Songfic: The Twelve Days of Christmas

[Beth C]

The Twelve Days of Christmas –

As sung by Miss Piggy.


On the first day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

A vow to marry me.

(Kermit: oh sheesh!)

 

[Beth C]

On the second day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

Two froggie kisses

(Kermit: I did not!)

And a vow to marry me.

(she’s dreaming)

 

[Beth C]

On the third day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

Three trips to Paris,

(Kermit: Only if she’s going alone)

Two froggie kisses,

(absolutely not!)

And a vow to marry me.

(*shakes head*)

 

[Beth C]

On the fourth day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

Four baby figlets,

(Kermit: I don’t THINK so!)

Three trips to Paris,

(Have fun, Piggy – dress warm!)

Two froggie kisses

(No way. It was Rowlf!)

And a vow to marry me.

(Not in this lifetime)

 

[Beth C]

On the fifth day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

Five diamond rings!

(Kermit: On MY salary?!?!)

Four baby figlets,

(those are not my kids Piggy)

Three trips to Paris,

(Please stay there)

Two froggie kisses,

(Maybe it was Animal)

And a vow to marry me.

(Sheesh, Piggy, will you quit?)

 

[Beth C]

On the sixth day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

Six bags of candy,

(Kermit: Do you really think I want to make you fatter?)

Five diamond rings!

(Not on your life, Piggy)

Four baby figlets,

(Have you had the DNA checked yet?)

Three trips to Paris,

(trips to a mental home maybe)

Two froggie kisses,

(only if you were kissing my picture)

And a vow to marry me.

(I vow to track you down when this song ends, PIG!)

 

[Beth C]

On the seventh day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

Seven serenades,

(Kermit: I won’t sing to you)

Six bags of candy,

(Do I look like Willy Wonka?)

Five diamond rings!

(fake ones if you get any from me, Piggy)

Four baby figlets,

(still not my kids, really)

Three trips to Paris,

(To the moon, Piggy! To the moon!)

Two froggie kisses,

(It had to have been Robin)

And a vow to marry me.

(I don’t think so!)

 

[Beth C]

On the eighth day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:


Eight pairs of shoes,

(Kermit: I’m a shoe salesman now?)

Seven serenades,

(It was Floyd singing, not me!)

Six bags of candy,

(You don’t need it!)

Five diamond rings!

(Look at your hands. See? Empty!)

Four baby figlets,

(don’t you be telling them I’m their daddy)

Three trips to Paris,

(Bon Voyage, Piggy)

Two froggie kisses,

(Yuk!)

And a vow to marry me.

(A vow to leave you if you keep this up)

 

[Beth C]

the ninth day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

Nine brand new dresses,

(Kermit: To go with all those shoes, no doubt)

Eight pairs of shoes,

(Do shoes come in extra, extra wide?)

Seven serenades,

(It was crickets you heard)

Six bags of candy,

(Why would I buy those? Sweets are for the sweet only)

Five diamond rings!

(*sighs* What is it with diamonds and women?)

Four baby figlets,

(Hmm… they look a little blue)

Three trips to Paris,

(Remember to write!)

Two froggie kisses,

(Wasn’t from my lips)

And a vow to marry me.

(*rolls eyes*)

 

[Beth C]

On the Tenth day of Christmas, my Kermie gave to me:

Ten bottles of bubbly,

(Kermit: *Hiccup!*)

Nine brand new dresses,

(As if your closet needs more clothes)

Eight pairs of shoes,

(Do you have that many feet?)

Seven serenades,

(Ribbit, ribbit, *Hiccup*)

Six bags of candy,

(*munch, munch munch*)

Five diamond rings!

(Those are not diamonds! Look closer)

Four baby figlets,

(They look like Gonzo!)

Three trips to Paris,

(Just who did you take, Piggy?)

Two froggie kisses,

(No way! Not after you and Gonzo!)

And a vow to marry me.

(Hardly now)