Dealing with depression and anxiety

[charlietheowl]

I wish you the best of luck with trying to find a counselor, as it can be hard to make that call to set up the appointment. I have my first appointment with my new therapist next week, and I'm hoping it goes well.

 

[Mo Frackle]

My new schedule has become very stressful. Besides the amount of work, I'm getting less sleep, nearly falling asleep while I'm driving (and while in class), and I've become more forgetful lately. Like just today I completely misplaced one of my textbooks.

 

[CensoredAlso]

I wish you the best of luck with trying to find a counselor, as it can be hard to make that call to set up the appointment. I have my first appointment with my new therapist next week, and I'm hoping it goes well.

Thanks Charlie, hope your new therapist works out. Yeah the hardest part really is to take the first step.

My new schedule has become very stressful. Besides the amount of work, I'm getting less sleep, nearly falling asleep while I'm driving (and while in class), and I've become more forgetful lately. Like just today I completely misplaced one of my textbooks.

My sympathies, irregular sleep cycles can definitely mess things up.

 

[CensoredAlso]

Naturally, a great day turns into an utterly miserable night. Should have seen it coming.

 

[charlietheowl]

I hope you're feeling better this morning.

 

[DancingQueen]

There is no way you or anyone is alone with these issues. I've struggled with depression in various forms since I was 7 years old, which is the year I became suicidal, really and truly, for the first time (but hardly the last). And after that, because child psychiatry was so primitive at the time, I wound up being a psychiatric guinea pig for two years while they tried every drug on the market on me, most of which made me worse, until they finally thought of putting me on lithium. When that worked, they realized I had bipolar disorder (later amended to schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type when my problems turned psychotic in my early 20s). After that, I was mostly ok, but I had to deal with the memories of the nightmare I had been through, during which due to both my own symptoms and the results of the various medications (and medication changes) I was on, I was very simply not myself. But IMHO, as difficult as that was, it was ENTIRELY justified, because I was very serious about committing suicide when I was 7. People try to tell me that children are not capable of suicide, but they're wrong, they're very, very wrong. A child doesn't have to understand life to know that they're in such pain that they would consider ending their life, and all it takes is one attempt sometimes for them to succeed. (This is why I am now studying for a career in social work so I can be a therapist for children in these kinds of crises).

It got much, much worse again when I was a teenager, and I developed extreme neediness and loneliness and desperately worried all the time that my closest friends were going to abandon me if I made the wrong move. The fact that they never did, after all I put them through, shows that they were true friends. After high school, as I said, my depression was compounded by psychosis, and it made me disabled (I never LEGALLY tried to qualify as disabled, but I'm convinced if I'd tried I would have-schizophrenia can and does disable people). I attempted suicide multiple times, was hospitalized 5 times over the course of 2 years, and had 18 electroshock treatments....which, I am convinced, are the reason I am alive today. Those treatments made it possible for the first time since I was 15 to even imagine a career, or school, or indeed anything but life in a hospital (which is where I was headed). They were terrifying, and they had some side effects I still deal with today, but they saved me. That was three years ago, and while I still have bouts of depression (more these days related to hormones than my mental illness without a doubt, though, if that's not TMI!), it is never as bad as it was, and I'm convinced it never will be as bad as it was, now that I've had my second chance. (And that's what I really feel like it was-a second chance. I started college at age 24, after most of my friends had already finished it, and I feel like my illness caused me to forfeit my chance to join them when they started-and I feel a lot of pain about all that time that I lost when I was sufferring so badly-but these days, I'm not the kind of person who dwells on her losses).

Psychiatric treatment can be really difficult, and it's not perfect, but I am living proof that it saves lives, when they get it right-and I think that most people, if they don't kill themselves first, will get it right eventually, with the right meds and treatment and so on. But surviving severe, chronic, and treatment-resistant mental illness has changed me as a person-a better person.

 

[charlietheowl]

Thank you for sharing your story there, and being so honest about your past struggles with psychiatric disorders and various types of treatments. It can be hard to talk about suicidal feelings and attempts because of the oftentimes guilt and pain that goes along with those things. It's impressive that you want to try a career in social work to help children that are going through similar traumas like you experienced, and I wish you the best of luck in pursuing those goals and dealing with any bouts of depression that may arise in the future.

 

[DancingQueen]

Thank you! Best of luck to you too!

 

[CensoredAlso]

I hope you're feeling better this morning.

Thanks, yeah yesterday was a lot better. Goes to show you never know what can happen in the future.

There is no way you or anyone is alone with these issues.

How true that is. Thank you for sharing your story. Good luck to you.

 

[animalrescuer]

I read earlier posts about bullying. I was bullied myself, mostly during middle school and high school. On the bus during middle school, I would have stuff thrown at me or be pushed around or worse, harassed by boys who were a bunch of jerks! In high school, I was mostly harassed by the same boys a lot! Because I was very shy and insecure, I didn't do anything to stop it and i did my best to ignore them, I still feel guilty about it from time to time. My message to others who experienced this, it's best to tell others about who's pushing you around and harassing you. Also, because I was so shy, I had some trouble making friends, I usually had to force myself to say hello to someone, but I always went in not knowing if that someone would like me or not. But in middle school, I had at least a couple good friends. In high school and college, I had small groups of close friends so it was enough to get by.

Another problem I have is self-doubt. Whenever I fail a major exam or a class or make a really big mistake, I usually beat myself up about it and considering myself as a failure. But after taking time to pull myself together along with some pep talk from my parents and other family members and some close friends, I somehow find my inner strength to push onward and try harder than ever before. I guess this is where the Muppets come in, they, along with my family and friends, taught me that if I believe in myself and hold my head high, I can do anything I put my mind to and I can accomplish anything!