said Beauregard.

“But we don’t get colored eggs on Thanksgiving”, said Lew.

“Are you sure?", asked Beauregard.

“I’m positive, Bo”, said Lew.

“Then what do we get on Thanksgiving?", asked Beauregard.

“We get colored FISH!", said Lew, picking up some colored fish.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 6

Outiside the theater…

“I’d like to join you in your protest”, said Gonzo.

“Really?”, said Sam, surprised, “I didn’t think we had anything in common. Why would you protest against the theater serving turkey on thanksgiving?”

“Hey ya hear that?”, said a turkey passing by, “The Muppet theater’s serving turkeys!”

The turkey’s pushed Sam down while running into the theater.

“I hope they serve us turkeys some good potatoes and gravy!”, said another turkey.

Sam got up.

“Well, the way I see it”, said Gonzo, “If Camilla protests then I protest.”

“Oh, then thanks, Camilla”, said Sam.

Johnny Fiama and Sal then walked by.

“Hey, Fiama!”, said Sam, “Don’t go there! They are celebrating a holiday that cooks birds!”

“But I have to sing on tonight’s show”, said Johnny.

“That’s right”, said Sal, “So move it or lose it!”

“I’ve seen tonight’s acts”, said Sam, “They have all been RUINED!”

“Ruined?”, said Johnny.

“Ruined?”, said Gonzo, turning to Camilla, “Sorry, Camilla, but if the acts are all ruined, I can’t protest.”

Gonzo then ran into the theater, with Camilla angrily chasing after him.

“Well, Johnny, we wouldn’t want your act to be ruined tonight”, said Sal.

“You’re right, Sal”, said Johnny, “ I guess we’ll have to celebrate thanksgiving somewhere else.”

“How about that street that’s sponsored by letters and numbers?”, asked Sal.

“Sounds good to me”, said Johnny.

“Hmm”, thought Sam, “People are actually listening to my protests.”

Backstage, “Weird Al” was showing his hamster, Harvey the Wonder Hamster, to Rizzo.

“Hey, Harvey, it’s great to meet you”, said Rizzo.

“Harvey wants to do something on the show”, said Weird Al.

“Hmmm”, thought Rizzo, “Maybe we can do a tap-dancing act together.”

“Well”, said Weird Al, “Harvey really likes to do dangerous stunts.”

Gonzo then showed up.

“Then we should do an act together!”, said Gonzo.

“Hey, I think I’ve got an idea”, said Rizzo, getting closer to them and whispering.

Kermit went on-stage.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, once again, here’s Seth Rogan!”

Seth showed up in a western setting, alongside Lubbock Lou and his Jughuggers. Seth was dressed as a cowboy.

“Okay, stranger”, said Lubbock Lou, “What YOU doing here?”

“I’m here to arrest some Indians”, said Seth.

“You don’t say”, said Slim Wilson.

“But he did just say”, said Zeke.

“Oh yeah”, said Slim.

Just then Sweetums, Timmy, and the Mutations, dressed as Indians, ran amuck.

“Okay, Indians, you are under arrest!”, shouted Seth.

“NO!”, said Sweetums, who then put Seth into a headlock, “You’re coming with us!”

They dragged Seth off-stage.

“HELP! HELP!”, shouted Seth. The curtain then lowered.

“What was the point of that sketch?”, asked Statler.

“I don’t know”, said Waldorf, “I wasn’t paying attention”.

“I bet you didn’t pay for your ticket, either!”, laughed Statler.

“And now here’s Gonzo the Great, who will be joined by Harvey the Wonder Hamster!”, said Kermit.

The curtains raised.

“Good evening!”, said Gonzo, “Tonight, me and Harvey the Wonder Hamster will be shot out of cannons!”

“That’s right”, said Weird Al, holding Harvey’s small cannon.

“Let’s get ready!”, said Gonzo, as Gonzo got into his cannon and Weird Al put Harvey into his.

“Remember”, said Al, “Harvey is a professionally-trained stunt hamster. Do not try any of his stunts at home.”

“Try them at the grocery store instead!”, said Gonzo, “But I, on the other hand, am NOT a professionally-trained stunt hamster.”

“I didn’t know you were a hamster”, said Weird Al.

“I just said that I’m not a professionally-trained stunt hamster”, said Gonzo, “I’m also not professionally-trained. I’m self-taught!”

“Well, let’s get ready”, said Al.

Weird Al held onto the rope connected to Harvey’s cannon, and Seymour held onto the rope to Gonzo’s cannon.

“Are you ready?”, asked Seymour.

“No”, said Gonzo, “FIRE!”

Rizzo ran on-stage with a starting flag.

“Ready, aim, fire!”, said Rizzo as he waved the flag.

The cannon ropes were pulled, and Harvey was shot out into the wall. However, Seymour had trouble with the rope to Gonzo’s cannon.

“I’m having trouble”, said Seymour.

“Pull harder!”, said Gonzo.

Seymour did, but it caused the cannon to get pulled back, running over Seymour and falling into a trap door. An explosion was then heard.

“Let’s hear it for Harvey and Gonzo!”, said Weird Al, applauding.


Outside the Muppet theater, Sam was protesting on his own.

“I can’t believe the chickens and penguins decided to give up!”, said Sam.

Behemoth showed up.

“Hey, don’t support the Muppet theater, and don’t support eating turkey on thanksgiving!”, said Sam.

“I don’t support eating turkey on Thanksgiving”, said Behemoth.

“Really?”, said Sam, pleasantly surprised.

“Of course”, said Behemoth, “I hate eating turkey on thanksgiving.”

“Oh”, said Sam, “Good.”

“I prefer to eat EAGLE on Thanksgiving!”, said Behemoth, who promptly started chasing after Sam.

“Get away!”, said Sam, “Get away you undiginified creature!”

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 7

Backstage, Weird Al Yankovic encountered Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.

“Hey, band”, said Weird Al.

“Hey it’s Weird Al Yankovic!”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Hey, I’m a big fan of you all”, said Al, “And I’d like to do a parody of one of your songs.”

“Oh, hey, that’d be great”, said Floyd, “We haven’t had a hit in awhile, and a parody could get us more publicity!”

“YERRRRRR….”, yelled Animal.

“I don’t think so”, said Dr. Teeth.

“What’s wrong with a parody?”, asked Floyd.

“I just think our music is too groovy to be parodied and exploited like that”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Fer sure!”, said Janice.

“Hey, why don’t we vote on it?”, said Zoot.

“Like, good idea, Zoot”, said Janice.

“I like it”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Like-it, like-it!”, yelled Animal.

“Okay, everyone”, said Al, “Raise your hand if you want to deny me permission to do a parody of one of your songs.”

Dr. Teeth, Janice, and Zoot all raised their hands.

“Now raise your hand if you want to grant me permission to do a song parody”, said Al.

Floyd, Animal, and Lips raised their hands.

“Well, it’s a tie”, said Al.

“Like, no, it rully isn’t”, said Janice, who turned to Lips, “Lips, like, your vote doesn’t count”.

“I agree”, said Zoot.

“Why not?”, asked Lips.

“Because, like, you don’t really count as a member”, said Janice.

“He does too!”, exclaimed Al.

“YEAH! YEAH!”, shouted Animal.

“Maybe we should vote on whether his vote counts!”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Oh, no!”, said Floyd, “I know that if we vote the people voting against a parody will outnumber those of us for one!”

“YEAHHHHHH”, growled Animal.

“Forget it”, said Weird Al, “I’ll go see if Katy Perry will let me do a parody”. Al then walked away.

“You know”, said Dr. Teeth, “Maybe I should have given him permission to include one of our songs in a polka medley.”

The other members gave Dr. Teeth a dirty look.

Meanwhile, Sam the Eagle ran back to the alley by the theater, having escaped Behemoth.

“The things I go through to get my voice heard”, remarked Sam as he was short of breath.

Kermit walked out the door.

“Hey, Sam!”, said Kermit, “We’ve been thinking it over, and we’re going to put on a good American thanksgiving pageant for the final number.”

“Really?”, said Sam, relieved, “But… But what about turkey?”

“I’ve told them to cook something else in place of turkey”, said Kermit.

“But can you get a good thanksgiving pageant done in such short notice?”, asked Sam.

“Well, we’ve had great acts planned minutes before they went on before and they turned out great”, said Kermit, “And I’ve cancled a few acts to make room for the finale.”

“Oh?”, asked Sam, “Like who?”

“Well, I canceled Bill the Bubble Guy.”

Bill walked out, pointed his head towards Kermit, and blew bubbles at him.

“Take THAT!”, said Bill, as he angrily walked away.

“Uh, yeah, whatever”, said Kermit, “And we canceled Marvin Suggs.”

“Take THAT!”, said Marvin as he hit Kermit with a mallet.

“And, uh…”, said Kermit, woozily, “I canceled Crazy Harry…”

Crazy Harry then popped up and blew Kermit up, sending Kermit into the air and falling to the ground.

“Will you get off the ground!”, said Sam as he pulled Kermit up off the ground.

“I also canceled Katy Perry’s second number”, said Kermit.

Katy Perry then marched out the theater, angrily.

“I don’t believe THIS!”, said Katy, “First Sesame Street cancels me and now you, too?”

Pepe ran behind her.

“But Katy!”, said Pepe, “Da frog is crazy, okay….”

Katy into her limo which then drove off.

Pepe turned to Kermit, “I will spank you like a bad, bad donkey, okay!”

Pepe then chased after the limo.

“Well”, said Sam, “Is that all you canceled?”

“Uh, not exactly”, said Kermit, “I also had to cancel Wayne and Wanda.”

“Oh”, said Sam, casually, who then did a double-take: “YOU CANCELED WAYNE AND WANDA?”

“Well, Sam, uh….”, said Kermit, thinking about what he was going to say next, “It’s for American dignity, Sam!”

“Oh”, said Sam, casually, “Then in that case I’m fine.”

They walked into the lobby.

“Who are you?”, asked Pops.

“You know who we are, Pops”, said Kermit.

“Oh, oh yeah, that’s right”, said Pops.

“So what is going to be prepared for Thanksgiving dinner?”, asked Sam.

“Well”, said Kermit, “They are still trying to work that out.”

Down in the canteen….

“We’ll-a have-a roast beef-a!”, shouted Angelo.

“Nuh nuh nuh nuh!”, shouted The Swedish Chef, “Wvll hub dee pipcurn!”, as he threw popcorn up into the air.

“No”, said Gladys, “We should have ham and bacon!”

“Oh?”, said Miss Piggy, raising her fist, “Hiiiiiiiya!”

Gladys ducked the karate chop.

“No”, said Jaques Roach, “Vee shall have linoleum!”

“Nuh nuh”, said The Swedish Chef, “Nuh linoleum yuck yuck!”

“That’s-a right-a”, said Angelo.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 8

On-stage…

“And now, here is a tribute to the first thanksgiving”, said Kermit.

The curtains raised.

Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, as well as Clifford, Wayne, Wanda, Nigel, and Scooter, were portraying the pilgrims, navigating a ship.

“Okay, gang”, said Dr. Teeth, “We’ve got only one more stop to make on our world tour, and that stop is America!”

“A-MER-ICA!”, shouted Animal, “Yerrrrrrr…..”

“Like, I can hardly wait”, said Janice.

“Yeah, but these black outfits are kind of square”, said Floyd.

“SQUARE! SQUARE!”, shouted Animal.

“By the way”, said Dr. Teeth to Scooter, the road manager, “Why do we wear these clothes instead of more colorful, hip clothing?”

“Yeah!”, said Zoot.

“Well”, said Scooter, “My uncle who owns this ship thought they looked nifty.”

“And I guess they are”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Hey, is that Plymouth Rock?”, asked Clifford, pointing.

The ship then crashed into the rock.

“BUMMER!”, said Janice, “Like, why do we have you as a road manager again?”, she asked Scooter.

“And why do we call you a road manager when we travel by boat?”, asked Floyd.

“I didn’t know the pilgrims were on a music tour during the first Thanksgiving”, said Statler.

“I thought you did”, said Waldorf, “Weren’t you tere for the first Thanksgiving?”

Waldorf laughed. Statler didn’t.

The band had set-up a stage on location around Plymouth Rock.

“Well, now that we’re set up, let’s jam!”, said Floyd.

“Rully”, said Janice.

“We’ll open for you as usual”, said Wayne.

“Actually….”, said Clifford, “You don’t seem to be a hit with our audiences.”

“But I thought the audiences gave us more than enough hits”, said Wanda.

“They’ve given us plenty of free food”, said Wayne.

“I know”, said Dr. Teeth, “But the food was always so rotten not even Animal would eat it. Isn’t that right, Animal?”

“RIGHT! RIGHT!”

“So we’re going to have to cut you two”, said Scooter.

Zoot and Lips came out with pairs of scissors and chased after them.

“Don’t cut us!”, said Wayne, “You’ll need us!”

“Well, I think we should get staretd”, said Nigel, about to conduct.

“Like, they (referring to Zoot and Lips) can start playing after they’ve cut them”, said Janice.

“Hit it!”, said Floyd, as the band started playing to an empty audience. Zoot and Lips soon came back and started playing their instruments.

“By the way when do we get paid?”, asked Clifford.

“Oh, that’s right”, said Scooter, “I forgot about having to sell the tickets.”

An audience of Indians played by various characters slowly came and slowly built up, starting with Rowlf and Baskerville.

“Hey, this music is great”, said Rowlf, “Baskerville, go get the others!”

“Okay”, said Baskerville, who went off.

Gonzo and Rizzo then showed up.

“Hey, this music sounds great”, said Gonzo, “Just what I need to cure my insomnia!”

“But you’re still awake”, said Rizzo.

“Well then”, said Gonzo, “Why should I cure my insomnia anyway?”

Fozzie and Bobo then showed up.

“They could use some bears in that band”, said Fozzie.

“Why’s that?”, asked Bobo.

“Because then they’d be bear-ly playing!”, said Fozzie.

More Indians showed up, played by Robin, Digit, Leon, Bean, Seymour, Pepe, Dr. Phil van Neuter, Mulch, Mildred, Annie Sue, and Mahna Mahna.

Finally, Baskerville came back, with Kermit and Miss Piggy.

“That’s the band, Chief”, said Baskerville.

“Oh, you were right”, said Kermit, “They do play good.”

“But I play better, right?”, said Miss Piggy.

“Uh, right”, said Kermit, reluctantly.

The band soon ended, and all the Indians applauded.

“They liked us”, said Floyd.

“We’re just as good a hit here as we are in the other countries”, said Janice.

Kermit came up to the stage.

“Hey, we liked your music so much”, said Kermit, “That we’d like to invite you to have dinner with us!”

“Sounds good to me”, said Floyd.

“ME TOO!”, shouted Animal.

“Wow”, said Scooter, “We’ve toured every other country, but this is the first where we were invited for a post-concert dinner!”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Kermie?”, asked Piggy, “Moi wants more food.”

“We should let them, Piggy”, said Kermit.

“Oh, alright…”, said Piggy, reluctantly.

“Follow us!”, said Kermit.

So the pilgrims followed the Indians.

They went to a big outdoor table, where The Swedish Chef served all traditional Thanksgiving food except for turkey.

“Well, this is such a good dinner”, said Dr. Teeth.

“And we are so thankful”, said Scooter, “That we should make a holiday out of this.”

“Alright, but let’s make it an American holiday, okay”, said Pepe.

“And since we are so thankful for what you have given us”, said Floyd, “We should call it Thanksgiving.”

Everybody agreed.

The curtaisn lowered and the audience applauded.

Kermit came out on-stage.

“Well, I hope you all enjoyed our thanksgiving show”, said Kermit.

“Well not all of us did”, shouted Waldorf.

“And let’s thank our very special guest stars…”

The guests came out as they were announced.

“…Weird Al Yankovic, Neil Patrick Harris, Seth Rogan… And of course Katy Perry, who had to leave early.”

“Because the frog canceled her SECOND ACT, okay!”

The audience booed Kermit.

“Oh, great”, said Kermit, scrunching his mouth, “We’re going to get ANOTHER protest!”

“Well, we had a great time”, said Neil Patrick Harris.

“Thanks for inviting us!”, said Seth Rogan.

“I’m glad to be a part of a Thanksgivign show, even though I don’t eat turkey”, said Werid Al.

“Well, we hope to see you again on The Muppet Show!”, said Kermit.

“And don’t forget to watch the Muppet’s new movie, written by my “How I Met My Mother” co-star Jason Segal, coming to theaters next Christmas!”, said Neil Patrick Harris.

“You know you don’t have to promote our new movie”, said Kermit.

“Yeah”, said Neil, “But Jason is in the audience and I want a part.”

They all went backstage.

“Well, Sam”, said Kermit, nervously, “Uh, what did you think?”

“It was weird”, said Sam.

Kermit turned his face down in shame.

“But it’ll do”, said Sam.

“Oh, good”, said Kermit as he perked up.

“But next year”, said Sam, “Let me plan the Thanksgiving show.”

The End

 

[Katzi428]

Cheering wildlyLOVED IT! YAAAAYYY! flailing arms like
Awesome Job minor muppetz! Loved it from start to finish!
P.S Have A Happy Thanksgiving

 

[minor muppetz]

Cheering wildlyLOVED IT! YAAAAYYY! flailing arms like
Awesome Job minor muppetz! Loved it from start to finish!

Thanks. I had been thinking this up for a few weeks.

I had originally wanted to do something with the whole "How I Met Your Mother" cast, saying that they were going to tape a scene from an upcoming thanksgiving episode on the stage, with Miss Piggy portraying Ted's current girlfriend. But if it were meant to be a thanksgiving episode and this takes place on thanksgiving (which I think is implied more than directly stated) then it would be a little late for this year.

Near the end when Katy Perry's second number was cut and she left, I kept thinking back and fourth between whether to have her second act cut or Seth Rogan's second act cut (considering he crashed a Rowlf sketch, it would have been his only scheduled act). Part of me feels I should have cut the other Seth Rogan act; I had trouble thinking of what else to do with him, and as a result the western sketch was a little bit of a late addition (as was Neil Patrick Harris' solo act, since I planned on having the whole HIMYM cast in an act instead).