The Fraggle Five Review a Fic

[RedPiggy]

The Fraggles look at a laptop they found in Outer Space.

"I can't believe the Storyteller has us doing homework," Red complained.

Gobo rolled his eyes.

Wembley shrugged. "Well, I want to read this because I want to do good on this assignment."

"We're probably going to fail," Boober replied sadly.

Red stomped her foot. "I don't care! This whole thing is stupid! This author always starts off with some sob story --."

BBBBBZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT!

Red jumped a couple of feet off the ground, hit her head on the rock ceiling, and landed with a thump.

"OW!" Red yelped. She rubbed her feet and glared at Mokey. "What was that?"

Mokey shrugged. "It's called the one-line buzzer. Your dialogue pushed you over one line."

"So what?" Red screeched.

Mokey rolled her eyes. "Red, if you go over one line, readers lose interest."

Boober nodded. "But I thought the morose beginning had promise. I hate comedies."

Wembley looked at Boober's paper. "Why aren't you writing that down?"

Boober cleared his throat. "Wembley, if I review something, it goes on record and poison cacklers will track me d--."

BBBBBBZZZZZZZTTTTT!

Boober yipped in pain.

"Mokey, you're not zapping the author -- and she had whole paragraphs devoted to description!"

Gobo looked around. "Who said that, eh?"

Mokey sighed. "Describing who said something takes up too much space."

Gobo sighed. "Look, I'm a busy explorer. If a chapter takes longer than 10 seconds to read ...."

"Yeah?" asked Wembley.

Gobo shrugged. "I'm avoiding the buzzer, Wembley. Anyway, I don't have time to read it."

Mokey shook her head. "How is describing objects and clothing 'too much description'? Don't ... hmm."

Gobo snickered while Red and Boober groaned in frustration.

"Ahem," Mokey continued, "readers care what something looks like?"

Red sighed. "Mokey, this drones on and on like one of Matt's postcards. No! Worse! A ten-inch thick --."

Everyone looked at her with a wide grin.

"--and you thought I was going to say something nasty, weren't you?"

They nodded.

"Well, I'm not," she replied haughtily, "I was going to say 'Manual of Doozer Building Regulations'. Ha!"

Gobo chuckled. "Well, let's get back to the review."

"That's what we've been doing!" Red screeched, jumping up and down.

"What chapter are we on?" Gobo asked.

"Uh ... two," replied Wembley nervously.

"How many are left?"

Wembley scrolled down and scratched his head. "Uh ... over 50, I think."

"Eeesh," came the common reply, as though they had just sat in stinkwater.

Mokey sighed.

[Sigh count so far: 4]

"Okay, maybe if we skip all the Sir Hubris stuff, it'll go faster," Gobo offered.

"Who's Foster?" asked Red.

"Some kid who drank beer in a sketch apparently no one watched," replied Boober.

Red shrugged. "Well, I never saw it. And I give an insta-fail to any character I don't know."

[Shrug count so far: 4]

Gobo stares at the new dates under the chapter headings. "Geez ... is this story in real time?"

"Why is Toby the only real person linked to?" wondered Mokey dreamily.

Red perked up. "Hey, he's a cutie! What chapter is that on?"

Mokey scrolled through the text. "Four."

"You know, all these single lines are going to get real repetitive," Boober complained.

"Well," Red said with an evil glint in her eye, "why don't you discuss Chapter 5?"

Boober nodded enthusiastically. "Well, if you insist. I mean, if you really care about my opinion...."

"Oh, I do," Red baited. (communist pun unintended)

"Ahem," he started, inhaling deeply, "First of all, the informal nature of the work destroys the serious atmosphere --."

BBBBZZZZZZTTTT!

"Ouch!"

Red fell over on the floor, laughing her tail off.

"Well," Wembley asked aloud, "who are all these people?"

Gobo shrugged. "OC's from the manga."

Red got up and whistled, exhausted. "Whew! I don't care about them."

Gobo glared at her. "Why not? They're busy destroying all of creation in the time it takes you to climb the Great --."

BBBBBBZZZZZZZTTTTTT!

Red nearly died laughing.

Boober blushed. "I find them positively and delightfully dark and depressing."

Red shook her head. "Mangas are like Mokey when she paints with both her hands and her tail: both the writing and the art are half-a--."

BBBBBZZZZZZTTTTTTT!

Gobo snickered. "That's what you deserve for starting a dirty joke, Red."

Boober sighed. "What's the body count by the end of the first act?"

Wembley counted on his fingers, then gasped and turned to Boober. "Won't we spoil it?"

Boober shook his head. "No one'll read this one, either. Feel free to spoil away."

Wembley shrugged. "One for certain, two if you count the possessing spirit, three if you count that--."

"Wembley, don't go over one line!" Boober screamed, flailing his arms.

Wembley exhaled in relief. "Thanks! Uh, if you count that UrSkek guy in the flashback. That's it."

Red groaned. "If we don't hurry up, the movie'll be here before we get done with this review."

Mokey gasped in delight. "Hey! Let's sing the rest to the tune of Be Careful What You Eat."

"By the Animaniacs?" Gobo asked, his jaw agape.

"Why not?"

Wembley scratched his head. "Do we start with the dialogue or the music?"

"Let's start with the music so we can get this over with," Boober griped. "They're far too silly."

Gobo: Act Two starts all tense, of course.
Matt may get a charlie horse.
Toby took a science course.
Red overacts --

Boober and Red: No remorse!

Gobo: Skeeter's bitter, as we see.
Lost Tosh and Lou near the sea.
Cantus appears, with a plea.
Jareth, Moulin --

Boober and Red: Disagree!

Wembley and Mokey: Grover's waiting is unsurpassed.
Skeeter dumped Rowlf in the past.
Tosh and Lou help Skenfrith out.
Cantus ditched us --

Gobo: Made us pout!

All: Millennia ago, ash had spread,
Dinosaurs killed their flowerbeds.
They found a paradise instead,
And Mizumi's mad.

Gobo: Let's wrap this up, shall we?
Robin's feeling pretty blue.
Jareth, Moulin -- deja vu.
Hoggle makes his sad debut.
At the valley --

All: Like we knew!

 

[Redsonga]

Well, most of what they think isn't true . But I would ask them to not do the same to my fics as I don't have a very good writers self-esteem to began with...
I think it's not the amount of description the frightens readers away as it is the amount of characters.. with a fanfic if you put two or more worlds together there is always a chance that a reader will like one world and not care about the other, and this becomes a tricky balancing act if both are important to the plot...
I actually love manga art styles, but I enjoy anime based on them even more

 

[RedPiggy]

Well, even if it sounded like it, I wasn't PURPOSEFULLY targeting certain people. Any references to posters real or imagined is purely coincidental.

I tried REALLY hard to pare down the number of characters. It WAS going to be even larger. That's why I tried to have only a few central characters at a time: after all, it's nice if you know who Zhaan is, for example, but really it doesn't matter. She's never mentioned by name and the only important thing is that Mokey is strange now.

I think Return to Labyrinth would have worked MUCH better as an anime (a series, not a movie or something). I don't think the manga does justice to the new characters and it leaves some of the familiar ones out in the cold (so far, at least).

You're not the only one to comment on my use of description. I'm getting it on fanfiction.net as well (the ONE person who bothered to comment).

See, I get it if people don't want to review because they think it sucks or something. However, I can't fix it unless I know what is wrong. This parody is only a guess. I mean, I can't really fix the character numbers (though I concede a lot of Act 2 may not have been necessary). What with being unable to edit after a time (coughCountcough), I can't really see how I can improve this story without feedback. I've fixed the problem with Moulin's introduction in Act 2 so it's clearer and she's not as much of a jerk about Fraggles as she was. I've tried so hard to fix certain things: adding more flashbacks to flesh out characterization, deleting phrases or whole paragraphs or chapters that weren't working, etc.

And I get chirping crickets.

This parody is only meant to vent some of my frustrations and advertise that some things have been fixed and I would gladly listen to readers if they said something.

And my Fraggle Five will only review me. I paid them for the exclusive rights.

 

[Redsonga]

That's good then..it's just that I've seen too many authors start to MST everything before and I've always been a bit frightened of it...
Of course, the ones I knew from other fandoms were the sorts that never asked if they could do it and posted them at mary sue groups where people laugh at whatever they think is 'bad' writing that week to, which I think is beyond awful . I'm glad our fandom doesn't have any of those .

 

[RedPiggy]

I wouldn't be that rude.

Criticism is different from outright mocking. The polite thing to do is MST only one's own work.

 

[wwfpooh]

Well, most of what they think isn't true

Agreed. Plus, considering their nature, I doubt the Fraggles would tell dirty jokes, even subtle ones. XD

 

[RedPiggy]

Well, Red got what she deserved, didn't she?

 

[wwfpooh]

Well, Red got what she deserved, didn't she?

But even so, as assertive as even she is, I doubt Red would tell dirty jokes, sans the "flirting with dirty otters" line in her messed up rendition of the Thimble Beetle song.

 

[RedPiggy]

LOL.

I guess not. But, you never know, the years can change someone....

 

[wwfpooh]

LOL.

I guess not. But, you never know, the years can change someone....

Just as long as they keep their distinct personality traits, then it's all good.