Favorite Movie on MST3K

[Winslow Leach]

Hey! Wanted to bring this thread back up topside, cause I gots something to ask da' MST3K guru here, Winslow Leach.

There was a movie the bots and Joel were watching about Communist USA, not sure which one it was... Maybe Rocket Attack USA.
The reason I'm bringing it up is cause there were two skeches performed that rank right up there with the classics.
1 Third Quarter: Joel hosts a game show parody where Crow, Tom and Gypsy are the contestants... And the questions are answered by the common protectionist propaganda slogans from that time era.
2 Second Quarter/Halftime: Crow and Tom get curious as to how the McCarthy hearings on communism took place... And Joel starts reeling off this funny as heck shpiel about the Charlie McCarthy hearings and all the cartoon/puppet characters being connected to this dark period of American television history.
Bots: "No, not the You Bet Your Life Duck!"
Joel: "Yes, as far as he was concerned "subversive" was the Word of the Day. But that pails in comparison to the hearings' biggest informant..."
Not gonna spoil it for those who haven't seen this, will wait to see if WL posts the sketches' transcripts. If he has them, that is.
Thanks and have a good day.

You are correct, sir! Rocket Attack USA (from the second season) is the one with the Civil Defense Quiz Bowl (brought to you by the grace of God and chocolatey Cocoa Bombs) and the Charlie McCarthy hearings. It was also the first ep. to feature a "stinger" after the end credits.

Joel's invention was a tax adding machine that prints out those little colored candies on paper ("it turns a bean counter into a jelly bean counter," says Crow). The invention was originally a Mexican Jumping Beanbag chair, but Gypsy wound up eating it. Tom: "She's got Montezuma's Revenge like you wouldn't believe!"

The Civil Defense Quiz Bowl has some great lines:

Joel: What 3-word slogan was coined during the Cold War as a school child's best defense against an A-bomb attack? Tom Servo!

Tom: "Duck and Cover?"

Joel: Could you state that in the form of a desperate cry to God to save you from an unholy death please?

Tom: "DUCK AND COVER!"

Joel: Is right for five points!...Which early-60s CIA covert operation was considered the greatest failure of the decade? Crow!

Crow: The Kennedy assassination?

Joel: No, I'm afraid that one was a success. Tom Servo!

Tom: The Bay of Pigs!

Joel: Is right!...Name the two most famous myths of Civil Defense.

Tom: Uh, we can win a nuclear war...

Joel: Number one.

Tom: ...and the survivors are the lucky ones!

Joel: Right...It's time for the fall-out elimination round. The winner will receive a complete thermolactic nuclear fall-out shelter, complete with a 17 year supply of canned food, and 500,000 chlorine water-purification tablets. There are two questions. Number one, the category is Hollywood Legends. Name the movie with the most radioactive and deadly set. Gypsy!

Gypsy: Moby Dick with Richard Basehart?

Joel: Oh, I'm sorry. You're out of the game. Crow?

Crow: The Conqueror?

Joel: Is correct...Now, on to our final question. What is the most practical thing you can do in the event of a total thermonuclear war? Tom Servo!

Tom: DUCK AND COVER!

Joel: Wrong. Crow!

Crow: Uh, stick your head between your knees, and kiss your--

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That fact about The Conqueror is true, btw. It starred John Wayne as Genghis Kahn(!) and was shot near an area where nuclear testing was routine. Many of the cast members, including Wayne, Susan Hayward and Agnes Moorehead, and much of the crew eventually succumbed to some kind of cancer due to the radiation.

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The Charlie McCarthy Hearings have the 'Bots wondering what the Cold War was. Joel says it was a "rich, fertile time of paranoia, verile in conservativism, rampant jingoism," to which Crow replies, "oh, the Reagan era." "The McCarthy era," corrects Joel. "Oh!" pipes in Crow. "The Charlie McCarthy era!" As funny as that sounds, Joel says Crow is exactly right.

Joel: One day, Charlie McCarthy looked at Howdy Doody's hair and saw red. After that, Charlie formed the Mccarthy hearings on un-American activities. Howdy turned informant and named names. Gumby, Pokey, Kukla and Ollie were all implicated on Howdy's testimony. Turns out Gumby and Pokey were in bed with the Chinese. Their arrests started up the whole Free Our Pokey...one of the era's biggest informants...

Tom: Oh no! Not the duck from You Bet Your Life, no!

Joel: As far as he was concerned, the secret word was "subversive." After that duck's devastating testimony, neither Jerry Mahoney, Knucklehead Smith or Farfel worked for years. Arthur Miller took it upon himself to write an emotionally gut-wrenching commentary on the Cold War era called, Topo Gigio Goes to the Circus. Topo, by the way, used his earnings from The Ed Sullivan Show to fund the attempted assassination of Fidel Castro.

And the "most sinister, friendly witness" brought before the committee turned out to be Lambchop, but the 'Bots don't care ("big surprise"), because they never liked her anyway.

Joel: She was the one who put the finger on Davey and Goliath!

Tom: Say it ain't so, Joel! Say it ain't so!

Joel: Davey, being a God-fearing American, was more than happy to cooperate. Goliath named names, too (in Goliath voice) ..."Duh, let's see...there was Dalton Trumbo, Ray Langler Jr., Elbert Maltz and Bertolt Brecht." Unfortunately, all the committee heard was, "Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf." Goliath was convicted of contempt and sent to the pound.

The 'Bots are relieved that they aren't puppets, but Joel wonders, "who pulls your strings?"

 

[Winslow Leach]

Mr. Beardsley!

I still quote from the Squirm ep.

(The credit "Produced by George Manasse" appears onscreen)

Crow: Produced by George Manasse! The "E" is silent.

(The credit Edited by Brian Smedley-Aston appears onscreen)

Mike: Oh, of the Failed Career Smedley-Astons?

(A shot of an actress tottering on very high-heeled shoes through the woods)

Crow (singing): Ever since I was a young boy/I played the silver ball!

(That's a reference to the Ken Russell film of Tommy, in which Elton John, wearing shoes with very high heels sang "Pinball Wizard")

(a character picks up a worm to put on a fish hook)

Mike: No, I'm really a snake...hissssss...see?

Tom: Fine! Irrigate your own lawn!

(Shot of a bus pulling into the swampy woods)

Mike: Oh, Pogo's home from vacation!

 

[Winslow Leach]

From the Gumby short, Robot Rumpus:

Tom: The nice thing about Gumby is that you can use him as window caulk.

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Crow: Bad move, Gumby. Robots do not fight clean. You know that, Mike.

Mike: Oh yeah.

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(a wrench goes through Gumby)

Mike: Hey, I can throw things through dad! I'm gonna get an anvil!

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(the robots are painting houses in the neighborhood red)

Crow: I need more pig's blood!

 

[Winslow Leach]

From The Screaming Skull:

Crow: Yep, when you think of shocking horror, you think German oompah band music!

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Tom (after a character throws a skull): Alas poor Yorick, she threw him well.

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Eric (character in movie): Now in the morning, Mr. Snow will be here. He's very comforting.

Mike: Yeah, Mr. Snow, and then Mr. Horse and then Mr. Mary Jane.

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Eric: Jenny--

Crow: I've got your number.

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Crow: The first year of marriage is always the most psychotic.

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(Eric runs to his first wife's grave)

Crow: Well, I suppose you screwed up killing your second wife too, right? I told you you'd never amount to anything! Why can't you kill properly, like the other husbands?

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Tom: Hey, there's the rock I crushed my first wife's skull with! Boy, that brings back memories.

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Mickey (character in film): I heard her!

Mike (as Snagglepuss): Observed her, even!

 

[The Count]

Thanks buddy. One of the best parts of Squirm is when Mike's gotten the idea from the film to start up his own radioactive powered worm farm. Unfortunately, he ends up frying the worms. Crow then starts to mutter, and squirm in disgust as Mike chomps down on the nightcrawler. The bots are then force fed the worms themselves and comment on how they're not that bad. We can even start up our own franchise!
Yeah, and I bet WWE's Bogieman would be their best customer.

Another good sketch is the one where Tom and Crow are sharing their schooltime lunchboxes... Until Servo's broken down to crying over the note from his mommy.
Joel then has to clean the butter out of Servo's fishbowl head and American cheese out of Crow's throat.
Joel Crow, I've told you not to eat cheese.
Crow: It was American cheese, I thought I'd be fine.

 

[Winslow Leach]

Another good sketch is the one where Tom and Crow are sharing their schooltime lunchboxes... Until Servo's broken down to crying over the note from his mommy.
Joel then has to clean the butter out of Servo's fishbowl head and American cheese out of Crow's throat.
Joel Crow, I've told you not to eat cheese.
Crow: It was American cheese, I thought I'd be fine.

That's from season 3, Gamera vs. Guiron.

Tom: Gamera! Ha ha ha! Gamera! Ha! ha ha!

Crow offers Servo a "jock shake" with a "whole stick of butter in every can," but Servo refuses, because "my dad says I'm too husky, so I got one of those fat-free creamy snack loaves. Yuck. It tastes like a chocolate urinal cake!"

Crow: Hey, what's that piece of paper?

Tom: What? Nothing...

Crow: It's a note from your mom, right?

Tom: Maybe.

Crow: What's it say? What's it say?

Tom: Okay, it says, "I love you, you make me so proud." Okay? Are you satisfied?

Crow: Servo, you don't have a mother!

Tom: What? No!

This ep. is also notable for the classic "Richard Burton" sketch, with Crow as Burton, Tom as Liz Taylor and Joel as "the sleepy-voiced narrator."

Crow: I'm Welsh, I'm poor, my name's not Richard Burton yet! Do you hear me? I'm Welsh, I'm poor, and my name's not Richard Burton yet!

Later, Crow and Servo do a scene from Burton & Taylor's "most famous film," Who's Afraid of Gamera Turtle?

Tom: "AAAAAGHHH!" Who said that? "AAAAAGHHH!"

Crow: I don't know, Martha.

Tom: Oh, come on George, you remember. "AAAAAGHHH!"

Crow: I don't remember. I said I do not remember, Martha.

Tom: Oh, I remember, it was Gamera! He walked into a room, lit a cigarette, looked around, and said "AAAAAGHHH!"

Crow: If you say so, Martha.

Tom: Oh, you laughed your a** off!

Crow: That's enough, okay?

Burton's career hits the skids, but then, says Servo, "they wanted him for a menial role in the critically acclaimed series, The Fall Guy."

Joel: A chance to work with Heather Thomas and Lee Majors? It was too good to be true. Burton's answer was a blurry but resounding "Yes." Here we recreate a scene from that historical television play.

Tom: So whaddaya say? You wanna climb into my four-by-four, drive really fast, help me chase down that scumbag who jumped bail? Whaddaya say?

Crow: I say--HIC--let's nail the sucker.

 

[Winslow Leach]

Fun MST3K fact:

Back when the show first started on KTMA-TV, Channel 23 in the Twin Cities, Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota (1988-1989-known as "season zero"), Trace Beaulieu, one of the writers and performer of Crow was unavailable for a couple of shows. So in the episode Gamera (12/11/88), Crow is cryogenically frozen, and turned into a Christmas tree! Apparently a spare Christmas tree was lying around the office, and was the only usable prop! This episode is historic because Joel and Joel alone watches the movie. Tom and Tree-Crow appear in the host segments, but Joel is the only one in the theatre, riffing on the movie.

The following week (12-18-88), Trace was still absent, so Tree-Crow returned. The episode was Gamera vs. Gaos, but this time Tom joined Joel in the theatre. For some reason, though, Servo sits in Crow's seat.

 

[Winslow Leach]

From one of my favorite MST3K shows, The Sidehackers.

(two characters in the film, J.C. and Rommel, are arguing incomprehensibly)

Tom: I'm not asking you who's on second!

Crow: Who's on first.

Tom: I don't know!

Joel, Crow & Servo: Third base!

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(the credit, Produced by Ross Hagen appears onscreen)

Crow: So that's how Ross Hagen got in the film! He slept with the producer!

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(the credit, Filmed in FantaScope appears onscreen)

Crow: Oh, great! I love orange soda!

Joel: I liked it when they used to shoot movies in Orange Julius.

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(Rommel and Rita mumble their dialogue)

Tom: Rod Stewart and Kim Carnes in Laryngitis Theater.

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(during opening credits)

Joel: The Sidehackers! Tonight's episode: Bicycle Built for Death.

Crow: Baby, Can You Drive My Murder.

Tom: These Boots Were Made For Arson.

Joel: Two Wheeler, Four Wheeler, Dead Wheeler.

Crow: Easy Rider, Easy Dead.

Tom: Tonight, Act One with very special guest, Ross Hagen.

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Joel: Sidehacking. Isn't that when you spit tobacco out of the side of your mouth?

 

[Winslow Leach]

Hokay, here are three classic shorts from MST3K that were shown before the movie.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=I8kH4XyWjq4

Mr. B Natural - this is probably the most beloved MST3K short, and a great example of the show's particular brand of humor.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=kfuQMBYNRv0

This is the second half of Mr. B Natural (which is even more bizarre than the first, if that's possible).

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3M4_XZ3FLHw

Robot Rumpus - a vintage Gumby short, skewered by the MST3K gang.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7_mE8wKRcQc

A Case of Spring Fever - a middle-aged clod wishes springs would go away (don't ask); Coilie, a "spring sprite" appears, and grants his wish.

 

[The Count]

Yep... The best part about Case of Spring Fever and Mr. B. Natural is that they used those shorts for MST3K characters.
The sketch after Case of Spring Fever always makes me laugh, where Miky the Elf shows up and teaches the bots what life would be like without Mike. And then Crow says, "I wish Mike's socks never existed", prompting a second elf named Mike's Socksy to appear.

Mr. B. Natural is a highlight among us MSTies because of the debate Crow and Servo had afterwards regarding the intrusion of said character. Servo, indignantly: "Should we have old uncles dressed up as Little Bo Peep smoking cigars teaching our children about the birds and the bees?"
And of course, you had Mary Jo Francis (the voice of Gypsy) perform the character at the Forester's T-Day dinner, where a drunk Jack Perkins started hitting on it to the point he announced their engagement.

Have fun looking up each one of those WL.