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TheWeirdoGirl
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I wrote this for school a month or two ago, and I thought I'd share it. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Side note/disclaimer: This story implies that Gonzo is an alien only because it is short "sequel" of sorts to Muppets From Space. I personally don't consider that movie to be actual Muppet canon (if such a thing even exists), so I don't think Gonzo actually is an alien.
The Mystery of the Jacuzzi
Scene I
The scene opens in the backyard of the Muppet Boarding House, where the Muppets are having a party to celebrate the beginning of summer. It is late evening, and the Muppets are having a good time while The Electric Mayhem band is playing music to set the mood. Pepe and Rizzo are soaking in a jacuzzi with drinks as Rizzo is telling a story.
Rizzo: And he said, “I swear I don’t know what happened to your 1952 Swiss!” And I said, “You better tell the truth, or I’ll...”
Gonzo walks up carrying a tray of food.
Gonzo: Shish-kabobs anyone?
Pepe: Ooh!
Rizzo and Pepe both take shish-kabobs.
Gonzo: Hey, no food in the... oh, never mind.
Rizzo and Pepe both take bites into their shish-kabobs and make disgusted faces.
Pepe: Did The Swedish Chef make these?
Gonzo: Yeah, why?
Rizzo: (spits) Because the meat tastes like tar.
Gonzo: Oh. Cool! (grabs one and takes a bite)
Rizzo: (sighs and shakes his head) It’s still a mystery why we let him cook for us.
Pepe: Si, that man is locos. I never want to know what he puts in our food, okay.
Gonzo: (is reminded of something by the jacuzzi) Speaking of mysteries, I never have found out why my alien family told me to build this jacuzzi.
Rizzo’s eyes widen. He and Pepe look at each other with surprise and uncertainty.
Pepe: Maybe they had a change of plans! Maybe they were going to come when you built it, but their uh... their ship needed to be repaired, so they couldn’t come that night.
Rizzo: (nervously) Yeah, they just needed to fix their ship, that’s all!
Gonzo: (not sounding convinced) Yeah, maybe...
Clifford: (yelling from the other side of the yard) Yo Gonzo, bring those shish-kabobs over here!
Gonzo: Oh! Sure thing!
Gonzo walks over to Clifford. Once Gonzo is gone, Rizzo turns to Pepe and gives him an exasperated look.
Rizzo: (angrily) After all this time, you still haven’t told him that it was us who tricked him into building this thing?
Pepe: Jou were supposed to tell him! It was jour idea!
Rizzo: But you were the one who actually got him to do it!
Pepe: But jou said jou would tell him!
Rizzo: I did not, you little...
Kermit suddenly appears next to the jacuzzi and interrupts them.
Kermit: Hi ho guys, what’s going on over here?
Rizzo: Oh! We were just, uh...
Kermit: Never mind, I don’t want to know. Hey Scooter, could you...
Kermit goes to talk to Scooter.
Pepe: (relieved) Whew, that was a close one.
Rizzo: (still angry) We’ll talk about this later, shrimp.
Pepe: Whatever jou say, okay.
The lights fade, and the scene ends.
Scene II
The next day. Pepe and Rizzo are on their way to the kitchen for a snack.
Rizzo: (rubs his stomach) I could go for a nice bologna sandwich right now, complete with a few thick slices of cheddar.
Pepe: Si, si, and jou can add some juicy jalapenos to mine, okay.
Rizzo: Sorry, Gonzo used ‘em all for his new cannon act yesterday.
Pepe: So that’s why there were jalapenos and gunpowder all over the front lawn.
Rizzo: Yeah. (laughs)
Pepe: Speaking of the weirdo, when are jou going to tell him the truth about the jacuzzi?
Rizzo: (suddenly exasperated) For the hundredth time, that was not my job, that was yours!
Pepe: (gesturing wildly with all four arms) But he is jour roommate and best friend!
Rizzo: And that is exactly why I want him to know the truth about what happened!
Pepe: Then is jour duty to tell him okay!
Rizzo: I am a rat! And as a rat, my duty is to uphold family’s reputation of stealing, cheating, and lying! Rats are not supposed to tell the truth!
Pepe: (over dramatically) Fine then, I can understand family pride. If jou cannot bring yourself to be a friend first and rat second, then I will tell him, okay.
Rizzo: (rolls his eyes) Good, but let’s get something to eat first. I’m starved.
Pepe: (mutters under his breath) Jou’re always starved.
The two go into the kitchen, only to find Gonzo there, making a giant sandwich with you-probably-don’t-want-to-know-what on it.
Gonzo: (still making his sandwich and not making eye contact) Hey guys! What’s up?
Rizzo: (surprised to find Gonzo there) Oh, hey Gonzo! Nothin’ much, just gettin’ a snack and... Pepe has something to tell you.
Pepe: Actually, Ritzo was going to say...
Rizzo: But you said...!
Gonzo: (still piling things onto his sandwich, not paying attention to the others) I think I finally figured out what the whole jacuzzi thing was about last night!
His two friends are silenced. They turn to stare at him, in fear that they were somehow found out.
Pepe: (nervously) Jou did?
Gonzo: Yeah! It wasn’t aliens at all! I can’t believe I didn’t realize this before!
Rizzo: (gulps) What uh, was it then?
Gonzo: It wasn’t anyone! It was just a dream!
Pepe and Rizzo looked relieved and surprised.
Rizzo: Wow, crazy dream.
Gonzo: Yeah! Anyway, I’m gonna go eat this outside. See you gentlemen later.
Rizzo: Sure.
Pepe: See jou later!
Gonzo exits.
Rizzo: That was close. And why were you trying to make me tell him?
Pepe: Forget about that, let’s just get our sandwiches okay.
Rizzo: Oh yeah, I’m even hungrier after that.
A group of several Muppet monsters led by Sweetums comes lumbering into the kitchen. They plow into the two little guys, who were about to get bread out of a cabinet.
Sweetums: How much bread do ya think we’ll need for the sandwiches for our picnic?
Various Monsters: Take all of it! Yeah, just take it all!
Sweetums: Okay!
Rizzo: Hey, wait a minute!
Pepe: Jou can’t-
Sweetums, oblivious to the rat and the shrimp, turns to get the bread out of the cabinet and accidentally knocks Rizzo and Pepe over with his arm.
Sweetums: Somebody get the peanut butter and the mayo!
The monsters all exit, sandwich ingredients in hand. Rizzo yells and tries to chase them, but Pepe stops him.
Rizzo: Hey, they can’t do that!
Pepe: Si, but would jou rather chase them and risk getting eaten with the sandwiches?
Rizzo: Oh, forget it. How about we go get somethin’ from Bubba’s Burger Barn?
Pepe: As long as you don’t get us kicked out again, okay.
Rizzo: I keep telling you, that was all a misunderstanding...
The two keep talking as they exit.
