Civilizing Animal

[minor muppetz]

Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem were performing at the Muppet Theater. They were performing "Wild Thing".

"Wild thing", sang Dr. Teeth, "You make my heart sing! Wild thing, you make everything groovy...."

"Wild thing", sang Floyd, "I think I love you...."

Floyd continued to sing, but Animal started drumming a bit too hard and loudly, making it difficult to hear Floyd's singing.

It was then time for Zoot and then Lips to play their solos, but Animal drummed so loudly that their solos could hardly be heard, and Animal was very loudly singing "WILD THING! WILD THING!"

Animal was drumming uncontrollably. Eventually, the band just chose to end the song early, as Animal kept drumming. Then it was over.

"Well, what doyou think of that?", asked Statler.

"I wish it was Mild Thing", said Waldorf.

Statler and Waldorf laughed.

The Electric Mayhem went backstage.

"Very good", said Scooter, "Animal was just too loud."

"Yeah, like, I didn't even get to sing my solo", said Janice.

"SOLO! SOLO!", yelled Animal.

"Now, Animal", said Floyd, "Try to calm down before our next performance".

"CALM DOWN!", yelled Animal, as he bit Floyd.

"Ouch!", said Floyd.

"Like, you sure are getting more wild than usual", said Janice.

"WOMAN! WO-MAN!", yelled Animal as he chased Janice away.

"Man, we've got to do somethign about Animal", said Dr. Teeth.

"Eh, relax", said Zoot, "I'm sure he'll be fine before our next performance."

"Yeah, we've got more musicians playing with us then as well", said Dr. Teeth.

However, Rowlf was about to go on-stage, when he suddenly saw Animal banging his head on Rowlf's piano.

"Uh, Animal", said Rowlf, "I need my piano..."

"PIANO! MINE!", screamed Animal, as he ate the entire piano.

"Oh, dear", said Kermit, "That's the second instrument he's eaten tonight".

"Well, it's better him than the Swedish Chef", said Rowlf.

Later, it was time for The Electric Mayhem to perform. Scooter came into Animal's dressing room.

"Animal, you and the band are on next!", said Scooter.

"ON NEXT!", screamed Animal as he ran up to Scoter and bit him, before throwing him over the stairs.

"Wow, what a madman", said Scooter.

Kermit came on-stage.

"And now, here's the big closing number", said Kermit as he waved his arms.

The Electric Mayhem was joined by Clifford on second bass, Zeke on marimbo, Trumpet Girl on trombone, Bobby Benson on clarinet, and two generic whatnots on oboe and tuba.

"All right, let's JAM!", yeleld Dr. Teeth.

The band played loud, but Animal played the loudest. In fact, no singing could be heard.

"JAM! JAM! JAM!", Animal kept shotuing until he got so uncontrollably wild and knocked over his drums, hurting the brass section in the process.

Backstage, the Muppets were wondering what to do.

"Man, lately Animal's been more hyper than usual", said Floyd.

"What should we do?", asked Clifford.

"I hope he can get calmer soon", said Kermit, "My flippers have bite marks on them".

Miss Piggy then entered the room.

"Those bite marks better not be from Miss Mousey or Linda Ronstadt", Miss Piggy said in a threatening tone.

Bunsne then entered the room.

"I think I know of a solution", said Bunsen, "I could test out the Muppet Labs Personality Controll Machine on Animal."

"Do you thinkt hat would work?", asked Floyd.

"Well, I was planning on testing it out on Beaker next week", said Bunsne, "But this is an emergency."

"Well, couldn't you test it on Beaker now?", asked Floyd.

"Oh, I couldn't do that", said Bunsen, "Beaker's out of town, visiting his family."

o they got ready. Bunsen put some headphones on Animal.

"Want iPod!", yelled Animal.

"No, these are for your controll", said Bunsen.

Then Bunsen pointed some lazers at Animals' eyes.

"I will turn on the mood music and press this button, which will hyptnotise him", said Bunsne.

"Oh, like, I rully hope this works", said Janice.

Bunsen pressed the buttons, and Animal started to relax a bit. But then he got out of controll.

"DON'T LIKE THIS!", yelled Animal, who threw off the headphones and ate the machine.

"Oh, dear", said Bunsen, "Now I can't test this thing on Beaker".

But then Animal started to get a seizure, and he collapsed on teh floor.

"Oh, no", said Kermit, "I don't think he's breathing!"

"Quick, call an ambulence", said Floyd.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 2

Animal was rushed to the emergency room. Dr. Teeth, Floyd, and Janice waited in the lobby.

"Oh, I hope nothing is wrong with him", said Dr. Teeth.

"Neither do I", said Floyd, "I always expected Zoot to be the first one of us to die."

"Like, it's too bad that I'm not, like, an actual nurse in real life", said Janice.

"And it's too bad I'm not really a doctor", said Dr. Teeth.

A doctor approached them.

"Well, Animal is okay", said the doctor.

"Oh, what a relief", said Janice.

"What was wrong with him, doc?", asked Dr. Teeth.

"We have discovered a rare type of brain tumor in him", said the doctor, "This kind of tumor affects the nerv system. It causes people to be more hyper than usual, and often makes them pass out. If you hadn't brought him here today he would die next week. But he'll be okay, we're working on his brain right now."

"Whew", said the three musicians.

"However", said the doctor, "We never know how much to work on, so we might take out either too much or not enough. One of you have signed a waiver, right?"

"Yes, I did", said Dr. Teeth.

"Oh, good", said the doctor, handing them a bottle of pills, "And make sure that he takes two of these a day. If he just has one a day, he'll die. If he takes three, watch out."

"Okay, doc", said Floyd.

The doctor then walked away.

"I like saying things like that", said the doctor.

The three musicians waited a few extra hours. Rowlf and Clifford then showed up.

"So, how's Animal?", asked Rowlf.

"Oh, like, he's fine, fer sure", said Janice.

"He just had a bad brain tumor", said Floyd, "But nothing serious".

"That's good to know", said Clifford.

"Hopefully, he'll be out of the hospital soon", said Dr. Teeth.

"Oh, he'd better", said Clifford, "That dude owes me twenty bucks".

"And he owes me fifteen", said Rowlf.

The doctor then came back.

"Floyd, you can visit Animal now", said the doctor.

"What about them?", asked Floyd, pointing to the others.

"They have to wait out here", said the doctor.

Floyd went to see Animal.

"Hey, buddy, are you alright?", asked Floyd.

"Ohhhh, I am okay", said Animal, in a classy voice.

"Why, Animal, you're... you're speaking proper english", said Floyd.

"Oh, yes", said Animal, "If they had not fixed my brain, I would have been an animal for the rest of my life. But now I am free."

"The doctor says to take two pills a day", said Floyd.

"Oh, good", said Animal, "And now I can willingly do all that I've missed out on".

"So you'll be out soon, and ready to perform again", said Floyd.

"Oh, well, I have decided that drumming made my mind kind of warped", said Animal, "So I will give up the drums."

"What?", asked an astonished Floyd.

"Instead, I will be taking violin lessons", said Animal.

"How square", said Floyd.

 

[ZootyCutie]

I like this so far. It's really got me hooked on.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 3

Animal soon came back to the Muppet Theater, but now he wore a black tuxedo, a monicle, and a top hat.

"Good day, Kermit", said Animal.

"Animal, is that you?", asked Kermit.

"Oh, yeah, it is me, dearest Kermit", said Animal, "I have been learnignt o play the violin, and I would like to have a spot on the show".

"You'll be playing the violin?", asked Kermit.

"Yes, and I have also quit the Electric Mayhem", said Kermit.

"I feel that life is too short to be a burnt-out rock star", said Animal, "But I would still like to be friends with them."

"Well, they are all down in the canteen", said Kermit.

Dr. Teeth, Floyd, Janice, Zoot, and Lips were all at a table in the canteen.

"What a bummer", said Dr. Teeth, "Our man Animal is quitting to play the violin."

"Like, couldn't he play both the drums and violin?", asked Janice, "After all, most of us can play more than two instruments."

All of them, except for Lips, then nodded in agreement.

Animal then came downstairs.

"I heard you were all eating down here",s aid Animal, "Well, I have brought my own lucnh down here".

Animal then took out his lunch, which included a bowl of soy bean soup, salad, and a cup of tea.

"You have got to be joking", said Zoot.

"Do you hear any humor?", asked Animal.

"But... Wouldn't you rather have lasagna?", asked Dr. Teeth.

"Or a roast beef sandwhich?", asked Floyd.

"Or, like, pizza and buffalo wings?", asked Janice, "as if buffalos actually had wings".

All of them except for Animal chuckled.

"You know, you are right", said Animal, "I cannot eat this".

"Glad we talked sopme sense to you",s aid Floyd.

"I cannot eat this stuff because I have forgotten to wash my hands first",s aid Animal, "Now if you excuse me, I will go wash my hands."

Animal left the table.

"We need to get a new drummer", said Lips, sadly.

"Like, tel me somethign I rully don't know", said Janice.

"Okay", said Lips, "I've got a really bad infection on my toe..."

"Ew!", said the other member sin dsigust.

"That's, like, more than I needed to know", said Janice.

Animal then came back to the canteen.

"Well, I had fun washing my hands",s aid Animal.

"Hey, Animal", said Floyd, "Me and the guys are goignt o drink beer and play poker tonight. Would you like to join us?"

"No, I would not", said Animal, "I have better plans. I have joined a stamp club, and will be at my first meeting tonight."

Later, Animal was practicing his violin playing on the stage. Sam the Eagle then came up to him.

"I am so proud of you", said Sam, "You are one of the top five people here who I would have least expected to become civilized, and you really surprised me".

"Oh, thank you, Sam", said Animal.

"And just think: Maybe in the near future, Gonzo, Crazy Harry, Beaker, and The Swedish Chef will all become civilized as well."

"Well, I certainly hope so", said Animal, "But if they don't, I like them anyway".

"Oh, and you've got tolerance as well", said Sam, "Though it's for the wrong reasons..."

"Well, I'd like to stay and chat", said Animal, "But I have to go to my stamp club. Maybe we can get together and have some tea or something."

"Oh, I would truly like that", said Sam, "And would you like to join my poetry club?"

"Oh, I would be honored", said Animal, "I am currently studying the poetry of Edgar Allen Poe. What a genius."

Animal walked backstage, wehre he walked into Rowlf, Leon, and Pepe.

"Your violin playing is great", said Rowlf, "And you didn't even try to eat that violin".

"Oh, I like compliments like that", said Animal.

"Eh, I don't think your violin playing is loud enough", said Leon.

"I know", said Pepe, "Let's go chase women, okay?"

"I'd rather chase cars", said Rowlf.

"And I'd rather respect women than chase them", said Animal.

"That's funy", said Rowlf, "I always thoguth that Leon or Pepe here would say that before you".

"Well, then I have achieved something then", said Animal.

"Well, don't worry, okay", said Pepe, "I have no plans on respecting women anytime soon, okay".

"I feel the same way", said Leon, "But I'd rather feel a woman instead".

"You perverts, said Animal, who then walked away.

Outside the theater, the rest of the band was sad. Clifford then showed up.

"Hey, I heard that you were lookign for a new drumer", said Clifford.

"Like, rully", said Janice.

"Well, I told the drummer from my first band, Solid Foam, and she'd be honored to play with you", said Clifford.

"Oh, I forgot all about her",s aid Dr. Teeth.

The Solid Foam Drummer then came up to them.

"Hi", said the Solid Foam Drummer, "I would be honored to play in the band".

"And we'd like to have you", said Dr. Teeth, "It would be great to have two women in the band".

"Like, I just hope that we can get along",s aid Janice.

"Oh, I'm sure that we won't get into any messy fights", said the Solid Foam Drummer.

"Oh, rats", said Zoot.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 4

Soon, it was time for Animal's firs tbig violin performance. Kermit came on-stage to introduce him.

"And now, here is Animal playing, believe it or not, the violin. Yayyyyyyyy!", said Kermit.

The audience cringed at the thought of Animal playing the violin.

Animal came on-stage and performed "Just One Person" on the violin.

Animal sang, "If just one person believes in you. Deep enough, and strong enough, believes in you. Hard enough and long enough... There's bound to be another person who belives in making it a twosome..."

Then Sam the Eagle joined in, "Making it two old people, who believe in you. Deep enough, and strong enough, believe in you. There's bound to be another person who believes in making it a threesome..."

Then Nigel the conductor joined in, "Making it three people you can say, believe in you. And with three old people..."

Rowlf joined them, "Why not four? And with four old people..."

Scooter, Bean Bunny, Dr. Strangepork and some chickens joined in, "Why not more?"

Then Bunsen, Beaker, Johnny Fiama, and Sal joined in, "Why not more?"

Then Droop and Robin joined in, "And more..."

Then some penguins joined in, "And more..... And if all those people beleive in you, deep enough and long enough, believe in you..... Then maybe even you, can believe in you, too...."

The audience applauded.

"I can't beleive Animal has changed", said Statler.

"I've changed, too", said Waldorf.

"You have?", said Statler.

"Sure, otherwise I'd be here in my pajamas", said Waldorf.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 5

The band was backstage, watching Animal's performance. Lips was blowing his nose.

"What's his problem?", asked the Solid Foam Drummer.

"Oh, Lips is still sad because Animal is no longer part of our band", said Floyd.

"Oh", said the Solid Foam Drummer, "I thought he was crying over the beautiful music. But we've got to move on. I'm your new drummer now".

Animal entered backstage.

"Well, how was my violin playing?", asked Animal.

"It was super", said the Solid Foam Drummer.

"Yeah, very.....", said Dr. Teeth, who was speechless.

"Oh, I know", said Animal, who then noticed that Lips was crying, "And my music brought happy tears to Lips' eyes."

Kermit then approached them.

"Okay, Electric Mayhem, on-stage next!", said Kermit.

"Oh, that's right", said Floyd.

"Come on, everybody", said Dr. Teeth.

Kermit entered the stage.

"And now, here is the Electric Mayhem, with a new drummer,... Uh, even though I've knwon her for eyars, I still can't remember her name", said Kermit.

The band went on to perform "Rock the Boat".

"Say, I'd like to know where you've got the notion", sang Floyd.

"Well, I'd like to know where you've got the motion", sang Janice.

"To rock the boat!", sang Floyd and Janice.

"Don't rock the boat, baby!", sang Dr. Teeth.

"Rock the boat", sung Floyd and Janice.

"Don't tip the boat over", sung Dr. Teeth.

"Rock the boooooaaaaat......", sung the drumer.

"Every night we come and slip away....", sang Dr. Teeth.

"I've always got your tender lips to keep me warm", sang Floyd.

"And I need you now, and every day", sang Janice.

"Our love is like a trip from the ocean, we've been sailing on a boat full of love and comotion.....", sung the band.

Animal was watching from backstage.

"That new drummer isn't half bad", said Animal.

"Hey, Animal", said Leon, "May I have your autograph?"

"oh, sure", said Animal.

"I'd like to have your autograph, too", said Rowlf.

"And so would I", said Scooter.

"Mee mee mee", said Beaker.

"Oh, I have already gotten some fans", said Animal.

"Animal", said Gonzo, "I am sorry to say that your act is the stupidest thing I have ever seen performed here!"

"Well, speak for yourself, Gonzo", said Sam.

"I agree",s aid Animal, "Gonzo, I don't think we should both be performing at this same theater."

"What?", said Gonzo, "You sound just like those two old men up int he balcony".

The band had finished their performance and was walkign backstage.

"I can't beleive that Kermit couldn't remember my name", said the drummer.

"You should at least be thankful that the frog even acknowledged you", said Lips, "Back when I joined the band they didn't even draw attention that I was a new member".

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 7

The newspaper reviews were in within days. Kermit was reading the newspaper backstage.

"'Animal is a brilliant violin player'", read Kermit, "His violin playing is music to my ears. I will be going to the Muppet theater every week from now on, as long as Animal is performing. On a similar note, The Electric Mayhem had gotten a new drumer. I didn't catch her name, but this is the worst change that The Electric Mayhem has ever had."

"What a review", said Fozzie.

"Did the reviewer say anything about moi?", asked Miss Piggy.

"No", said Kermit.

"Well, then I'll just have to go to the newspaper factory and karate chop the theater critic", said Miss Piggy.

"And I can't believe that the critics like such a stupid act", said Gonzo.

Pops walked in.

"I have good news", said Pops, "Tickets for the next two months have sold out".

"That's good", said Kermit.

"How's that great?", asked Pepe, "It's two months, not three, okay!"

The Electric Mayhem was in the canteen, reading the paper and being depressed.

"Well, they like Animal as a violinist", said Floyd.

"He's a success", said Zoot.

"I don't like the reviews either", said the drummer, "They don't like me as your new drummer".

"Just give them time", said Janice.

"We've got to figure out a way to get Animal drumming with us again", said Dr. Teeth.

"Uh, no, we don't", said the drummer, who then walked away.

"But, like, what can we do?", asked Janice.

"Well, uh.. Uh.... we could, uh... uh.. uh...", said Zoot.

"What's the matter, Zoot?", asked Lips.

"Well, uh.......", said Zoot.

Kermit came to the canteen.

"Listen up, guys", said Kermit, "We've got to get Animal back to normal".

"Oh, so you don't like his violin playing?", asked Floyd.

"Oh, no", said Kermit, "I like it, but Scooter's uncle who owns the theater hates the change."

"Even though Animal's responsible for our ticket sales", said Scooter.

"Well, I miss the old Animal", said Fozzie.

"So do I", said Rizzo.

"I think it's the stupidest act ever", said Gonzo.

"Well, then we've got to come up with a plan", said Floyd.

"Fer sure!", said Janice.

Meanwhile, the drummer came to nimal's dressing room.

"Excuse me, Animal, are you busy?", asked the drumer.

"Uh, well, I was reading 'The Great Gatsby'", said Animal, "But I can chat with you for a minute".

"Okay, well, I've got to warn you", said the drummer, "The band wants you to be back to normal, and might try whatever it takes to get you back to your old self."

"Ha!", said Animal, "They were probably joking. I am much more pleasant and civilized. Why would they want the old me to come back?"

"I have no idea", said the drumer.

Bunsen and Beaker presented a solution down in the prop room.

"Okay, here is my plan to get Animal back to normal", said Bunsen, "I have put a special controlling device into his violin. I will put some glue onto the pick, so that his hand will be stuck, and I will put a very strong, magnetic effect into the pick so it will be difficult for him to stop playing".

"Mee mee mee", said Beaker.

"And I will use a special remote controll, to controll Animal's playing", said Bunsen.

"Ooohhhh, very psychodelic", said Dr. Teeth.

"And, like, also groovy", said Janice.

"Now, Beaker, take the violin and the pick", said Bunsen.

"Mee mee mee mee mee", said Beaker, trying to get out of it.

"Oh, come on, Beaker", said Bunsen, "We need to test this thing out".

Beaker sighed and then reluctantly took the violin.

"Now, start playing Beaker", said Bunsen.

Beaker started playing the violin.

"Hey, he's just as good as Animal", said Clifford.

"Yes, but I hope we don't get a new Beaker", said Bunsen.

"But Clifford's right, Beaker is good, fer sure!", said Janice.

"Yes, he is", said Bunsen, "But note how Beaker is playing the violin on his own. Now, I will turn this knob which controlls his playing".

Bunsne turned a knob, and Beaker's playign started to go out of controll. Bunsen switched from fast to slow.

"Meep!", yelled Beaker, who struggled to get it out of his hands.

"And I told Kermit to sell a bunch of rotten vegetables, so that the audience will want to throw vegetables at Beaker",s aid Bunsne.

"What a good idea", said Dr. Teeth, "If he's hit with enough, he'll like it and be back to normal".

"And even if he doens't like the vegetable throwing", said Bunsen, "He is sure to like the expolosive effect".

"Mwhat?", yeled Beaker.

Bunsne then pressed a button, and the violin exploded. Beaker screamed and ran out of the room.

"Like, that is a rully good idea", said Janice.

"Yes, but we might need a back-up plan if all that doens't work", said Clifford.

Dr. Phil van Neuter then went into the prop room.

"But if you put this bottle of high-powered plutonium into the violin", said Dr. Phil van Neuter, "He will really get a burnt hand, and will be sure to like it and get back to normal".

"Yes, Dr. van Neuter", said Bunsen, "But I think that might be a bit extreme".

"I agree, doc!", said Dr. Teeth.

"Oh, well it was just a thought", said Dr. Phil van Neuter.

Dr. Phil van Neuter then threw the bottle ove rhis shoulder, right as Beaker walked back into the room, drying off his hand. Beaker had his mouth open, and the bottle fell down Beaker's throat, and an explosion occured in Beaker's mouth.

"Aaaahhhhhh....", screamed Beaker.

"Yup, it would have goen too far", said Bunsen.

 

[SgtGonzoPepper]

Love the part where Lips is talking to the drummer and talks about how no one notices him lol
​

 

[minor muppetz]

Love the part where Lips is talking to the drummer and talks about how no one notices him lol
​

Yeah, and it's a shame that none of us hardcore fans know what the Solid Foam Drummer's "official" name is (I wonder if she officially had a proper name that just wasn't mentioend on-screen on The Jim Henson Hour, or if her design sketch and the scripts just called her somethign like "Solid Foam Drummer"), so I've made a few jokes about the other characters not knowing her name, similar to how on The Simpsons there are teasers involving the names of "nameless" characters. Maybe someday we'll know what the Solid Foam Drummer was officially called, and if she had a proper name then this fan fic will become dated.

 

[SgtGonzoPepper]

Yeah, and it's a shame that none of us hardcore fans know what the Solid Foam Drummer's "official" name is (I wonder if she officially had a proper name that just wasn't mentioend on-screen on The Jim Henson Hour, or if her design sketch and the scripts just called her somethign like "Solid Foam Drummer"), so I've made a few jokes about the other characters not knowing her name, similar to how on The Simpsons there are teasers involving the names of "nameless" characters. Maybe someday we'll know what the Solid Foam Drummer was officially called, and if she had a proper name then this fan fic will become dated.

yeah its like the trumpet/trombone girl thing from the muppet show. you dont even have to see the charcter you just need to hear the name.