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Might be getting a good job, but I have mix feelings about it

Discussion in 'Friends and Family' started by mupcollector1, Jul 17, 2012.

  1. mupcollector1

    mupcollector1 Well-Known Member

    I just found out less than an hour ago that I might be getting a $13 and hour job soon. Long story short there's this job coach I have who I find super irritating. He seems very nice at first smiling, laughing, energetic, what could go wrong with this guy right? It's the stuff he says that kind of brings me down, I tell him my goals and dreams in life and he says "That's great for a hobbie, but it's never going to make you money. You can just do that stuff only if you have time and just pay attention to just getting money". I have to admit yes it's still kind of a rocky economic, and I've been searching for my first job since high school in 2005. Anyway he found me a $13.00 on hour job and I got an interview. Unfortunately I'm a little afraid of it in various ways. Working in a catateria at a Navy base. And I'm a bit freaked out about it. Because of the following. (Just to let people know, there's absolutely nothing political against the Navy about what I'm going to say :) )

    1. Fear of being drafted
    2. dress codes and strict social norms. Nonconformity is very important to me in terms of gender norms. Long story short I would just hate to get a buzz cut. I know that I got to wear a formal suit and tye (which I like to call a Monkey Suit based on a quote from Ed Edd N Eddy) and I know that I'm going to have to wear a uniform. Totally not looking too forward about it.
    3. Relating to two, I'm thinking of changing my apperance image to what I always wanted, more artsy and androgynous but because of the fear of dress codes at work. I need to think of ways I can still get away with dressing the way I want to but at the same time keep my job. I guess if I gel my hair and have a hair net, I won't get fired.
    Anyway it's mostly anxiety about balancing my appearance and keeping a job.
    Part of me just doesn't want it, but I need the money for equipment of my art career, and even human needs. I'm running out of food every single month and food stamps just doesn't cover it. But I don't want to get into that so much.
  2. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    There's not a draft anymore, so I wouldn't be worried about the first one. For the other two, I guess you have to decide whether self-expression or money is most important to you. I'd take the job, and see the atmosphere and mood around the cafeteria, then see how you can dress/grow your hair based on what things other people seem to get away with.

    Hope it works out for you.
  3. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    That's what I was about to say, I didn't think they did the draft anymore.
  4. mupcollector1

    mupcollector1 Well-Known Member

    I remember hearing that a hair net might be requried, which I don't mind. My hair isn't that long but I'm planning on growing it and dyeing it blonde. In my mind when ever I think of Navy, Army, Government type, I just think of WWII and the 1950s and how all males had to shave their heads and what not. And it's either my own personal fears of a judgmental society or that I've rarely gone out of my apartment to go out and meet people and even haven't had any work experience before. I tend to get a bit nervous. But yeah, perhaps it's far more worse in my head then it is in reality.
  5. MuppetsRule

    MuppetsRule Well-Known Member

    1) There is no military draft anymore.

    2) Are you joining the navy or just working at the navy cafeteria? I see no reason if you are just working there that you would need to get a buzz cut. And wearing a hair net is required in ANY job regarding food.

    And not to get in to a political discussion but if you are running out of food every month and are on food stamps and are capable of getting a job, TAKE THE JOB! Who do you think pays for those food stamps? Food stamps are intended for people that need them. Not for people that are capable of working but just don't feel like it.
  6. mupcollector1

    mupcollector1 Well-Known Member

    Well to be nice about this, and the reason why I didn't want to bring it up is I was Diagnosed with Asperger's and PTSD so it's Disability. I'm not sure if the Asperger's was the right diagnoses, I had it all my life but the PTSD was recent. Anyway it was a personal subject that I didn't want to bring up. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned the food stamps. Sorry about that.
  7. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    Everyone has their bad days. Unless you're milking the system, never be ashamed of getting help. I can't fathom using soldiers for running the till, so I don't necessarily see why you should need more than just business casual/uniform.

    Here's their civilian dress code site for food sevices

    Here's a list from another site:
    m. Standards of Dress
    (1) Standards of dress for civilian clothing worn by all service members, retirees, civlian employees, contractors, dependents, and civilian guests aboard the base are as follows:
    (a) Clothing should be clean, well-maintained and properly fitted.
    (b) Clothing should be worn to present a neat, orderly appearance (e.g., buttoned, belted or zipped, or fastened).
    (2) The following examples of inappropriate civilian dress are general and apply to all persons aboard Camp Pendleton. These examples of inappropriate civilian dress and appearance are not all inclusive, but they represent dress and appearance which is considered to be not in keeping with the spirit and intent of these regulations and therefore not permitted on this installation.
    (a) Clothing with printing, insignia or pictures which are sexually or violently offensive, obscene or suggestive in nature; promote illegal activities; depict derogatory social, religious, racial or ethnic messages; or present an impression contrary to the good order and discipline of the armed forces and the Marine Corps Base.
    (b) Clothing which fits excessively brief or tight.
    (c) Clothing which fits excessively baggy or loose.
    (d) Bare feet in public areas except for designated swimming, sunbathing, and recreational areas.
    (e) Bare chest or “shirtless” for men in public areas except for designated swimming or sunbathing areas or as authorized by area commanders.
    (f) Clothing which is torn, ragged or dirty.
    (g) Clothing and accessories which are intended to present a paramilitary appearance or to serve as weapons.
    (h) Clothing that is designed primarily to be worn as nightwear/sleepwear.
    (i) Half-shirts or abbreviated shirts or athletic items designed to be worn as an undergarment (sportsbra) are not authorized at any gym facility.
    n. Minimum Dress Standards Intent. The below is provided to ensure that all understand what the minimum casual dress standards encompass and which facilities imposed the minimum dress standards aboard Camp Pendleton.
    (1) The minimum standard of casual civilian dress for normal activities and business in public areas is as follows:
    (a) Upper body. For men, a complete coverage short sleeve type shirt with or without pocket and designed to be worn as
    an outer garment. For women, a blouse or top that provides conservative coverage.
    (b) Lower Body. For men or women, shorts of conservative length and suitable for casual wear as opposed to strictly athletic activity such jogging, biking, and swimming.
    (c) Footwear. Athletic or walking shoes or sandals with or without socks. Males and females are authorized to wear thong type footwear (except for shower shoes that are specifically designed for showering). Slippers or footwear designed primarily for nightwear/sleepwear are not permitted.
    (d) Headgear
    1. All headgear, when worn, will be worn appropriately, with the bill to the front of the head.
    2. All headgear will be removed indoors.
    3. The wear of clothing articles not specifically designed to be normally worn as headgear (e.g. Bandannas, Doo Rags) is prohibited.
    (2) Exceptions
    (a) Clothing such as tank tops, sleeveless T- shirts and athletic type shirts and shorts are appropriate only for quarters areas, physical training, sporting activities, and recreation type areas.
    (b) Items designed as or resembling swimwear (bikinis, speedos, bathing suits) are appropriate for beaches and pools only.
    (c) Spandex type gym attire is authorized while conducting physical training, provided that the fit of such attire is not indecent or in poor taste.

    I don't see anything about hair issues, so that should be a topic brought up when you get to that point. I would imagine the usual would apply: neat, groomed, clean, no unnatural colors (what do you MEAN purple ain't natural?), etc.
  8. mupcollector1

    mupcollector1 Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone, I've got an update. I decided not to take the job and planning on getting another job service or to just do the job searching myself. The people I spoke to on the phone (again no offense or politics meant) were very rude and snappy. They did say that I could grow my hair out just have it pinned up as long as it can fit in a hairnet. But there were more complications like I would have to stand in the heat all day and I just can't do that I hate the head, they said in general they are very picky and to tell you the truth, I never wanted this job in the first place, I prefer something more artsy, laid-back and less judgmental. So my job coach calls back making bad jokes about males having long hair saying you never see them working with long hair in general and I forgot to mention that there was someone who worked at the pharmacy in CVS who was a very androgynous male. I'm so jellous, I wish I could ask for beauty tips. But anyway I was trying to keep my cool with this guy and I told him that it's against the law of my state to discriminate against Gender Idenity and Expression and that's when he said "Your absolutely right but logically when was the last time you seen a man with long hair and looking androgynous having a normal decent job?" I should have replied to that. So I felt very upset so I called his boss leaving her a message saying that he makes me feel uncomfortable and I would like someone else or just stop their services all together. I emailed the top place for arts in my state asking for jobs and telling them what I do best which is a lot of skills not to brag. lol And finally I talked to a couple of LGBTQQ organizations and they told me that I did the right thing so they sent me two documents with the laws on there and told me when ever I search for a job, bring the documents and explain to them.

    Anyway it was totally complicated, very very hecktic 2 days in a row. I was bothered by the job coach while I was in the library and had to play phone tag, then had to call them up at 7am (I like sleeping in a bit, I'm a night owl but totally understand most people work in the morning) and the whole day was just fighting for how I felt inside.

    And just like what charletheowl said " I guess you have to decide whether self-expression or money is most important to you" and other people yesterday said the same thing. And just after listening to REO Speedwagon's "Follow My Heart (Awesome song by the way in my opinion" and just being more and more into The Secret: The Law of Attraction. I stopped and think "Wait a minute, who has control over my life anyway? Me? Wasn't I happy when I walked downtown looking at turqouise jellery and looking forward to my androgynous make over next month and feeling so happy about it thinking I can finally dress how I feel deep down inside and celebrate my idenity? Or course I do. But this job, I was never happy with it. I've always had that bad belief "It's a bad ecconemy, take what you can get, even if it's scrubing toilets, it doesn't matter how I feel about it, as long as I was making money" and I realized how important feeling happy about my life truely meant to me. I was about to throw my self and even soul into a dead end job. (Again no politics were meant). I didn't realize how disrespectful I truely was about myself. And I felt that it was time that I cared about myself and who I was a little more then I ever have in my life.

    Long story short I was terrified that a bunch of people where going to call me and get angry at me (It's just a random feeling due to my PTSD) but I had to keep reminding myself to not worry, think happy. I followed my heart yesterday and I should be proud of myself. Yes people might think I'm nuts turning down a $13 an hour job in which I could have been hired on the spot. But personally I felt that I gave myself respect, fought for what I believed and my own identity, and basically followed my heart. So basically I sort of feel proud of being nice to myself like that. :)

    Anyway thank you all for the emotional support. Again it feels a little weird to me to be talking personal stuff like this on a forum that's mainly my favorite entertainment. But I think it's very wonderful that there's a part in the forum where people can get emotional support and make friends like this. Perhaps we all learned that from The Muppets some how. :)
  9. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    That's good you were able to make the decision that was right for you in your heart. I hope you have better luck finding a job in the future.
  10. fuzzygobo

    fuzzygobo Well-Known Member

    I know it sounds tough, but sometimes in life you might need to compromise just a little bit to get your foot in the door somewhere. Then once you're established, you can express yourself a little bit more. I admire your striving to remain true to yourself, but not to play devil's advocate, when a job is offered to you, it's very hard, especially in these trying times, to say no.
    But hey- my hair is down to my shoulders, and I'm an assistant chef. I do have to keep it tied up and stuffed under a hair net. So I have to compromise just a hair to keep my job and pay the rent, but I can still be me. Hope it works out for you too.

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