The Muppets New Theater

[minor muppetz]

This idea is inspired by an idea I recently posted about in a thread about Henson-related video games. I'm making the idea into a fan fic. But no, I'm not going to deliberately write it in a way that would be easily translatable for a video game (if it looks video game-structured, it's a coincidence).

Chapter 1

The Muppets were having a big meeting in the auditorium. Almost every notable character - and many more - was there, with the exception of Scooter.

"Okay, before we start rehearsals, I'm going to have to cut a lot of acts this week", said Kermit, "Since Scooter's late I'll have to look at the list of acts on the sign-up sheet and decide who to cut."

Kermit looked at the list.

"I'll have to cut Seymour and Pepe"

"Again, okay???", said Pepe.

"We've been cut for the last few weeks", said Seymour.

"You have, okay", said Pepe, "I still get my solo material, okay."

"And I'll have to cut Muppet Sports"

"But we haven't had Muppet Sports in months!", said Louis Kazagger.

"And we'll have to cut two of the three Electric Mayhem numbers."

"But we need to do all three", said Floyd.

"We've discovered a way to tell a story by performing Stairway to Heaven, What's Up, and Shake It Off in that order", said Dr. Teeth.

Kermit scrunched his face, then looked at the sign-up list.

"And we should cut The Swedish Chef."

"Boot whrhrrrr???", said The Swedish Chef, holding up a pair of scissors.

"Because people are tired of you doing so many chicken-related dishes."

The chickens clucked in agreement.

"And we'll have to cut.... Oh good grief", said Kermit, as he saw what was next, "Gonzo, you REALLY want to do the indoor running of the bulls again?"

"I've perfected it!", said Gonzo, "I've found bulls who graduated from Harvard and Yale."

Kermit looked down at his list, "and I'll have to cut Carl the Big Mean Sign-up Sheet Eater."

Carl went to Kermit.

"But I can prove it'll work!", shouted a desperate Carl, who took Kermit's sign-up sheet and ate it, "See?"

"But now we need to make another sign-up sheet!"

"Don't bother", said Carl, "this one just gave me heartburn. Now I'm glad you cut my act."

As Carl walked away holding his stomach in pain, Scooter walked in.

"Hey, I've got some great news", said Scooter.

"Well let me report it", said The Newsman, "just in case Muppet News gets cut."

"Okay", said Scooter, whispering in The Newsman's ear.

"Oh, that is good news", said The Newsman, "Here is a Muppet News Flash! Scooter's uncle who owns the theater just won another theater and is allowing Scooter to run it! The Muppets now have two theaters!"

"Wow", said Sam dryly, "I'm going to have to work extra hard to maintain decency."

"That is good news", said Kermit, "I've had to cut so many acts lately that this new theater will allow room for more acts."

"We should meet and decide who will be transferred where", said Kermit.

"Okay, we'll meet backstage in a few minutes", said Kermit.

"But we've already met."

Kermit walked backstage.

Scooter noticed Walter walking by.

"Hey, Walter!", said Scooter, "I'm going to need my own go-fer at this new theater. How would you like the job?"

"Oh, that sounds good to me", said Walter, "it'll actually give me something to do."

"Teriffic", said Scooter.

Walter walked backstage.

"Oh, hey, Walter", said Kermit, "with Scooter running another theater, I'll probably need a new go-fer. Since you're such a fan and don't get to do much, how would you like to be our new go-fer?"

"Oh wow", said Walter, "a go-fer working for Kermit the Frog.... It's a dream come true!"

"Terriffic", said Kermit.

Walter walked down to the canteen, then realized...

"Oh wait", said Walter, "I've accepted jobs as both Kermit and Scooter's go-fers... Which one do I settle on?"

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 2

Kermit and Scooter were discussing their new situation.

"So we have two jugbands", said Kermit, "which one would you like at your theater?"

"Hmm", thought Scooter, "which one would you like me to have?"

"Well, neither of them have really made it", said Kermit.

"Maybe I should take The Gogolala Jubilee Jugband", said Scooter.

"And we have two sets of scientists", said Kermit, "Do you want Bunsen and Beaker at your theater, or Dr. Phil van Neuter and Mulch?"

"Well, Bunsen and Beaker are less frightening", said Scooter.

"I was afraid you were going to say that", said Kermit.

"By the way", said Scooter, "I might need you to help out at the theater and teach me some things about running a theater."

"Well, it's not easy", said Kermit, "especially when you're green. But you're not green."

The two chuckled.

"One of the biggest things I'll need to know is how to arrange for guest stars", said Scooter, "Say, would you like to be my first guest star?"

"Hey, you're learning already", said Kermit.

The Electric Mayhem was enjoying a meal down in the canteen...

"Well, I, like, wonder if we're going to stay here or at the new theater", said Janice.

"We've had so many great gigs and memories at this theater", said Floyd.

"MEMORIES! MEMORIES!", shouted Animal.

"I don't have any memories here", said Zoot.

"Either way", said Dr. Teeth, "we'll be able to do those three numbers this week."

"YAY!", shouted Animal.

"What numbers are they again?", asked Zoot.

"Well they're not three, seven, and twenty-seven", said Lips.

Everyone laughed.

"The frog would be crazy to not keep us", said Floyd.

"And Scooter would be, like, rully crazy to not want us at his theater", said Janice, "Fer sure!"

Clifford walked past him.

"Well Scooter is the crazy one then", said Clifford, walking by, "he's decided to have a different house band."

"Like, what house band is that?", asked Janice.

"My band", said Clifford, "Solid Foam."

"Solid Foam?", asked the Electric Mayhem in unison.

"Well I've got bigger problems", said Walter, "I've been given offers from both Kermit and Scooter to be their go-fers. Which one do I pick?"

"Is that issue really neccessary for this story?", asked Floyd.

"STORY! STO-RY!", yelled Animal.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 3

Scooter arrived at the new theater, along with Kermit and a number of other Muppets.

"So, this is it", said Kermit, observing that this new theater needed to be cleaned-up and repaired.

"I'll work on it", said Beauregard.

"But you're still working at the old theater", said Scooter.

"yeah, I'm going to be the janitor here", said George.

"I know that", said Bo, "but that doesn't mean I can't help fix this place up."

"Hey, Scooter!", shouted Beard, "Should the band perform now?"

"The theater hasn't even been fixed up yet", said Clifford.

Flash mumbled something.

"No, Flash', said Clifford, "this isn't Carnegie Hall."

A gopher showed up.

"Hi, I'm Christopher. Christopher Gopher. Most people just call me Chris Gopher. Anyway, I'd like a job as your go-fer."

"Sorry, Chris Gopher", said Scooter, "but I already have a go-fer."

Chris Gopher then noticed Kermit.

"Hey, you're Kermit the Frog! I'm a big fan. With Scooter running this theater I'm sure you'll be needing..."

"Uh, no, I won't", said Kermit, "I've already hired a new go-fer."

"Aw fudge!", said Chris, who left.

"I didn't know you hired a go-fer already", said Scooter.

"And I didn't know you hired one, either", said Kermit, "I'm surprised it didn't come up when we were discussing who works at what theater."

Walter sheepishly walked away.

"So who's your go-fer?", asked Kermit.

"Walter", said Scooter, "I feel it makes sense for him to work for me."

"But... But I hired Walter to be your replacement", said Kermit, "that only makes sense."

They looked around, and noticed Walter missing.

"I think I know what has happened", said Kermit, "Walter probably accepted both jobs without thinking about it and is now afraid that we'll find out and get angry."

"And he thinks we'll argue with each other and maybe snap at him..."

"...Or he thinks we'll keep making him better and better offers so he'd make the decision we'd want him to make...."

"...and he thinks we'll stop being friends or something and he'll end up rejecting both offers as a result...."

"But we're not like that", said Kermit.

"I wonder if he could be a go-fer for both of us", said Scooter.

"Well I don't think our shows will be held on the same nights", said Kermit, "he probably can."

"We need to find Walter and tell him", said Scooter, who turned to the others, "Hey, will somebody tell Walter he can be both our go-fers?"

Chris Gopher showed up.

"I'll tell him", said Chris, "if one of you fires him and replaces him with me."

"No", said Kermit.

"Oh, Rizzo!", said Scooter, "tell Walter to come to us."

"Okay", said Rizzo, who left.

"It's a good thing that conflict was solved", said Kermit.

"Yes, it is", said Scooter.

But unbeknownst to them, a large shadowy figure started to grow behind them.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 4

Solid Foam was about to practice.

"Okay, let's practice", said Beard.

"Yeah man", mumbled Flash.

"Wait, I can't find my drum sticks", said the drummer.

They've got to be around here somewhere", said Clifford.

But as everyone was looking away in search of the drum sticks, a shadowy arm with a shadowy pair of scissors sneaked up and cut the strings on Clifford's bass.

"Well, until you find your sticks, the rest of us can practice", said Clifford, "I'll practice my solo."

But then he found that his strings were cut.

"My strings are cut", said Clifford.

"Well, mine are perfectly fine", said Beard, "I'll practice."

As Beard practiced, the shadowy figure snuck in and stuffed Flash's saxophone with a few balls of toilet paper.

"Very good", said Digit.

"Now it's your turn, Flash", said Beard.

Flash mumbled something and then tried to blow his sax.... Only for the paper balls to cause it to barely make a sound.

"Something's not right here", said Digit.

Flash then blew the paper balls out of his sax.

"I think I know what's going on here", said Clifford, "earlier, the Electric Mayhem seemed a little upset that Scooter chose us over them to be his house band."

"They're probably trying to sabotage us", said Beard.

"I was always suspicious all those times when Dr. Teeth let us record in his studio", said Digit.

"Maybe I should confront them about this", said Clifford, "After all, I have played with them before."

"And there were the times when Animal and Zoot sat in for some of us", said the drummer.

"Don't remind me", mumbled Flash.

Meanwhile, Rizzo found Walter.

"Hey, Walter! Kermit and Scooter are looking for you!"

"I know", said Walter, "But I'm nervous. I accepted go-fer jobs for both of them. I don't know which one to take."

"Well they said that you can be both their go-fers", said Rizzo.

"Really?", said Walter, "that sounds terriffic!"

But then Chris Gopher showed up.

"Actually", said Chris, "they changed their minds and are suddenly angry."

"I know what you're up to", said Rizzo, "you just want to take the go-fer jobs away from him."

"Maybe I am", said Chris, "but what if I'm not?"

"Hmm", thought Rizzo, "he's got a point."

"I don't care", said Walter, "I'm going to talk to them..."

"NO!", shouted Chris, trying to stop him.

"Out of my way", said Walter.

"You can't push me around", said Chris.

"yes I can", said Walter, "you're not a Muppet!"

Walter walked away.

"We need better security", said Rizzo.

But when nobody was looking, the shadowy figure suddenly trapped Walter into a bag.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 5

The Swedish Chef came to do some cooking. After speaking some Swedish...

"Oh, Chef", said Scooter, "I guess Kermit didn't tell you. You're still working at the Muppet theater."

The Swedish Chef asked, in Swedish, who was going to be the cooking at this theater, and then Angelo popped up.

"Mama mia!", said Angelo, "I'm-a the chef-a here."

The Swedish Chef shouted Swedish at Angelo.

"I know", said Angelo, "The frog didn't want-a me at his theater-a, and to-a tell you the truth-a, I don't think Scooter did, either."

Dr. Phil van Neuter and Mulch came in.

"Well, I'm happy to get started here", said Dr. van Neuter.

Mulch grumbled in agreement.

"Oh, you two get to stay at the old Muppet Theater as well", said Scooter, "Bunsen and Beaker will be inventing here."

"Them over us???", said an outraged Dr. Phil van Neuter.

"Well, we do have good equipment for cleaning up the place", said Bunsen.

"Mee mee mee", said Beaker, bringing in a vacuum.

"Turn it on and clean up", said Bunsen.

Beaker turned it on, but it wasn't sucking in anything.

"Ha!", yelled Dr. Phil van Neuter, "yours doesn't even work!"

"Mee mee mee meee", said Beaker, looking into the vacuum tube.

Bunsen then noticed, "Oh, it's not plugged in."

Bunsen plugged it in, and Beaker got sucked into the vacuum, screaming as he was trapped.

"And now here's how mine works", said Dr. van Neuter, who turned his on and sucked the other vacuum into it... And then more and more things were being sucked in, including pictures, a telephone, somebody's hat, a drum set, and even a wall. Dr. van Neuter then turned it off.

"So maybe I put in too many chemicals", said Dr. van Neuter.

Mulch said something in gibberish.

"No, I can't say that again!", said Dr. van Neuter.

Dr. van Neuter slammed his hand onto the machine, causing it to shoot Beaker out, flying to a wall, and causing a bucket on a shelf to fall onto his head.

The shadowy figure was watching from behind a desk.

"Ha ha ha", chuckled the shadowy figure, "they don't know that I am responsible for all this bad luck. I pulled the plug on the first vacuum. I... Well, I didn't do anything to that other vacuum. I've got to cause me havoc."

"Hey, Rizzo", said Scooter, "have you found Walter yet?"

"Yes", said Rizzo, "I told him he could be you and Kermit's go-fer."

The shadowy figure snuck under the floor and started to saw a hole underneath where Scooter was standing.

"Well I haven't seen him in awhile", said Scooter.

"Me neither", said Kermit.

"You know", said Rizzo, "that Christopher Gopher fellow was putting ideas in his head.... I bet he did something."

"I need to find Chris Gopher and get to the bottom of things", said Scooter, who fell through the floor.

"Well, you are at the bottom floor", chuckled Rizzo.

"Wow", said an unamused Scooter, as he got up and wiped off some dust that had gotten on him, "Running a theater is a lot harder than I thought."

Scooter got back up to the previous floor. Seymour and Pepe were now there.

"Hey, Scooper", said Pepe, "we'd like to be on this weeks show, okay."

"Kermit says that the show at his theater is filled for this week", said Seymour.

"Well, let me look at this week's running order", said Scooter, looking at a clapboard, "Hmm, looks like I already have a full show this week."

"But I thought that the whole point of having two theaters was so there'd be more time available for each Muppet to do an act", said Seymour.

"Actually", said Scooter, "that wasn't the point. My uncle simply happened to win this theater and decided to let me be in charge of this one."

"Well, that's show biz, okay", said Pepe.

As Seymour and Pepe walked away, the shadowy figure stretched out his leg from behind a desk, tripping Seymour, who fell into the hole.

"Watch your step, okay!", said Pepe.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 6

"Hey, Scooter!", said Bean Bunny, "I have a cute little dance for this weeks show."

Bean started dancing.

"Bean!", said Scooter, causing Bean to stop, "that is too cute, and we've already got a full show for this week!"

Bean looked saddened, "but your uncle who owns this theater told me he wanted to..."

"Uh..., you know what?", said Scooter, "what's a slightly longer show! My uncle will be proud!"

"Ohhhhh, goody!", said Bean, who happily walked away while Scooter looked at his forms. When neither was looking, the shadowy figure reached out his arm and slapped Bean into a wall.

"What just happened?", asked Scooter, looking around and seeing Bean had been hit into the wall.

"What'd you hit me into the wall for?", asked Bean, "that wasn't a very cute trick!"

"I didn't do it", said Scooter.

"Well there's nobody else here", said Bean.

Meanwhile,Walter was tied up, his mouth gagged, and was struggling to get out. But then the shadowy figure appeared, and removed the gag.

"Who are you?", asked Walter, "why are you doing this?"

The shadowy figure was an actual shadow.

"I am Mark Shadowman, but my friends call me Power Shadow!"

"Well it's nice to meet you, Power Sha..."

"YOU are not my FRIEND!"

"Sorry, Mark."

"Call me Mr. Shadowman. I have no friends. I used to own this theater, then lost it in a poker game to J.P. Grosse. I always hated those Muppets, but now not only have I lost my theater, but those Muppets are now hanging around here. UGH!"

"How can anybody hate the Muppets?", asked Walter.

"Just ask Tex Richman, the Gorilla Television Crew, The Moopets...."

"Okay, Mr. Shadowman, I get your point."

"So I'm haunting this place and causing trouble", said Mark Shadowman as he looked away from Walter, "Everyone will blame my actions for somebody else, and there's so many good reasons to be suspicious of others...."

Mark Shadowman turned around... and saw that Walter had escaped.

"Why do I always look away when talking about my plans to my hostages?"

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 7

Walter ran down the stairs and out the nearest door, with Mark Shadowman running behind him.

"Gotta get to the new theater and warn the others!", said Walter.

"Heh heh heh", thought Shadowman, "he doesn't realize that he just ran out of the theater."

Walter ran past a sign that read, "Writers Block", and fell down a hole.

Mark Shadowman then looked down the hole.

"Ha ha ha", said Mark, "you fell down the plot hole of the Writer's Block!"

"What is this square thing I've fallen into?", asked Walter.

"That is the writers block! There's a little more story time before the part where you need to show up.... IF you show up in time..."

Back at the new theater, Chris Gopher confronted Scooter.

"Will you PLEASE ditch Walter and make me the new go-fer???", asked Scooter.

"No", said Scooter, "Walter is still the new go-fer, though I haven't been able to find him for a few hours. And I think you did something to him."

"I did NOT", said Chris Gopher, "But if you can't find him, give me a chance!"

"Bunny's are a lot cuter than Gophers", said Bean.

"Yeah", said Scooter, "but we don't need a bunny gopher, especially not a cute one."

Scooter let out a reluctant sigh.

"Fine, Christopher, if you say you didn't do anything to Walter, I'll believe you and let you be the go-fer until Walter comes back."

"Oh thank you! Thank you!"

"I just remembered", said Kermit, "I've been spending so much time helping out here, I forgot to help out at the old theater. I wonder how that's going on."

At the old Muppet Theater, several explosions were happening, set pieces and lights were falling over, and chickens were fighting with penguins. And various Muppets were standing around, bored.

"The frog should be here soon", said Floyd.

"I wish Kermie would get here", said Miss Piggy, "we're supposed to do a dance routine this week."

"I rully haven't gone this long without rehearsing, fer sure!", said Janice.

Gonzo then got blasted into the nearest wall.

"We don't need to wait for Kermit to practice", laughed Gonzo, "I'll go again!"

"I don't need Kermit to practice, either", said Crazy Harry, who set off an explosion.

Nigel sighed, "why couldn't I have been put in charge at the new theater?"

Clifford then showed up.

"Hey, band!", said Clifford, "any of you know why the Solid Foam's musical equipment has been having problems?"

"No, but hum a few bars and we'll fake it", said Dr. Teeth.

The rest of the band laughed.

"Hum bars, hum bars!", laughed Animal.

"So you aren't responsible for my band's problems with rehearsing?", said Clifford.

"Like, we wouldn't do that", said Janice.

"Yeah, we've been here all day", said Zoot, "we've been, uh... Been....."

"We've been here waiting for Kermit to get here so we can rehearse for the next show!", said Floyd.

Janice and Lips nodded in agreement.

Kermit then showed up.

"Sorry I forgot about rehearsals", said Kermit,"But I've been so busy with the new theater I forgot. In fact the first show at the new theater starts in an hour, so we've got to rehearse fast. I'm the guest star."

"And I've got to get back and practice for the show there", said Clifford, "hopefully we can get some spare instruments in time to rehearse."

"I think we should start with some of my jokes", said Fozzie.

"Get started, bear!", shouted Statler, who along with Waldorf was in the balcony during rehearsals.

"Yeah", said Waldorf, "you practice the jokes and we practice throwing things at you!"

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 8

Everyone was backstage, ready for the first show to start.

"I'm ready to sing", said Johnny Fiama.

"And I'm ready to make sure nobody boos you", said Sal.

"I feel sooooo cute!", said Bean.

"Cute enough to EAT!", said Big Mean Carl, who chased Bean, right into Angelo's food cart, spilling things.

"OH no!", said Angelo, "Mama mia! My-a food is-a all-a spilled-!"

Carl picked up Bean, now covered in chocolate, gravy, and strawberry.

"But the bunny now has more flavor", said Carl.

"Uh, that'll be-a 15 dollars", said Angelo.

"Please don't have enough, please don't have enough....", whispered Bean.

"But I don't have enough money", said Carl, "I ate it."

Scooter stuck his head out the wings.

"Looks like a good crowd."

Fozzie, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Camilla, and Rowlf were all sitting together in one row.

"Oh, I hope this is really funny", said Fozzie, "I'm not in the show so I can't be sure."

"Hopefully there'll be less pig puns than at the other theater", said Miss Piggy.

"I wonder how the music will sound", said Rowlf.

"I just hope nobody does the noodle stunt I plan for next week", said Gonzo.

"Nobody's going to do your noodle stunt, Gonzo", said Miss Piggy.

"They going to do a pork and bacon stunt?", said Gonzo.

Miss Piggy gave Gonzo a mean look and raised her fist.

The Electric Mayhem was sitting in the front role, right near the orchestra pit.

"Well, our instruments are working now", said Clifford.

"Yeah", said Beard, "don't sabotage us tonight."

"We didn't sabotage you earlier", said Dr. Teeth.

"Yeah, that's right!", said Janice.

"RIGHT! RIGHT!", shouted Animal.

Statler and Waldorf were also in attendance - obviously in a theater box.

"Well, we're here for the first show at this new theater", said Statler.

"You were at the first show at the old theater", laughed Waldorf.

"Well you were at Shakespeare's first show", laughed Statler, louder.

Backstage....

"Well, we're almost on", said Scooter.

"On what?", said Rizzo.

"On the floor, okay", said Pepe.

"Chris Gopher", said Scooter, "go tell Kermit 15 seconds 'till curtain!"

"But there's 45 seconds left",s aid Chris.

"It will be 15 seconds by the time you tell him", said Scooter.

Chris Gopher left.

"Maybe less now that we had that talk", said Scooter.

Chris Gopher knocked on Kermit's dressing room door then opened.

"Oh Kermit the Frog! Kermit the Frog! Fifteen seconds 'till....."

But then the starting music was heard.

"Looks like you're late", said Kermit, "I need to get ready."

On-stage, Scooter was inside the Muppet Show "O".

"It's the Muppet Show at the new Muppet Theater on the other side of town, with our very special guest star, Kermit the Frog! YAAAAYYYYY!!!!"

The sign and curtains raised as Solid Foam provided a hard rock rendition of the theme.

Timmy, Doglion, Thog, Mean Mama, and Sweetums walked down the arches.

A chorus line of women, came in front of the arches, consisting of Miss Mousey, a chicken, Mildred, Kai-Lee, Spamela, another chicken, Vicki, and Afghan Hound, sang the first line, "it's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight!"

Then the male chorus line came in, also in front of the arches, consisting of Johnny Fiama, Sal, Leon, Pepe, Seymour, George, Lew Zealand, and Bean Bunny, "it's time to put on make-up, it's time to light the lights, it's time to get things started!"

"So far it's just the same thing", said Statler.

"Should we sit in the other theater box?", asked Waldorf.

"No", said Statler.

Then Scooter came out on-stage, in front of the arches as well.

"It's time to get things started....."

The rest joined in, "...on the most sensational inspirational celebrational all-new-tational Muppetational, this is what we call......"

But then the theater started shaking. Everyone was leaving the set.

"This is already more tasteless than the old theater", said Sam.

Mark Shadowman then crashed through the set, now a lot bigger than previously.

"Hey, wait a minute", said Rizzo, "I don't remember hearing about there being any shadows in this show."

 

[kathy26]

great story so far can't wait for the ending i have a quick question who's Kai-Lee?

 

[minor muppetz]

great story so far can't wait for the ending i have a quick question who's Kai-Lee?

Kai-Lee is a little girl who appeared in Jim Henson's Play-Along Video series, along with a boy named P.J.