TMS Big Outline - Charlie Chaplin

[Dil]

Charlie Chaplin was a silent comic actor that starred in the early 1900's.

"It's The Muppet Show with our special guest star, Mr. Charlie Chaplin!"

STYLE: Mid Season 1 (circa Sandy Duncan, Candice Bergen)

DESCRIPTION: In honor of Charlie's silent films, the theater turns into some library backstage.

OPENING THEME

FOZZIE: "Hey, have you ever heard of cows that MOOed that Gonzo off the stage? (giggle)"

CHARLIE CHAPLIN: At the Wall set in black & white by himself using his lips without words.

GONZO: When Gonzo hits the gong, no sound is heard.

CURTAIN

KERMIT: "Thank you... and welcome to this moment at The Muppet Show. Hey, today's the crew & I am having a library of a comic. Please do not shout while waiting for the next act, because we're reading a book about comedy.. and our guest star is the comic of that book, Mr. Charlie Chaplin. But first, let's get things started with our resident artist, Gonzo the Great!"

THE GREAT GONZO: Scottish Dance on a brick wall

GONZO: "Thank you, thank you. I, the Great Gonzo, will now do a Scottish Dance on this brick wall to the tune of the Turkish March. However, I only want to see REAL Gonzo fans. I do not want to be booed off the stage again, if any of you don't like my new act, you can leave. Music, Maestro."

("Turkish March" plays, then Gonzo does the scottish dance on the brick wall to that tune.)

(10 seconds later, everyone in the audience, except Statler & Waldorf, leaves since they didn't like the act.)

(When the music stops, Gonzo stops dancing and looks at the audience (empty).)

GONZO: "Hey, where IS everyone? (looks at Statler & Waldorf) Hey, how come you guys are still there?"

STATLER: "We loved it!"

WALDORF: "Outstanding!"

GONZO: "Why? How?"

STATLER & WALDORF: "We love to hate you."

(Both laugh (but not Gonzo).)

I'll be back for more.

 

[MartyMuppets]

This sounds great Dil. I love silent movies and Charlie is one of the greatest comedians of the silent era

Looking forward to more. Can't wait to see what sort of sketches Charlie himself does

 

[Dil]

(Note: The laugh track is off, since everyone in the audience left. Words in bold are whispery.)

BACKSTAGE

(Kermit is reading a book about comics.)

GONZO: "Oh, yokels!"

KERMIT: "Shhhhh!"

GONZO: "OK, OK."

KERMIT: "Can't you see I'm reading a book? Here, we're having a library-like time."

GONZO: "Oh, yes. My mind was attracted to the dance."

HILDA: "Oh, hello there. I'm about to read my book I got from the Hollywood Library. It's called "Classic Comics"."

FOZZIE: "And I'm reading a book about the life of Milton Berle. He's a great comic, and when he comes in the show, he won't know how funny I, a-Fozzie Bear, really am."

KERMIT: "And I'm going to use some silent comedy onstage."

GEORGE: "It's kind of quiet in--"

GONZO, FOZZIE, & HILDA: "Shhhhhh!"

CURTAIN

KERMIT: "Ladies and Gent-- What the...?"

(Pauses)

KERMIT: "Where is everyone?...... Well, I'll just introduce the act anyway. Ahem, and now then, a silent sketch starring Mr. Charlie Chaplin."

CHARLIE CHAPLIN'S FIRST ACT

(The set is in black and white.)

(Here, Charlie reads a newspaper on a bench, trying to find the page he's looking for by turning the pages fast.)

(While Charlie tries to look for the page, a Mutation goes by and Charlie asks him to find the page he's looking for without words, then the Mutation grabs the newspaper and throws pages around the bench.)

(When the Mutation leaves, Charlie gets confused and try to find the page he's look for by looking each page and put the pages he's not looking for in a sack on his arms, and before Charlie looks at the trash can and put the stack in the trash can, Thog appears and takes the trash can away.)

(When Charlie notices the trash can is gone, he throws away the pages he's not looking for, and the last one is the page he's looking for. While Charlie is walking out of the park, Thog leaves the trash can in Charlie's way without being noticed.)

(Charlie is not paying attention to where he's going, just looking at the viewer, until he falls and trips from the trash can, which then Charlie gives in, which is the end of this sketch.)

BALCONY

STATLER: "You know, I've seen that Charile Chapin a bunch of times."

WALDORF: "Well, if I see him sing, it's a quiet thing."

(Both laugh quietly.)

AT THE DANCE

(The first shot is two librarians.)

(The next shot is Zoot & Janice.)

ZOOT: "Haven't you heard of Sex or Violence?"

JANICE: "Oh, both."

ZOOT: "And Sax is my ax."

(Janice turns into an ax.)

JANICE: "Axes are violent."

(The next shot is the Shouting Lady & Herman.)

THE SHOUTING LADY: (silent)

HERMAN: "Miss Shouting Lady, haven't you heard about a wet & silent hour."

THE SHOUTING LADY: "WHAT?!"

HERMAN: "Shhhh... hour."

(The next shot is Miss Piggy (performed by Oz instead of Hunt)
& Crazy Harry.)

PIGGY: "Haven't you heard of my favorite book, "Dynamite Karate"?"

HARRY: "Did you say... "dynamite"?"

PIGGY: "No! Don't do it... or else I--"

(Crazy Harry sets an explosion on Piggy, then Harry laughs crazy.)

(The last shot is those two librarians from the first shot.)

LIBRIAN #1: "Haven't you heard of 'James Bond'?"

LIBRIAN #2: "Nah, too much action."

(Crazy Harry pops up.)

HARRY: "Hey! Didn't I hear the word "bomb"?"

LIBRIAN #1: "No! Not 'Bomb', 'Bond'! Will you turn up your hearing aids?"

HARRY: "There ain't no first aid kits for ears. And Crazy Harry blow you up anyway."

(Crazy Harry sets an explosion on the librarians.)

DRESSING ROOM

(Scooter reads a book about visual thinking.)

SCOOTER: "Hmmm, a book about visual thinking. Hmph. I'll first make...
a bomb... and I hope my uncle wouldn't see my dressing room blown up."

(Scooter imagines a bomb.)

SCOOTER: "Huh?! What the..?"

(The bomb explodes.)

SCOOTER: "Shhhh... oot."

(Scooter faints before an arrow lands on the book.)

CURTAIN

SAM: "At least I would see them. Ahem, Wayne & Wanda are going to sing a quiet number. I like boredom.... and quiet."

WAYNE & WAYNE: It's A Quiet Thing

(Wayne & Wanda's beginning lines are silent, which then books fall on them.)

I'll make the UK Spot & the rest of the scenes tomorrow.

 

[MartyMuppets]

I'm really loving this Dil. Charlie's sketch was right in his silent comedian character spot on. Keep up the good work

 

[Dil]

Anyway I'm doing some of the rest now...

UK SPOT: Business Business

(The same clip from the Ed Sullivan Show is used here.)

THE WALL

KERMIT: "Well, Charlie, it's a pleasure to have you on the show."

(Charlie nods.)

KERMIT: "And it's OK for you to speak now."

(Charlie shakes his head.)

KERMIT: "Do you speak?"

(Charlie nods.)

KERMIT: "Then you do. Uh, you can say anything."

(Charlie shakes his head.)

KERMIT: "Why?"

(Charlie flaps his arms like a bird.)

KERMIT: "You mean there's a bird in your..."

(Charlie points to his hat.)

KERMIT: "There's a bird in your hat?"

(Charlie nods.)

KERMIT: "Really?"

(Charlie shakes his head.)

KERMIT: "How about a butterfly?"

(Charlie shakes his head again.)

KERMIT: "Or a copter?"

(Charlie nods.)

KERMIT: "Really?"

(Charlie nods again.)

KERMIT: "Really Really?"

(Charlie shows a sign that says "Kinda".)

KERMIT: "Take off your hat."

(Charlie takes off his hat and we see a copter on Charlie's head, which makes him fly up high and fall down.)

KERMIT: "Ha. Silent.. Silent Chap."

MUPPET NEWS
(The Newsman announces that there is no news tonight.)

I'm having a walk now, so I'll be back for more, OK?

 

[MartyMuppets]

HA HA That silent talk spot was great.
Enjoy your walk Dil and post more when you're ready.

 

[Dil]

I refered the Talk Spot as 'The Wall'.

CURTAIN

KERMIT: "And now... crew... we take you now to Fozzie Bear in a silent black n' white spot."

FOZZIE'S SILENT COMEDY SPOT

(notes: In this monologue, Fozzie's words are silent, so they are shown like in the old movies.)

(Piano plays "The Muppet Show Theme" while Fozzie does his monologue.)

FOZZIE: "Hiya-hiya-hiya! This is a joke you guys would love to hear."

FOZZIE: "Say, I once met two guys who are so grouchy that they would live in a trashcan! Haa!"

FOZZIE: "What do you think, S & W?"

(The letter S & W appear.)

FOZZIE: "And how about a number?"

(A number 3 appears.)

FOZZIE: "Stop it!"

(The black and white frame turns to color, the music stops, and we can hear Fozzie now.)

FOZZIE: "Isn't it the joke I'm looking for? I don't think so."

(Fozzie realizes Statler & Waldorf sleeping.)

FOZZIE: "I feel happy, Statler & Waldorf had fallen asleep. This way,......... I'll won't be heckled! Yay! I wasn't heckled! Oh! I love me! Yay! Yay!"

(Fozzie's intro music plays as curtain lowers.)

BACKSTAGE

KERMIT: (reading a book) "And that's the end of the comics. Nice story."

FOZZIE: "Oh! I love me!"

KERMIT: "Shhhhhhh!"

FOZZIE: (Whispers) "Sorry."

KERMIT: "Anyway I've got one more act of silence."

FOZZIE: "I hope this one's good. I love silent movies, My grandfather used to watch them."

SCOOTER: "Wanna see a book about Visual Thinking, Fozzie?"

CHARLIE CHAPLIN's FINAL ACT

(This set is a stage with a bed where Charlie would want to sleep on.)

(Charlie appears with pajamas trying to sleep on the bed.)

(When Charlie sits on it, the bed is hot, so Charlie runs and brings ice on the bed.)

(When Charlie sits on it, the bed is slippery and Charlie falls, and thinks.)

(Charlie then gets an idea. He would use a fan to cool off the bed, and blowing off the ice.)

(When Charlie sits on the bed, he can feel the strong wind bothering him, so he turns off the fan. Other running gags would happen, Then when Charlie goes back to bed, he feels comfortable now, until the fan blows harder and blow away Charlie on the bed. Then the camera cut to the black background with the word "The End".)

GOODNIGHTS

KERMIT: "So, everything is quiet, even the laugh track. Thanks to our special guest star Mr. Charlie Chaplin!"

(Charlie appears.)

CHARLIE: "Thank you, Kermit, it's been great.. ...--"

(Charlie gets embarrassed and covers his mouth.)

FOZZIE: "I thought you were just silent, Charlie."

KERMIT: "Hey, guys! We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!"

FOZZIE: "Shhhhhh!"

KERMIT: (whispers) "Alright."

(The Muppets in the goodnights are Fozzie, Kermit, & Librians.)

(The theme is softer.)

(Statler & Waldorf is still sleeping, until a clock rings, and then Statler & Waldorf wakes up and shushes the clock.)

(Zoot's last note is replaced by silence.)

Here's my list of performers "At The Dance".

The Shouting Lady, Herman, & Zoot - Dave Goelz
Miss Piggy & Crazy Harry - Frank Oz
Librarian #1 - Richard Hunt
Librarian #2 & Janice - Eren Ozker

What do you think of this?

 

[MartyMuppets]

That was so humorous Dil
I could visualize the sketch with the bed, the ice and everything else before my eyes.
And the gag where Charlie's embarassed to have allowed words to slip out of his mouth was such a fitting final touch.

I presume the audience never came back after walking out on Gonzo so it was only the hecklers who fell asleep from Fozzie's monologue onwards

Great stuff.

 

[minor muppetz]

That was good. I liked Fozzie's monologue, Gonzo's Act, and Buisness, Buisness.

 

[The Flying Sheep]

Dil, please don't take this the wrong way, but is English your first language? because I'm reading your scripts and some sentances don't make sense, such as:

"Hey, today's the crew & I am having a library of a comic."