The Muppets: In Real Life

[ZeppoAndFriends]

This is an idea I had for a mock reality TV mini-series starring The Muppets! It is about four humans, Charlie, Frank, Mark and Rachel (who asks that people call her Rae) who get permission from The Muppets to film them doing the easiest thing they've ever done, being themselves in Southern California!

The first episode (which I will post in four parts) has The Muppets having a day at the beach, as only THEY can. It's going to have Kermit and Piggy going Jetskiing, Statler and Waldorf in a shelter made entirely out of beach umbrellas, The Electric Mayhem starting a beach party, The Swedish Chef taking over a snack bar, and, GASP OF GASPS, Gonzo para-sailing THE RIGHT WAY!

STAY TUNED! DUN-DUN-DUN!​

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Episode 1: Part 1

This is the first of 4 parts. It is intended more to get us acquainted with the human crew. But don't worry, there's some serious Muppet madness on the way in part two!​

Feel free to heckle! I don't care!​

Int.-Van-Day​

Opens inside of a news van. The shakiness of the image suggests a handheld camera. The first thing we see is a pair of sneakers. These sneakers belong to Frank.​

Frank is one of the four camera-people, he is the least serious of the four of them.​

The next thing Frank focuses on is Mark, who is behind the wheel.​

Mark is another of the camera-people. He is the one who got pitched the idea and is the most determined to make this work. We catch him in mid-lecture.​

Mark
...who didn't read the instructions. We need to be
serious about this. This isn't the rinky-dink
little videos we made for the Internet, this is the
big leagues. These cameras are a lot more
sophisticated and expensive.​

Frank
All you really need to know is how to turn it on
and I've already done that.​

As someone from the behind him speaks Frank whips around to see Rachel (the typical tomboy) and Charlie (the shy one).​

Rachel
That's not the point and you know it!​

Charlie
We missed the turn.​

Mark
What?​

Charlie
We missed the turn.​

Mark
No we didn't. If we had the GPS would've said
something.​

GPS
You have missed your turn.​

Everyone except Mark begins to laugh. Mark puts his hand over Frank's lens.​

Mark
Turn off the camera, Frank.​

The screen shifts to static, over which the title is displayed.​

The Muppets
In Real Life​

A Day at the Beach​

Cut to​

Ext.-Boarding House-Day​

The outside of the boarding house is unsettlingly normal, aside from the tie-dyed bus in the driveway. The front yard is fenced in and there is a tree with an old kite stuck in it.​

The view is, once again, from Franks camera. Mark enters the frame.​

Mark
We are here in front of The Muppets' boarding
house, where they spend their time when they're not
working. They have agreed to allow us to film them
so their fans can see what they're like when they
aren't reading from a script.​

Frank
(Snickers)​

Mark
Shut up.​

Mark opens the gate and they make their way up the front walk. As they get closer the mayhem from inside gets louder and louder. When they reach the porch voices can be heard.​

Kermit
(o.s.)
...seen the keys for the bus?​

Fozzie
(o.s.)
No, but I'll key-p an eye out for them! Wocka, Wocka!​

Kermit
(o.s.)
Fozzie.​

Mark rings the doorbell and there is an instant uproar from inside.​

Animal
(o.s.)
DOORBELL! DOORBELL! DOORBELL,
DOORBELL! DOOR BELL!​

Kermit
(o.s.)
Could somebody get that?​

Rowlf
(o.s.)
I got it, Kermit!​

The door opens and Rowlf is standing there, in the midst of a whirlwind of wackiness, looking cool as a cucumber.​

Rowlf
Yes?​

In the background Animal runs by dragging a bikini-clad Janice behind him. Floyd runs after them, shouting for Animal to stop.​

Mark
Hi, my name is Mark and we're...​

There is a sudden explosion from inside and Mark ducks just in time to avoid being hit by a flying penguin.​

Mark
(uncertainly)
...from the network?​

Rowlf
Oh! Come on in, I'll get Kermit for ya.​

Mark begins to look nervous as they cross the threshold. Rowlf shuts the door behind them and walks off.​

The foyer is a small room with a large doorway on the left that leads into the living room, a stairway and hallway across the front door and a second hallway across from the living room.​

Sweetums walks by, humming to himself and carrying a brand-new kite like the one up in the tree.​

Scooter walks by the other way, carrying a clipboard, followed by Beauregard, who is carrying a large fabric bag and a beach umbrella. They go down a checklist as they pass​

Scooter
Sunscreen?​

Beauregard
Check.​

Scooter
Umbrella?​

Beau puts down the umbrella and begins to dig into the bag.​

Beauregard
I know it's in here somewhere!​

Their check is interrupted by Kermit whose way they're blocking.​

Kermit
Excuse me. I need to get through.​

Scooter
Oh! Sorry, boss. C'mon Beau.​

Beau has gotten stuck in the bag.​

Beauregard
Who turned out the lights?​

Scooter leads him off and Kermit approaches Mark.​

Kermit
Hello.​

Mark
Hello, Mr. The Frog, I'm Mark.​

Kermit hold out his hand.​

Kermit
Nice to meet you, Mark.​

In his nervousness, Mark accidentally winds up shaking Kermit's whole arm. He quickly stops.​

Mark
Sorry!​

Kermit
That's alright and you can call me Kermit.​

Mark
Okay, Kermit, this is Frank.​

Frank shakes Kermit's hand.​

Kermit
I once worked with a very nice man who was
named Frank.​

Frank
Really?​

Mark
This is Charlie.​

Charlie is trying to avoid making eye contact.​

Mark
He's kinda shy.​

Kermit
I noticed.​

Mark
And this is Rachel.​

Rachel shakes Kermit's hand.​

Kermit
Hi, Rachel.​

Rachel
Call me Rae.​

Kermit
Why?​

Rae
Everyone does!​

Kermit
Oh, okay.​

Mark
What's going on here?​

Kermit
Well we'd thought we'd give you something
interesting for your first day of shooting, so we're
taking a trip to the beach.​

Mark
Ah.​

Kermit
But, we lost the keys for the bus.​

There is a loud crash as the air vent on the wall next to the door near the ceiling falls out revealing Gonzo, who has been crawling around the heating ducts.​

Gonzo
They aren't in here, Kermit!​

Kermit
Okay. Thanks for looking, anyway, Gonzo.​

Gonzo
You're welcome!​

Just as Gonzo turns around and crawls back into the ducts, Pepe runs in carrying the bus keys.​

Pepe
Kermin! Kermin! I found the keys, okay!​

Kermit takes the keys.​

Kermit
That's great! Where were they?​

Pepe
They were in the...​

Pepe spots Rae.​

Pepe
Who are jou, okay?​

Kermit
These are the people from the network. They're
here to follow us around and see what we do.​

Pepe
Ahh.​

Pepe rushes over and embraces Rae's leg, she responds with an uncomfortable look.​

Pepe
Jou can follow me, okay.​

Rae
Actually, I was hired to film Miss Piggy.​

Pepe
Could I get jour number, at least?​

Rae shakes Pepe off and he flies into a wall.​

Pepe
I love it when they play hards-to-get, okay.​

Kermit
Well, we're just about ready to leave. Would you...​

Mark
We'll take the van and meet you there.​

Kermit
Okay.​

Mark turns and opens the door. They step out onto the porch and close the door behind them. Just as they do there is a fanfare from inside.​

Piggy
(o.s.)
I'm ready for my close-up, Rachel, dear.​

Kermit
(o.s.)
They already left. They're going to meet us there.​

Piggy
(o.s)
I spent all that time getting ready and they've
left already!​

Kermit
(o.s.)
You look very nice, anyway.​

Piggy
(o.s.)
Aww, thank you.​

Mark and the gang make their way back down the front walk past the bus full of partying Muppets already in the bus and back into their van. A few moments of silence pass.​

Mark
What have we gotten ourselves into?​

END PART 1​

What do you think so far?​

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Why no replies? My writing can't be that bad!

 

[Libba Yuki]

Me likes, me likes a lot!

Everyone's written to a T, and the four OCs are each interesting as well. I like how you describe everything as it gets caught on camera (the o.s. remarks are a nice touch).

Can't wait to see the next part of the episode!

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Episode 1: Part 2

Here is part two and The Muppets unleashing their distinct brand of wackiness (and Animal) on the beach!

Feel free to heckle! I don't care!​

Cut to​

Another screen of static followed by another quick view of Frank's feet, now wearing sandals, on a blacktop.​

Mark
...m ready.​

The camera swings upward and we see Mark (carrying his camera and dressed in proper beach attire), the ocean, palm trees, other beach goers and something big, yellow and feathery walking by in the background.​

Frank
Hey, was that..?​

Mark
(Interrupting)
Focus, Frank!​

Frank
Sorry.​

Mark
Okay, we are here, at the beach, The Muppet's
bus has just pulled in and we have reached the point
where everything gets a lot more professional, right?​

Rae
(o.s.)
Right.​

Charlie
(o.s.)
Right.​

Frank
Ask me again later.​

Mark rolls his eyes as he turns on his camera. The point of view suddenly shifts to Mark's camera.​

We see Frank, Charlie, and Rae, all also dressed for the beach and carrying cameras. Mark turns and we see The Electric Mayhem bus, Kermit is already off and we see Dr. Teeth behind the wheel. As Mark and Co. walk toward the bus Sweetums gets off, carrying Robin in one hand and the kite in the other, and is followed by Animal who is dragging Floyd off after him.​

Animal
BEACH PARTY!​

Floyd
Heel, Animal, heel!​

Animal screeches to a halt and stands there, panting.​

Mark
Hey, Kermit!​

Kermit
Hi, Mark!​

Robin
Uncle Kermit!​

Mark turns towards Robin who is still perched in Sweetums hand.​

Kermit
Yeah.​

Robin
Me and Sweetums are gonna go fly our kite.​

Kermit
Okay.​

Sweetums walks off. Mark turns to Charlie.​

Mark
You go with them.​

Kermit
Be careful!​

There is a loud CREAK as Sweetums accidentally topples a palm tree. Kermit covers his eyes. Charlie recoils a little.​

Sweetums
We're okay!​

Mark
So, Kermit.​

Kermit uncovers his eyes.​

Mark
What do you have planned for today?​

Kermit
To tell you the truth we never really have a plan
for anything, it just happens.​

Scooter gets off the bus, still looking over his checklist. But, this time, Luncheon Counter Monster is the one holding the bag.​

Scooter
Beach towels?​

LCM pulls out a neatly folded towel and eats it, Scooter doesn't notice.​

LCM
Check. (Burp)​

Scooter and LCM walk off.​

Mark
I've noticed.​

Janice gets off the bus, followed by Rowlf.​

Floyd
Did you see that? Dude just ate a towel.​

Janice
Like, that can't be good for him.​

Rowlf
Hey, maybe he needed more fibers in his diet. (Laughs)​

Just as Floyd, Animal, Janice and Rowlf walk off the big, yellow, feathery something comes into view.​

Big Bird
Hi, Kermit!​

Kermit
Hey, Big Bird, long time, no see!​

Mark
Big Bird? What are you doing here?​

Big Bird
I'm on vacation with my Granny Bird. Who are you?​

As Kermit introduces them Big Bird shakes their hands.​

Kermit
This is Mark...​

Mark
Hello.​

Kermit
...Frank...​

Frank's handshake is a little over zealous.​

Frank
I am a huge fan of your work!​

Big Bird
Gee, thank you.​

Kermit
...and Rae.​

Big Bird
Nice to meet you.​

Rae
Likewise.​

Granny Bird
(o.s.)
Big Bird, it's time to go.​

Big Bird
Coming! I gotta go, Kermit.​

Kermit
Okay.​

Big Bird
It was nice meeting all of you, good bye.​

Mark
Bye!​

Rae
So long.​

Frank
Toodle-oo!​

Big Bird leaves.​

Kermit
That's the wonders of a reality show for ya'.​

Frank
(snickers)​

Mark
Shut up.​

Suddenly, Kermit is run over by a red carpet as two well dressed Whatnots step off the bus, trumpets in hand. They blow a fanfare as Miss Piggy steps off the bus and saunters down the carpet. She is wearing a bikini that matches her gloves, a pair of designer sunglasses and a magnificent sunhat.​

Piggy
Moi, has arrived!​

She stops and looks around.​

Piggy
Kermie? Kermie, where are you?​

Kermit
(strained)
Down here.​

Piggy
Oh dear, Kermit!​

She helps Kermit out from under the carpet before rounding on the Whatnots.​

Piggy
I told you to watch where 'ya rolled the carpet!​

She turns her attention back to the winded Kermit.​

Piggy
Are you alright?​

Kermit
I think so.​

As Fozzie and Gonzo get off the bus the Whatnots blow another fanfare. Gonzo is wearing a para-sailing harness and carrying a folded parachute.​

Piggy
Knock it off!​

The Whatnots stop abruptly and slowly walk away.​

Gonzo
Hey, Kermit.​

Kermit
Yes?​

Gonzo
Do you know where we can rent a boat?​

Kermit looks around.​

Kermit
I think there's a place right over there.​

Kermit points to a small cluster of building on the beachfront.​

Gonzo
Thanks. Come on, Fozzie.​

They begin to walk off but Kermit stops them for a second.​

Kermit
Gonzo, your harness is upside down.​

Gonzo
I know.​

Gonzo and Fozzie walk off as Mark turns to Frank.​

Mark
You go with them. That's gonna be good.​

A flustered Camilla hops off the bus and runs after Gonzo. She is followed by Pepe and Rizzo.​

Pepe
Ah, the beach. The sands, the surfs and the womens
in bikinis, okay.​

Rizzo
Yeah, great. Where's the snack bar?​

They are bowled over by The Swedish Chef, carrying a cooking pot full of odd utensils.​

Chef
Dis vay ter de snickadee burr!​

Pepe and Rizzo get up and brush themselves off.​

Rizzo
I'm suddenly not hungry anymore.​

END PART 2​

There's more to come! DANGER! EXCITEMENT! ROMANCE! And an Electric Mayhem beach party! Stay tuned!​

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

And again I have to come in and ask for feedback! Come on people! I know you're out there! I can hear you typing! Say SOMETHING! Even if you didn't like it and want to tell me I'm a horrible writer and want me to go away! You're kinda making me feel like all I'm doin' is wasting my time here!