The Muppets After The Muppets - episode 4: Frognapped Kermit

[minor muppetz]

Enjoy this latest installment of "The Muppets After The Muppets".

Here are past installments:
Episode 1: Lunch Meeting http://www.muppetcentral.com/forum/threads/the-muppets-after-the-muppets-episode-1-lunch-meeting.49834/
Episode 2: Gonzo’s Pain Birth Problem http://www.muppetcentral.com/forum/threads/the-muppets-after-the-muppets-episode-2-gonzos-pain-birth-problem.49872/
Episode 3: Trio on Tour http://www.muppetcentral.com/forum/threads/the-muppets-after-the-muppets-episode-3-trio-on-tour.49880/

Act 1

Floyd Pepper, Janice, Zoot, Animal, Lips, Fozzie, Rowlf, Clifford, and Link Hogthrob all looked with amazement at Dr. Teeth’s new van, actually a used FBI van which Dr. Teeth installed a satellite dish on top and some radio station equipment inside.

“Very cool, Dr. Teeth”, said Link.

“Thanks, Link”, said Dr. Teeth.

“It’s very groovy”, said Floyd.

“Fer sure!”, said Janice.

“I’ve decided to convert this van into a traveling radio station”, said Dr. Teeth, “So I can be a DJ and drive around town.”

“That sounds really hip”, said Clifford.

“Thanks, Cliff”, said Dr. Teeth, “Well, I got to go get started with my first broadcast!”

“So long, Dr. Teeth”, said Floyd.

“SO-LONG! SO-LONG!”, said Animal.

Dr. Teeth got in, turned the van on, put earplugs in, drove off, and hit a switch.

“You’re listening to Dr. Teeth, the traveling DJ with his traveling radio station! I’ll be playing the hits and taking your calls! But first, here’s one of my greatest hits, ‘Can You Picture That?’”

Dr. Teeth pushed a button and “Can You Picture That?” played. The van drove past the bank, where Kermit was paying off a loan.

“I am so grateful you paid off the first half of your loan”, said a bank clerk.

“I’ll be sure to pay back the rest next week”, said Kermit, a little worried.

Just then a man in all black, including a black mask, barged in with a gun.

“Okay, everybody, hands up!”, said the man.

Everybody put their hands up.

“Give me all of your money in a paper bag!”, said the man.

“I still only have to pay back the other half, right?”, asked Kermit to the bank clerk.

The money was put into a bag.

“You know we’ll call the police”, said the manager.

“Well, I’ll just have to get a hostage”, said the man, who then grabbed Kermit by the neck.

“Don’t call, or the celebrity will get it!”

“It’s really not easy being green today!”, remarked Kermit.

The man ran off, with Kermit.

“Why do we always get robbed by a man in black this time every Saturday?”, asked the manager.

“Friday would be more convenient for us”, said a bank teller.

“And why does the robber always have the exact same voice, height, and physical build?”, asked another teller.

Meanwhile, Dr. Teeth was still driving his radio station van, which was playing the end of “We Built This City”.

“That was ‘We Built This City’, a very fine, very groovy tune”, said Dr. Teeth, “Now let’s take a call!”

Dr. Teeth pushed a button.

“You’re on the line”, said Dr. Teeth.

“I would like to voice a complaint”, said the caller.

“But complaints are not far out and groovy”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Well”, said the caller, “I was listening to my favorite gospel station, when all of a sudden your station replaced it with your terrible rock and roll.”

“Listen, man, rock and roll is not terrible”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Oh, yeah?”, said the caller, “Tell it to the inventor of gospel music.”

At the theater, the Muppets were rehearsing. The Swedish Chef was conducting the singing food in a rendition of “I Feel Like Chicken Tonight”. Rowlf was practicing an instrumental rendition of “Never Gonna Give You Up” on the piano. Fozzie was practicing some jokes.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”, asked Fozzie.

“I give up”, said Bean, “why did the chicken cross the road?”

“Because she lost a bet!”, said Fozzie.

Animal provided a rim shot.

“That rim shot’s not necessary, Animal”, said Fozzie.

“And that joke’s not very cute, Fozzie”, said Bean.

The Newsman came running from a dressing room.

“I just heard on the news that Kermit the Frog has been frognapped!”, said The Newsman, who suddenly fell down the stairs.

“That punch line has nothing to do with the set-up”, said Bean.

“You can say that again”, said Clifford.

“Okay”, said Bean, “That punch line has noth…”

“Shut up!”, said Clifford, regretting what he had said.

“Oh, no”, said Fozzie, “What are we going to do?”

“Miss Piggy would know what to do”, said Rowlf.

“Miss Piggy’s out of town promoting a line of gloves”, said Scooter.

“It’s up to us!”, said Walter.

“What do you mean ‘us’?”, said Link.

“We’ve got to find Kermit and bring him back”, said Walter.

“Walter’s right!”, said Fozzie, “who’s with me?”

“I’m in!”, said Floyd.

“Me, too!”, said Clifford.

“I’m out”, said Link, “I’m chicken.”

“No”, said Gonzo, pointing to Camilla, “She’s chicken.”

“Baw-gawk?”, said Camilla.

“Well, you are”, said Gonzo.

Meanwhile, the robber brought Kermit to his mansion.

“Nice mansion”, said Kermit.

“I paid for it thanks to a lifetime of robbing banks”, said the robber, taking Kermit into the house, going to a special wall, pushing the wall away revealing a door, and throwing Kermit into the room and locking it.

Kermit saw several celebrities who were locked up in there, including Jaheel White, Dave Coulier, Ben Savage, Richard Dean Anderson, Peter Billingsley, Tracy Ullman, and Gina Davis.

“Hmmm”, thought Kermit, “I’ve wondered why you all disappeared from the public eye.”

“This guy, whatever his name is”, said Jaheel White, “he robs banks, and likes to lock celebrities in this room.”

“It’s like a collection”, said Tracy Ullman.

“I’ve heard he does worse things to non-celebrity hostages”, said Peter Billingsley.

“Now cut-it-out”, said Dave Coulier, making a “cut-it-out” hand gesture.

“This room is entirely escape-proof”, said Richard Dean Anderson, “there’s no way for us to escape.”

“But weren’t you MacGuyver?”, asked Kermit.

“Only on television”, said Richard, “although I think I can get out if I had some pennies. Got any on you?”

“No”, said Kermit, regretfully.

Meanwhile, as Dr. Teeth was on the road…

“That was “Stairway to Heaven”, and I’m going to take a short break from the show now, but you just enjoy some absolutely-positiffically groovy commercials!”

Dr. Teeth parked his van in the Muppet Studios backlot, as the other Muppets showed up.

“Teeth, we’ve got some unhip news”, said Floyd, “The frog’s been kidnapped!”

“Or frognapped, okay”, said Pepe.

“FROG-NAPPED!”, yelled Animal.

“Not now”, said Scooter.

“That’s terrible”, said Dr. Teeth, “we’ve got to find the frog!”

“I will find the exact location of Mr. Kermit the Frog by sing my modem”, said ‘80s Robot, making a loud dial-up, hurting the ears of the other Muppets, “Kermit is at 123 Robbers Lane.”

“Right on!”, said Dr. Teeth.

“We can head down there right now!”, said Bunsen.

“We’ll take my van”, said Dr. Teeth, “I hear it used to be an FBI van.”

“Well, let’s go!”, said Robin.

“I call shotgun”, said Gonzo.

“No, I call shotgun”, said Rizzo.

“SHOT-GUN! SHOT-GUN!”, yelled Animal, carrying a shotgun.

The back of the van got as crowded with Muppets as it could be and Dr. Teeth took off.

“I hope everybody who’s planned on coming is here”, said Dr. Teeth.

Sweetums started chasing the van.

“Hey, wait for me!”, said Sweetums, “I don’t like being left behind so much…. Come back, guys…”

Sweetums then got out-of-breath and stopped.

“At least it’s not far from here”, said Sweetums.

 

[minor muppetz]

Act 2

Dr. Teeth turned on a switch which started his radio broadcast.

“Alright now”, said Dr. Teeth, “For all you jazz fans out there, here is a live performance by Zoot!”

Walter held a microphone to Zoot, who played his saxophone in the van.

“Good thing he thought to bring his sax”, said Janice.

“Shhh”, whispered Fozzie, “he’s on the air.”

They soon found their location. Dr. Teeth drove around a street corner, so they wouldn’t be seen by the enemy. Everyone got out of the van, except for Dr. Teeth.

“Well, what should we do?”, asked Robin.

“Oh, I’ve got an idea”, said Walter, “right out of The Great Muppet Caper!”

And the next thing you know, Fozzie, Robin, and Walter all came to the door dressed as pizza delivery men.

“But what if he didn’t order a pizza?”, asked Fozzie.

“For the sixth time, Fozzie, we’re going to tell him it’s a free pizza”, said Walter.

“What if he hates pepperoni?”, asked Fozzie.

“It’s a plain cheese pizza”, said Robin.

“Oh, yeah”, said Fozzie.

“So we’ll give him his pizza”, said Walter, “And then one of us says he have to go to the bathroom, when that one of us will really be searching for Kermit.”

“Good plan”, said Robin.

“Not it!”,said Fozzie and Walter, quickly.

“I guess that makes me it”, said Robin.

Fozzie rang the doorbell.

“You know”, said Fozzie, “I think I have to use the little bears room.”

“I guess I’m not it then”, said Robin.

“But I already called not it”, said Fozzie, who rang again.

Kermit and the other celebrities were still locked up, listening to the doorbell.

“I guess our robber has left the building”, said Kermit.

“He’s probably robbing other banks”, said Jaheel White, “I think Saturday is his favorite day to rob banks.”

“Yeah, I heard that’s the day when celebrities are at the bank paying off loans”, said Ben Savage.

“If I get out of here I’m gonna start paying back loans on Thursdays”, said Gina Davis.

Soon, Walter, Fozzie, and Robin went back to the van.

“It appears that nobody was home”, said Robin.

“And I still have to use the little bears room”, said Fozzie.

“We have to find another way to rescue Kermit”, said Robin.

“Hey, will you quiet down?”, said Dr. Teeth, “I’m taking a call!”

“Well, I have a plan”, said Gonzo, who had a rocket strapped to his back, “I am going to blast myself to the mansion, towards the chimney. I will then unstrap myself and go down the chimney, into the house so I can rescue Kermit.”

“”Good thinking”, said Clifford.

“Yeah”, said Floyd, “it’s not often Gonzo thinks of such a clever plan.”

“Alright, fire!”, said Gonzo.

Crazy Harry set off a plunger, which blasted Gonzo off the ground…. But the rocket fire went out-of-controll, sending Gonzo into circles into the sky.

“Did anybody bring another rocket?”, said Crazy Harry with a crazy laugh.

Walter watched Gonzo up in the sky, and then lightening struck Gonzo, who vaporized completely. It then rained, and everybody looked on, unhappy.

“Gonzo… He’s… He’s gone”, sniffed Fozzie.

“And my Uncle Kermit is still kidnapped”, said Robin.

“Oh no I’m not”, said Kermit, who was suddenly beside them, who then cheered with happiness.

“Kermit! How’d you escape?”, asked Walter.

“What escape?”, asked Kermit, “Earlier this morning Western Union sent me a message from Gonzo, written in 1885.”

“1885?”, said Walter, “so he’s still alive?”

“Well, he was back then”, said Kermit, “this message warned me about today’s events, but I had to leave so you all would think I was kidnapped. I even told the Newsman to report it to you all, and told ‘80s Robot where to take you.”

“I’ll work on a time machine so I can send us back to 1885 to rescue Gonzo”, said Bunsen.

“Mee mee mee mee mee”, said Beaker.

But then it turned out this was all just a fantasy of Walter, who was staring in dead air.

“Walter? Earth to Walter!”, said Rizzo.

“Oh, sorry”, said Walter, “I was just thinking.”

Walter looked around, didn’t see Gonzo.

“So did Gonzo make it in?”, asked Walter.

“No, his rocket took him that way”, said Clifford, pointing left.

Cut to a fair, where several bikini-clad women ran out of a tent, Gonzo following in his rocket.

“You were expecting maybe Sweetums?”, said Gonzo to the audience, before he saw Sweetums headed his way. Gonzo knocked Sweetums down, causing Gonzo to fly up into the air.

 

[minor muppetz]

Act 3

Back to the mansion…

“I have a plan!”, laughed Crazy Harry.

“I, like, have a bad feeling about this”, said Janice, “a rully bad feeling, fer sure!”

Cut to them down in a sewer. Beaker was holding a special microphone to the ceiling of the sewer, with microphones on.

“Do you hear Kermit?”, asked Bunsen.

“Mee”, said Beaker.

“That means no”, said Bunsen.

“This is getting us nowhere fast, okay”, remarked Pepe.

“Was it really necessary for all of us to come into the sewer?”, asked Rizzo.

“Don’t worry about it”, said Dr. Teeth, “I’m playing ‘In a Gadda Da Vida’ on my radio station. We’ll have plenty of time.”

“Mee mee mee mee mee mee mee”, said Beaker with excitement.

“Oh, you hear Kermit?”, said Bunsen.

Beaker nodded his head.

“Okay, we know we’re under the mansion”, said Robin.

Bunsen connected some special cables to the ceiling with a suction cup.

Crazy Harry made a countdown: “Ready… aim… BLAST!”

Crazy Harry set off his plunger, but instead of causing an explosion or implosion to the mansion above, it just caused an explosion in the sewer, blowing up the Muppets.

Everyone was coughing.

“I ask again”, said Rizzo, “was it REALLY necessary for us all to be down here?”

“I bet the pig would know what to do”, said Floyd.

Cut to Miss Piggy at a gloves convention.

“My gloves will make you more like moi”, said Miss Piggy, “But not exactly like moi.”

Gonzo then blasted past her on his rocket.

“What was that?”, asked a customer.

“Just a flying blue geek who didn’t buy my gloves”, said Miss Piggy.

Meanwhile, the Muppets were back in the van, thinking of what to do next.

“Okay, what do we do next?”, asked Robin.

“We can play 20 questions, okay!”, said Pepe.

“Okay, I’ve got one”, said Walter.

“Animal?”, asked Animal.

“Hey, you’re good”, said Walter, “Okay, your turn.”

Animal started thinking.

“Hey, I have an idea”, said Clifford, “Couldn’t we just call the police?”

Just then the van door opened. It was the robber, who had overheard them.

“No, you can’t”, said the robber.

 

[minor muppetz]

Act 4

The Robber threw a big sack into his hostage room. The Muppets all got out of the sack as soon as the door shut.

“Hey, gang”, said Kermit, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“We’re glad to see you, too”, said Scooter.

“We were trying to rescue you, Uncle Kermit”, said Robin.

“Yeah, but now you all need rescuing as well”, said Kermit.

“Hey, it’s the Muppets!”, said Jaheel White.

“Hey, it’s…”, said Pepe, trying to figure out his name, but then said “it’s…. Urkel!”

Janice saw Richard Dean Anderson.

“Hey, it’s, like, the MacGuyver guy”, said Janice, “Can you get us out of here?”

“I’ve tried and I’ve failed”, said Richard, “Unless…. Anybody got a speck of dust?”


“I might!”, said Fozzie, taking off his hat, putting his finger in, and finding a speck.

“Here’s one”, said Fozzie.

Richard wiped the dust off his finger and then put it into the keyhole, and blew.

“Hmm”, said Richard, “I thought something would happen.”

“I would really like to help”, said Peter Billingsley, “but my parents never gave me a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas.”

Dave Coulier noticed that Bunsen was there.

“Hye, Bunsen”, said Dave, “I can do a great impression of you”, said Dave.

“Oh, let’s hear it”, said Bunsen.

“Oh, let’s hear it”, said Dave, talking in Baby Bunsen’s voice.

“That sounds nothing like me”, remarked Bunsen.

“Mee mee mee!”, said Beaker.

“No, it doesn’t sound like you, either”, said Bunsen.

“Well, when we were all in that sack, I called the police”, said Clifford.

“It won’t work”, said Gina Davis.

“Why not?”, asked Clifford.

“The robber’s got a secret wall in front of this door”, said Ben.

“Hey, that’s my line!”, said Gina.

“Yes”, said Ben, “But I don’t think I get any other lines.”

“I don’t even get to say, ‘Did I do that?’”, said Jaheel White.

“Oh, great”, said Peter Billingsley, “You’ve ruined the ending!”

“Did I do that?”, asked Jaheel.

“I thought you wanted to get out of being Urkel”, said Richard Dean Anderson.

Three police officers then arrived at the mansion.

“Hey, officers”, said the robber, “Is it our Saturday evening visit again?”

“Yeah, for some reason people always tell us you have hostages”, said one officer.

“It’s because I’m dressed in all black and wearing a black mask, isn’t it?”, said the robber.

“I think people just want your money”, said another cop.

“Yeah, I don’t support stealing”, said the robber, “Anyway, feel free to search the entire mansion, except for that wall. Don’t touch it.”

“Yeah, it sure is an ugly, plain wall”, said another cop.

The hostages could all hear cops searching.

“Hey, cops!”, shouted Fozzie, “Check behind the wall!”

“They can’t hear us”, said Jaheel White, “This is soundproof.”

“But I can hear you”, said Fozzie.

Dr. Teeth pushed the door forward, learning that it’s not locked.

“Hey, it’s not locked”, said Dr. Teeth, but the door didn’t go very far.

“Yeah, who needs a lock when there’s a wall blocking the door?”, said Jaheel.

“Can I have a line now?”, asked Dave Coulier.

“Only if you can answer one question”, said Fozzie, “Why was America’s Funniest People canceled so soon, while America’s Funniest Home Videos is still on the air?”

“Oh, brother”, said Dave Coulier.

Gonzo was still on his rocket, which was headed back to the mansion…. And it blasted Gonzo through a window, where he was bouncing all over the inside of the mansion.

“Hey, it’s Rocket-Whatever!”, said a cop.

“No”, said another cop, “It’s the Whatever-Kateer!”

“I think you all should go!”, said the robber.

Gonzo then crashed into a cabinet, and then the rocket exploded, which somehow caused the wall to shred quickly, revealing the door.

“Hey, there’s a door here!”, said a cop.

“No wonder you didn’t want us to look behind the wall”, said another cop.

The door opened, and all the celebrities came out.

“Hey, it’s Kermit!”, said a cop.

“And Fozzie!”, said another cop.

“And it’s Richard Dean Anderson!”, said another cop, “My wife always smokes after MacGuyver ends.”

Peter Billingsley then came out.

“Hey, aren’t you Peter Billingsley?”, said a cop.

“Yes”, said Peter, nervously.

“You haven’t paid off your loans in years”, said the cop.

“That’s because I’ve been locked in that room all this time”, said Peter, “I couldn’t pay off loans when I was locked up.”

“That’s what they all say!”, said the cop.

The robber started to run off, but one of the cops quickly grabbed onto his arm.

“You’re going to jail for a long time”, said the cop.

“Curses!”, said the robber, “Foiled for the first time!”

Gonzo got out of the cabinet.

“Gonzo, are you alright?”, said Rizzo.

“yes”, said Gonzo, “Except I think I ruined this cabinet.”

“I’ll say you did”, said the robber, “That cabinet had the power to keep my wall sturdy!”

Soon, the Muppets were all at a coffee shop.

“Well, it’s great to be out of there”, said Kermit.

“Hopefully the robber will be in jail for a long time”, said Robin.

“Say, did anybody get the robber’s name or identity?”, asked Clifford.

“Well, I’m going back to my van”, said Dr. Teeth, “It’s time for another radio broadcast!”

“Hey, aren’t you Dr. Teeth?”, asked the coffee shop owner.

“Why, yes I undoubtably am!”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Will you and the band do a song on our stage?”

“Well alright!”, said Dr. Teeth.

The Electric Mayhem got on the stage, ready to play.

“This is an oldie where I come from”, said Dr. Teeth, as the band started to play “Johnny B Good”… But then switched to “Never Gonna Give You Up”.

“Good grief”, said Kermit, shortly after the song began, “it’s a rick roll.”

The band finished the song, and everyone cheered.

“By the way”, said Pepe, “Are any of those washed-up celebrities going to be guest stars on our show?”


“They’re not washed up”, said Kermit, “They were just locked up for a long time. But yes, they all expressed an interest in being guest stars.”

Cut to them all locked in another room (well, all but Peter Billingsley).

“Help us out!”, said Dave Coulier.

“We don’t want to be held hostage again!”, said Jaheel White.

“We just got out of another kidnapping situation!”, said Gina Davis.

Sweetums then ran through a wall.

“Kermit! Are you here?”

“No”, said Tracey Ullman, “But we’re getting out of here.”

The End

 

[LipsGF4Life]

Hahahaha nice!