Fozzie's joke: "Hey - Question: What has 1000 legs but can't walk? 500 pairs of pants!"

CURTAIN

After Kermit reprimands Statler and Waldorf for making male chauvinist pig jokes regarding guest Candice Bergen, Miss Piggy steps through the curtains commenting she's tired of any kind of pig joke and forcefully reminds Kermit of his promise that she could open the show this week "...or Mssss. Bergen and I walk!" Kermit introduces Msssss. Piggy.

OPENING NUMBER - "WHAT NOW MY LOVE"

Finally the moment Miss Piggy had been clawing her way up from the chorus line to achieve! After several featured parts and a duet with Bruce Forsythe, Miss Piggy finally performs her first solo number. She puts her all into the performance though it becomes a bit challenging when her backing singers turn into monsters and start chasing her.

[Note: There's an amazing piece of staging as Miss Piggy begins the number reclining on a loveseat tricking the eye into believing that Frank is probably performing her through the sofa...untill she walks up off of it! This song appears on the original Muppet Show soundtrack.]

BACKSTAGE

Piggy exits the stage in a mix of adrenaline from being chased by monsters and the thrill of stardom success as Fozzie announces he has a wire for Kermit the Frog and presents him with a coat hanger (a gag he also played on Florence Henderson at the end of her episode). [Fozzie refers to his joke here as a running gag even though this is the first time he plays it in this episode.]

CURTAIN

Kermit introduces a great little sittin'-by-the-fire-whistlin'-and-twiddlin' song.

MUSICAL NUMBER - "PUT ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE"

The song is sung by a full-size Hillbilly Muppet (not a costumed puppet though but a hand puppet with legs performed from underneath his chair - more great staging!) who strums the banjo and sings the parody of male chauvinism as the male members of the Gogolala Jubilee Jug-Band join in. Candice portrays the hillbilly's wife who tries to keep up with his demands and then finally in a moment that would make Murphy Brown proud, starts knocking over the various trappings and symbols of domesticity, shedding her Victorian garb to reveal a tight fitting T-shirt with the female symbol and blasting her way out the front door with a rifle.

BACKSTAGE

Turning his wire joke into a running gag, Fozzie announces he has a letter for Kermit The Frog and presents him with an "R". Kermit unsuccessfully tries to play the same joke on Scooter.

AT THE DANCE

George finally pops the question to Mildred in the only way the lowbrow possibly can manage. [This is the second consecutive episode to use the tango version of the music.]

DISCUSSION PANEL - "DOES TRAVEL BROADEN THE MIND"

Kermit moderates a panel consisting of Mildred, Miss Piggy, Sam Eagle, and travel agent Clara Cartwell (Bergen). Mildred and Piggy annoy each other with fat jokes and barbs as Sam tries to impress Clara with his obviously limited experience as a world traveler.

[Note: Watch Mildred and Piggy at the beginning during the intro music - they're already tussling with each other and Piggy can be heard telling Mildred "...all you need is a new beak"!]

UK SPOT - MUSICAL NUMBER "IT'S NOT WHERE YOU START, IT'S HOW YOU FINISH"

Rowlf sings and plays the song on the piano. Scooter tells him that he sang the song too fast and Kermit wants him to fill the next minute with an encore...meaning Rowlf needs to sing faster. Scooter again has Rowlf repeat it since it's his uncle's favorite song...but he only has 20 seconds!

[Note: Usually on television shows, when there's a "countdown", the actors typically cheat - but it DOES take a minute from when Scooter announces this until the end of the bit - and Rowlf actually does sing the final version in exactly 20 seconds.]

TALK SPOT

Not a great deal of talking since Candice is actually trying to take Kermit's picture while the frog tries to be "candid for Candice". Sweetums inquires about the quality of the Candice's equipment and tests her claims that it's a good camera by digesting it.

SWEDISH CHEF

The Chef prepares a chili and takes care to add tiny amounts of "speecy-spicy", "hotsie-totsie", and "peppersaucen". He gives the chili a taste but although smoke comes out of his ears, he apparently likes it EXTREMELY spicy so he adds significantly more portions of the ingredients. He blows his top upon second taste.

[Note: Much is often made about the artistry of Jim performing the Chef's head while Frank does his hands often surprising Jim in the process. This is a particularly fun episode to observe this dynamic as Jim starts to break character by laughing and covers by having The Chef laugh in delight at the amount of peppersaucen he's adding...which of course prompts Frank to almost put down the bottle and then add a great deal more!]

MUSICAL NUMBER - "WHEN I LOOK AT THAT FACE"

With Candice posing in the background as the model Andre the Artist leads his students through their portraitures though each person tends to see more of themselves in their subject than Candice's visage. ANDRE (noting Mildred's rendition): "Inspired, but by what?"

Animal's attempt however doesn't even look like anything. He's just splashing paint on the canvas. Obviously not of a modern impressionism school, Andre reminds Animal that he's supposed to paint Candice. Animal happily complies as he approaches Bergen wielding his brush at her face!

BACKSTAGE

Fozzie enlists a frog chorus to bring an increasingly agitated Kermit a note.

VETERINARIAN'S HOSPITAL

BACKSTAGE

Fozzie plays up to a crowd of onlookers as he tops off his running gag - delivering a box of FLOUR for Kermit the Frog. Miss Piggy shows Fozzie what a punch line should look (or rather feel) like when she observes him dumping the flour over Kermit's head!

CLOSING NUMBER - "YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS"

Gonzo starts singing a song of solitude but is quickly interrupted by Candice who sings of the joy of others' company.

[NOTE: After two musical numbers where Candice plays along in the background without actually singing, she finally leads a song. She's joined by the usual chorus of Muppets - though much like Piggy and Kermit in the Lena Horne episode, it looks a bit odd to see Kermit and Fozzie singing peacefully and chummy together given the proceeding backstage plot. Boppity is the first Muppet to join in and one can note the family resemblance in Gonzo's Fracklish origins as the two sing together.]

CLOSING

Fozzie soon discovers why Kermit let him lead the goodnights as he's soon presented with a pie for Fozzie the Bear. Candice's sleeve falls victim to some ricochet!

Guide Written by
D. W. McKim and Phillip Chapman

With contributions from
Jogchem Jalink and Dave Ebersole