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Episode #: 6
Title: “Virus”
Original Airdate: 28-Jul-2005
Written By: D’Snowth
Created By: MrsPepper
Guest star: Vibs
Special Muppet Guest Appearance by: Kermit the Frog.
There are those who say to starve a cold, feed a fever. Which doesn’t have THAT much to do with our story today, but it IS close. We open up today inside the luxurious, and furnished office of CEO, MrsPepper, who is busy on the phone with another T*K*O unit.
MRSPEPPER: Yes sir, I am tickled to death……………yes sir! Ha, well I never expected us to be………….well, we’ll definitely keep up the good work……….I appreciate it……………we’ll talk soon! (Hangs up, and enters D’Snowth’s office.) D’Snowth…
D’SNOWTH: (Quickly logs out of his e-mail) Uh… yes MrsPepper?
MRSPEPPER: (Hands D’Snowth a clipboard) Please make this announcement. (Walks back into her office.)
D’SNOWTH: (Reading the message) Holy Guacamole! (Gets on intercom) Attention… (Too much feedback) Sorry. Attention, all personnel…it’s time for morning announcements. As you know, KermieBaby47 is on vacation, so we’ll be short a thread killer the rest of the week. Also, iced tea has now been officially removed from the menu, due to budget cuts…
THAT ANNOUNCER: Dang!
D’SNOWTH: …And I was just handed this one…the 3976 ½th has been nominated for best T*K*O unit of the 2005 season, so keep up the good work, and kill those threads, and we might win the plaque! That is all.
VIC ROMANO: Wow! The best T*K*O unit of the 2005 season!
THAT ANNOUNCER: I’m not surprised; MrsPepper runs a pretty tight shift around here.
VIBS: Of course, if she ran a loose shift, it’d always be missing.
ALL: VIBS!
VIC ROMANO: This is great; I knew we could do it!
THAT ANNOUNCER: Who knows, maybe if we win, they can put iced tea back on the menu.
VIC ROMANO: Here we are, nominated for best T*K*O unit, and all you can think about is yourself.
THAT ANNOUNCER: They have their interests, I have mine.
VIBS: You better pay the interest back, or it’ll kill you!
ALL: VIBS!
VIBS: So-rry! I can’t help it if I’m a joke killer. It’s just who I am.
VIC ROMANO: I better MrsPepper is so proud of us…
Meanwhile in MrsPepper’s office…
MRSPEPPER: I’m not proud of them. I don’t know how we could’ve possibly been nominated for best T*K*O unit of the 2005 season, you guys barely kill threads all day, you guys goof-off more than you kill threads!
D’SNOWTH: Well, MrsP……
MRSPEPPER: (Interrupting) I don’t want to here it! You all have been skiving off your duties TOO MUCH lately! I want you to get on the horn, and make this announcement…”MrsPepper has ordered more thread killing, or else!”
D’SNOWTH: (Nervous) Or else, what?
MRSPEPPER: Just make the announcement like I told you too!
D’SNOWTH: Yes ma’am. (Gets on intercom) Attention all personnel…MrsPepper has ordered you all to kill more threads, or else.”
VIC ROMANO: Or else what?
D’SNOWTH: She didn’t say. That is all.
THAT ANNOUNCER: (Amazed) How did he do that?
VIC ROMANO: I don’t know, sometimes he creeps me out. The little fink…
D’SNOWTH: (Shouting out of his office) I heard that!
VIBS: Maybe he hears all.
VIC ROMANO: He hears us talking about him behind his back, but he can’t hear us talking about his in front of him.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Maybe he’s got out offices bugged.
VIBS: Insects bug me!
Commercial break.
Early the next morning, D’Snowth logged onto his computer, as normal. His computer started to boot-up as normal…but then something happened…
D’SNOWTH: Huh? What’s this? (Reads screen) Cannot connect to server, action cancelled. Huh, must not have booted up right. I’ll just turn it off, and turn it back on again.
So D’Snowth did just that, but after the computer was finished booting up…
D’SNOWTH: (Reading screen) “Cannot connect to server, Action cancelled.” This serious! I better tell MrsPepper.
So D’Snowth walked up to MrsPepper’s door, and knocked.
MRSPEPPER: Who is it?
D’SNOWTH: D’Snowth, I need to see you.
MRSPEPPER: Get in here.
D’SNOWTH: I’m sorry to disturb you ma’am, but something’s wrong with my computer, whenever I turn it on, I get this screen that says “Cannot connect, Action cancelled.”
MRSPEPPER: Maybe you picked a little virus; I’ll contact the 001st about this, what brand of computer is it?
D’SNOWTH: A micron PC.
MRSPEPPER: Alright, I get on this, ASAP!
Moments later, Vic, That Announcer, and Vibs arrived, but as they turned on their computers…
VIC ROMANO: Huh? “Function disabled”?
THAT ANNOUNCER: “Connection not detected”?
VIBS: “Connection not recognized”?
ALL: Hey is you computer…yes…what’s going on?...Let’s see MrsPepper!
Moments later in D’Snowth’s officer…
ALL: D’Snowth, we need to see MrsPepper right away!
D’SNOWTH: What’s wrong?
ALL: Our computers are dead!
D’SNOWTH: Mine too, this IS serious! (On intercom) MrsPepper…
MRSPEPPER: I’m on hold D’Snowth, not now.
D’SNOWTH: But MrsPepper, now EVERYONE’S computer is dead!
MRSPEPPER: WHAT?! (Back on phone) Hello? Hello? I’ve been cut off! What’s going on here.
Everyone started to tell MrsPepper about their computer troubles.
MRSPEPPER: Okay, Okay, I get the picture. All of our computers dead, I smell something fishy.
Long pause comes, as everyone looks at Vibs.
VIBS: How can I kill a joke at a time like this.
D’SNOWTH: Do you think the 3976th are still mad at us for opening the 3976th ½?
MRSPEPPER: I think this is much more than that. I believe someone, or something is out to get us!
VIC ROMANO: But whom?
Just then, D’Snowth’s computer beeped. He slowly approached it, and read the screen.
D’SNOWTH: “To whom it may concern, you all don’t stand a chance, give up while you still stand.”
Suddenly everyone’s computers were beeping with the same message.
MRSPEPPER: (Concerned) I believe someone IS out to get us.
Seconds later, a television set was bombed through the roof, with a message attached to it.
VIBS: (Reading the message) “Give up now, the 3976th ½ rots! Sincerely yours, the 1969th!”
MRSPEPPER: All right everyone! Let’s stick together!
THAT ANNOUNCER: We’ll sell our lives dearly!
VIC ROMANO: TA, this is no time to talk business!
D’SNOWTH: I understand now, I’m looking at the message you gave me this morning MrsPepper, the 1969th is ALSO nominated for best T*K*O unit of the 2005 season.
Suddenly, a computer was bombed through the roof of the lounge. Everyone raced out, and found another note.
MRSPEPPER: (Reading the note) “Give up now, or face the consequences!” Well that’s it, this is war!
Moments later, the 3976th ½ was converted into a war zone, literally! Everyone was in fatigues, and helmets, holding guns, and wearing war paint.
MRSPEPPER: (On walky-talky) Pinky, this is Big Mama Pepper, do you copy? Over.
D’SNOWTH: (Over walky-talky) Yeah, I’m here.
MRSPEPPER: Roger. D’Snowth, you need to say “Over” when you’re done speaking. Over.
D’SNOWTH: I’m still trying to contact the 1969th. OVER.
MRSPEPPER: Roger that. Over.
In D’Snowth’s office…
D’SNOWTH: Listen buddy, we had no idea we were gonna be nominated! How would you like it if I fired everyone at you?!
D’Snowth’s computer beeped again with another message.
D’SNOWTH: (Reading message) “Say goodnight, wimps!”? HEY! Hello? Hello? (Hangs up) Oh crap…
With that, computers, televisions, and all sorts of electronic appliances were bombed through the building non-stop.
MRSPEPPER: HIT THE DECK!
With that, everyone hid under turned-over furniture, as they watched the building go to piece.
Commercial Break.
The bombings seemed to go on non stop; everyone almost went through near-misses, as the bombings seemed to increase, and get faster. Everything went dark, and then everything went light. Everything was silent. Everyone climbed out of their hiding spaces to find that most of the building was gone, and trashed by broken TV’s and computers. Suddenly, the front door opened to reveal the one, the only, THE Kermit the Frog.
KERMIT THE FROG: Hi-ho everyone!
ALL: KERMIT!
Everyone rushed over to the felt-covered frog, all babbling to him about how big of fans they are.
KERMIT THE FROG: Yes, yes, well uh, on behalf of myself, the Muppets, Muppet Central, and the 001st, we present to you, this plaque, and declare you all the best T*K*O unit of the 2005 season. Congratulations!
Everyone started babbling to each other about how excited they were to win the plaque, that the didn’t notice that Kermit left. As they continued babbling, another message beeped on MrsPepper’s computer (the last computer standing) that said “Round two is next year”.
THE END
{Laughing all the way...}regard