Muppet fic: Once in a Lifetime

[Slackbot]

Once in a Lifetime​

Part 7: You May Ask Yourself​

by Kim McFarland​

*****

Janken rode his bicycle from the Muppet theater to a bar he had recently discovered. The people here came to hang out and have fun. He'd made friends here. After spending all day at the Muppet theater, it was nice to go someplace where everybody knows your name but not your job.

He chained his bicycle to a rack which was already occupied by a pair of motorcycles and entered. He sat at the bar, where it was easier to start conversations, and said to the bartender, "Hi, Travis. I'd like the usual."

"Bloody Virgin Mary, sure thing."

The barkeep was getting out some tomato juice and tabasco sauce when someone said, "Hey, Janken."

He turned and greeted a human woman. "Hi, Monica. How's it going?"

"Pretty good. Say, do you work at the library?"

"I volunteer there sometimes. Why?"

"My daughter said someone did a reading for the kids a few days ago. When she said he was small and purple and had a big nose I thought of you."

He chuckled. "It must have been. Last weekend I read some of Kipling's 'Just So' Stories."

"Why do you do that?" she asked, interested.

The bartender placed a drink in front of Janken that looked like iced blood with celery and pickles and a straw sticking out of it. Janken said "Thanks," to him and then replied to her, "I like telling stories. And I have a pair of little sisters. I miss them, but being around kids makes it easier. So, are you going to go up tonight?"

"Maybe. How about you?"

"Maybe."

The bartender put a stapled printout on the bar in front of them. Monica said, "Thanks. So, Janken, I will if you will."

"I'll think about it," he replied with a smile.

She sniffed in mock exasperation and went back to her booth, taking the printout. Janken sipped his drink. Good and spicy, like tomato juice with a bite. And Travis had given him extra celery. Good; he liked a snack.

Before long the lights went up on a small stage on one side of the bar. Many of the patrons turned to look at what served as a stage: an area free of seating that had a microphone, a monitor, and a big TV on the back wall. One of the bar staff got up and spoke into the microphone, "First up, Monica and Lisa."

The aforementioned women came up to the stage and crowded the microphone. After a moment a video appeared on the big television. As the intro to a song played they stared at the monitor, waiting for their cue.

Janken watched, smiling, as they sang a song about...well, he wasn't sure; a lot of pop songs didn't make sense to him. It could be because he lacked the cultural background to understand them, but he suspected that some of them were pretty much gibberish. The people who sang karaoke here were often not very good at it. But they were singing! Many Silly Creatures didn't sing at all, but when they came here they might take a chance for once. Sure, it was usually just for laughs, but shouldn't singing be fun? And it comforted Janken to be around people who weren't musically inclined. He was an anomaly, a Fraggle with dire stage fright. But he had come here and given it a go. His first attempt had been awful–he remembered very little about it because he had been so nervous–but nobody had cared. That had encouraged him to come back and try again, and by now he was a regular enough patron that the bartender knew what to serve him.

**

A small man wearing a nondescript vest, shirt, and jeans and a pair of dark glasses entered the bar. He had an aimless, rather sloppy look about himself, but he was more alert than he often appeared. He considered leading people to underestimate him to be a professional skill.

One side of the bar had seats made for people his size. Today one of the stools was occupied by–well, he didn't know just what it was at first, except that it was an animal of some sort. Purple, with a long tail that wagged in time with the song that a pair of women were butchering. Huh. Usually he could come in here and be by himself for a while, maybe people-watch for inspiration when he was stuck for ideas. Oh well. He went over to the bar and said, "You mind?"

Janken glanced over and saw someone with dark pink skin, John Lennon glasses, and a mop of pale hair. "Mind what?"

"Mind if I sit here," he said, glancing at the stool next to him.

"Oh, no, go ahead."

The purple creature's voice and profile were familiar. He'd have it in a second. He said, "Come here often?"

"No, just once or twice a week on karaoke nights," Janken replied. "I haven't seen you here before."

"I usually come here when they're not having karaoke."

Janken chuckled. "Not your cup of tea, eh?"

"Nope." The bartender came over, and he said, "Irish coffee."

Janken said, "Travis–" He handed over a folded slip of paper.

Travis opened it and glanced at what was written within, then said, "I might've guessed."

"Yeah, I'm predictable," Janken said with a grin, and took a sip of his drink.

The small man was staring at Janken through the side of his sunglasses. He knew he had seen this weird-looking guy somewhere before. Now it was going to bother him until he remembered where. He wore a jean jacket that looked like it had come from the toddler's section of Old Navy, and a ring. The first item was not memorable and the second didn't jog his memory.

The women finished. The patrons applauded, and they took exaggerated bows and left the stage, laughing at their own incompetence. As the next name was announced the women looped past the bar. Janken raised his drink in salute to them. Monica said, "Well, what did you think?"

"That's the best cover of My Sharona I've ever heard," he answered.

She feigned offense. "That was Bad."

"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself," Janken replied.

Both women giggled. Monica asked, "So, when're you going up?"

Janken shrugged casually. "Who said I am?"

"Oh, right. See ya."

As the women went back to their seats it clicked in the man's mind. Of course! Where else would you expect to find a pint-sized purple monster? He said, "I just remembered where I've seen you before. The Muppet Show, right?"

Janken nodded. "Yeah. I do cameras."

"Wow. Never thought I'd meet a Muppet here."

Janken replied amiably, "We all have to unwind. I found this place a little while ago, and I got hooked on karaoke."

"No kidding. Don't you get enough of singing at the theater?"

"This is different. It's not professional. It's just for fun. I like that."

"Huh." He didn't know what to say to that.

"Anyway, I'm Janken. What's your name?"

"I'm called Fleet."

"Good to meet you, Fleet." They shook hands. "What's your job?"

"I write a little."

"Nice. I tried to be a storyteller myself, but I didn't have the knack. Must be neat."

Storytelling? Well, you could call it that. Noticing that Janken's drink was nearly finished, he said, "Here, let me get you another."

Janken said, "Um, Fleet, you're nice, but I'm spoken for, if that's what's on your mind."

Startled, Fleet said, "Hey, whoa! I'm not queer!"

Calmly Janken explained, "I didn't say you were. It's all right, I just didn't want there to be any misunderstandings."

"Okay. Just caught me by surprise there," Fleet said.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to."

Change the subject now, Fleet thought. "What's it like, working on that show?"

"It's a lot of work. That's show biz, you know. But anyone nuts enough to get themselves into a job like mine is nuts enough to love it."

"There must be a lot of-"

One of the staff called out, "Janken. Janken Fraggle."

Janken looked up. "That's me. 'Scuse me."

"Sure."

Janken hopped down from the bar stool and went up to the stage. He disappeared between the Silly Creature-sized tables before reaching the stage, where they had placed a platform for him to stand on. As the intro played he said into the microphone, "This would be for my 'special someone,' who is working late and thus isn't here to hear it. Doesn't it figure?" Then he began singing,

"Some people stay far away from the door​

If there's a chance of it opening up.​

They hear a voice in the hall outside​

And hope that it just passes by.​

​

Some people live with the fear of a touch​

And the anger of having been a fool.​

They will not listen to anyone,​

So nobody tells them a lie.​

​

I know you're only protecting yourself.​

I know you're thinking of somebody else.​

Someone who hurt you–​

But I'm not above​

Making up for the love​

You've been denying you could ever feel.​

I'm not above doing anything​

To restore your faith if I can.​

Some people see through the eyes of the old​

Before they ever get a look at the young.​

I'm only willing to hear you cry​

Because I am an innocent man."​

Fleet listened, paying more attention to Janken's voice than the lyrics. He had a very good singing voice. He sang the song as if it really meant something to him rather than being just another pop song. With talent like that he ought to be on the stage. Why was he stuck behind a camera? And he's gay. He has to be, otherwise he'd have said he was straight rather than he was spoken for. And he didn't flinch when he heard my name. This was very interesting.

He waved the bartender over, then pointed at Janken's glass and said, "Another of the same for both of us, on my tab."

Fleet received his second Irish Coffee and sipped the hot beverage while watching Janken sing. An Innocent Man? There's no such thing, he thought.

*****

Fleet Scribbler is copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC and is used without permission but with much respect and affection. Janken is copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9@aol.com), as is the overall story, and maybe Travis and Monica if it’s worth considering them characters.. Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.

 

[The Count]

Okay... Reading this now at this hour, hey, just found it posted.

Karaoke bar... That works perfectly for Jan and the other patrons.
Nice to think of Jan doing readings at the library.
Fleet, heh, we'd know that name anywhere, which only furthers the plot when he realizes Janken's never heard of him before.
Having read the exchange, now I know what it was you were asking me... And it made me think that was just a quick nervous panic/defensive reply to a line one might not be ready for.

Thanks for the update, hope you're warm in your own Fragglecave today. Brrrrr.

 

[charlietheowl]

I like the idea of Janken doing readings at the library, it's a good way for him to gain some confidence with performing while helping kids out. Just hopefully Jan doesn't get too close to Fleet, he's never up to any good.

Thanks for posting!

 

[Slackbot]

I've been wanting to show Janken at a karaoke bar for a while. It's one place where he can get in some practice, take a few baby steps toward trying to overcome his stage fright, without the other Muppets finding out. He still doesn't want to be a stage performer, but it'd be nice to be able to understudy when needed.

Yeah, it's never a good thing when Fleet shows up. The Muppets see him as a villain, which may not be exactly true. Fleet has a job to do to earn a living. He had rent and utility bills and all that stuff to pay just like everybody else. He'll write what people will read. If he finds a promising lead, he'll stick with it like a remora. He once went so far as to learn Mock Swedish.

Fleet's not especially bigoted, but it's one thing to not care what other people do and another to have someone act as if you are "like that." People can say not-nice things when unpleasantly startled. (I checked with The Count ahead of time to find out if Fleet's line would be a violation of forum rules.) Good thing Jan isn't the kind to escalate an argument. Fleet did some serious backpedaling after Janken finished his song.

Speaking of the song, I feel like a twit for leaving that out of the copyright notice. An Innocent Man is copyright © Billy Joel. Janken loves Billy Joel's music, which is why Travis made that remark when Janken gave him that paper. "Oh look, you're gonna do a Billy Joel song. What a surprise." That song is very Janken, and I wanted to include all the lyrics, but that would only have dragged the scene out, and it's not like Fleet was paying enough attention to merit their inclusion.

 

[Slackbot]

Er, this may be an odd question, but is anyone here familiar with the drinks mentioned in the story, namely Bloody Virgin Mary and Irish Coffee? I'm not sure how much I'll need to explain later on.

 

[The Count]

Yeah... Any "virgin" drink means non-alcoholic.
Bloody Mary? Spiced tomato juice with celery salt, ve might have used it all last time ve tried resurrecting Duckula though.
UD: Irish coffee... Just add whisky. The ice cream flavor's better.
Don't drink the alcoholic stuff myself but I have some slight knowledge. *Orders a Raisin Rum & Coca-Cola float from Bernie, the shattering skeletal bartender at the Ball and Socket.

 

[Slackbot]

Yep, those are basically the drinks they had. Janken doesn't like alcoholic drinks. He once got ambushed by spiked punch, and he doesn't want to feel that sick ever again. But he does like tomato juice, and it even comes with snacks. As for Irish Coffee, I heard about it from the writings of Larry Niven, and it has stuck in my mind as a neat kind of drink, even if it is a pain in the neck for a busy bartender. And a bumpkin like Janken might not realize that it has alcohol in it.

 

[The Count]

Heh, I wonder if Jan wakes up with the same kind of hangovers as Bugs did...
Bugs Bunny: "I'll never mix carrot juice with rutabega juice ever again."

Speaking of being sick... Excuse moi, but I've got a case of gremlin-type acid going on. Urgh, I needs me some chocolate and a glass of milk..

 

[mostlikemokey]

Hi! I Haven't been here in a while, but I love this story. The fourth wall gag was really funny, and they really like the characterization with Piggy. Hopefully she can teach those kids, and maybe even parents, that there's more to beauty than outside appearance. She could even use Gonzo as an example if she wanted to... That would be funny.
:Gonzo puts a lot of emphasis on his art even if he is a weirdo, so you should follow his example and not care what everybody says...

: Hey Piggy! Want to hear about my next act? It's going to be great! Of course, I still need to persuade Kermit to let me enlist that troupe of forks that can juggle knives and chainsaws.
:: Forget I said anything.

 

[Slackbot]

Thank you! I'm glad that people seem to like how I'm writing Piggy. I'm being careful with her, but being too careful leads to dull stories.

You're thinking along the right lines. Piggy does want to teach then that waking around and looking pretty-pretty will only take them so far. But how can she get that across to little girls and, not unimportantly, get it into the TV show she's doing under duress?

As far as Gonzo goes...a certain song from Fiddler on the Roof comes to mind. If you know the songs, the one I'm thinking of ought to be obvious.