Sesame Street News: "How many licks does it take?"

minor muppetz

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Announcer: We interrupt your regularly scheduled posting to bring you an important news event! Here is our reporter, Kermit The Frog.

Kermit: (to off-screen person) Of course I'm sure he won't bite early, he'll count everything.... what? (notices that he's on) Oh! Hi, ho, Kermit The frog here at the castle of Count Von Count. For years, we have all been asking the question, "How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?". And whenever asked, we have been biting too soon. Well, The Count here will count the licks that it takes.

The Count: of course I will. I'm The Count. They call me the count because I love to count things.

Kermit: Well, here is your tootsie pop.

The Count: Thank you. (he unwqraps it and throws the wrapper in the trash) One! One lick! Two! Two licks! Three, three licks! Four, four licks....

Kermit : (as the count continues counting) Well, it is a slow news day. If you have any meaningful news stories for us to cover then visit our website and e-mail us under the form 'news applications'. Just don't send us another report about the three little pigs or cinderella. We already have enough of those.

The Count: Fifteen! Fifteen licks1 Sixteen, Sixteen licks!

Kermit: Well, the count sure is taking awhile. And waiting for him to finsihs is kind of boring. Well, if anybody would like to call in, you can call now at 555-5555. Call now. (phone rings) Okay, you're on.

Bert: Yes, I do not think waiting for him to finish is boring. I think it is fun.

Kermit: (scrunches face) Uh, yes, thanks for the call. Next call!

Oscar: Hello, is this Kermit The Frog of Sesame Street News?

Kermit: yes, yes it is.

Oscar: You don't need the count to help you.

Kermit: I don't?

Oscar: No, I know the exact number of licks it takes.

Kermit: Well, will you please tell me how many licks it takes?

Oscar: No! (hangs up)

Kermit: Well, uh, let's see how far the count is, shall we?

The Count: Thirty-Three licks, Thirty-four! Thirty-Four licks!

Kermit: Well, he's still counting. We'll take another caller.

Harvey Kneeslapper: hello, can I speak to Ben?

Kermit: Uh, maybe. There's a few Bens in our crew. What's his last name?

Harvey Kneeslapper: His last name is Dover.

Kermit: Hold on, I'll check. Ben Dover! Ben Dover! (to crew) Hey, hey, stop bending over... (sudden realization, then into the phone) Listen up, we don't take no prank calls buddy....! (Phone hangs up) Oh, boy.

The Count: Fourty-seven! Forty-seven licks!

Kermit: Well, he's still counting and licking. Let's take another caller.

Caller: Hello, I'd like a pepperonni pizza, a saussage pizza, and an olive pizza.

Kermit: Uh, I think this is the wrong number. (hangs up) Boy, that mention of food makes me hungry, and the counts bats have eaten all of the flies. I think I'll go get something to eat while I'm still waiting for the count to finsih. Come on, crew.

(phone rings)

Kermit: Well, I guess I've still got time for one last phone call. Hello.

Fat Blue: If you're going to a resturaunt, then whatever you do, don't go to Charlie's.

Kermit: Yeah, I was planning on going to Hooper's instead. Thanks for the call. (hangs up) We'll be back later.

To Be Continued....
 

minor muppetz

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Part 2

(The Count is laughing and thunder and lightening is heard)

The Count: Oh, that was a lot of fun.

Kermit: (entering) Well, that was a good meal. (to audience) Welcome back to Sesame Street news. We will now see The Count count his last licks.

The Count: But Kermit, I've already finsihed it.

Kermit: You have?

The Count: Yes, and that was the highest number I have ever counted.

Kermit: Seriously?

The Count: Yes, all those licks, and one, wonderful tootsie pop!

Kermit: Well, how many licks...

The Count: (not listening) You know, that was so much fun, I think I'll have another Tootsie Pop (get's another one, unwraps the candy, throws the wrapper away, and starts counting).

Kermit: But Count, we came here to know how many lciks...

The Count: (licking) One, one lick! Two, two licks....

Kermit: (sighs) Oh, well, I guess we'll just have to wait again... what's that? We're out of time? oh, well, this is Kermit The Frog reporting.

The Count: Seven, seven licks! Eight, eight licks!......
 

Xerus

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That was a cool fanfic. :smile: I too have always wondered how many licks does it take to get to those Tootsie Roll centers. Too bad a counting expert like The Count wouldn't give us an answer.
 

minor muppetz

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Xerus said:
That was a cool fanfic. :smile: I too have always wondered how many licks does it take to get to those Tootsie Roll centers. Too bad a counting expert like The Count wouldn't give us an answer.
I once counted and licked a tootsie pop. I can't remember how many licks it took me to get there. I think 190.

I have recently heard somewhere that there is no definative answer.

Also, the count would have given an answer if he weren't so excited and didn't want to count again.
 

MartyMuppets

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I love this fanfic. Especially Harvey call. Obvious inspiration from the Simpsons when Bart does Prank calls to Moe's Tavern. :big_grin:

YOU'RE THE BEST
 
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