TMS Outline: Jack Benny (extended version)

[Princeton]

Before I get the road on the show, I'd like to give my very deepest thanks to Dave(GH) who suggested that I make it a little longer. Dave, thank you and I hope you'll enjoy.
STYLE: 1ST SEASON(CIRCA BEN VEREEN EP)

Opening Number: Rowlf sings "Autumn Leaves".

Backstage: Jack asks Kermit if Jack can play his violin during the At The Dance sketch. Kermit is reluctant because Jack isn't really the best violin player. Jack gives Kermit his trademark "Well!" and Kermit gives in.

At The Dance: Jack starts playing his violin; naturally, it is off-key and it is a song nobody recognizes. Then come the jokes:

Wayne(to Wanda)- "I've heard better music coming out of a car muffler that's full of holes".

Zoot(to Janice)- "Sounds like he's using screech cat guts on that violin".

Hilda(to Mahna Mahna)- "That man is tone deaf; I wish I was plain deaf".

Backstage: Bunsen offers to use Mappet Labs' All-Purpose Tuner on Jack's violin to make it sound better. Jack laughs and says "That's just part of my act; I actually play the violin very well".

Vet's Hospital: Blue Scoff is the patient and is expecting to get all the laughs. However, Jack replaces the usual voice-over announcer and upstages everybody.

UK Skit: Floyd and Zoot sing "Fooled Around And Fell In Love".

Wayne and Wanda: They are on top of a mountain. Wayne starts singing "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" and Wanda falls off.

Muppet News: "Here is a Muppet Newsflash! Dateline: Manhattan, New York. Restaurant owner Lloyd Larkin witnessed a huge outburst in his restaurant by one of his customers. We bring you now to Manhattan".

Jack as Lloyd appears in monitor: "Well, I don't know what came over him! He jumped out of his chair, flipped the table over, and yelled at his wife 'I hate you! We're through!' All he had to do was tell me he didn't like the steak".

Onstage: Jack sees Wanda and tells her that he loves to hear her sing. To show appreciation, Wanda hits a high note and breaks Jack's glasses. Jack looks to the camera and says "Important lesson learned here: don't quit your day job".

Song: Gonzo sings "Wish You Were Here".

Talk Spot: Kermit and Jack talk about all the variety shows Jack has been on. Suddenly, Piggy enters and says "But I'll bet you never had such an attractive female co-star like me before!" Then she throws herself on Jack.

Panel: The topic is the "decline of music". The panel consists of Kermit, Gonzo, Piggy, and accomplished violinist Mischa Nelson (Jack).

Kermit: "Tell me, Mr. Nelson, when did you take up playing the violin?"
Jack: "Age 5".
Piggy: "Well, it's about time you gave it back".
Gonzo: "All right, my turn. What's the best part of being a musician?"
Jack: "Getting paid".
Kermit(frowns): "Oh, sheesh".
Piggy: "All right, I got one for ya, slick. What's the WORST part of being a musician?"
Jack: "Being on a panel discussion with 3 stuffed socks".

Talking Houses: Zoom in on 3rd and 4th houses.

4th House: "My uncle has had terrible sneezing spells lately".
3rd House: "Oh, allergies?"
4th House: "No, dust in the attic".

Closing Number: Jack and various Muppets sing "Mona Lisa".

 

[Princeton]

I worked really hard on this; are y'all sure you don't have any comments?

 

[Gorgon Heap]

I think you've got the right idea. You've got 12 sketches in here- that's about right for a Season One episode. From about late Season One onward, the number dropped to about 8 or 9 sketches per episode, on average.

The one thing I'd suggest is to switch some of the sketches around, and maybe add one or two additional backstage scenes in the second half of the outline.

Example, the UK Spot was in all but one instance after the commercial, in the halfway point of the episode. Here you've got 12 acts, and the UK Spot is 4th. In Season One, "At the Dance" was usually the last act before the UK Spot, but sometimes it wasn't. Vet's Hospital is a good place to leave off before the commercial, even though this wasn't done until the next season, when it became commonplace.

On the subject of formatting, the Talk Spot seldom appeared any later in an episode than one place after the UK Spot. Yes, I am super-technical, scientific almost.

Also, of the 12 sketches in this episode, 7 of them feature Jack. Whenever you have two guest star sketches back-to-back, my suggestion is to throw in a S&W comment or a backstage scene, something to buffer them. With VH you don't really need it, since Jack appears in the previous scene but is only voice-over in the next. Say you moved the Talk Spot to after the UK Spot- then you'd be pretty much alternating between Jack spots and non-Jack spots; in the instance of Muppet News followed by the Onstage spot, just throw in a backstage scene. Also, and this is just for my curiosity, but I'd love to see what S&W comments you could come up with.

This question is just me, but could you explain the Muppet News steak joke? I think I get it but I'm not sure.

That's all I've got for now- you're really growing as a writer, Princeton. Looking forward to collaborating with you on that Sid Caesar outline.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

 

[Princeton]

This question is just me, but could you explain the Muppet News steak joke? I think I get it but I'm not sure.

The man was having a falling out with his wife and Jack thought he didn't like his dinner. I know it's kind of a stretch, but it was the first punchline that came into my head, so I just went for it. In fact, here's a little origin on this particular MN:

I wrote this outline knowing very little about Jack Benny; I just thought he would be fun to write an outline on. However, one instance where I did see him(and this will always stick out very clearly in my mind) was on an episode of the Flip Wilson Show(incidentally, this was the same ep that featured and singing the song about noises; the name escapes me). Anyway, there was an unforgettable sketch featuring Flip, Jack, and Pearl Bailey. Flip was directing a commercial in a restaurant setting. Pearl played a customer and Jack played a gypsy waiter. Flip instructed Jack not to speak; reason being, supposedly when Jack's character was a baby, the gypsies cut out his tongue. So, after a couple of ruined takes consisting of Jack doing things his way, he comes out on cue playing his violin. Jack says "Well, the gypsies felt so bad about cutting my tongue out that they taught me how to play the violin." Funny stuff!

 

[Princeton]

Think of this as an addition:

For Fozzie's opening joke: "I sent a love letter to an English teacher; she corrected it!"

 

[MartyMuppets]

Marvellous Princeton. My favourite part is Wayne and Wanda. I must say I'm glad you took Gorgon Heap's advice to change the song to Climb Every Mountain although I think I know what you were probably thinking when you wrote your first draft. For the song I am a Rock I could see visions of Wanda falling off as soon as Wayne sang the lyrics I am alone and hey presto he would be alone
But I think Gorgon was right. Sam wouldn't have encouraged them to sing rock songs and this one fits in perfectly with the joke.
BTW you said you were thinking of turning some of your outlines into scripts. Well this is only a suggestion but if Wayne and Wanda are dressed in real mountain climbing gear and roped together maybe Wayne could be relaxing his handhold to start singing with gusto and when Wanda loses her footing as soon as he begins the song he could get knocked off his own balance. Then they could take the plunge together. I can easily imagine that and I think it's even funnier but it's your fanfic to write the way you want to do. Keep up the good work chum.

 

[Timotheus]

I like it. I love Jack Benny; it would have been awesome to see him on the Muppet Show.