Dealing with depression and anxiety

[charlietheowl]

I am in a very good place! My relationship is flourishing, my grades are good, the very few real friends I have are indeed, there for me and, to a point, my mother has accepted the fact that I'm a different religion than she is now (before she used to just tell me I was wrong and at that, since I was so 'quick' to switch religions I may as well go join a cult when, in actuality, I've been researching this stuff for the longest time but, whatever, she has accepted it finally and I'm free to practice as I please)

In fact, my counselor says she needs to see me even less; instead of every 3 weeks, I'm now seeing her every 4 weeks and, I'm proud to say that the tides are turning for me ^^

Sure, I've hit a small snag what with my parents STILL fighting in court about my college tuition (my dad has to pay the majority since my mom doesn't make much and I study full-time but, he just doesn't want to because he hates her so much and then lets his hatred of her hurt me) And, I had to write up several court documents for my mom because both her English and Spanish are extremely poor...(that is a whole other hot mess that confuses me) but, point is, I'm magic translation for all child and, I have to keep doing that, especially if I want to finish my education. But, I have faith that things will start looking up very soon and, since I do work hard to keep my grades up, hopefully, the judge will side with my mother and I.

I'm glad you're doing well, and doing your best to handle the situation regarding the college tuition. Here's the rest of your semester goes well.

 

[WalterLinz]

That's wonderful news, @DramaQueenMokey!

 

[WalterLinz]

Man, I am the most spoiled, ungrateful person you'll ever meet. I just went shopping today and I got what I wanted, but I felt unhappy because there were people who gave me dirty looks there. It's sad, I'm afraid about getting a job because I can't even function correctly out in public, and it's like every time I go out, I don't even focus on what I'm supposed to be doing, but I only mostly focus on what others think of me. And I hate being in crowded places...

I sometimes often compare myself to others and get jealous of others' happiness. I'd rather stay at home rather than going out. I know I'm just a teenager and I'm still growing up and developing...but still, how am I gonna function in the real world if I keep worrying about what others think?

 

[WalterLinz]

And I don't want to be one of those "jerks" who end up working at a McDonald's or a Burger King.

 

[CensoredAlso]

I'm afraid about getting a job because I can't even function correctly out in public, and it's like every time I go out, I don't even focus on what I'm supposed to be doing, but I only mostly focus on what others think of me.

Once you have a job and have to concentrate on finishing a task (or no pay!), it gets easier to stop worrying about what others are doing, lol.

I sometimes often compare myself to others and get jealous of others' happiness. I'd rather stay at home rather than going out.

Everyone does that and gets like that, even in the real world.

 

[WalterLinz]

And I don't want to be one of those "jerks" who end up working at a McDonald's or a Burger King.

Sorry, I hope I didn't offend anyone with that comment!! I was just really angry and emotional when I wrote it.

 

[CensoredAlso]

Sorry, I hope I didn't offend anyone with that comment!! I was just really angry and emotional when I wrote it.

It happens, lol. Maybe you've had a bad experience.

 

[WalterLinz]

It happens, lol. Maybe you've had a bad experience.

It wasn't horrible, but yeah...these situations always leave me feeling terrible I start a tantrum, but I always end up feeling much much better because I pretty much got the hang of letting go of things, and besides, they're people who I'm never gonna see again!

 

[DramaQueenMokey]

Hi everyone! I hope you're all doing well and, one of the things that helps with my anxiety and depression often is an app I found called 'Vent'. On it, you make an account and, essentially, you have the right to vent about anything and everything. You can pick how you're feeling and just really let it out. You don't need to put in an e-mail or anything, just make up a handle, heck, you don't even need an icon picture and, it's a very freeing and non judgmental place when you need to cut off from the world for a few.

Also, speaking of depression, anxiety and all, I had a seizure-like event a couple weeks ago, have since had my driving privileges taken away (thry ddin't take my license but, I'm medically unable to drive), and, then I had to have an MRI and something called an EEG and, while that was stressful and painful both of those came back negative, that's what makes this more difficult. If both of my tests have come back negative, meaning, that technically I'm fine, then, what happened to make me have seizure-like event?

Well, that's the other thing. In 2 days time, I am going to have a head monitor placed onto my for full 48 hours and that's another type of EEG. My wonderful boyfriend wants to come and spend at least one of those days with me, so do my 2 best friends but, I honestly don't want anyone coming near me let alone the 3 people who mean the world to me while I have that thing on my head. I've looked up images of this and, I know for a fact that I am going to feel anything but beautiful and, that's odd for someone like me who's got not only sky-high self-esteem but, even when I do feel down and out, I put up a super strong front.

My boyfriend is currently on vacation with his family and, while he's in a tropical location, it's been nothing but rain and, last night we were talking over one of those 'international communication' apps when, it got on this subject and I confided in him that I feel like nothing more than a helpless, useless sitting duck and once that thing is on my head, I'll feel the same but just ugly.

If anything, I could just really use some prayers/well-wishes my way right now; this is an experience I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy...Really.

Either way, I hope everyone else is doing well <3

 

[charlietheowl]

I'm sorry you're dealing with all this, it sounds scary and rough. I hope that that the latest monitoring with the EEG and head monitor will give you a diagnosis and a future plan of treatment. Good luck!