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AlittleMayhem
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Sam's Family Christmas
Summary: Sam loves and hates Christmas for many reasons. Most of which he'd rather not talk about. But one Christmas Eve, he is forced to face those reasons head on and question what is really family to him, whether he likes it or not.
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Chapter 1
Summary: Sam loves and hates Christmas for many reasons. Most of which he'd rather not talk about. But one Christmas Eve, he is forced to face those reasons head on and question what is really family to him, whether he likes it or not.
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Chapter 1
"Tinsel, baubles, lights, asparagus, star...now what else am I missing?"
Rizzo, who had been rummaging around the decoration box, turned his head to give Gonzo a strange look. "What?"
"Oh, I'm just thinking out loud," Gonzo answered, tapping his chin. "Camilla, are you sure Animal ate all those baubles that belonged to your great-grandmother?"
"Bawk-bawk!"
"Darn! Those were the best ones!"
"Hold up, Gonz. Did you say asparagus?"
Gonzo folded his arms and made his stance more grounded. "Well, no matter what Sam says, I have to give the tree some originality," he sniffed.
Rizzo rolled his eyes. Only Gonzo would respond this way when anyone questioned his veggie decorations.
It was Christmas Eve. They were in the lounge area of the Muppet Boarding House with a few other hens decorating the tree, which they had left a little late this year due to business. Many of the other Muppets had gone to see their families for Christmas, Hanukkah or any other winter celebration. This left the house almost eerily deserted. The only other occupants left were Kermit, Miss Piggy, The Swedish Chef, Rizzo's usual rat entourage and-
"Good gracious, whose idea was it to have red and orange tinsel over the banisters?”
Sam the Eagle entered the room, furiously scribbling on a clipboard and muttering furiously. He was wearing a smart dark blue Christmas sweater decorated with red reindeers and white snowflakes. He seemed very proud of it, having worn it every day since the end of Thanksgiving.
Camilla coughed politely and said in a mannered tone, “Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk!”
Sam glowered at her and then at Gonzo who snickered at her sass. It was then the Eagle noticed what the Whatever was wearing.
"What is that?!" he demanded in disgust.
“Oh, this?” Gonzo said, looking down. “It’s my old Charles Dickens suit. I found it in the attic during the summer cleaning. It still fits pretty well!”
"Bawk-bawk!"
"Why, thank you dear! I thought I lost some weight too!"
Sam fumed. “You idiot! It’s got holes in it!”
“Well, it’s obviously well loved!”
“By what? Moths? Take it off at once! I can see your underwear!”
Rizzo, who had been watching the exchange, smirked. “Hey, you pointed it out Birdbrain, not me!”
The hens squawked uproariously at this, making Sam bristle and blush. “Cut that out! Just get that tree decorated and be gone!”
He then stormed to the kitchen, yelling over his shoulder, “And get that asparagus out of the tree!”
As they watched Sam go, Rizzo leaned over to Gonzo and whispered in a low voice, "Hey, er, you think he's noticed yet?"
Gonzo shrugged. "If he hasn't now, he will in about five minutes. Now pass me that decorative custard shield!"
"Say what now?"
In the kitchen, the Swedish Chef was happily warbling along to Christmas songs from the radio while smacking dough on the counter. Sam barely acknowledged him, wandering past until he reached Kermit at the table, enjoying a mug of tea and the paper and wearing a red and green sweater of his own.
“So once the Christmas tree is properly decorated and put the presents under it-”
“Hey, Sam. Still looking over that list?”
“Hmm?” Sam looked up from his list, seemingly to have not seen Kermit. “Oh, good evening Kermit. Yes, I’m just checking to see if everything’s ready for tomorrow. It seems to be going rather smoothly.”
“Oh, good," Kermit replied. He then cleared his throat as Sam put his list on the table and climbed onto a chair next to the frog. "Listen Sam, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but-”
“In fact,” Sam interrupted, frowning suddenly. “It went a bit too smoothly.”
“Yeah, actually about that-”
"Shh!" Sam pressed a finger to Kermit's mouth. He eyes swivelled left and right suspiciously. "Do you hear that?"
Kermit listened briefly. "You mean the carolling outside?"
"No."
"The wind."
"No."
Now Kermit frowned, pushing away Sam's wing. "Uh, Gonzo and Rizzo in the other room?"
"No."
"Then what am I hearing?"
"That's exactly it!" Sam said, waggling a finger at him. "It's quiet. Where is everybody?"
Kermit sighed. He figured this would happen.
A very peculiar thing about Sam the Eagle was that he loved Christmas. No, not loved. He breathed it, lived off it, inhaled every last ounce everything Christmassy, from the cheap novelty products right down to the hammered in ‘goodwill to all men’ message. And, boy! Did he make sure that everyone knew it. Ever since the incident at Fozzie's mother's house, he made sure every Christmas they had was proper, decent, traditional and, above all, American. Which went down just about as well you'd expect with a house full of improper, misbehaving and modern thinking entertainers of several vastly cultural backgrounds.
This never stopped him though. Every year he busied himself to make it better than the last. However, when Sam was busy and fussy, he tended not to be the most observant bird.
"Sam,” Kermit began again. “Almost everyone has gone off for their holidays."
Sam did a double take, as if Kermit had suddenly turned into a punk rocker. "What?! When?!"
"Well, er, Fozzie left yesterday, he and his mom have gone to Malibu. The band went to Vegas a week ago for Hanukkah, y’know just for Zoot. Not sue if they’ll be back tomorrow. Robin's parents wanted him home this year at the swamp so he’s over there. I think Lew is with some of his old circus buddies in Maine-"
"But they can't do that!" Sam spluttered as his feathers ruffled up. "It's Christmas! We always spend Christmas together! Why, even during the worst times, everyone always made it! They can't just abandon us!"
"Well, everybody just wanted to do something different this year."
"Why did you not tell me this earlier? I should have convinced them all to stay instead!"
“Sam, I did tell you. Every day. In fact, a few people even said goodbye to you. The Mutations was very elaborate about it. They sang the Farewell song from The Sound of Music.”
“I think I would remember that.”
“You never responded. You were too busy ordering Beauregard about. They were very upset that you didn’t even glance at them.”
Sam made a dismissive noise. “I didn’t even know they had families to go to!”
Kermit scrunched up his face, folding his arms and said without thinking, "Well, why don't you spend Christmas with your family then?"
Here, Sam changed. He froze up, looking startled by the question. "Um, my family?"
"Yeah, your wife and kids? I remember you telling me about them years ago."
Sam looked down at the floor mumbling. "Oh, er, they wouldn't want me over. Eunice- my wife -and I- well, we got divorced a while ago-"
Guilt wrench through Kermit, mentally kicking himself. Oh, he should have known! "Oh. I'm so sorry, I didn't k- you never-"
Sam cleared his throat, sitting up more briskly. "It's quite alright. All in the past. Now I just have to make do with you people for Christmas, even if you are weirdoes. Well, at least I did..."
Just then, Gonzo waltzed in. "Kermit, the tree is finished now. Where’d you put the presents?”
“Oh, they’re in Beau’s cupboard. Be careful with them, a lot of them are from my folks at the swamp. And put on some proper clothes at some point.”
“Aw, not you too! Where's your sense of culture?”
He left to get the presents, just as Sam and Kermit heard a distressed cry from the kitchen.
"Aw, fer the love of- Hey, Chef! Where's all the eggnog gone?! I bought a bunch of 'em yesterday!"
"Hmm? Eggin-nuggin?"
"Yes, 'egging-nuggin'! You know, made from milk and eggs, ya drink it during the holidays?"
"Oh, ja-ja! I theenk Boobba drunk ell ooff it thees murneeng!"
"What?! Bubba?! Why that good for nuttin'- you know what? Never mind. Go get some for me, will ya?"
"Huh? Oh, nu nu nu! I'm nut gueeng oooot zeere-a! Yuoo gu oooot iff yuoo vunt sume!"
"Oh, naw! Rats aren't made for cold weather like that! I'll turn into a Ratsicle the second I step outta there! Go on, your used to it aren't cha?"
"And vhet's thet sooppused tu meun?!"
"Nuttin'. I just though since your Swedish-"
"Reezzu! Thet's receest!"
"What? How was that racist?!"
The two of them continued to argue, getting more and more aggressive, until-
"OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE! I’LL GET IT!"
Kermit jumped at Sam's explosion. He stormed out, grabbing a coat along the way. There was the sound of a door opening, the howling wind and then a slam that shook the house. Having stopped arguing, Rizzo and the Chef popped their heads around the threshold of the kitchen curiously.
"Geez, what's eating birdbrain?" Rizzo asked.
Kermit shook his head, expressing ignorance. "You know Sam. A lot of things bother him."
