Sweetums: Camp Councilor

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 1

Sweetums was at the bus stop, waiting for the bus.

"Well, we'll all miss you while you are gone", said Robin.

"What do you mean 'we', okay?", asked Pepe.

"Well, I am a bit excited", said Sweetums.

"EXCITED! EXCITED!", shouted Animal.

"Well, have fun at Camp Monstrous", said Kermit.

The bus showed up, and Sweetums got on it.

"Well, I'm going to be a camp councilor", said Sweetums.

"Tell somebody who cares", said Statler.

Statler and Waldorf both laughed.

Sweetums soon made it to Camp Monstrous.

"Ah, the fresh air, the noisy kids, the sweet smell of spoiled stew...", said Sweetums, observing the place.

The camp manager then showed up.

"Oh, are you one of the councilors, or one of the kids?", asked the manager.

"Oh, I'm Sweetums", said Sweetums, "I'm a camp councilor."

"Oh, then go to the registration desk", said Sweetums.

Sweetums got in line, and saw Timmy Monster there as well.

"Oh, Timmy", said Sweetums, "I didn't know you were going to be a camp councilor."

"Yeah, I've got to pay my bills", said Timmy, "And I've also got a salt-and-pepper addiction."

Soon, the councilors were all brought to their camp sites, and groups of monster children were assigned. Sweetums met his campers.

"These are the kids you'll be taking care of", said the manager, "This is Steven, Ralph, Bill, Karen, Kathy, Michael, and Amber."

"Man, kids today ain't got monstery names anymore", said Sweetums.

"No, they don't", said the manager, "So go have fun, and get a life."

"H", said Michael, "I'm Michael."

"Yes, I know", said Sweetums, "I was just introduced to you all."

"Well, let's all set up tents!", said Kathy.

"Yay!", said the kids, setting up their tents in less than 30 seconds.

"Hey, not bad", said Sweetums, "Now let's go swimming."

"Uh, Mr. Sweetums, sir", said Amber, "I can't swim."

"Oh, I can teach you", said Sweetums.

They got to the dock.

"We're here to swim!", said Sweetums.

"Okay", said the foxy-looking lifeguard, "Jump in."

Sweetums was lovestruck.

"Uh, Sweetums", said Amber, "Teach me."

"What? Oh, right", said Sweetums, "This is how you swim."

Sweetums jumped into the water, but then had trouble.

"Ahh, help!", shouted Sweetums, struggling to swim, "All this time I thought I could swim! Help!"

The lifeguard threw a life saver with a rope attached. Sweetums got out.

"Oh, thanks", said Sweetums.

"You were going to teach me how to swim, yet you didn't even know how to?", asked Amber.

"Well, this is the first time I swam without swimming in the shallow area", said Sweetums.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 2

Later, Sweetums and his campers went fishing. They were all on the dock.

"Hey, Sweetums, is it okay if we go fishing on this rowboat?", asked Steven.

"Oh, sure", said Sweetums, "as long as you can swim back if you get in trouble."

Steven and Bill went on the boat, out to sea.

"Well, let's do some fishing", said Bill.
Steven started eating his fishing pole.

"What?", asked Steven.

"Yeah, I guess that does beat actually catching fish", said Bill, who started to nibble on part of the boat.

A hole then sprung from the bottom of the boat.

"Uh-oh!", said Steven.

"We need to swim back", said Bill.

And so they did. That night, everybody went to the mess hall for dinner.

"Man, I hate this camp food", said Steven, "There's no boats, no tires, no old hats."

"And what the heck is this?", asked Michael, pointing to some Penn Station subs.

"I'm outta here", said Kathy, "This food looks like a mess!"

Eventually, nighttime came.

"Well, it's time to go to bed", said Sweetums.

"But we're not tired", said Amber.

"Can we do something like tell ghost stories or make smores?", asked Kathy.

"Ghost stories are so boring", siad Sweetums, "But we can make smores."

SO they made smores. Sweetums got out his marshmellow and his stick, lit it on the camp fire, then put it between graham crackers, with a hersey bar in the middle.

"What is that?", asked Amber.

"It's a smore, of course", said Sweetums.

"You eat smores with marshmellows, herseys bars, and graham crackers?", laughed Amber.

"Of course", said Sweetums, "What else would you use?"

Everybody showed Sweetums their ingredients for smores: empty lighters between two torn book pages.

"Kids today....", said Sweetums.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 3

The next morning, the kids decided to play a trick on Sweetums.

"Let's trick our stupid camp councilor", said Bill.

"That sounds like fun", said Karen.

So they tied a rope to a tree branch, forming a noose at the bottom, and tied another rope to a stake on the ground.They put corn on the cob into ther noose.

"Hey, Sweetums!", said Bill, "Look! Corn!"

"It's obviously a trick", said Sweetums, "And it obviously won't work."

"What do you mean?", asked Steven.

"Well, just look", said Sweetums, "I pick up the corn, nothing happens. I put my foot in the noose, nothign happens. I jump over it, niothing happens."

Sweetums demonstrated each.

"See? Nothing happened", said Sweetumsw, who then proceeded to eat the corn whole.

"It was good corn, though", said Sweetums.

But then Sweetums exploded. The kids laughed.

"That sure was a good trick, Bill!", said Michael.

"I know!", said Bill, "I've got millions of them!"

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 4

Later that night, the kids snuck out of their tents while Sweetums was sleping. Michael grabbed a long rope and tied it around Sweetums' legs. He walked furthure away and flashed a flashlight two times, and the rope was pulled by a vehicle driving off.

Waaauugghhhhh....", screamed Sweetums as he was being pulled by the vehicle.

The other campers laughed and exchanged high fives.

Sweetums struggled to untie the rope, but it was hard to do so since he was beign dragged so fast, non-stop. But eventually he managed to get untied, and the fast travelign and wind caused him to slide sideways and fall into an open sewer.

"Oh, not again!", moaned Sweetums.

Sweetums went to the first-aide cabin the enxt morning.

"Ohhh...", moaned Sweetums, "Am I too injured to council?"

"No", said the nurse, "You'll be fine."

"I'll be lucky to be fine with campers like these", said Sweetums.

Sweetums walked out of the cabin, but then overheard the manager talking with a construction crew.

"We'd like to bulldoze this campground into an amuzement park", said the head construction worker, "And we'll offer you six million dollars."

"Sold!", said the manager, "When will you be tearing this place down?"

"Oh, after the camp is over", said the head construction worker.

Sweetums quickly ran to them.

"No!", said Sweetums, "You should turn this place into an amusement park now! Before summer is over!"

"But you'll be out of a summer joob, and the kids willl be disapointed",s aid the manager.

"We agree", said the construction workers.

"Oh, darn", said Sweetums.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 5

Sweetums later encountered Timmy while on a break.

"Oh, hi, Sweetums", said Timmy, "How are things going with your campers?"

"Oh, not good", said Sweetums, "They hate me."

"Oh?", asked Timmy.

"They keep playing tricks on me", said Sweetums, "And they take advantage of my... Well, I don't know what they are taking advantage of. It can't be any kind of stupidity."

"I know what you mean",s aid Timy, "I think."

"I wonder what I should do about it?", asked Sweetums.

"You could just eat the kids", said Timmy.

"Eat the kids?", asked Sweetums, "That's insane! I can't do that!"

"Why not?", asked Timmy.

"Because I'm supposed to be on diet", said Sweetums.

"Oh, that's too bad", said Timmy.

The two then parted. Sweetums then encountered the lifeguard.

"Oh, hi, miss....", said Sweetums, "Uh, I don't think we've been introduced by names."

"Well, I know that you're name is Sweetums", said the lifeguard, "I'm Melanie."

"Oh, what a beautiful name....", thought Sweetums, "A beautiful name... for a non-monster."

"Anyway", added Sweetums, "I've been having trouble keeping my campers diciplined. DO you, uh, thinky ou could help me?"

"WHy of course", said Melanie, "Of course, you wanna know what really turns me on?"

"WHat? What? Whatwhatwhatwhat?", said an excited Sweetums.

"I really enjoy men who set little kids on fire", said Melanie.

"Oh, and I cna be your man!", said Sweetums, who then ran off looking for the campers.

"Heh heh heh", thought Melanie, "That's sure to get him fired."

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 6

Sweetums ran to the campsite, and shouted at the campers.

"Hey, campers!", shouted Sweetums, "Wanna see me make a fire?"

"Sure", said Kathy.

"Alright", said Michael.

"Whatever", said Bill.

Sweetums took out two sticks and started rubbing them together, in preparation to set them on fire, but then he start to feel some sense.

"Wait, what am I doing?", thought Sweetums, considering reconsidering, but then realized that fire had caught on his hands.

"Oh, no!", cried Sweetums, "Fire!"

Sweetums clapped his hands, but that only caused the fire to spread over his body. He then stopped, dropped, and rolled, and but still made it worse.

"I'll do something", said Steven, who took out a hose and sprayed Sweetums off with water, getting rid of the fire.

"Oh, thanks", said Sweetums.

A big crowd was around them, applauding. Melanie brought the manager down there.

"Look, boss!", said Melanie, "Sweetums is setting kids on fire!"

"Is this true, Sweetums?", asked the manager.

"Of course it's not true", said Karen.

"Sweetums was just teaching us how to start a fire", said Kathy.

"And I put it out", said Steven.

"Oh, good then", said the manager, who then walekd off.

"Wait...", said Sweetums, "So you were just trying to set me up and get me fired?"

"Well, uh...", said Melanie.

"Let's get rid of her!", shouted Bill.

The campers all then chased Melanie away.

"Wait, don't do it!", said Sweetums, running after them, but then he got his foot caught in a rope, which sprung off, leaving him hanging upside-down from a tree.

"You know, I kind of expected this to happen", said Sweetums.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 7

Sweetums was hanging from the tree.

"Well, I guess I've got to find a way to get down from here", said Sweetums.

Sweetums pulled at the rope, very hard, until it snapped. Sweetums fell down, into the ground... and then through the ground, and sent back up trapped in a net.

"Man, this sure is a bad day for traps", said Sweetums, who struggled to pull the net apart. But then a car starting noise was heard, and the net was puled out from t he tree and dragged from the ground.
"Oh, what a terrible trap!", thought Sweetums, still trying to pull the net apart.

"Hey, can I use your cigarette lighter", asked the car passenger to the driver.

"Of course you can", said the driver, "And you may, too!"

The passenger put a cigarrette into the lighter, but then the car exploded, and Sweetums was suddenly free to escape.

"Man, smoking sure is bad for you", said Sweetums, "Now to save the enw love of my life."

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 8

The campers were chasing after Melanie, and soon they led her to the edge of a cliff.

"I can't believe that these kids are so devoted to their councilor", said Melanie.

"We've got you cornered!", said Michael.

"You can't excape now", said Kathy.

Sweetums then ran to them.

"Stop!", shouted Sweetums.

"Why?", asked Bill.

"Yeah, she tried to get you fired", said Karen.

"But I'm sure he wanted to get fired", said Melanie, "DIdn't you, Sweetums?"

"Well, I sure don't like the tricks that you bratty kids have been playing on me", said Sweetums.

"You know, you can always just quit", said the manager, showing up unexpectedley.

"Really?", said Sweetums.

"Sure", said the manager, "And since we don't have any additional councilors, we'll just have to send them back to the detention center."

The campers complained.

"Wait", said Sweetums, "What?"

"Didn't you know?", said the manager, "All of the campers here are from the juvenile detention center. This camp is for those worthy of a second chance."

"Just like in Ernest Goes to Camp", said Melanie.

"Didn't you know that?", asked the manager.

"No, I didn't", said Sweetums.

"Well, kids, it's obvious that your councilor hates you, and that you haven't changed", said the manager, "Everybody back in the bus."

The campers groaned.

Sweetums felt a little bit of guilt, then he turned to Melanie, and said, "So, are you busy tonight?"

"Of course not", said Melanie.

"Well, then, let's have a candlelight dinner for two", said Sweetums.

"Oh, you are so romantic", said Melanie.

"I wonder if those kids will ever learn their lessons", said Sweetums.

The End