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Gorgon Heap
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This one was near completion, just needed a plot and some details. Special thanks to Kim for letting me bounce ideas off her. So without further ado:
"It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star Mr. Groucho Marx! Waaah!"
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: Groucho Marx
STYLE: Early second season (circa Don Knotts, Zero Mostel episodes)
Cold opening: Sweetums gives Groucho a cigar- a BIG cigar.
Groucho: “You know, I could smoke this cigar for the rest of my life, which, if I’m doing this show, could be a matter of minutes.”
OPENING THEME:
S & W: W: “Remember, this time wake me when it’s over.”
Gonzo: Bubble gum comes out of the trumpet
OPENING NUMBER: “A Bicycle Built for Two”- Scooter sings to his girl on their bicycle, but he crashes the bike at the end.
Waldorf: "Tell me Statler, did you ever own a bicycle built for two?"
Statler: "Yeah, but I never went for a ride on it."
Waldorf: "Really? How come?"
Statler: "There was no room once my wife got on!"
S & W: "Ha ha ha ha ha!"
BACKSTAGE: Kermit is trying to locate the duck.
Kermit: “We need that duck for the end of the show.”
Fozzie (walking by, overhearing): “Why a duck?”
Kermit: “Fozzie, do not start!”
Fozzie: “What did I say?”
SONG: “Peasie Weasie”- Groucho sings, accompanied by Rowlf
Statler: “That Groucho Marx is a fine singer!”
Waldorf: “Well, so am I, Statler! You want to hear me sing?”
Statler: “Only if you’ve got a falsetto voice.”
Waldorf: “No, but I’ve got a false set of teeth! Ha ha ha!”
THE SWEDISH CHEF: shish kebob
BACKSTAGE: Kermit wards off Miss Piggy by talking circles around her like Groucho to Margaret Dumont, insulting her without her knowledge. She leaves, confused.
Kermit (to camera): “I saw Groucho do that to Margaret Dumont in one of their movies last night.”
Piggy comes back and karate chops him.
Kermit (to camera): “That part, however, was not in the original exchange.”
He faints.
AT THE DANCE
UK SPOT: “That Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze” (TMS circus set)
TALK SPOT: Groucho talks to Sam the Eagle, and like all straight-laced types he’s run into, Groucho insults and talks circles around him
Groucho: “You know, you’ve got a lot of gall. Well you can take all of Gaul, and Mesopotamia too for all I care. You know I could make better use out of you with stuffing and cranberry sauce?”
SKETCH: Gonzo recites from the works of Byron while building a bunk bed (blindfolded!)
DRESSING ROOM: The Muppets are piling in to talk to Groucho, until the room is full a la the ‘stateroom’ scene in “A Night at the Opera”.
SONG: “Everyone Says I Love You”- Rowlf plays piano and sings, backed up by Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter and Floyd
Waldorf: "Ah, wonderful! Wonderful. I remember the Marx Brothers each performing that song in the movie 'Horse Feathers'. You know Statler, I've always wondered about that title. I mean, how is it that a horse has feathers?"
Statler: "How is it that you're not in a retirement home yet?"
Waldorf (mutters): "Old buzzard."
CLOSING NUMBER: “Hooray for Captain Spaulding”- Groucho with Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Baskerville the Hound, Lenny the Lizard, Boppity and Gloat, Wayne & Wanda, and some tropical birds in a sort of mansion drawing room set, like in the movie "Animal Crackers".
Curtain: All the Muppets are wearing Groucho glasses. Groucho enters.
Groucho: “Thank you Kermit. You know, this show begs one question: unfortunately, the answer is you’re putting the show on, and my agent was putting me on, but I found that out too late.”
Groucho, Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter and Gloat gather in front of the curtain.
Statler: “Boo!”
Waldorf: “Hiss!”
Statler: “Awful!”
‘Awful’ turns out to be the secret word, so the duck drops down.
Statler: "We must have said the secret word!"
Waldorf: “What did we get? Money?”
Duck: “No, two tickets to next week’s show!”
S & W: “Oh no!”
Drop me your comments.
David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
"It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star Mr. Groucho Marx! Waaah!"
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: Groucho Marx
STYLE: Early second season (circa Don Knotts, Zero Mostel episodes)
Cold opening: Sweetums gives Groucho a cigar- a BIG cigar.
Groucho: “You know, I could smoke this cigar for the rest of my life, which, if I’m doing this show, could be a matter of minutes.”
OPENING THEME:
S & W: W: “Remember, this time wake me when it’s over.”
Gonzo: Bubble gum comes out of the trumpet
OPENING NUMBER: “A Bicycle Built for Two”- Scooter sings to his girl on their bicycle, but he crashes the bike at the end.
Waldorf: "Tell me Statler, did you ever own a bicycle built for two?"
Statler: "Yeah, but I never went for a ride on it."
Waldorf: "Really? How come?"
Statler: "There was no room once my wife got on!"
S & W: "Ha ha ha ha ha!"
BACKSTAGE: Kermit is trying to locate the duck.
Kermit: “We need that duck for the end of the show.”
Fozzie (walking by, overhearing): “Why a duck?”
Kermit: “Fozzie, do not start!”
Fozzie: “What did I say?”
SONG: “Peasie Weasie”- Groucho sings, accompanied by Rowlf
Statler: “That Groucho Marx is a fine singer!”
Waldorf: “Well, so am I, Statler! You want to hear me sing?”
Statler: “Only if you’ve got a falsetto voice.”
Waldorf: “No, but I’ve got a false set of teeth! Ha ha ha!”
THE SWEDISH CHEF: shish kebob
BACKSTAGE: Kermit wards off Miss Piggy by talking circles around her like Groucho to Margaret Dumont, insulting her without her knowledge. She leaves, confused.
Kermit (to camera): “I saw Groucho do that to Margaret Dumont in one of their movies last night.”
Piggy comes back and karate chops him.
Kermit (to camera): “That part, however, was not in the original exchange.”
He faints.
AT THE DANCE
UK SPOT: “That Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze” (TMS circus set)
TALK SPOT: Groucho talks to Sam the Eagle, and like all straight-laced types he’s run into, Groucho insults and talks circles around him
Groucho: “You know, you’ve got a lot of gall. Well you can take all of Gaul, and Mesopotamia too for all I care. You know I could make better use out of you with stuffing and cranberry sauce?”
SKETCH: Gonzo recites from the works of Byron while building a bunk bed (blindfolded!)
DRESSING ROOM: The Muppets are piling in to talk to Groucho, until the room is full a la the ‘stateroom’ scene in “A Night at the Opera”.
SONG: “Everyone Says I Love You”- Rowlf plays piano and sings, backed up by Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter and Floyd
Waldorf: "Ah, wonderful! Wonderful. I remember the Marx Brothers each performing that song in the movie 'Horse Feathers'. You know Statler, I've always wondered about that title. I mean, how is it that a horse has feathers?"
Statler: "How is it that you're not in a retirement home yet?"
Waldorf (mutters): "Old buzzard."
CLOSING NUMBER: “Hooray for Captain Spaulding”- Groucho with Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Baskerville the Hound, Lenny the Lizard, Boppity and Gloat, Wayne & Wanda, and some tropical birds in a sort of mansion drawing room set, like in the movie "Animal Crackers".
Curtain: All the Muppets are wearing Groucho glasses. Groucho enters.
Groucho: “Thank you Kermit. You know, this show begs one question: unfortunately, the answer is you’re putting the show on, and my agent was putting me on, but I found that out too late.”
Groucho, Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter and Gloat gather in front of the curtain.
Statler: “Boo!”
Waldorf: “Hiss!”
Statler: “Awful!”
‘Awful’ turns out to be the secret word, so the duck drops down.
Statler: "We must have said the secret word!"
Waldorf: “What did we get? Money?”
Duck: “No, two tickets to next week’s show!”
S & W: “Oh no!”
Drop me your comments.
David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
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