Unnamed Cookie Monster: Cookies and Cows sketch

[mikealan]

I thought of a GREAT unnamed Cookie Monster sketch. This should be the one where he eats cows on the barn, but here on this skit is the early Cookie Monster from 1969-70. I hope you think this is super fan-fic.

(The scene is the barn.)

FAT BLUE FATHER: Hey, son, it's awful. Do you know why it's awful on our farm? The monster ate all of our cows! We'll never get milk from them! Too awful.

SMALL PINK MUPPET BOY: Oh, no! That's terrible, papa. We gotta do something!

FAT BLUE FATHER: What's that?

SMALL PINK MUPPET BOY: We'd better get the monster out of our barn before we gotta get more cows! (The unnamed Cookie Monster from 1969 enters. To Monster) Hey, hey Monster, why did you ate all of our cows from our barn?

COOKIE MONSTER: I always like to eat cookies and cows! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! (Eats the cookies he has.) ARRRR-YUM-YUM-YUM-YUM-YUM-YUM-YUM-YUM,etc.!

SMALL PINK MUPPET BOY: Papa, he's a stupid monster! He doesn't know that we eat cookies and drink milk all the time!

FAT BLUE FATHER: That's right, son. He's never smart, because he wants to eat cows instead of drinking milk and it's all because of him not good at squeezing the milk from the cows. (To Monster, yelling) Get out of here, you stupid monster! You ate too many cookies from our house and you ate the cows so we'll never have milk! I'm going to tell your mother that you are under arrest by eating them!

COOKIE MONSTER: RAAAUUUGGGHH! (Ignores him and continues eating cookies)

END OF SKETCH

 

[Ryan]

Um, I don't know if I really understood that.

 

[mikealan]

Well, how about a 4-part sketch?

(Ernie is studying for a test about healthy foods.)

Part One:

ERNIE: (Hums to himself a little) I'm studying for my healthy foods test for school. But I have to think about what foods that are very healthy. Let's see...(Draws an apple) Apple? Well, I think it's a very popular fruit so I think it's a very important food. Totally. Yeah. (Draws cookies) Well, maybe a box of cookies? No...I think they have sugar in them and they're not healthy. But I like to eat them, but no, they're not very healthy. (Erases cookies. Draws a carrot) Hmmm..I'm pretty sure that this carrot is healthy...so I'll leave it on the board. Hmmm...maybe...maybe...um...I don't know if a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable. I think it's a fruit, 'cause it's kinda like an apple. (Draws tomato.) How about one last healthy food! A banana! Yeah! It was a very popular tropical fruit...I think...(Draws a banana and hums to himself a little until Bert enters)

BERT: Wow, Ernie! I see that you're studying for the test about fruits and vegetables!

ERNIE: Yeah, I know! I drew some pictures that are very healthy like apples, bananas, carrots, and tomatoes.

BERT: Well, that's great Ernie! And the tomato is really a fruit and you should be proud of yourself.

ERNIE: Why, thank you, Bert!

BERT: You're welcome. Keep studying and keep drawing more fruits and vegetables! (Leaves)

ERNIE: Hmmm...I think I have to take a little break. Oh well. I guess I'm gonna have an unhealthy food for half of an hour-cookies! Yeah. I love cookies! Keeheeeheeeheee! (Leaves)

End of Part One

 

[mikealan]

Part Two:

(Same scene as Part One. Ernie is holding a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies)

ERNIE: Oh boy! I love cookies! They're my favorite snacks! (To television viewer) and you can't eat them too much when you're healthy. You might have too much sugar in your body.

(Bert rushes in with horror)

BERT: Ernie! Ernie! Ernie! There's something awful! Just awful going on in the farm! When I was buying more fruits and veggies from the farm for you to study for your healthy foods exam, I saw this HUGE monster eating all of the farmer's cows! Every cow he ate! We'll never have milk for the rest of our life, Ernie!

ERNIE: Gee, that's terrible, Bert! We gotta do something! We don't want our neighborhood to have the shortage of milk!

BERT: I know!!

ERNIE: What are we going to do? Maybe we can borrow all of the dairy cows from Wisconsin? (Cookie Monster from the 1970-71 seasons pops up and eats all of Ernie's Chips Ahoy! cookies) OH NO! What are you doing, Cookie Monster? AUUGGHH! You ate all of my Chips Ahoy chocolate-chip cookies! I think you are the one that ate the cows from the farm where Bert was going to buy fruits and vegetables from that place for me to study for my exam, but why did you do that?

COOKIE MONSTER: I always like to eat cookies and cows! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! (bursts out laughing and leaves, ending music plays)

ERNIE: (throwing an empty Chips Ahoy! package at Cookie) Stupid monster! He really doesn't know that milk comes from cows!

End of Part Two

 

[mikealan]

Part Three

(Cookie Monster is still laughing out loud and irritates Ernie)

ERNIE: What are you doing here, you filthy beast?

COOKIE MONSTER: Hey, don't call ME filthy beast!

ERNIE: Well you are ruining my studying time for the exam and you ate all of our fruits and vegetables and I'll be able to fail the test!

COOKIE MONSTER: What test?

ERNIE: The healthy foods test! Wait. Wait a minute! I have an idea! I'll erase you with my Muppet Labs Eraser so you'll be gone forever!

COOKIE MONSTER: Oh, no no no! Do NOT erase me!

ERNIE: (To viewer) Just a moment, ladies and gentlemen of TV land, if I was planning to erase this annoying monster, I'm sure that Bert and I will be happy to take all of Wisconsin's cows to our farms and I'll try to study real hard for the test. We'll be right back and stay tuned! I will erase Cookie Monster right after these messages.

End of Part Three

 

[mikealan]

Part Four

ERNIE: Ah, that was a pretty nice commercial break. (To Cookie) OK, Cookie Monster, I'm gonna erase YOU!

COOKIE MONSTER: But why not? I wanted to apologize you!

ERNIE: Forget it, Cookie. (To viewer) I hope that this eraser really works. (Begins to erase Cookie)

COOKIE MONSTER: Hey! What are you doing? Uh oh...(begins to vanish) Buh'bye!

ERNIE: Hey! That eraser works! Keeheeheeeheeeheeeheee!

(ending music from "Kermit & Cookie: Rectangles" sketch and "Cookie Monster Finds A School" sketch)

End of Part Four