Dealing with depression and anxiety

[MikaelaMuppet]

My dad and I had a fight a couple of days ago.

I took my iPod Touch screen protector off because there was something on it. I was so upset that I decided to take it off. I told my dad about it and that's when the fight began.

He called me mean names and he took my iPod Touch away for the night. Now, my iPod Touch screen protector is ruined.

He refuses to get me a new screen protector and I want a new one. I also told my dad that I hated him.

 

[fuzzygobo]

Telling your dad you hate him will not make him inclined to buy you anything.
If there's any way the two of you can talk... calmly... without resorting to name-calling... and...maybe...even...APOLOGIZE... that might go a long way to healing hurt feelings, and maybe, maybe, MAYBE you might get a new screen gizmo out of it.

A lot of things can be said in the heat of the moment, and he might be wrong for calling you names.
BUT... it takes two to tango.

Just my two cents from having lived with an alcoholic monster of a dad.

 

[DramaQueenMokey]

My ambulatory EEG came back normal and, I've been cleared to get back on my workout regiment but uh, oh...

I still can't drive -_-

Like, on the one hand I'm glad I'm okay but, I'm VERY cheesed off that I still can't drive around. This isn't fair.

And, the doctor still doesn't know what happened. I honestly just want to be left alone but, no one is listening to me and leaving me alone; like, I blew up at my mom and asked her to just leave me the heck alone and get the heck out of my face (I may have used stronger words to say so, ahem) but, my mom stresses me out like crazy; for example, yesterday she sent me to the supermarket with my Abuelo and told me to her some chips, she sent me a picture of the chips she wanted. I got her some and, then she kept screaming at me about how I got her the wrong chips when, THEY WERE THE ONES IN THE PICTURE SHE SENT ME...How did you not mean those when that was the ONLY thing in the picture? And, she hasn't let that go since yesterday.

So, I get back from the doctors and she's like 'What's wrong?' Uh, oh, I don't know, I'm disappointed!!! What do you think!?

See, my mom and how she can find a way to put me down in ANY situation is why I'm still in counseling. Well, my dad and how he just up and walked out and treats me like I don't exist on top of everything else too but, I'm stuck with my mom most of the time; they've both been my abusers and, I truly honestly hate them and, I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish very bad things on them.

My boyfriend and even my Abuela beg me to try and forgive my parents for all they've done, not for the benefit of my parents but, for my own benefit. However, that is very tough.

And, I really do find myself wishing that my dad had talked my mom into giving me away as a baby because, they were not fit to be parents and, I don't think they ever will be.

When I was a kid, I was babysitting my mom being drunk out of her mind, now I babysit her because she's nuts and fix her technological issues and her English words. I am not having any fun and, while I get that being an adult isn't fun, I'd like to have normal college student problems like: let me fix up my resume and find an internship!

But, no. Here I am, sitting on health issues as usual...I was going to go look at a car next week but, now? What's the point?

I am just ridiculously over today and, I plan on sleeping at my Abuela's house if only to be away from my mom for another night. I've been staying here since like Sunday...I have to stay home on Friday because I have a date on Saturday and, it's a lot easier for my boyfriend to drive his car into the parking lot by house than the one in front of my abuela's house but...GAAHHHH.

I was prepped for what would be a nice day and more or less 'my return to hope'. All today gave me was making my seat at 'hopelessness avenue' and 'sitting duck lane' warmer

 

[charlietheowl]

I'm sorry that you didn't get any clarification on your health issues, that sort of uncertainty must be so worrisome. Do you have a follow-up appointment any time soon?

 

[fuzzygobo]

My ambulatory EEG came back normal and, I've been cleared to get back on my workout regiment but uh, oh...

I still can't drive -_-

Like, on the one hand I'm glad I'm okay but, I'm VERY cheesed off that I still can't drive around. This isn't fair.

And, the doctor still doesn't know what happened. I honestly just want to be left alone but, no one is listening to me and leaving me alone; like, I blew up at my mom and asked her to just leave me the heck alone and get the heck out of my face (I may have used stronger words to say so, ahem) but, my mom stresses me out like crazy; for example, yesterday she sent me to the supermarket with my Abuelo and told me to her some chips, she sent me a picture of the chips she wanted. I got her some and, then she kept screaming at me about how I got her the wrong chips when, THEY WERE THE ONES IN THE PICTURE SHE SENT ME...How did you not mean those when that was the ONLY thing in the picture? And, she hasn't let that go since yesterday.

So, I get back from the doctors and she's like 'What's wrong?' Uh, oh, I don't know, I'm disappointed!!! What do you think!?

See, my mom and how she can find a way to put me down in ANY situation is why I'm still in counseling. Well, my dad and how he just up and walked out and treats me like I don't exist on top of everything else too but, I'm stuck with my mom most of the time; they've both been my abusers and, I truly honestly hate them and, I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish very bad things on them.

My boyfriend and even my Abuela beg me to try and forgive my parents for all they've done, not for the benefit of my parents but, for my own benefit. However, that is very tough.

And, I really do find myself wishing that my dad had talked my mom into giving me away as a baby because, they were not fit to be parents and, I don't think they ever will be.

When I was a kid, I was babysitting my mom being drunk out of her mind, now I babysit her because she's nuts and fix her technological issues and her English words. I am not having any fun and, while I get that being an adult isn't fun, I'd like to have normal college student problems like: let me fix up my resume and find an internship!

But, no. Here I am, sitting on health issues as usual...I was going to go look at a car next week but, now? What's the point?

I am just ridiculously over today and, I plan on sleeping at my Abuela's house if only to be away from my mom for another night. I've been staying here since like Sunday...I have to stay home on Friday because I have a date on Saturday and, it's a lot easier for my boyfriend to drive his car into the parking lot by house than the one in front of my abuela's house but...GAAHHHH.

I was prepped for what would be a nice day and more or less 'my return to hope'. All today gave me was making my seat at 'hopelessness avenue' and 'sitting duck lane' warmer

I know how you feel, and I know what a nightmare it is having an alcoholic parent. I know the hate and anger you have. It's easy to resent your mom for how she abuses you, and I don't blame you for how you feel. It breaks my heart you're suffering the same pain I did.

But your boyfriend and Abuela (grandmother, right?) are right. The best thing you can do is forgive your mom. I was the same as you. I was 19 when my dad made a drunken spectacle of himself in public, and it wasn't until my 40th birthday I finally found it in my heart to forgive him. So I carried hate and anger with me for TWENTY YEARS. And that anger hasn't done me any good.

I know you're hurting. But holding on to that anger won't bring you any peace or help you heal. Forgiving someone like that may be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but the peace that comes with it makes it worth it.

Please don't wait 20 years like I did. You can have peace a lot sooner.
Your story is so close to my heart, I will keep you in my prayers.

Peace- Brian

 

[DramaQueenMokey]

I know you're hurting. But holding on to that anger won't bring you any peace or help you heal. Forgiving someone like that may be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but the peace that comes with it makes it worth it.

Please don't wait 20 years like I did. You can have peace a lot sooner.
Your story is so close to my heart, I will keep you in my prayers.

Peace- Brian

Thank you for your kind words; forgiveness is not an easy thing as you know and, I really wish I could get there sooner than later. When I'm back at school and going to counseling on a regular basis, then I'll try a little harder at that 'forgiveness' thing.

 

[fuzzygobo]

Thank you for your kind words; forgiveness is not an easy thing as you know an been too late and I'd be regretting it foreverd, I really wish I could get there sooner than later. When I'm back at school and going to counseling on a regular basis, then I'll try a little harder at that 'forgiveness' thing.

You'll be glad you did. In April 2008, I forgave my dad after 20 years of being angry at him. I had my peace with him.That September he died. If I didn't come to peace, it would've been too late, and I'd still be regretting it.
Maybe your counselors can help make it easier for you. It may be tough, but you'll thank yourself for taking that step.

 

[DramaQueenMokey]

Can someone please tell me why forgiveness is such a hard thing?

Today, my mom was especially rude and condescending to me and, I was having none of it.

I cannot currently drive due to the seizure I had (I am cleared to drive in another few weeks but, I'm still essentially a sitting duck); and, therefore, I can't run away from her except for staying at my abuela's place but, I can only stay here on weekdays or else my mom is going to have a conniption for one reason or another -_-

Anyway, I more or less keep wishing bad on her and my father (I keep wishing they'd drop like a ton of bricks if you catch my drift) and, my rather good, strong-faith-having Christian boyfriend has advised me to stop doing this, and said to me the following: "They will get theirs, let God take care of it. Work on you, if you don't forgive both right now, at least forgive your mom and eventually forgive your father. Carrying that around is hurting you and, I love you too much to watch you crumble underneath that everyday."

Now, I started explaining to him the following:

I do want to forgive my mom but, just when I'm ready to tell myself it's all good, I turn around and my mom does another one of her 'things' that makes me angry and just make me hate her even more!

Once again, boyfriend and my abuela don't want me carrying around all this hate, they'd even settle for me buckling down and attempting to pray but, I have so little faith, so little love that, I don't know if I can do any of these things (be it pray or forgive) anymore :/

 

[charlietheowl]

Can someone please tell me why forgiveness is such a hard thing?

Today, my mom was especially rude and condescending to me and, I was having none of it.

I cannot currently drive due to the seizure I had (I am cleared to drive in another few weeks but, I'm still essentially a sitting duck); and, therefore, I can't run away from her except for staying at my abuela's place but, I can only stay here on weekdays or else my mom is going to have a conniption for one reason or another -_-

Anyway, I more or less keep wishing bad on her and my father (I keep wishing they'd drop like a ton of bricks if you catch my drift) and, my rather good, strong-faith-having Christian boyfriend has advised me to stop doing this, and said to me the following: "They will get theirs, let God take care of it. Work on you, if you don't forgive both right now, at least forgive your mom and eventually forgive your father. Carrying that around is hurting you and, I love you too much to watch you crumble underneath that everyday."

Now, I started explaining to him the following:

I do want to forgive my mom but, just when I'm ready to tell myself it's all good, I turn around and my mom does another one of her 'things' that makes me angry and just make me hate her even more!

Once again, boyfriend and my abuela don't want me carrying around all this hate, they'd even settle for me buckling down and attempting to pray but, I have so little faith, so little love that, I don't know if I can do any of these things (be it pray or forgive) anymore :/

I think that forgiveness can't be rushed, it can only be achieved on your own schedule. When wounds are fresh, or opened often, it would be silly to expect you to forgive your parents so quickly. Work on yourself and then the confidence you need to forgive or move on should come.

 

[AlittleMayhem]

Can someone please tell me why forgiveness is such a hard thing?

Today, my mom was especially rude and condescending to me and, I was having none of it.

I cannot currently drive due to the seizure I had (I am cleared to drive in another few weeks but, I'm still essentially a sitting duck); and, therefore, I can't run away from her except for staying at my abuela's place but, I can only stay here on weekdays or else my mom is going to have a conniption for one reason or another -_-

Anyway, I more or less keep wishing bad on her and my father (I keep wishing they'd drop like a ton of bricks if you catch my drift) and, my rather good, strong-faith-having Christian boyfriend has advised me to stop doing this, and said to me the following: "They will get theirs, let God take care of it. Work on you, if you don't forgive both right now, at least forgive your mom and eventually forgive your father. Carrying that around is hurting you and, I love you too much to watch you crumble underneath that everyday."

Now, I started explaining to him the following:

I do want to forgive my mom but, just when I'm ready to tell myself it's all good, I turn around and my mom does another one of her 'things' that makes me angry and just make me hate her even more!

Once again, boyfriend and my abuela don't want me carrying around all this hate, they'd even settle for me buckling down and attempting to pray but, I have so little faith, so little love that, I don't know if I can do any of these things (be it pray or forgive) anymore :/

Forgiveness can be a great thing but it's also a very personal thing. You have to give it time and let your emotions run their corse before making a decision. Many people seems to think that not thinking ill towards certain folk and forgiving them is a peice of cake. It's not. It's an extremely difficult thing to do, even with God or any religious teachings, so your feelings are totally justified.

Whatever your decision is, I hope it's the best for you.