The Muppet Show - Council of Rivendell Sketch

[SwordKing]

The Muppet Show:
Council of Rivendell Sketch​

(The curtain rises to reveal a reasonable replica of the Rivendell set from “Lord of The Rings”. Gathered on stage are Kermit the Frog as Aragorn, Miss Piggy as Arwen, Gonzo as Gandalf, Fozzie Bear as Gimli, Sam the Eagle as Elrond, Link Hogthrob as Legolas, Pepe Leprawn as Boromir, special guest star Elijah Wood as Frodo, and various generic Muppets as the background characters.)

Sam: Elves, Dwarves, and Free Men, we are here to discuss a matter of great import to all Middle Earth. Frodo, bring out the RING!

(Elijah takes out the One Ring and puts on a pedestal in the middle of the stage)

Pepe: Oooh, that’s a really nice ring.

Sam: Peoples of Middle Earth, we must now decide what must be with the One Ring.

Pepe: (Starts jumping up and down) Hey, hey, if no one else wants it, I’ll take it. Yeah, I’ll take really good care of it, especially in the ladies’ dressing room.

Piggy: Especially in the WHAT?

Pepe: Uh, never mind.

Sam: No one can use the Ring, Boromir of Gondor. It must be destroyed!

Fozzie: Well what are we waiting for then? (Walks up to the Ring and whacks it with an axe. The axe breaks and Fozzie is sent flying off stage.) WAAAAAAH!

Kermit: (Calling after Fozzie) Fozzie, are you OK?

Fozzie: (Weakly, off stage) Yeah, the ground broke my fall.

Gonzo: That’s one tough ring!

Sam: The Ring can not be destroyed with brute strength. We must- (Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker suddenly enter with a strange laser beam machine)

Honeydew: (Interrupting Sam) Approach this problem scientifically. This laser, designed and built in Muppet Labs, is guaranteed to instantly vaporize any material in the universe! Now I’ll adjust the angle a bit. (Points the machine at the Ring) Beaker?

Beaker: Meep meep?

Honeydew: Fire at will.

Beaker: Meep. (Turns the machine on. The laser beam reflects off the Ring and sets Beaker’s hair on fire.) MEEEEP! (Runs off stage)

Honeydew: Oh dear. Well, um, the Ring must be made from a material not found in this universe. Toodles. (Goes after Beaker)

Sam: As I was say-(Animal rushes in with a jackhammer)

Animal: JACKHAMMER! JACKHAMMER! (Climbs on top of the pedestal, pulls up the jackhammer, and starts using the jackhammer)

Link: Now just a minute. I am the dreamboat here. Clearly I’M the main character and it’s up to ME to-(Animal loses balance and falls on Link, jackhammer and all)

Animal: (Gets up) Hah. Hah. (Looks down at Link) Sorry. (Looks at the Ring. It’s completely undamaged) RAAAAAAH! (Runs off stage in a fit of rage)

Sam: If we are quite done with this foolishness, it’s time-

Piggy: To try a lady’s touch. (Walks over to the Ring and raises her right hand) HIIIIIIYAH! (Brings her hand down on Ring. Hard. It doesn’t work) Ow. Not going to try THAT again. (Crazy Harry rushes on stage)

Crazy Harry: Then let’s try some good old fashioned TNT! AHAHAHAHA! (Cut to Statler and Waldorf)

Waldorf: Hey Statler, maybe you should take a crack at that Ring.

Statler: Why me?

Waldorf: As many divorces as you’ve been through, you should know a thing or two about getting rid of rings.

Statler and Waldorf: DOOHOHOHO! (Back on the stage)

Elijah Wood: Hey Kermit, are we going to get to my line about taking the Ring to Mordor and tossing it into the fires of Mount Doom?

Kermit: I wouldn’t bet on it. (Cut to a long line of Muppets with various instruments of destruction)