TMS outline- Dan Fogelberg!

[Gorgon Heap]

One of my favorite singers and recording artists, Dan Fogelberg, who I grew up on, and darned if I didn't wish he'd been on TMS. This is an idea I had a while back and forgot about, but here it is. Submitted for your approval:

"It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Dan Fogelberg! YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!"



SPECIAL GUEST STAR: DAN FOGELBERG

STYLE: MID-SEASON FOUR (circa Kenny Rogers, Lola Falana episodes)

COLD OPENING: Scooter knocks and enters.

Scooter: "Dan Fogelberg! Fifteen seconds to curtain, Dan!"

(Dan is looking for something.)

Dan: "Thanks. Hey Scooter, do you know what happened to all of my instruments?"

Scooter: "Oh, I unpacked them."

Dan: "Oh, great, thanks!"
(He gets up, goes over to the wardrobe.)
"Where did you put them?"
(He opens the wardrobe. All the instruments fall out of it and bury him on the floor.)
"Never mind."

OPENING THEME:
S & W: (A pony is in S’s place.)
W: “You sound a little hoarse.” (Horse neighs.)
GONZO: we hear giggling- Gonzo turns the trumpet around to discover one of the Muppaphones in it

OPENING NUMBER: "More, More, More"- ancient Roman disco number set in Caesar's palace, with Annie Sue (as a dancing girl with two backups) on lead vocals, the wrinkly pig as Caesar, servants and attendants to Caesar, and dancing Centurions

Waldorf: "What did you think of that?"

Statler: "After an act like that, it's easy to see why the Roman Empire fell!" (They laugh.)

BACKSTAGE: the cast returns from the stage. In the background, Scooter attends to a pony in a pen.

Kermit: "Good number, Romans, good number."

Annie Sue: "Excuse me, Mr. Kermit sir? What's that horse doing back there?"

Kermit: "Oh that? That's the pony I rented for the closing number. Scooter's been feeding and attending to it all day."

Annie Sue: "Looks like he's grown quite attached." (She exits. Scooter comes forward.)

Scooter: "Boy oh boy, chief, it sure is different having a colt around. In fact, it's kinda nice."

Kermit: "Yeah, well it's just for the one number, so don't get to accustomed to him." (Kermit turns to his desk and attends to business.)

Scooter: "He's a- a good horse."

Kermit: (not looking up) "Good to know."

Scooter: "Real easy to take care of, nice disposition."

Kermit: "Uh, Scooter, I really don't have time to talk right now."

Scooter: "Yeah, okay... You know, we- we could keep him."

Kermit: "Scooter, it's out of the question. I just rented him for the one number and that's it. That's final, end of discussion."

Scooter: "Okay... can I take that to mean maybe?"

(Kermit grimaces and walks off toward the stage.)

SONG: "Heart Hotels"- Dan with the (ghostly presences of) the Electric Mayhem (a la "6-String Orchestra")

Statler: "I was once manager of a hotel."

Waldorf: "Oh? Was it any good?"

Statler: "Well, the roaches never complained." (S & W laugh.)

BACKSTAGE: Scooter worries excessively about what might happen to the horse when he goes back to his owner to race. Kermit's answer distresses him so much that when Kermit's back is turned, Scooter decides to try and keep the horse anyway- by hiding him in the canteen.

MUPPET UNIVERSITY: Sam teaches Latin. He reads from his 3X5 cards the Latin phrases, which are duplicated on the rolling blackboards behind him. When he raises the blackboards up to reveal the translation on each rear blackboard, it never matches up to what's on his card, i.e. "You have an interesting point" becomes "I am a fathead", and "What was your opinion of the lecture?" becomes "The water buffalo is undressing".

DRESSING ROOM: Kermit talks to Dan.

Kermit: "Hey Dan, I'd just like to say that I'm a big fan of your music. Matter of fact, there's one song of yours that's become one of my all-time favorites."

Dan: "Really? Which one was it?"

Kermit: "It was called "Leader of the Band"."

Dan: "Oh yeah."

Kermit: "You know, I wanted to ask you about that song- was it at all autobiographical?"

Dan: "Well, yes Kermit, it was. That song I wrote for my father, who used to be a bandleader back in the day, the Big Band era."

Kermit: "Oh wow. It's a beautiful song."

Dan: "Thank you, Kermit."

Kermit: "Hey, would you do that song for us now?"

Dan: "I thought you were going somewhere with that."

(He picks up his guitar and plays; Muppets start filing in, among them Fozzie, Scooter, Beauregard, Annie Sue, Janice, Rowlf, Robin, the Centurion from the opening # and VH, and a Whatnot trumpet player)
SONG: "Leader of the Band"- Dan plays and sings while Janice plays back-up guitar- lending background vocals where applicable- and the trumpet player plays at the interlude and coda.

VET'S HOSPITAL: a Centurion is the patient.

Rowlf: "Well, who's the next patient, Nurse Janice?"

Janice: "Here he is, Dr. Bob."

Rowlf: "Oh. Just come back from a fraternity party?"

Janice: "Dr. Bob, he's a Roman."

Rowlf: "Oh yeah, well where is he a-roamin' to?"

Piggy: "No, no, no, he was in the ancient Roman number at the beginning of the show. He's a Centurion."

Rowlf: "Well, you certainly don't look a century old! Ha ha ha! What seems to be your trouble?"

Centurion: "I keep getting overwhelmed by feelings on anxiety when I'm on the job. I'm one of the guards at Caesar's palace."

Rowlf: "Really? Can you get me Sinatra's autograph the next time he passes through?"

(Piggy and Janice groan.)

Piggy: "He means Caesar, the emperor of Rome."

Rowlf: "Oh, well in that case, you should wait it out and come back in late Autumn."

Centurion: "Autumn?"

Rowlf: "Yes, after the Fall of the Roman Empire!" (He laughs.)

Centurion: "But when I get back to Rome, what should I do?"

Rowlf: "Do? Why, when in Rome, do as the Romans do!" (He laughs.) "But as to your problem, maybe you need a career change. Try applying to be a bricklayer, but make sure you ask for the night shift."

Piggy: "Why the night shift?"

Rowlf: "Because Rome wasn't built in a day!" (He laughs.)

Announcer: "And so we come to the end of the another Veterinarians' Hospital. Tune in next week, when you'll hear Dr. Bob say..."

Rowlf: "If you're worried about losing your job, I suggest you be extra nice to the boss. For example, he plays the violin, right?"

Centurion: "Yes, badly."

Rowlf: "Well there you go! If you're a friend, a Roman, and a countryman, all you have to do is lend him your ears!" (Rowlf laughs. Piggy and Janice shake their heads.)

UK SPOT: “Stuck in the Middle with You”- Floyd & Janice on an L-train, surrounded by weirdos (and naturally, there's a clown to the left of them, and a joker- Fozzie with all of his novelty gags- to the right)

(Audience Shot)

SONG: "Part of the Plan"- Dan with the Electric Mayhem (black background)

BACKSTAGE: Scooter's efforts to hide the pony don't go so well, as the pony gets chased out of the canteen by an angry Swedish Chef.

MUPPET SPORTS: "Buck Passing"- Lewis reports from a football field as Mack 'Strong Arm' Sampson attempts to pass a 500 lb. 10-point buck (yes, as in a male deer) to Milton 'Dyspeptic' McAllister. Sampson selects the forward pass. En route to catch the buck, McAllister runs backward into Lewis, and the buck lands on both of them.

BACKSTAGE: it's time for the closing number, and Scooter continues to pester Kermit about the pony.

Kermit: "We don't have it in the budget to buy the horse."

Scooter: "How much is he?"

Kermit: "You don't wanna know."

Scooter: "Please? Just tell me."

Kermit: "Fine." (Kermit whispers it in his ear.) "Are you satisfied?" (He goes to the stage.)

Scooter: "Yeah. Thanks, boss." (He picks up the phone and dials.) "Hello, Uncle J.P? Fine, thanks. Say, how do you feel about making an investment in a racehorse? Guaranteed return..."

CLOSING NUMBER: "Run for the Roses"- Dan at a racetrack; he sings from the bleachers, among the spectators (including George, Hilda, and Brewster), with Lewis Kazagger in the announcer's booth, all watching the young colt race to victory on the track.

RACETRACK BLEACHERS SET: Kermit enters.

Kermit: "Well, we've just come down to the final lap of this one. But before we head back to the stable, let's have a warm thank you for our very special guest star Mr. Dan Fogelberg! YAAAAYYYY!!!!"

(Kermit walks over to where Dan is seated.)

Dan: "Thank you, Kermit, I've had a great time."

Kermit: "Oh, good."

Scooter (off-screen): "Hey Chief!"

Kermit: "Oh brother."

(Scooter enters with the pony.)

Scooter: "I've got good news! My uncle bought the pony! We can keep him!"

Kermit: "Oh, yeah?"

Scooter: "Yeah! We just to foot his feed bill, stable bill, and cleaning bill!"

(Kermit does his flabbergasted reaction.)

Kermit: "What?!"

Scooter: "Yeah!"

Kermit: "Ohhhh, all right- but you get to clean up after him. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!"

(Dan, Kermit, Scooter, Floyd, Annie Sue, Bo, Lewis Kazagger, Pony, Centurion, and two Whatnot racing spectators gather around.)

Statler: "They've certainly been horsing around on this show, haven't they?" (S & W chuckle.)

Waldorf: "Yes, but it'll still amount to the same old bull." (S & W laugh.)



Comments encouraged.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

 

[Gorgon Heap]

More, More, More

Dan Fogelberg

Stuck in the Middle with You

Hopefully will have lyrics up tomorrow.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

 

[Philip Kippel]

You did it again, GH. Job well done.

One thing I liked was the inclusion of a "Muppet University" sketch.

Also, which specific pony is appearing throughout the show? Paul Reveare or Old Skyball Paint?

And who performed the following characters:

-Pony
-Muppaphone
-the wrinkly pig
-the Centurion in Vet's Hospital

(He picks up his guitar and plays; Muppets start filing in, among them Fozzie, Scooter, Beauregard, Annie Sue, Janice, Rowlf, Robin, the Centurion from the opening # and VH, and a Whatnot trumpet player)
SONG: "Leader of the Band"- Dan plays and sings while Janice plays back-up guitar- lending background vocals where applicable- and the trumpet player plays at the interlude and coda.

Do any other Muppets appear in this scene?

UK SPOT: “Stuck in the Middle with You”- Floyd & Janice on an L-train, surrounded by weirdos (and naturally, there's a clown to the left of them, and a joker- Fozzie with all of his novelty gags- to the right)

Which specific weirdos are in this number?

CLOSING NUMBER: "Run for the Roses"- Dan at a racetrack; he sings from the bleachers, among the spectators (including George, Hilda, and Brewster), with Lewis Kazagger in the announcer's booth, all watching the young colt race to victory on the track.

Which other Muppets appear as spectators in this number?

 

[TotallySpiesFan]

Also, which specific pony is appearing throughout the show? Paul Reveare or Old Skyball Paint?

Old Skyball Paint.

And who performed the following characters:

-Pony
-Muppaphone
-the wrinkly pig
-the Centurion in Vet's Hospital

Pony: Jerry Nelson
Muppaphone: Steve Whitmire
Wrinkly Pig: Dave Goelz
Centurion: Steve Whitmire

 

[Dil]

Not bad, Gorgon Heap.

It seems that you posted another "Muppet University" sketch.
In real life, only one "Muppet University" sketch was used.
I am surprised to see another one.

 

[Gorgon Heap]

You did it again, GH. Job well done.

One thing I liked was the inclusion of a "Muppet University" sketch.

Also, which specific pony is appearing throughout the show? Paul Reveare or Old Skyball Paint?

New character.

And who performed the following characters:

-Pony: doesn't talk, really, just neighs
-Muppaphone: Louise
-the wrinkly pig: Dave
-the Centurion in Vet's Hospital: Steve

Do any other Muppets appear in this scene?

Nope.

Which specific weirdos are in this number?

I'd say Crazy Harry is in there, somewhere, and Marvin Suggs, plus a circus clown, Fozzie, the male Koozebanian, a girl with two heads, a Whatnot fertilizer salesman, and a (Whatnot) man wearing a child's inflatable inner tube over his nice suit.

Which other Muppets appear as spectators in this number?[/QUOTE]

Don't know offhand. It'd be George, Hilda, Brewster, and then just Whatnots.

It seems that you posted another "Muppet University" sketch.
In real life, only one "Muppet University" sketch was used.
I am surprised to see another one.

I have a feeling that they may have intended this as a regular feature (see my thread about it in the Classic Muppets forum) and I was also trying to think of a sketch that had a certain 'look' that I was going for in the episode, and this seemed to fit the bill. Took me forever to come up with the idea, though- maybe the writers had the same problem, hence why they only did one installment of the sketch.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

 

[MartyMuppets]

I just loved the whole thing Dave. Top marks.

 

[Ruahnna]

I have a feeling that they may have intended this as a regular feature (see my thread about it in the Classic Muppets forum) and I was also trying to think of a sketch that had a certain 'look' that I was going for in the episode, and this seemed to fit the bill. Took me forever to come up with the idea, though- maybe the writers had the same problem, hence why they only did one installment of the sketch.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

Would be fun to have Piggy teaching her version of French....
Nicely done, sir. Your attention to minute detail is very, um, scary and intimidating. But enjoyable!

 

[Gorgon Heap]

Your attention to minute detail is very, um, scary and intimidating. But enjoyable!

How do you mean scary exactly? And which minute details? I don't pay as much attention to some, although I do get questions about minute details, largely from Philip Kippel. Often times I have the idea and then say for the cast of a number or who performs a certain character, I often don't have that in mind even after I've posted the finished outline.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

 

[Gorgon Heap]

Lyrics to Dan's songs:

"Heart Hotels" (this one will be scattered with details of how I imagine the number):

(Curtain opens, music begins. Start on a shot of a lonely desert highway. Move down the road as a lone car drives past a little hotel sitting alone in the desert. Begin slow cross-fade of a close-up of Dan's face, which takes us inside the hotel room in which he sits.)

Well there's too many windows in this old hotel
And rooms filled with reckless pride
And the walls have grown sturdy
And the halls have worn well
But there is nobody living in inside (Dr. Teeth fades in with piano, but in B&W a la "Six String Orchestra)
Nobody living inside (On the first bass beat, Floyd appears in the same manner)
Gonna pull in the shutters on this heart of mine
Roll up the carpets and pull in the blinds (Janice appears)
And retreat to the chambers that I left behind
In hopes there still may be love left to find (Animal appears)
Still may be love left to find
(Instrumental passage; Dan sings in the room while cross-faded with close-ups of himself on either side of the screen)
Seek inspiration in daily affairs
Now your soul is in trouble and requires repairs (show Dan running up the stairs, still with the same close-ups cross-fade)
And the voices you hear at the top of the stairs
Are only echoes of unanswered prayers
Echoes of unanswered prayers
(Instrumental break, in stairwell; Zoot appears and plays the sax solo, following Dan back into the room at the end of it)
Well there's too many windows in this old hotel
And rooms filled with reckless pride
And the walls have grown sturdy
And the halls have worn well
But there is nobody living in inside
Nobody living inside (instrumental passage and 'Oo's repeat. The band gradually disappears, one by one. Lighting gets rosier as the camera pulls back, revealing the room encased in a heart. Pull back further to show the heart on a white shirt, with a hand closing a jacket over it. Pull back to show that the jacket, hand, and heart belong to Dan, who sits again in his room, alone.)


"Leader of the Band":
An only child alone and wild, a cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none
He left his home and went his lone and solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know I never can repay
A quiet man of music denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once, but his music wouldn't wait
He earned his love through discipline-- a thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls took me years to understand

(Chorus)
The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band

My brothers' lives were different for they heard another call
One went to Chicago and the other to St Paul
And I'm in Colorado when I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose and have come to know so well

(Instrumental break)

I thank you for the music and your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough
And, papa, I don't think I said 'I love you' near enough

(Chorus)
I am a living legacy to the leader of the band


"Part of the Plan":
I have these moments all steady and strong
I'm feeling so holy and humble
The next thing I know I'm all worried and weak
And I feel myself starting to crumble
The meanings get lost and the teachings get tossed
And you don't know what you're going to do next
You wait for the sun but it never quite comes
Some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message comes through
And it says to you...

(Chorus)
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must
That's a part of the plan
Await your arrival with simple survival
And one day we'll all understand
One day we'll all understand
One day we'll all understand

I had a woman who gave me her soul
But I wasn't ready to take it
Her heart was so fragile and heavy to hold
And I was afraid I might break it
Your conscience awakes and you see your mistakes
And you wish someone would buy your confession
The days miss their mark and the night gets so dark
And some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message shoots through --
And it says to you...

(Chorus)

There is no Eden or heavenly gates
That you're gonna make it to one day
But all of the answers you seek can be found
In the dreams that you dream on the way


"Run for the Roses":
Born in the valley and raised in the trees
Of Western Kentucky on wobbly knees
With mama beside you to help you along
You'll soon be a-growing up strong
All the long, lazy mornings in pastures of green
The sun on your withers, the wind in your mane
Could never prepare you for what lies ahead
The run for the roses so red

(Chorus)
And it's run for the roses as fast as you can
Your fate is delivered, your moment's at hand
It's the chance of a lifetime in a lifetime of chance
And it's high time you joined in the dance
It's high time you joined in the dance

From sire to sire, it's born in the blood
The fire of a mare and the strength of a stud
It's breeding and it's training and it's something unknown
That drives you and carries you home
(Chorus)


David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole