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Episode #: 7
Title: “That Thread Killin’ Feelin’”
Original Airdate: 04-Aug-2005
Written By: D’Snowth
Created By: MrsPepper
Guest stars: Vibs, and Beauregard as The Custodian
Special Muppet Guest Appearance by: Sam the American Eagle
Our story opens today in the conference room of the 3976th ½. MrsPepper gives the conference. The thread killers listen to the conference. I write about the conference. But now, back to the conference.
MRSPEPPER: Good day everyone!
ALL: (Boringly) Gooday Mzpepur.
MRSPEPPER: Well, if that’s your all’s attitudes, why don’t I just cut your all’s paychecks?
ALL: (Changed attitudes) Good day MrsPepper!
MRSPEPPER: Well, that’s more like it! Now then, as you all know, KermieBaby47 is still on vacation…well, Vic Romano has just taken the day off, so that means since That Announcer is vice thread killer, I appoint him chief thread killer of the day!
Everyone gave That Announcer a congratulation for such an honor.
MRSPEPPER: So with that, I’d like you to appear in D’Snowth’s office in a few moments, and he’ll give you your orders. Conference is adjourned!
With that, everyone started to leave the conference room, while That Announcer kept thinking to himself.
THAT ANNOUNCER: I can’t believe it! ME! Chief thread killer for the day! Wow, finally I’m moving up in this outfit!
So moments later, That Announcer walked down the hallway, past Vibs’s office.
VIBS: Way to go TA! You deserve it!
THAT ANNOUNCER: (Flattered) Yes, I do, don’t I?
Full of pride, That Announcer continued his walk towards D’Snowth’s office, when he was stopped by Beauregard.
BEAUREGARD: TA, I gotta hand it to you; you’re chief thread killing material!
THAT ANNOUNCER: Yes, well, I’m just doin’ my job!
BEAUREGARD: Who knows, maybe some day, I’ll be offered a promotion! Until then, I’ve got trash to empty, and toilets to flush! See ya!
Now really full of pride, That Announcer was getting really excited.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Boy, this is gonna be one of the best days I’ve ever had here! I bet Vic just loves being on top of the rest of us!
With that, That Announcer knocked on the door of D’Snowth’s office.
D’SNOWTH: It’s open!
With that, That Announcer entered D’Snowth’s office.
THAT ANNOUNCER: (Enters) Well, here I am! I’m ready for the top-dog orders!
D’SNOWTH: Top-dog eh? Okay. (Walks over to filing cabinet and pulls out two huge files). The pink copies are yours, and the fuchsia copies of Vibs’s. Since Vic and KermieBaby are absent, you both have double this week. Now then, after you hand Vibs her files, make sure you monitor her as she kills threads. On your copies, the threads highlighted in yellow on the threads she’s to kill. The threads highlighted in red are yours to kill. Now, as you both kill threads and you monitor her, I’ll be monitoring you as well to make sure you both don’t “skive off your duties” as MrsPepper says. At the end of the day, make sure both of you have your paper work filed, and on my desk before you leave, got it?
That Announcer stands wide-eyed, as “short-circuiting” sound effects are cued.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Yeah, I think so…
D’SNOWTH: Here you go! Boy, you should be proud of yourself TA, today, you’re the boss!
THAT ANNOUCNER: Yeah, that’s me! Heh-heh.
With that, That Announcer exited D’Snowth’s office, in horror.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Vic does all that! Man, how does he do it?
And so, he walked down the hallway, and made a right turn into Vibs’s office.
Commercial break.
Meanwhile in Vibs’s office…
THAT ANNOUNCER: Now let’s see…yours is the…
VIBS: The fuchsia copies.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Are you sure?
VIBS: Sure I’m sure; I always get the fuchsia copies. Welcome to the Wonder World of Color!
THAT ANNOUNCER: Oh, yeah. Right! Well then, these pink copies must be mine then.
VIBS: Well, actually, the pink copies are usually Vic’s, but since you’re the chief thread killer today, there yours! Doesn’t it feel like holding the key to the city?
THAT ANNOUNCER: Oh yeah.
Later in That Announcer’s office.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Now then, let’s see what I’m killing today!
That Announcer opened his file, to find tons of papers flying everywhere. He took a look at one of the papers.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Let’s see, my threads are the…the uh…the red highlighted ones? Or the yellow highlighted ones? Uh…
Moments later, Vibs saw That Announcer walk past her office.
VIBS: Where you going Mr. Boss Man?
THAT ANNOUNCER: Oh, uh, I was just; uh…I forget which one of these highlighted threads are mine.
VIBS: Yours are highlighted in red.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Are you sure?
VIBS: Yes because in everyone’s files, the threads highlighted in red are theirs to kill. See?
Vibs held up her paperwork to show how the threads are highlighted the opposite way on both of there’s.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Oh, yeah. Well, I guess I should go and kill my threads.
VIBS: You’ll do great chief!
THAT ANNOUNCER: Yeah, that’s me. Heh-heh. (Sighs)
That Announcer sat back down at his desk, and started going over his list of threads to kill.
THAT ANNOUNCER: “How’s the weather where you are”, “The Moppet Family…”, “Boy is this forum dead today or what?”, “Changing Username”, “Statler and Waldorf on Movies.com”, “Should the Muppets retire?”, “Swaehb! Swaehb!”, “Sesame Street episode guide coming soon”, “Senior Boomers!”, “The kiss, kiss, hug, hug, darling topic”, “Who are the top 5 posters”, “The Weekly Survey”, “The Revenge of Elmo”, all the threads in games, “The Quote Thread”, “New movies coming out…”. Wow! That’s a lot of threads to kill! And most of them are fast-growing hot topics! (Sadly) And some of them are mine!
D’SNOWTH: (Over intercom) That Announcer?
THAT ANNOUNCER (Turns on his intercom) Yes?
D’SNOWTH: I’m not detecting any thread killing on your behalf.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Oh, I’m just now getting started; I was just, organizing my threads to kill. Y’know, so I can kill them in a nice orderly fashion!
D’SNOWTH: That’s the spirit, CHIEF!
With that, D’Snowth hung up. That Announcer took a look at his paperwork again, and started getting nervous.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Wow, I gotta kill ALL these threads before the days over!
That Announcer just sat there, staring at the paperwork, then glanced over at the intercom. Just to do SOMETHING, he called on Vibs.
THAT ANNOUNCER: (Turns intercom back on) Vibs?
VIBS: (Over intercom) Yeah?
THAT ANNOUNCER: Are you killing threads?
VIBS: Yeah.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Okay, just checking. (Turns off intercom, then turns it back on) Are you sure, because I thought…
VIBS: (Interrupting) …I’m killing them.
THAT ANNOUNCER: Okay, roger, over, and out! (Turns off intercom).
That Announcer looked at his paperwork again. He rocked back and forth in his chair, looked at the clock, looked out the door, looked at the screen, but wasn’t doing a thing. Suddenly, the lunch whistle blew. Moments later, Vibs and Beauregard left their tables and dumped their trays, while That Announcer was still picking at his food.
VOICE: I can’t believe it!
THAT ANNOUNCER: Huh?
VOICE: You’re not even tryin!
THAT ANNOUNCER: Who said that?
VOICE: I did!
That Announcer turned around, to find Sam the American Eagle.
THAT ANNOUNCER: (Excited) SAM THE EAGLE!
SAM THE EAGLE: Look at you, you’re a senior member at Muppet Central, you’re an honor-role at your T*K*O unit, and you don’t think you can handle responsibilities!
THAT ANNOUNCER: What do you mean?
SAM THE EAGLE: (Slams papers on table) Look at that! You’re post total is 2021! You’re average is 13.95 posts per day! And you’re worried about a few extra threads to kill. Maybe MrsPepper made a mistake making you chief for the day!
THAT ANNOUNCER: A mistake?
SAM THE EAGLE: Surely this job is too big for a slacker like yourself!
THAT ANNOUNCER: Slacker?! Oh yeah, well look at you! I don’t see you killing any threads! After all, I’m way past a senior member, I could kill hundreds of threads just like that, and it’d be scary!
SAM THE EAGLE: So what are you going to do?
THAT ANNOUNCER: I’m going to kill those threads, and live up to my privilege of chief thread killer for the day!
SAM THE EAGLE: There you go! Be an example! It is the American way!
THAT ANNOUNCER: But I’m Canadian.
SAM THE EAGLE: Okay, fine! It is the Canadian way! So go Mr. Announcer! Go kill those threads, and be an example to those who look up to you, and those who look down upon you!
THAT ANNOUNCER: Yeah! (Starts to head out the door, but stops) Wait, I forgot to get your auto…
But Sam the Eagle was no longer there.
THAT ANNOUNCER: It’s fun when a Muppet pops in and out at your work everyday.
Commercial Break.
Later that afternoon, That Announcer was collection Vibs’s paperwork. And dropped it off on D’Snowth’s desk, who was already gone. As he turned around to leave, MrsPepper locked up her office.
MRSPEPPER: Ah, TA. I see your paperwork is filed nice and neat! That’s great; I knew making you chief thread killer for the day was the right thing to do!
THAT ANNOUNCER: You did?
MRSPEPPER: Of course! No one takes their posts more seriously around here than you. Who knows, maybe some day, you will be president of a T*K*O unit, watching over those who follow you on a daily basis.
THAT ANNOUNCER: I’m sure I’ll end up there. But for right now, I’m quite content being just vice thread killer.
THE END
I know you have to write me that way, I think it's funny and it works in the scripts, but do I really seem so... bossy?? **laughs**
