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wiley207
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All right, I made this up as a parody of those new-generation TV show and cartoon remakes like the "Bewitched" film and "What's New Scooby-Doo." It's the classic "Bert and Ernie's Blackout" skits, but they are updated to get with the times! Tell me what you think...
PART ONE
[Opening, Ernie & Bert watching TV, a rather loud DVD with lots of thuds and crashes and other cartoonish sounds]
Bert: Ernie .... Ernie .... Ernie, I'm tired of that DVD .... Ernie, we've been watching DVDs on television for several hours and I'd like to play a CD now .... Ernie?
Ernie: Shh, Bert! Keep it down; I'm trying to watch this DVD.
Bert: Okay, smart guy, you watch your ol' TV. I'm going to play a CD anyway.
[Bert promptly marches back to the CD player, starts playing rap music and dancing to it. Note: the TV, CD player, etc., are continuous throughout the argument.]
Ernie: Bert?! BERT! Hey, I can't hear the DVD! [No response] Bert?! Okay, if that's the way you want to be about it .... [he goes over the computer, turns it on and plays MP3 clips of heavy metal music loudly, starts humming along]
Bert: Ernie! Alright Ernie! [whereupon he runs over to the microwave oven and turns that on and makes it beep loudly over and over] Alright, HERE!
[By now the place is full of noise.]
Ernie: OH YEAH?!
Bert: YEAH! YOU LIKE IT??!
Ernie: OH YEAH!!
(All the lights go out, the sounds quit, we hear a loud POOOOOOOOF! and we see only Ernie & Bert's eyes floating in the total blackness.)
Bert: Well now, look, you blew a fuse.
Ernie: Oh yeah, well it was your idea turning on the dumb microwave.
Bert: (resignedly, after a pause) Look, .... Ernie .... how about you go around and turn off all that stuff we turned on, and I will ... I'll go and try to fix the fuse. [Bert's eyes wander off. Ernie's eyes go all over as he steps from switch to switch, snapping each off with a loud CLICK.]
Ernie: Okay .... first there's the radio ..... then there's the microwave ..... over here, okay, over here the television .... and one more, back there--the disc player! Yeah .... that's got 'em .... yeah ....
(Suddenly the lights go back on, Bert returns. He and Ernie start playing chess during the following dialogue
Bert: Look, Ernie, I'm--I'm sorry about playing a CD while you were watching DVDs ...
Ernie: Yeah, well I'm sorry about turning on the computer ...
Bert: Well, and I'm sorry about turning on the microwave oven ...
Ernie: Yeah, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't be watching so much television ...
Bert: Well, we really shouldn't be doing stuff like that anyway ...
Ernie: Yeah, we really shouldn't, after all ....
(fade out)
PART TWO
(Later, Bert and Ernie's bedroom at night. Bert is asleep, but Ernie's sitting up and looking around.)
Ernie: Bert? Bert, it's dark.
Bert (rolls over): Ernie, did you wake me up just to tell me it's dark?
Ernie: Yeah, Bert, it's really dark.
Bert: Well, of course it's dark, Ernie. It's supposed to be dark. It's night out.
Ernie: No, Bert, I mean it's really dark. (Goes to the window.) See, the lights are all out on Sesame Street.
Bert (goes to the window): Hey, you're right, Ernie, it's really dark. I wonder why it's so dark ... Oh, I know what it is.
Ernie: Why is it so dark, Bert?
Bert: It's probably a blackout.
Ernie: Well, what's a blackout, Bert?
Bert: Well ... well, that's when the electric company has a breakdown, and then all the lights go out, 'cause you need electricity for lights. But they're probably trying to fix it, so just go to bed, Ernie. Nothing to do about it. (Goes back to bed.)
Ernie (pauses, still standing by the window): Bert ... are you scared of the dark, Bert?
Bert (sleepily): No, Ernie, I'm not scared of the dark.
Ernie (goes to Bert's bed after another pause and starts tapping him): Bert ... Bert? As long as it's a blackout, Bert, how about we watch a DVD?
Bert (irritated): Ernie ... (Sits up in bed.) Stop hitting me, Ernie! (Ernie stops.) Let me tell me you something. You cannot watch DVDs, because television and DVD players need electricity. You can’t even watch videotapes because VCRs also need electricity. And we don't have any electricity because of the blackout. So just go to sleep, Ernie. (Lies down.)
Ernie (starts shaking Bert after another pause): How about we go on the Internet, Bert?
Bert (sitting up): Ernie, it's the same thing with the Internet! The computer needs electricity, just like the TV set and DVD player. And we have no electricity because of the blackout. So just please GO TO SLEEP! (Lies down and gives his famous "Aaaaaaahhhh!" Starts mumbling to himself.) First the television set, then the computer, and I need to get some sleep.
Ernie: (shaking Bert after still another pause): How 'bout ... how 'bout we listen to a CD? We could turn on the compact disk player, Bert.
Bert (sitting up, thoroughly exasperated by now): Ernie! You can't listen to a CD because the stereo needs electricity, just like the TV set and the computer, AND THERE'S A BLACKOUT! Now, please Ernie, go to bed! Aaaaaaahhhh! (Lies down.)
Ernie (after a pause): I know what I'll do! I'll call up somebody on Sesame Street and tell them we're having a blackout. I'm sure they'd like to know we're having a blackout. (Picks up a cell phone and starts dialing it.)
Bert (sitting up): Ernie? Ernie, they probably already know about the blackout. Do you have any idea what time it is? Oh, never mind. Do what you want. I am going back to sleep. Boy, do I need it now. (Lies down. The phone rings once on the other end, and Oscar answers it. Note: Both Bert and Ernie can understand what he's saying.)
Oscar (with even more of his grouchiness than usual): What's the idea calling me up in the middle of the night? Hey, who is this? 'Cause I'm gonna see to it you don't sleep for a week! Speak up! Who is this?
Ernie: Uh ... it ... it ... it's Bert. (Shuts off the phone. Bert gives a big sigh of despair.)
PART ONE
[Opening, Ernie & Bert watching TV, a rather loud DVD with lots of thuds and crashes and other cartoonish sounds]
Bert: Ernie .... Ernie .... Ernie, I'm tired of that DVD .... Ernie, we've been watching DVDs on television for several hours and I'd like to play a CD now .... Ernie?
Ernie: Shh, Bert! Keep it down; I'm trying to watch this DVD.
Bert: Okay, smart guy, you watch your ol' TV. I'm going to play a CD anyway.
[Bert promptly marches back to the CD player, starts playing rap music and dancing to it. Note: the TV, CD player, etc., are continuous throughout the argument.]
Ernie: Bert?! BERT! Hey, I can't hear the DVD! [No response] Bert?! Okay, if that's the way you want to be about it .... [he goes over the computer, turns it on and plays MP3 clips of heavy metal music loudly, starts humming along]
Bert: Ernie! Alright Ernie! [whereupon he runs over to the microwave oven and turns that on and makes it beep loudly over and over] Alright, HERE!
[By now the place is full of noise.]
Ernie: OH YEAH?!
Bert: YEAH! YOU LIKE IT??!
Ernie: OH YEAH!!
(All the lights go out, the sounds quit, we hear a loud POOOOOOOOF! and we see only Ernie & Bert's eyes floating in the total blackness.)
Bert: Well now, look, you blew a fuse.
Ernie: Oh yeah, well it was your idea turning on the dumb microwave.
Bert: (resignedly, after a pause) Look, .... Ernie .... how about you go around and turn off all that stuff we turned on, and I will ... I'll go and try to fix the fuse. [Bert's eyes wander off. Ernie's eyes go all over as he steps from switch to switch, snapping each off with a loud CLICK.]
Ernie: Okay .... first there's the radio ..... then there's the microwave ..... over here, okay, over here the television .... and one more, back there--the disc player! Yeah .... that's got 'em .... yeah ....
(Suddenly the lights go back on, Bert returns. He and Ernie start playing chess during the following dialogue
Bert: Look, Ernie, I'm--I'm sorry about playing a CD while you were watching DVDs ...
Ernie: Yeah, well I'm sorry about turning on the computer ...
Bert: Well, and I'm sorry about turning on the microwave oven ...
Ernie: Yeah, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't be watching so much television ...
Bert: Well, we really shouldn't be doing stuff like that anyway ...
Ernie: Yeah, we really shouldn't, after all ....
(fade out)
PART TWO
(Later, Bert and Ernie's bedroom at night. Bert is asleep, but Ernie's sitting up and looking around.)
Ernie: Bert? Bert, it's dark.
Bert (rolls over): Ernie, did you wake me up just to tell me it's dark?
Ernie: Yeah, Bert, it's really dark.
Bert: Well, of course it's dark, Ernie. It's supposed to be dark. It's night out.
Ernie: No, Bert, I mean it's really dark. (Goes to the window.) See, the lights are all out on Sesame Street.
Bert (goes to the window): Hey, you're right, Ernie, it's really dark. I wonder why it's so dark ... Oh, I know what it is.
Ernie: Why is it so dark, Bert?
Bert: It's probably a blackout.
Ernie: Well, what's a blackout, Bert?
Bert: Well ... well, that's when the electric company has a breakdown, and then all the lights go out, 'cause you need electricity for lights. But they're probably trying to fix it, so just go to bed, Ernie. Nothing to do about it. (Goes back to bed.)
Ernie (pauses, still standing by the window): Bert ... are you scared of the dark, Bert?
Bert (sleepily): No, Ernie, I'm not scared of the dark.
Ernie (goes to Bert's bed after another pause and starts tapping him): Bert ... Bert? As long as it's a blackout, Bert, how about we watch a DVD?
Bert (irritated): Ernie ... (Sits up in bed.) Stop hitting me, Ernie! (Ernie stops.) Let me tell me you something. You cannot watch DVDs, because television and DVD players need electricity. You can’t even watch videotapes because VCRs also need electricity. And we don't have any electricity because of the blackout. So just go to sleep, Ernie. (Lies down.)
Ernie (starts shaking Bert after another pause): How about we go on the Internet, Bert?
Bert (sitting up): Ernie, it's the same thing with the Internet! The computer needs electricity, just like the TV set and DVD player. And we have no electricity because of the blackout. So just please GO TO SLEEP! (Lies down and gives his famous "Aaaaaaahhhh!" Starts mumbling to himself.) First the television set, then the computer, and I need to get some sleep.
Ernie: (shaking Bert after still another pause): How 'bout ... how 'bout we listen to a CD? We could turn on the compact disk player, Bert.
Bert (sitting up, thoroughly exasperated by now): Ernie! You can't listen to a CD because the stereo needs electricity, just like the TV set and the computer, AND THERE'S A BLACKOUT! Now, please Ernie, go to bed! Aaaaaaahhhh! (Lies down.)
Ernie (after a pause): I know what I'll do! I'll call up somebody on Sesame Street and tell them we're having a blackout. I'm sure they'd like to know we're having a blackout. (Picks up a cell phone and starts dialing it.)
Bert (sitting up): Ernie? Ernie, they probably already know about the blackout. Do you have any idea what time it is? Oh, never mind. Do what you want. I am going back to sleep. Boy, do I need it now. (Lies down. The phone rings once on the other end, and Oscar answers it. Note: Both Bert and Ernie can understand what he's saying.)
Oscar (with even more of his grouchiness than usual): What's the idea calling me up in the middle of the night? Hey, who is this? 'Cause I'm gonna see to it you don't sleep for a week! Speak up! Who is this?
Ernie: Uh ... it ... it ... it's Bert. (Shuts off the phone. Bert gives a big sigh of despair.)