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(Starring: MrsPepper, Vic Romano, ThePrawnCracker, D’Snowth, TogetherAgain, Vibs, and Beauregard)
(Starring: MrsPepper, Vic Romano, ThePrawnCracker, D’Snowth, TogetherAgain, Vibs, and Beauregard)
Episode #: 34
Title: “The Fire”
Original Airdate: 17-Jul-2006
Written By: The Hat Rack
Created By: MrsPepper
Guest stars: AnythingMuppet, and SuperMuppet as 3976th President
We open during the middle of the night over the city of Utica. The city is quiet except for some faint car engines revving. The city is dark except for some for faint lit windows...and a fire. Yes, there was a rather large fire blazing at one of the buildings in the more business-like district of town. The calm quietness of the night was shattered with the loud ringing of sirens and horns blaring as firefighters rushed towards the fire to put it out. Finally as the black sky first began to turn a very dark blue, the fire was put out as thick clouds of smoke still drifted up towards the almost dawn sky. Later that morning as early commute began for the day, we find the thread killers standing out on the sidewalk with shocked looks in their eyes as they saw what was in front of them. As it turns out, the building that was on fire the previous night was the 3976th 1/2! The thread killers stood outside the building, as Beauregard stepped out of the building, scuffed up and coughing.
MRSPEPPER: So, what happened? How did the fire start?
BEAUREGARD: (Coughs) Apparently I accidentally left the crock-pot of Custodian’s Surprise on “high” instead of “low”, and right underneath the role of paper towels.
MrsPepper suddenly had a look of annoyance and concern.
VIC ROMANO: What’s the damage?
BEAUREGARD: Well, the cafeteria and the kitchen are hardly there anymore, and the offices that got burned the most are ThePrawnCracker’s and Vibs‘s, MrsPepper and D’Snowth’s offices have been singed pretty bad as well, and everything else is still intact.
By this time Vibs suddenly had a look of horror on her face.
VIBS: What all got burned up?
BEAUREGARD: Well, the things that are usually around that I can’t seem to see anymore are kitchen and the cafeteria, along with the freezer and my closet. Almost everything in Prawnie and Vibs’s have been burned, MrsPepper’s personal lunch parlor is now full of half a table and partial chairs, and I’m not finding an autographed picture of a certain Canadian that a certain someone who’s on vacation cherishes.
By this time Vibs fainted and fell forward as TogetherAgain and ThePrawnCracker tried to help her up.
MRSPEPPER: Well, we obviously have a lot to do. Vic, get on the phone, contact a clean up crew to help her clean up this mess, then get a hold of some carpenters to see if we can’t rebuild what’s been damaged, call AnythingMuppet to replace any damaged equipment and furniture, then let’s see if we can’t replace some of the damaged belongings, and finally let’s see if another T*K*O outfit will let us station with them until we can get back into full form.
VIC ROMANO: Wow! Okay, I’ll get on it right now!
With that, Vic Romano entered the smoky building and into D’Snowth’s office to make calls. About an hour later, a clean up crew had arrived and was cleaning out anything that was damaged, with Beauregard helping out. Vic was relating to MrsPepper what all was going on.
VIC ROMANO: ...and they said if all goes well, we may be back in business tomorrow, a new shipment of all of Vibs’s joke books, and Prawnie’s Muppet figures will be arriving this afternoon, Greenwood’s mailing in a new autograph this afternoon, and the 3976th is going to allow us in until were back and up and running.
MRSPEPPER: Splendid. Get the company van...
So moments later, the thread killers arrived at the 3976th. It looked pretty fancy, and looked more or less like a big business building or something. So the they entered into the lounge area where they heard...
VOICE: TEN-HUT!
The voice belonged to the 3976th’s president and commanding officer Nigel Francis, an obnoxious, up-tight twit.
NIGEL: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the thread killers of the circus that came to town. Well I just want to make it loud and clear that here at the 3976th, we mean business! Our unit holds a steady record of hard working loyal American thread killers that do their part in killing threads, and I hope that I can find that in you all for this short time!
MRSPEPPER: Well, not exactly...
NIGEL: And what’s that supposed to mean?
MRSPEPPER: Well, you see...not ALL of us are...American.
NIGEL: You mean this outfit is full of foreigners?! Will those who are foreigners please raise their hands?!
MrsPepper, Vibs, and Beauregard raised their hands, as Nigel asked them what country they were from.
TOGETHERAGAIN: Um, would it bad to be Jewish in this outfit?
With that, Nigel stepped back in front of the line, and pointed to MrsPepper, TogetherAgain, Vibs, and Beauregard.
NIGEL: You, you, you, and you. OUT!
MRSPEPPER: OUT?!
NIGEL: OUT! I won’t have any of you foreigners in my outfit! For all I know, you all could be commies plotting secret attacks against, and then going for out soft under bellies!
With that, Nigel had the four literally kicked out of the building, as he focused his attention of Vic Romano and ThePrawnCracker.
NIGEL: Now then, I believe I can safely say without fear of contradiction that you two will feel right at home here!
Meanwhile, outside the 3976th...
TOGETHERAGAIN: I don’t like that guy! I don’t like him one bit! If you ask me, he’s a big Frank!
VIBS: Yeah and he hurts too! I’ve never been kicked like that before in my entire life-ish!
MRSPEPPER: Well, there’s no sense in us just sitting here complaining about everything, let’s head back to our unit and help with the clean up, while Vic and Prawnie get acquainted with their new best friend!
Commercial Break.
MrsPepper, TogetherAgain, Vibs, and Beauregard arrived back at the 3976th 1/2, out of uniform and in old dirty clothes to help out with the clean up. With them helping out, the clean actually began to go faster than they originally had anticipated. Every few minutes or so, everyone was sweeping out burnt up bits of something out onto the sidewalk. Meanwhile, back at the 3976th, Nigel had Vic Romano and ThePrawnCracker out of their old uniforms and in actual army fatigues. Nigel was then acting more or less like a drill sergeant.
NIGEL: Now listen up you buttinskies, your mission is simple: kill any threads by all means necessary! Now I know you two are used to the comforts of killing threads at your little insignificant forums...well we’ll be having none of that around here! As long as you’re under this roof, you’re going to kill threads under my rules! For the next 12 hours, you are hereby ordered to kill any threads you can in any major forums you can find! This includes vBulletin, phpBB, EZboards, Delphi, and any other major forums you can find! Now then, ugh, are there any questions?
THEPRAWNCRACKER: Yeah, do we get bathroom breaks?
NIGEL: You didn’t raise your hand you twerp!
With that ThePrawnCracker rolled his eyes, and raised his hand.
NIGEL: Yes, does someone have a question?
THEPRAWNCRACKER: Yeah, do we get bathroom breaks?
NIGEL: Listen here, I don’t give a dang if you’re about to wet your pants, you are ordered to kill threads for the next 12 hours and nothing more! (Looks at watch) See there, you’ve already wasted a minute and a half, and around here, every second you waste goes on your permanent record!!! Now get in there and kill those threads, and you better not slack off, or I have you all striped!
With that, Nigel nudged them into a room for guest thread killers, and locked the door behind them. Vic flipped on the lights to reveal a small, windowless room with gray walls, gray carpeting, gray lights coming from the gray ceiling overlooking two gray desks with two gray chairs with two very old gray Mac’s ready for use.
VIC ROMANO: You thinking what I’m thinking?
THEPRAWNCRACKER: I think so, what are we thinking?
VIC ROMANO: We think were going to hate this.
THEPRAWNCRACKER: I think so too.
VIC ROMANO: Great minds think alike!
With that, the two made their ways to their computers and turned them on. About five minutes later...
THEPRAWNCRACKER: Is it just me, or are these computers dead?
VIC ROMANO: I think I just heard that little note that plays whenever you turn on a Mac.
Back at the 3976th 1/2, MrsPepper swept another load of burnt junk out onto the sidewalk. She paused for a minute to wipe the sweat from her forehead, and take a quick breather. At that moment, AnythingMuppet’s truck pulled into the parking lot. Seconds later, he hopped out with his clipboard, and a brown envelop and walked up to MrsPepper.
ANYTHINGMUPPET: Geebers Sneeblerz, what happened here?!
MRSPEPPER: Beauregard over cooked his surprise.
ANYTHINGMUPPET: His what?
MRSPEPPER: Never mind, what do you have for us?
ANYTHINGMUPPET: Oh, right here... (Looks at clipboard) I’ve got two pro-standard Windows PC’s, two new wooden desks with spinning chairs, two new bookshelves, a library of every joke-book ever written between 1999 and now, an entire collection of Muppet figures, a new batch of janitorial supplies, kitchen equipment including a refrigerator, a freezer, an oven, some new lunch tables...(Hands MrsPepper the brown envelope) and this just came in the mail...
MrsPepper peeked into the envelope.
MRSPEPPER: Great, now D’Snowth will never know that Kathy Greenwood got burnt to a crisp!
ANYTHINGMUPPET: Hmm, bummer. (Hands MrsPepper the clipboard) So, just sign here please, when do you want me to unload this stuff?
MRSPEPPER: (Signing the clipboard) Oh, after the carpenters finish rebuilding the rooms that got damaged the most.
With that, MrsPepper handed the clipboard back to AnythingMuppet, and he started back for his truck.
ANYTHINGMUPPET: Okay then, I’ll just head out now and bring this stuff by later.
MRSPEPPER: I don’t think so.
ANYTHINGMUPPET: You don’t?
MRSPEPPER: Nope, I think you should stick around and help us finish the clean up here. The sooner we get done, the sooner we all can get back in business.
ANYTHINGMUPPET: Well, it‘s a good thing I don‘t have any other stops to make today.
With that, MrsPepper tossed AnythingMuppet a broom, and they both went back inside the almost-cleaned up building. Meanwhile, back at the 3976th...
This portion of the episode has been cut due to empty threats against the show's head writer regarding continuous "slagging off" of the content in this scene.
At that second, Nigel blasted into the room.
NIGEL: YOU...YOU...GUYS HAVEN’T KILLED A SINGLE THREAD IN OVER THREE MINUTES! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TWO DOING?! THAT’S IT, I DON’T WANT SLACKERS LIKE YOU IN THIS OUTFIT! OUT! OUT! OUT!
VIC ROMANO: With pleasure!
NIGEL: AND DON’T YOU EVER COME BACK YOU TRAITORS!
VIC ROMANO: BIG FRANK!
NIGEL: (Stars crying) I’M NOT A FRANK! I’M NOT! I’M NOT! I’M NOT! I’M NOT! I’M NOT! I’M NOT! I’M NOT! I’M NOT!
Vic Romano and ThePrawnCracker then walked up the sidewalk, heading back to the 3976th 1/2. In the ice cream shop down the street from T*K*O, the thread killers were all enjoying ice cream sundaes, MrsPepper’s treat. She saw the two walks by, and waved for them to come in. So they did.
TOGETHERAGAIN: Hey, you guys are out early.
VIC ROMANO: Yeah, we decided we didn’t like that guy.
THEPRAWNCRACKER: He was a big Frank!
VIBS: He sure was! Not like a big Charles or anything.
MRSPEPPER: Well, sit down you two, and I’ll get you two a sundae.
So MrsPepper got up from her seat, as Vic and Prawnie sat down next to the others.
VIC ROMANO: So, how’s it coming along?
TOGETHERAGAIN: Oh were done with all the clean up now!
VIBS: The carpet people are putting up new walls where the old ones aren’t there no more.
BEAUREGARD: And then, AnythingMuppet is going to bring in our new equipment and furniture and everything.
MrsPepper then walked back over to the table, and gave Vic and Prawnie their sundaes, then held up hers.
MRSPEPPER: Guys, here’s to our new building!
OTHERS: Here! Here!
Commercial Break.
Early the next morning, the staff arrived early to see what the new inside of their building looked like, and they were absolutely blown away: not only did the carpenters rebuild the damaged rooms, they put up new brighter wallpaper in all the other room, and replace the old stiff carpeting with new soft brighter carpet. The damaged offices were better than ever, brighter more cheerful, and the cafeteria was the most breath-taking of all, the old school-looking cafeteria with old long wooden tables and a line-up at the side of one room was now converted to a fancy, almost-lounge looking cafeteria with round tables with table cloths and pretzels, and the line at the side was now at the back with big neon lights, and separate bars for greens, meats, and beverages. The other back ends of the cafeteria where the door is were now two vending machines for the staff’s breaks. MrsPepper smiled then walked back down the hallway, into D’Snowth’s new brighter office to get to hers. MrsPepper’s smile then turned to a frown...her old office was practically the same! No new wallpaper, no new carpet, just the same old same old. With that, she walked back over to her desk and sat down, to notice a little remote control with a big red button on the desk.
MRSPEPPER: (Picks up the remote) Hmm, I wonder what this button does?
MrsPepper pressed the button, then started sighing in comfort, almost melting in her chair, as it turned out, there was ONE new thing in her office, a remote controlled massaging chair.
MRSPEPPER: Oh, I love this job!
THE END
Executive Producer: Phillip Chapman
Producer: MrsPepper
Head Writer: D’Snowth
Executive Producer: Phillip Chapman
Producer: MrsPepper
Head Writer: D’Snowth
