Tales from The Muppet Movie

[minor muppetz]

In honor of this week being the 40th anniversary of when The Muppet Movie was released in theaters, I'm presenting an anthology series of short stories called "Tales from The Muppet Movie", featuring backstories and things that happened during the events of the movie. I don't know how many different stoires I'll be doing here, but here is our first story: "How Fozzie Got to The El Sleezo"

Fozzie was finishing up packing a suitcase.

"Well, Ma, I'm on my way to make it as a comedian", said Fozzie.

"I wish you'd reconsider", said Ma, "maybe you could be a lawyer or a doctor or... Hmm, maybe a comedian won't be as had."

"It is my dream, Ma", said Fozzie, "I love you, but I have got to make out a lliving for myself."

"I understand", said Ma, as she and Fozzie hugged.

"Be careful out there", said Ma, "your uncle won't be happy if you damage the studebaker he left you."

"Okay", said Fozzie as he got into the car and pulled out.

So Fozzie went to his first venue.

"This looks like a good spot", said Fozzie, who then bumped into a trash can by mistake, "or maybe not".

He got out and went into a place called All Funny Comedy. Fozzie knocked on the door.

'Hiya, hiya, hiya, I am Fozzie Bear, and I'd like to be part of your show, wocka wocka!"

"Okay, you've got a minute to make me laugh", said the club's manager.

"Okay, so why did the man throw his clock out the window to see time fly... No, I men a, why did the man... Oh, boy. Uh, why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side? No, no, what I meant to say..."

"Time's already up", said the manager.

And it went like this at other venues.

"I don't understand belly dancers. Why can't they dance on the floor like everyone else?"

"NEXT!"

"I know a man so cheap, he uses a picture of a worm when he goes fishing, and he catches a picture of a fish."

"NEXT!"

"What is the bear capital of the world? MOSCOW!"

"NEXT!"

After all these rejections, Fozzie felt like giving up.

"I've driven all over the state, and not one person will hire me. I doubt I'm ready for Hollywood. Maybe I should become a bookkeeper, instead."

Fozzie then saw a restaurant, The El Sleezo Cafe.

"Well, I should go in and eat. Can't find any other restaurants around here."

Fozzie went to a table.

"What'll ya have?", said the waiter.

"I'll have a pea soup and a bowl of honey", said Fozzie.

The waiter left and Fozzie saw the entertainment, while hearing boos from the audience.

"Wow, what ugly dancing girls", thought Fozzie.

The waiter came back with his orders - including pea soup with a big letter P inside.

"Ahh, that's funny", said Fozzie.

"Attention, audience", said the emcee, "our dancing girls will be going on vacation and we'll need a new performer for a few weeks. Speak with the owner if you want an audition."

"This could be a chance", said Fozzie.

Fozzie went to the owner.

"Hiya, I'm Fozzie Bear, and I would like to audition."

"Okay", said the owner, "what do you do?"

"I am a comedian bear, with jokes both old and rare. Wocka wocka!"

"Okay, let me hear what you can do", said the owner.

"You know what? I'll let you be part of my act. When I shout the word "hear", I want you to shout 'good grief, the comedian's a bear!'"

"When you say 'hear'? Gotcha."

"Okay, you look like a wonderful audience, it's a pleasure to be here...."

"GOOD GRIEF! THE COMEDIAN'S A BEAR!"

"Not yet!"

"But you said 'here'."

"That was the wrong 'hear'."

"You know what?", said the owner, "I don't want to hear...."

"GOOD GRIEF! THE COMEDIAN'S A BEAR!", shouted Fozzie.

"Will you shut up?", said the owner, "as I was saying, I don't really want to hear the rest of that bit. But since you're the only performer to audition, I'll let you on. You start tomorrow."

"Oh, boy!", said Fozzie.

Fozzie went to the phone to call his mother.

"Hello, Ma, it's Fozzie. I've got a gig at the El Sleezo Cafe out west. I start tomorrow!"

"Oh, I hear that's a dangerous business in a dangerous city", said Ma.

"Don't worry, Ma, I can take care of myself", said Fozzie, just before an arrow shot out and landed right on the phone, Fozzie making a quick scream/

"Oh, I'm sure you can", said Ma, nervous, "good luck."

Ma hung up, then thought to herself, "Hmm, I have some friends who are traveling the area, Fozzie doesn't know them, maybe I can get them to watch out for him..."

So the next night....

"Okay, Fozzie, you can do this.....", said Fozzie to himself while in the wings.

The piano player gave him an introduction, "And now, with the dancing girls on vacation, here he is, the one, the only, Fozzie Bear!"

"Wocka wocka wocka wocka!", said Fozzie.

"Wocka wocka?", mocked a greaser in the audience, "is that all he can say?"

Statler and Waldorf were in the audience.

"Do you think that's him?", asked Statler.

"Well, he is a bear", said Waldorf.

"I wonder if he'll be any funny", said Statler.

"I know a guy who is so tall.....", started Fozzie.

"How tall is he?", shouted a really tall, angry man who stood up.... and broke the ceiling with his height.

"Uh....", said a nervous Fozzie, "he was so tall, everybody looked up to him."

Everyone booed at Fozzie.

"Do you think we should boo him?", asked Waldorf.

"We're supposed to be looking out for him", said Statler, "but I think we could give in to peer pressure."

"Boo!", said Waldorf.

"Terrible!", said Statler.

Fozzie's first night went horrible, but he had gotten his start.

 

[minor muppetz]

Our next story is "Gonzo Becomes the Prince of Plungers".

One day when Gonzo was in junior high school, his school had a career day.

"Okay, class, we must all pick careers for our future", said the teacher.

Gonzo thought about it, "Well, I've always wanted to go to Bombay, India to become a movie star, but everyone else will think it's stupid. They already think it's stupid when I pogo jump from wall to wall and get my head stuck in the vents". After that Gonzo immediately got on a pogo, bounced from wall to wall, and got his head stuck in a vent.

The class laughed.

"You sure are stupid!", said one of Gonzo's classmates.

The teacher then pulled Gonzo out of the vent.

"Gonzo, you need to put this stupid stuff behind and find a career", said the teacher,

Just then, an announcement was heard over the over com.

"Attention! Our pipes have just busted, everyone go outside immediately so as to not get flooded!"

The class all ran, but Gonzo took his pogo stick and ran the wrong way.

"I'll master this some day", said Gonzo, as he bounced down the hallway, off walls and students heads. Then he saw a big amount of water spraying down the direction.

"Maybe I'll take up surfing", said Gonzo, who then put his pogo stick underneath him and used it as a surf board, surfing into the water.

Gonzo soon made his way to the room where the source of the problem occurred.

"This might make a good movie some day", said Gonzo, who then slipped off his pogo and fell into a flooded room of water.

Gonzo swam downwards, found a missing piece of the pipe that had broken off, put it where it should be, and then used his nose as a wrench to fix it. It then stopped flooding.

"Say, I wonder what this red button does", wondered Gonzo as he pushed it.

It sucked all the water in, plus Gonzo, and eventually it all sprayed out a nearby fountain, Gonzo blasted out and then fell among the crowd.

"I did it! I saved the day!", said Gonzo, who then went to his class, "I know what career I want to take! I want to be a plumber!"

Everyone cheered.

"I want to be the Prince of Plungers!"

They all then stopped for a second and then laughed.

"So much for being a hero", sighed Gonzo.

Several years later, Gonzo and Camilla were on their way to a client before a big vacation.

"We're going on vacation as soon as we fix this next one", said Gonzo, "this plumbing sure is great work."

"Baw-gawk", said Camilla.

Gonzo was happy on the outside, though he was feeling a little sad, thinking of his dream to become a movie star, but hid his sadness from Camilla.

They went to the address.

"It is I, Prince of Plunger, at your service!"

"My water pipe won't stop dripping!", said the customer.

"No problem!", said Gonzo, who came inside.

Gonzo watched as the pipe was dripping.

"It's turned off as tight as it can and it still won't stop dripping", said the customer.

"You're lucky you called me", said Gonzo, "I have the right tool. Camilla, bring me "The Big G!"

"Bawk", said Camilla, as she brought a box labeled "Big G". It was big enough to carry a wrench, or a spare pipe.

Gonzo opened it, and inside was a pipe.

"I've been waiting to use this", said Gonzo, who then shook it a little.... and a piece of gum fell out. Gonzo chewed on the gum, then put it into the leaky faucet, and it stopped.

"There, good as new", said Gonzo.

"That's it???", said an angered customer.

"Don't thank me, it's all in a days work!"

The customer turned the knobs... and the sink blasted off.

"Oh, I know what to do!", said Gonzo as he went to the truck.

"You know what to do?", said the customer, "If I were you, I'd call another plumber!"

Gonzo brought over a new sink, placed it where the old sink was, and it was good as new.

"See? No more leaky sink, no more broken sink!"

Gonzo and Camilla drove off, happy over a job well done.

"Now we can go home and then figure out how to spend our vacation", said Gonzo.

As they drove for a few minutes...

"I tell you, Camilla, I am the Prince of Plungers...."

And now we're where they were at the start of their first scene in the movie.

 

[minor muppetz]

And now for the next story:

"Fozzie and Gonzo at the Hotel"

The gang decided to stay at a hotel for the night. Fozzie parked his new car in the parking lot and the gang got out.

"This looks like a nice, affordable hotel", said Kermit.

"I love the smell", said Gonzo as he sniffed the place, "nice fungus!"

They checked in and then checked into their rooms.

"I think I've got to get an outfit for my date tonight", said Kermit.

"I'll meet you at the Terrace Restaurant at 8", said Kermit.

"I'll be ready", said Miss Piggy.

Kermit left.

"Moi can fit six hours into two, right?"

Fozzie, Gonzo, and Camilla all sat on the couch and watched some TV.

"Well, Kermit and Piggy are eating out tonight", said Fozzie, "I wonder what we can do."

"Bawk bawk", clucked Camilla.

"What?", said Fozzie.

"Camilla says be quiet", said Gonzo, "this is her favorite program."

On the TV was a show about taking care of chickens.

"This looks a little boring", said Fozzie as he stared at the screen.

"It's fascinating", said Gonzo.

"Well, maybe we can do something else for fun", said Fozzie, "maybe we can have fun at the pool."

"Oh, yeah", said Gonzo, "maybe I can check and see if everything's running properly."

Meanwhile, after Piggy left, she was just barely missed by Doc Hopper and Max, who had spotted their car in the hotel's parking lot.

Doc Hopper went to the desk clerk.

"Excuse me", said Doc, "I am looking for a Kermit the Frog".

"I cannot reveal the whereabouts of our guests without proper identification", said the desk clerk.

Doc handed the clerk some money.

"The frog and the pig are going to have dinner at the Terrace Restaurant this evening."

"Perfect", said Doc, "Max, call Krassman!"

Fozzie went down to the pool, dressed in swimming trunks.

"Cannonball!", shouted Fozzie as he dived into the water.... and then felt hurt.

"ow", said Fozzie, "I didn't realize this was the shallow end."

Gonzo went into the hotel's sewage system, carrying a tool box.

"Let's see if these pipes are working", said Gonzo, hitting pipes with a hammer. He started to notice himself making good music with the noises from hitting the pipes.

"Hey, this sounds good", said Gonzo, who continued hitting, but then was thinking, "to think that I am giving up plumbing for the chance to be a movie star in Hollywood. Although I am doing it the easy way. But maybe after I achieve the Hollywood dream, I can use my funds to start a career as a movie star in Bombay, India."

Gonzo put his hammer down.

"Then again, I did have fun with those balloons. Maybe I'll spend the money I make on balloons."

Gonzo contemplated some more.

"If I can make great music with these pipes, imagine the music I can make with a wrench."

Gonzo then took out a wrench and started turning some pipes.

Fozzie was lounging in the pool... Until the water started to drain.

"Oh no", said Fozzie, "what's happening?"

Everyone else at the pool ran out, while Fozzie went down to the bottom of the pool.

Fozzie then got out.

"What crummy service", said Fozzie.

Gonzo then came up to Fozzie, all drenched.

"Hey, Fozzie, you should hear the music I've been playing!"

"Not now, Gonzo", said Fozzie.

Rowlf then ran up to them.

"Hey, any of you associated with a frog and a pig?", said Rowlf.

"We are", said Fozzie.

"Well, I overheard the frog talk on the phone with somebody who has hognapped the pig", said Rowlf, "I smell trouble!"

"Well, let's go save them", said Fozzie.

"I've got the frog's scent", said Rowlf, "I can help us find them!"

They got into the car and drove off.

"I think I smell the frog that way", said Rowlf, pointing left.

The car went left. As soon as it went left, Sweetums entered from right, exhausted and having just barely missed the car.

"Maybe I'll check in here", said Sweetums, who then passed out onto the floor.

"Actually, I think they're in the other direction", said Rowlf.

Fozzie turned around, causing nearby cars to honk with frustration.

"I think we're gaining on them", said Rowlf.

But then the car got stuck in traffic.

"How does this happen?", asked Fozzie.

"I wish I still had my balloons", said Gonzo.

"Bawk bawk bawk", cried Camilla.

Eventually, they got out of the busy traffic.

"Finally", said Rowlf.

The back of a truck in front of them opened, and several barrels of oil fell out, causing the car to slip out of control.

"Oh, no!", cried Fozzie.

"Oh, yes!", said Gonzo.

"BAWK!", cried Camilla.

As it slipped and slid, the car went right through a barn, where Kermit was. Kermit was slightly startled.

As dust was gathering, the gang looked and found Kermit.

"Well, we found him", said Fozzie.

"Fozzie? Gonzo? Camilla? Rowlf?", said Kermit, recognizing his friends.

"We heard you were in trouble", said Gonzo.

"Well, I was, but I'm safe now", said Kermit, "except Miss Piggy left us for a commercial."

Camilla made a "Hmm-hmm" sound, as if she figured Piggy would abandon him.

"Well, let's just continue our way to Hollywood", said Kermit.

"Maybe I should come with you", said Rowlf, "you could probably use my protection."

Back at the hotel, the staff was carrying Sweetums into a hotel room.

"Wow, what a load", said one of the staff.

"Huh? Wha....", said Sweetums as he woke up.

"It's okay", said a staffer, "we saw you pass out. You get a room on the house. For tonight only."

"Oh", said Sweetums, as they went into a room.

After that, the gang went back to their room.

"The boss said I can take a leave of absence", said Rowlf, "we'll meet up at the restaurant tomorrow morning."

"Good night, Rowlf", said Fozzie.

"Yeah, nice meeting you", said Kermit, still sad over Miss Piggy leaving them.

The next morning, they packed their things. Kermit still looked a bit sad.

"Cheer up, Kermit", said Fozzie, "she really invited herself, after all."

"I know", sighed Kermit.

They got in the car and took off. Sweetums then got up, looked out the window, and saw the car leaving.

"Hey, that car looks familiar....", thought Sweetums, just before it dawned on him: "Hey, wait for me!"

Sweetums took his suitcase and ran out of the hotel room, though by the time he got passed the parking lot, he had lost where the car was.

 

[minor muppetz]

And now it's time for our next story:
"Scooter Meets the Electric Mayhem"

Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem were rocking out in a garage for a concert, playing a wild concert. Then the amps were unplugged.

"Huh?", said Zoot.

"Like, what's going on?", asked Janice.

The plugs were pulled by a police officer.

"You're over noise regulations in this neighborhood", said the police officer, as he wrote a fine.

"Not another one", said Floyd.

"That's the fifth this week", said Janice.

"FINE! FINE!", shouted Animal as he ate the fine.

"Fine, you get off with a warning this time", said the scared police officer as he ran.

"Sit, Animal", said Floyd.

"Man, we've got to get some better gigs", said Dr. Teeth, "places where we can play as loud as we want."

"What we need is a manager", said Floyd.

"Fer sure", said Janice.

Scooter then showed up.

"Hi, I'm Scooter, I'm looking for a job, can I do anything for you?"

"I don't know", said Floyd, "you do look kinda square".

"SQUARE! SQUARE!", shouted Animal.

"I can polish your instruments, do your grocery shopping, sing, be your go-fer...."

"You can be a gopher?", said Dr. Teeth.

"Animal's more partial to bunnies", laughed Floyd.

"BUNNY! BUNNY!", said Animal.

"Both kind of bunnies, actually", said Zoot.

"I'll clean your instruments right now", said Scooter, who started polishing Zoot's saxophone while he was playing.

"Hey! Hey! Get away!", said Zoot.

"What?", said Scooter, oblivious to Zoot's discomfort.

Zoot started playing again... and bubbles came out.

"I'll tell you what, man", said Dr. Teeth, "we'll pay you to leave us alone!"

The next day, the band looked into the ads.

"Let's see", said Dr. Teeth, "what managers can we afford?"

"See any that charge less than 20 dollars a week?", said Floyd.

"Not yet", said Dr. Teeth, "they all want 30 percent."

"That's, like, more than we make a month", said Janice.

Looking outside, they noticed Scooter driving a bus.

"Hey, it's that guy who wanted to work for us", said Floyd.

"Maybe we can become our new manager", joked Dr. Teeth,

The band all laughed.

Scooter got out of the bus as the band got out.

"Hey, it's the band I'm paid to avoid", said Scooter, "I'll leave."

"No, you don't have to leave", said Dr. Teeth.

"Oh, good", said Scooter, "Because I was wondering how I'd get my money if I avoided you all."

"Why are you driving a bus?", asked Floyd.

"I HUN_GRY", said Animal, staring at the bus.

"Oh, I have an uncle who owns the bus terminal, he decided to give me one of the buses as a birthday present."

"Would you still like to work for us?", asked Floyd.

"Sure", said Scooter.

"We're looking for a road manager", said Dr. Teeth.

"Yeah", said Animal.

"Oh sure, I'm sure I could manage", said Scooter, "my uncle owns a number of venues. And I'll let you use the bus as a tour bus."

"HOORAY!", shouted the band in unison.

"We'll give it a paint job to better fit our image", said Janice.

"PAINT! PAINT!", said Animal.

"So what did you say your name was again, kid?", asked Floyd.

"Oh, it's not kid", said Scooter, "I'm Scooter, your new road manager".

"Well, I'm Dr. Teeth. Golden teeth and golden tones, welcome to my presence!"

"I'm Floyd, I blow bass".

"I'm Zoot. Sax is my axe. And sometimes I skip, uh, I skip...."

"You sometimes skip a groove", said Janice, "and I'm Janice, I play guitar, fer sure, really."

"And I'm Animal! I want to EAT DRUMS!"

"No, no, beat drums", corrected Dr. Teeth.

"Well, we'll have to come up with some kind of clever way for you all to introduce yourselves on stage", said Scooter.

"You must have missed the start of our show last night", said Floyd.

"Well, welcome aboard, Scooter!", said Dr. Teeth.

 

[minor muppetz]

I hadn't really felt like doing another for about a week, but now here's the next story, "How The Electric Mayhem Bought the Church"

The Electric Mayhem got gotten out paint and was starting to paint the bus that Scooter had.

"This bus is going to look psychedelic!", said Dr. Teeth.

"Fer sure", said Janice.

Animal started painting wildly while growling.

"Hey, take it easy, Animal!", said Floyd.

"I feel like he could have been my dog", said Scooter.

Zoot put paint inside of his saxophone and blew it out to hit the bus.

"What are you doing, man?", said Zoot.

Zoot took his sax out of his mouth and said, "I thought I'd make efficient use of my time if I did this".

"I don't think the saxophone makes the write shape for squirting paint", said Scooter, "Now a trumpet would. Maybe we should get a trumpet player...."

"Say, man, don't you have some gigs to get us?", asked Dr. Teeth.

"Oh, yeah", said Scooter, "I'll go out and see what I can get us."

Scooter left.

Animal got on top of the bus and poured a lot of paint onto it.

"PAINT! PAINT! HAHAHA!"

"Like, you should rully use a brush, Animal", said Janice.

"I'm gonna go decorate the inside", said Dr. Teeth.

"Do you rully think that road manager can find us work?", asked Janice.

"I don't know", said Floyd, "but he's cheap".

"And being manager keeps from from bothering us too much", said Dr. Teeth.

"And he's got the van", said Zoot.

They all laughed in agreement.

"Fer sure!"

"True! True!", said Animal.

Eventually, the bus was completed and they all looked at a job well done.

"Now that's a bus!", said Janice.

"We can really get places now", said Dr. Teeth.

"You can say that again", said Floyd.

"Say that again! Say that again!", shouted Animal.

Dr. Teeth started to say that again, "We can really..."

"Well, I'm back!", interrupted Scooter.

"So, Scooter, did you find us any groovy gigs?", asked Dr. Teeth.

"Well, I went to the bowling alley. They said no."

"The bowling alley?", questioned Floyd.

"Then I asked the carpet shop, and they said no."

"The carpet shop?", asked Dr. Teeth, "we don't need an audience of dust bunnies!"

"Err, dust bunnies!", said Animal.

"Then I asked the people at McDonald's..."

"OH! McDonalds! YUM!", shouted Animal.

"...and they said no."

"So you couldn't get us a gig?", asked Floyd.

"Oh, not necessarily", said Scooter, "I talked with my uncle. He just won the deed to a church, and is letting us turn it into a venue."

"Our own venue?", said Floyd.

"We can perform, like, whenever we want", said Janice.

"But we won't need the bus", said Dr. Teeth, thinking for a moment, "but it's worth it!"

The band cheered.

"WORTH IT! WORTH IT!", said Animal.

"Say, why don't we turn it into a coffee house with rully organic music?", said Janice.

"Sounds good to me", said Dr. Teeth, "as does our music."

"Well, we've got a permanent gig", said Floyd, "all thanks to Scooter!"

"SCOO-TER! SCOO-TER!", chanted Animal.