The Show

[ryhoyarbie]

Okay, hopefully someone will place an opinion on this so called story, unlike my christmas story which revieved only two comments. *Insert cat hiss here*

This story is about running the so called Muppet Show and it will be a short story. However, and I do emphasize on however, the muppets you know and love will be acting with more adult humor, not of which will get me banned, but never the less they will be out of character somewhat.

_________________________________________________________

It was a clear and sunny day across the city of......Wait a minute, no one knows which city the Muppets reside in, so it's a "somewhere in the USA" city.

The birds were chirping and laying their so called droppings on peoples cars, which some of them had been recently washed.

People were going about their own little ways, not a care in the world, not unless something bad involved them like a robbery or they got fired from their job, or their best friend was sleeping with their significant other. Other than that, people went about their day as normal.

Kermit the frog was walking down a busy street, filled with all sorts of people, as Kermit was trying to make his way to the Muppet theater.

Kermit, for no purpose what so ever, decided to skip while everyone else was walking since there was an open space between him and several people infront of him.

Kermit begin skipping for a few seconds before he stopped since he was now back with a cluster of people who wouldn't get out of his way.

One man, a younger person in his twenties wearing some jeans, a red short sleeved shirt, with short brown hair looked at Kermit. "Hey pal, don't you know you're not supposed to skip down the street?"

Kermit was confused. "And just where does it say that?"

The man pointed to the direction of a sign for Kermit to see.

The sign showed people skipping with a big cross on it.

Kermit looked at it and turned his attention back to the man. "That only indicates for people not to skip. It doesn't say anything about frogs."

"Guess again buddy," the man said. He pointed to another sign that was behind the sign displaying humans not to skip. The next sign showed a frog skiping with a big cross on it.

Kermit grumbled a little. "Drat. I felt like skipping today to work."

The man humphed. "Who actually likes their job today anyways? All my employees want me dead just because I make them work on Christmas and New Years every year. God I hate my job."

And with that, the man walked away, leaving Kermit by himself as he looked around. Kermit stopped for a few seconds to gather his thoughts until someone knocked him to the ground.

"Hey pal, get a move on it," the man who accidently knocked Kermit down said. "We all got horrible jobs to go to today."

Kermit rolled his eyes as he got up. He proceeded to walk to get to the theater.

Kermit then decided to sing a song, which was the emphamis "Rainbow Connection."

Another man started to yell at Kermit. "Hey, there's no singing here."

Kermit was getting mad. "And where does that say?"

The man pointed to another sign.

Kermit looked at it. The sign had people and animals on it with music notes and a large cross slash sign on it.

Kermit grumbled. "Freakin idiotic laws by a freakin idiotic president backed by a freakin idiotic congress who sits around thinking of freakin idiotic things to pass as laws."

Kermit continuted to walk, not singing or skipping.

As Kermit was walking, a homeless woman stopped him.

She looked at Kermit. "Hey buddy, can you spare some money?"

Kermit didn't know what to say, so he kept on staring at her.

"Look, my boss fired me two months ago from my dead end job, and I spent majority on what I saved up for booze, since it was my only comfort to heal me losing my job," the lady said, pleading her case with Kermit.

But Kermit got suspicious. "What makes you think you won't spend the money I give you for more liquor?"

"Oh I won't," the woman replied.

"Are you sure?" Kermit was pressing her to see if she would hold up to the truth.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I guess I lied. I would spend it on more liquor," the homeless woman responed. "Never mind then. Have a good day sir!"

Kermit nodded. "You too. And good luck with your alcohol problem."

Kermit smiled at the homeless woman and continued to walk. "Nice woman. Honest and nice."

____________________________________________________

Kermit made his way towards the entrance to the theater, only to be greeted by the theater's very own Pops, who minded the entrance.

Pops was dozing off but immediately woke back up once he saw Kermit approaching him. "Hey Kermit, I'm leaving for the day."

Kermit looked blankly at the old man. "Why, are you sick?"

Pops shook his head. "Nope, just don't feel like being here."

Kermit was confused by all of this. "You can't just leave if you don't have a good excuse. Only I can do that."

"But I am," the old man replied. "Besides, you don't even pay me."

Pops had Kermit cornered. It was true, Kermit didn't pay Pops, but he did pay everyone else. He just hoped Pops never figured that part out.

"I'm going home for the day," Pops replied.

"You do realise that you live here in the theater, don't you?" Kermit stated the one little detail Pops had forgot about.

Pops shook his head. "Oh dead nabbit."

Kermit started gloating with glee. "Well looks like you're working today after all, old man."

"But I. You can't....." Pops started to trail off.

"Sorry, muttering doesn't constitute a response," Kermit said as he was making his way up the stairs, leaving Pops by his bitter lonesome.

Kermit walked up to the back stage of the theater to see Scooter looking over some papers.

"Hey Scoot," Kermit said.

Scooter dropped the papers, clearly agitated from Kermits name calling. "How many times do I have to tell you, don't call me Scoot!"

Kermit shrugged his sholders. "Okay Scooty, you got it."

Scooter started to bristle with anger.

"Hey, that makes for a very funny joke. I can just say, beam me up Scooty.'" Kermit said, laughing. "Get it? It's a tie in from Star Trek."

Scooter wanted to strangle the frog that very second, but kept his cool. "I hate you," Scooter muttered.

Kermit didn't quite catch what Scooter had just said. "What was that?"

Scooter smiled, hiding what he just said. "Oh nothing."

Kermit nodded.

"Jerk," Scooter said under his breath.

Kermit looked at Scooter. "What did you say now?"

Unbeliveable this guy heard Scooter say something. "You must be hearing things. Go get your ears checked."

Kermit nodded. "Must be from all the times Piggy screamed at me in bed."

Scooter clearly did not want to hear that.

"It's always something," Kermit continued. "It could be about not having a big enough part on the show, or not pleasing her in be........"

Scooter was now holding his ears. He continued to watch Kermit's mouth move, but wasn't hearing anything.

A few more minutes went on before Kermit finally stopped. Scooter thought it would be an appropriate time to remove his hands from his ears.

Kermit started to look over the papers that Scooter was looking over when he got there.

As Kermit was reading on of the papers, he addressed Scooter some more. "Oh by the way, I just gave you a raise."

Scooter's eyes lit up. "A raise! Oh boy! I've gone from one dollar a day to.......What am I on now?"

"A dollar and fifty cents," Kermit replied, continuing to read some of the papers.

"Well I got you something too," Scooter said. "Hold on."

With that, Scooter quickly left the room to only to return a short time later with a present for Kermit.

"Here you got Kermit, I got this for you," Scooter said, handing the wrapped present to the frog.

Kermit grabbed the present and unwrapped it until he opened the box and got out the cup that was inside it.

Kermit read the writing on the cup. "World's worst boss." Kermit looked at Scooter, somewhat confused.

Scooter grabbed the cup out of Kermit's hands as he was blushing. "Oops. That cup was for you if you didn't give me the raise. I'll go get the right one."

Scooter left to leave Kermit to comtemplate what just happened.

 

[Morgan Clueless]

Heh heh. This is pretty funny! On the other hand, I tend to have a bit of that type of adult humor--sometimes meshed in with the type of dark humor seen only in Jhonen's works. But I doubt it'd match up to what this story has! I like it a lot, and I hope you do more of it.

~ Morgan "*skydives/freefalls and crashes to the ground in a tangled, bruised mess* Ow..." Goat

 

[ryhoyarbie]

Kermit was reading a few more papers as he decided to move from his desk back stage and walked towards the stage.

However, to Kermit's surprise, which he didn't see for being to wraped up in reading, Kermit took a step on to the theater only to fall down to the bottom near the seats people sat in to watch the show.

Kermit got up as he was trying to grab the papers he was reading. He looked to see there wa no stage. "What the hey!"

One of the workers, a fortyish year old man, slightly overweight looked at Kermit. "Hey, sorry about that."

Kermit couldn't believe his stage was gone. "Where's the stage?"

"We took it out," the man announced.

Kermit was getting upset by all of this. "You took it out?" Kermit was losing his cool. "Did you take it on a date?"

The man slowly comprehended the joke Kermit just said and started to chuckle slightly. "Hey, that's pretty funny. You should try showbusiness."

"I am in showbuisness," Kermit looked at the man.

The man nodded. "Looks like you made it to the big time then."

Kermit's eyes narrowed. "This stage was supposed to be replaced over the weekend, and we have a show to do tonight."

The man didn't know how to sooth Kermit's frustraton. "Well um......." The man started to think. "Go over to another theater and do the show."

"There are no other theaters around here for miles," Kermit was getting really annoyed now.

"Hey I guess you're out of luck then," the man replied. "Better pray to god and hope he makes things work for you the. Not unless you don't believe in him, do you?"

Kermit grumbled.

"You worship the devil, don't you?!" The man yelled. "Devil worshiper!"

Kermit quickly walked up the stairs next to the stage, where it would have been, and walked back stage trying to get away from the repair man.

What was Kermit going to do since he didn't have a stage. He didn't know.

Fozzie came walking out and saw Kermit. He had on some sunglasses, an earrirng on his left ear, a doo rag that repaced his brown hat, and a big yellow chain around his heck. "Yo, yo, yo, whad up my green frogga!!"

Kermit's eyes were wide opened after he heard Fozzie shout out nonsense. he looked back and was even more shock at what Fozzie was wearing. "What the.....Fozzie what are you wearing?"

Fozzie had a big grin on his face. "You like it? I've decided to change my image, to get more in touch with todays audience."

Kermit didn't know what to say. "You look like....I......." Kermit trailed off.

"I look like a bear who's been living in the southside of the cave, or better yet, forest," Fozzie replied. "For shizzle"

Kermit looked bewildered at Fozzie. "I guess that will work."

"Thanks," the bear happily replied. "I also got some new joke material. Want to heart it?"

Kermit was about to say something but Fozzie didn't give him the chance to.

"I knew you would," Fozzie continued. "Here we go, yo mama is so fat, she plays pool with the planets."

Kermit couldn't believe what was going on with Fozzie.

"How about this, yo mama is so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!" Fozzie said.

Kermit just stared at the bear, speechless. "What's with the yo mama jokes? You don't even know my mother."

"Alright, I'll do you then," Fozzie replied. "You're so poor that when you wave around a popsicle stick you call it air conditioning!"

Fozzie was smiling while Kermit roleld his eyes.

"Pretty good, you keep practicing," Kermit lied.

Fozzie nodded like a little child and walked off.

"I need a drink, and it's........." Kermit looked at a clock nearby. "It's only 9 o'clock in the morning."

Kermit looked around. "Anybody know a good bar around here?"

Dead silence.

"It can be an Irish bar," Kermit looked around.

Dead silence again.

Kermit sighed as Gonzo and Camilla the chicken came walking from the exit stairs. Kermit looked at the both of them.

Gonzo ws stumbling along with Camilla. Gonzo's few hairs on his head were colored bright yellow.

Camilla on the other hand was a completely different story. Her feathers were colored shades of green, red, and pink, and her feathers were all over the place, instead of a completely straight.

Kermit stared at them. "What about to you two last night?"

Gonzo sighed. "Rough night with the misses."

"Can to explain?" Kermit asked curiously.

"We went to this new club last night, and it was all weird!" Gonzo explained.

Kermit didn't follow.

"All these people inside the club were dancing and talking and having a good time," Gonzo added.

"How it that weird?" Kermit wanted to know.

"There were no explosions, no one shooting themselves out of a cannon, nobody dripped with gasoline blindfolded and lit on fire trying to find a pool of water to dip into to stop the fire, nothing," Gonzo made his point.

Gonzo and Camilla walked off as Kermit shook his head. This day was getting stranger by the minute.

 

[ryhoyarbie]

By then it had come to 9:30 am in the morning.

Kermit had gathered the senior staff into the conference room. The senior staff consisted of Rowlf, Fozzie, Scooter, Gonzo, The Electric Mayhem members: Dr. Teeth, Floyd Pepper, Janice, Zoot, Lips, and Animal, and the diva herself Miss Piggy, who was absent.

Kermit looked around and noticed Piggy wasn't with them. "Where's Miss Piggy?"

"Who knows, who cares!" Floyd begain to laugh.

"Yo frog dude, the pig is appearing as a guest host for The View," Fozzie replied, still wearing his ridiculous outfit and acting out his new style of personality.

"And I thought I was weird!" Gonzo looked at Fozzie, trying to figure him out.

_____________________________________________
*Cut to the View*

The audience was applauding when the announcer began to speak.

"And now, please welcome Rosie O'Donnell, Joy Behar, Elizabeth Hasselback, and our guest host for the day, Miss Piggy!" The announcer said.

The audience applauded as the women began to walk out. Joy Behar walked out first, followed by Elizabeth Hasselback. But as the two women began to make their way to their respective chairs, they looked back and saw Rosie O'Donnell and Miss Piggy choaking each other as they walked out.

Elizabeth looked on. "I hope she kills that pig."

Joy Behar looked at her companion. "Which one?"

Joy was making a witty remark as Elizabeth began to snicker a little.
____________________________________________________

Kermit was getting irritated. "Fozzie, would you stop acting like that!"

"No can do dawg," Fozzie answered. "And please, address me as 'The Foz'."

"How about we just add in a 'n' and a 'i' and 'e' and call you Fonzie," Floyd kept on laughing."

"Oh, like don't forget about the leather jacket, fer sure," Janice added.

Kermit shook his head. The rest of the staff began to talk. Kermit looked at everyone, but everyone wasn't paying attention to him.

"Hey everyone," Kermit said.

Nothing happened.

"Hey guys," Kermit said a little louder.

Still nothing happened.

"Everyone shutup!!!!!!!" Kermit screamed at the top of his lungs.

Everyone stopped talking and looked at Kermit, all except Janice.

"And then I said, where's your proof you work in Playboy? I'm not going to have pictures of me naked until I see proof you actually work for the magazine," Janice said.

Everyone looked at her with a look of confusion.

Lips sighed. "I'm surprised you're not dead yet with all the sexual encounters you've had in the past."

"That or you don't have a disease yet," Dr. Teeth added.

"Disease, disease, disease!!!!" Animal yelled.

"Could we get back to the meeting or should I just sit here and wait for you all to finish your stories," Kermit's face was actually getting red.

"You don't have to wait for us chief," Scooter looked at his boss. "Just start your meeting and we'll start talking again eventually."

Kermit nodded. "Okay, now........" Kermit trailed off. "You're going to eventually start talking to each other and ignore me?"

Scooter nodded. "We really don't care what you have to say. We never did."

"Awww.......And that's from the heart too," Gonzo smiled.

Kermit rolled his eyes. "Idiots, I work with idiots," Kermit said under his breath.

Kermit was about to begin until he saw Rowlf sleeping. "Hey Rowf."

Rowlf gestured his hands to indicate he didn't want to be bothered.

Kermit scrunched his face. "This meeting is important."

Again Rowlf gestured his hands. "I don't care."

"If you don't listen, I'll fire you," Kermit added.

Rowlf lifted his face and looked at Kermit. "Hey Kermit, you need to begin this meeting and pronto. I mean, what have you been doing all this time anyway, messing around?"

Kermit began punching himself in the face. He was getting annoying with everyones shenanigans.

"Hey, I'm up for once," Zoot said. "Can I get something?"

"Ya, this," Lips said. And he slapped Zoot in the face.

"Hmmm, wise guy eh?" Zoot immitaded Curly from 'The Three Stooges'. Zoot slapped Lips in the face. "How do you like them apples now?"

Lips lifted his hand and was about to slap Zoot agan before he ducked. Lips hand hit Floyd in the face.

Floyd looked at Lips. "Hey man, that's it!"

Floyd was about to slap Lips until Lips ducked. Floyd actually ended up slapping Animal.

Floyd gulped. "Oops, sorry there Animal."

Animal didn't care. He began to get angry while looked at Floyd. "Ahhhhhh!!!! Slap you, slap you, slap you!!!!!!!"

Animal charged at Floyd and ended up running into Janice instead and slapping her.

Janice pushed Animal aside, mad at him. "You're going to get in now, fer sure!"

Janice began charging Animal as Animal started to run away from her.

As Janice was getting close to Animal, she was about to slap him, or it, until Animal jumped over Fozzie. Janice actually eneded up slapping Fozzie instead.

Fozzie got mad. "For shizzle!"

Fozzie started charging at Janice.

And with that, the entire room came under chaos with everyone chasing each other around, slapping everyone. All except Kermit, who managed to get on the table and watch. He began punching his face. "Idiots, idiots, idiots."

 

[Morgan Clueless]

L. O. L.

How else can I describe this story?!

~ Morgan "Not Much for Words" Goat