Fozzie's joke: Fozzie says, "Have you heard the one about this very fat pig?" Miss Piggy replies, "Have you heard the one about this very FLAT bear?!" (SHE KARATE CHOPS HIM)

CURTAIN

After rushing on stage and slipping in the process, Kermit announces that guest Kaye Ballard is one of the funniest and nicest ladies in the business and gets things moving on The Muppet Show.

MUSICAL NUMBER - "YOU DON'T WANT MY LOVE"

The Country Trio of Jim Henson, Jerry Nelson, and Frank Oz lookalikes perform with Jim and Jerry sharing vocals and Frank offering up some wild scats.

BALCONY

BACKSTAGE

Floyd alerts Kermit that the band is "ankling" - they simply can't bear to play the incredibly square theme song one more time! Kermit convinces them to at least stay to play Kaye Ballard's number.

CURTAIN

Kermit slips up once again as he enters the stage - and yet again after he introduces Kaye!

MUSICAL NUMBER - "WHAT WOULD YOU SAY"

Kaye shares a singing and dancing duet with Thog, a very sweet number despite Thog's occasional misjudgments of his size.

[Kaye Ballard is an excellent singer and comedianne and a wonderful guest on The Muppet Show, but the costume department wins the "What Were They THINKING" Prize for Kaye's dress in this number which almost steals the scene by itself making Kaye look like a huge giant wedding cake!]

BALCONY

BACKSTAGE

The band attempts to leave again but Kermit quickly counters that Kaye has a closing number as well, then once he has their full attention, attempts a deal...if they stay for the length of the show, then next week, they'll have a brand new theme song. The only hitch is Kermit proposes that conductor Nigel pen the new theme - and he was responsible for the first one.

NEWSFLASH

The Newsman attempts an interview with Mrs. Gretchen Powers (Ballard) who is trying to set a record for the world's longest sentence. Of course after babbling for six weeks, she isn't about to stop for our reporter. [Note: Kaye actually finishes her sentence and starts another after The Newsman's last line: "...because that's the way it is. You can not believe what's going on..."]

AT THE DANCE

Miss Piggy finally snares a dance with Kermit and sets the mood with some romantic language.

UK SPOT: MUSICAL NUMBER - "LIFE GETS TEEJUS"

The old codger from the jug-band rocks quietly in chair in front of his old, disintegrating shack and muses on life's rote inevitabilities. [This UK spot is included on the video Country Music with the Muppets.]

TALK SPOT

Kermit confides to Kaye his problems with the band and Kaye offers to help since she understands musicians, being one herself. Kaye engages in a convincing discussion with Animal which falls apart when she concedes that she quite likes the theme. Kaye then defers Animal to express his hostilities further with Kermit.

SKETCH - MONSTER HAIRCUT

A large hairy blob comes into a barber shop for a trim after his rock group breaks up.

BALCONY

SKETCH CONTINUES

The blob is considerably smaller but still devoid of any distinguishing features.

BALCONY

SKETCH CONCLUSION

The barber loses a customer.

BACKSTAGE

Floyd attempts new negotiations with Kermit letting him know that the band will stay if Floyd can write the new theme. Kermit agrees though Floyd warns him ahead of time that it will be too hip for him to like.

SKETCH - VENDAFACE

Vendaface offers passers-by a fully automated facelift. His first customer is successfully transformed from a scraggly woman into a stunningly beautiful lady...unfortunately this doesn't leave much material left to work with for his second plain-Jane customer.

BACKSTAGE

The band debuts its new theme, "Fugue For Frog", an atonal and discordant piece worthy of Frank Zappa.

CURTAIN

Kermit makes his way onstage (without falling) to bring on Kaye.

MUSICAL NUMBER - "ONE NOTE SAMBA"

The band run onstage to accompany Kaye's number. Miss Piggy muscles her way in engaging in an another "anything-you-can-do-I-can-do better" battle with the guest. The two attempt to outplay the other with everything from clarinets to kazoos from flutes to glockenspiels. Just when Piggy thinks she's won with her temple block, Kaye dwarfs her with a large tuba! [Frank pulls some hilarious facial expressions out of the Piggy puppet throughout this number!]

BALCONY

Floyd attempts to get Kaye to sign their petition regarding the show's theme but is shoved away by Kermit while Kaye and Piggy go at it one last time.

CLOSING THEME

Instead of the usual prerecorded closing sequence, Rowlf plays solo on his piano conducted by Rowlf.

[The original version of the closing theme ended with a shot of Zoot blowing his final note with the ITC logo over him. When The Muppet Show was no longer being distributed by ITC in the late '80's, this shot was replaced with a newly taped shot of Zoot in the pit blowing his sax - then looking startled (the HA! logo would come out of his sax initially). Some later airings would use a shot of Zoot from the Sax & Violence number in episode 2 as the closing shot.

Original Non-UK Closing		Replacement Closing

Since this special version of the theme song only has Rowlf playing solo, the final image in some distributions of this episode was a shot of The Electric Mayhem with their instruments from the final backstage scene with a superimposed Kermit sitting on the staircase balcony waving to the camera.]

Guide Written by
D. W. McKim and Phillip Chapman

With contributions from
Jogchem Jalink and Dave Ebersole