Rescue the WendyBird (A Muppet Peter Pan short)

[AlittleMayhem]

Rescue the WendyBird (A Muppet Peter Pan short)

Summary: When Firecheeks Floyd and Zoot Runningmouth of the Hippen Groven Tribe go searching for their primitive percussionist one faithful night, neither of them expected to be saviours of their own prophesied saviour.

-​

Night fell in the ever humid and sticky NeverSwamp. The night music was filled with the songs of croaks and crickets, some of which were actually singing an acappella version of ‘In-A-Gadda-A-Vida’. Around this time, Firecheeks Floyd would be having a cool, mellow, late night jam around the fire with the rest of Hippen Groven tribe as the smokes of the Wagon Chef’s cooking swirled in interesting shapes.

However, they couldn’t exactly get their groove on without their faithful hairy drummer, now could they?

“Hey! He-Who-Runs-With-Sharks! He-Who-Runs-W-Argh, the heck with it! Animal! Where’d you get to, man!” Floyd yelled into the night. He received no answer, instead the croaking switched to a rendition of ‘Angie’.

Floyd sighed, muttered about the stupid swamp and then turned to Zoot Runningmouth, who, like him, had a lamp at tow. “Okay, let’s try the totem pole again. If he’s not there, we’ll call it a night and look again in the mornin’. Our furry little friend might’ve gone chasing the Lost Boys again.”

Zoot nodded silently in agreement and they began to trek again.

It wasn’t a long walk. Soon they came across some vines which they parted and the pole came into view. It was a truly a sumptuous and sublime giant of a pole, each part a head of a bird or a strange monster. Not too bad for a product of when Zoot got bored one afternoon.

As Floyd look up on it, he saw an unfamiliar dark shape at the very top. He was just thinking that he didn’t remember if Zoot had added another decoration to the top, where the eagle head should be, when he realised the top was moving, making familiar ‘ARHM-NOM-NOM-NOM’ noises. Floyd grinned.

“Hey, Buddy!” he exclaimed. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“WHA?” Animal spun his head around, looking down at the two with glowing wide eyes.

“Get down from there! We can’t start our jamming session without’cha drumming!”

To the musicians’ equal surprise, Animal was hesitant. His eyes swivelled about, unsurely. “OH ERR-”

“What’s the matter? Are you feeling oka-”

SNAP!

Everything happened so fast. The branch of the tree behind the pole broke and Animal whirled around, frantically yelling, “ARGH NO WOMAN, WOMAN!” and jumped right of the pole after it. There was another crash and then, to Floyd’s horror, a silhouetted shape bounced into view and flew right down a nearby ditch. In a blur of red, Animal chased after it. “WOMAN! WOMAN! WOMAN!”

More crashes followed, the mellow musicians wincing each time one rang out. When all was silent and croaky again, it was almost deafening.

“Holy Fats Waller on a stick!” Floyd swore. “What was that?!”

“B Flat, mostly” Zoot said, but that only got him a glare.

“Seriously, dude?" Floyd sighed, rolling his eyes then took off in the direction of the fallen specimen. “C’mon, let’s go and check it out.”

He glanced over the edge, his lamplight giving off enough for him to see Animal at the bottom of the ditch close to a river's edge, crouched over something- no, definitely someone- in multi-coloured clothing. Floyd jumped and skidded down the slope. Animal looked up at him sadly as he reached the bottom.

“SORRR-RRY!” Animal said, hanging his head in shame.

Carefully, Floyd put down his lamp before kneeling over the stranger and gently turning her over on her back. His breath caught. She was a young, blonde, tanned thing with full lips and thick eyelashes. Her clothes were solely a traditional nightgown with bell sleeves and in a most not-traditional tie-dye pattern. (Awesome choice, if you asked Floyd.)

He had never seen her around before. In fact, they only other gal around in the entire NeverSwamp was Miss Itty Fatback, Piggytink. So where did this one come from?

Floyd heard a skidding, a yelp and a flump noise behind him. He looked up, seeing Zoot stand up from his slight trip and walk over. “Is she dead?” he asked, breathlessly.

“Naw, man,” Floyd replied, checking her pulse and hovering his hand over her lips. “She’s just really out. Musta landed on a rock or ten. Still breathing though.”

At the mention of this, Animal wiped his forehead, sighing with relief. “PHEW!” He then grinned widely and Floyd realised there was something stuck between the drummer’s sharp teeth. He plucked it out, ignoring Animal’s brief, loud protest.

“Hey, what I tell you about eating things you shouldn’t, bud!” he complained, closely inspecting the…rope?

Animal glared at him, caressing his jaw. “NET!” he yelled, pointing at the rope. “DAT WAS NET!” He then pointed to the girl, whom Zoot had arranged into a more comfortable position. “WO-MAN FALL FROM SKY! TRAP! IN TREE!” He dug a thumb into his puffed up chest. “ME! FOUND HER! FREE HER! ARHM-NOM-NOM!”

Floyd glanced in Zoot’s way, unsurprised that he was following the story just about as well as he was.

“WOMAN!” Animal then knocked his own head and pretended to faint, intimidating a damsel in distress.

“O-kaaaay,” Floyd said slowly. He then brushed a strand of hair from the girl’s face. “But that still doesn’t explain where this caged little bird came from.”

“Hook?” Zoot suggested, as he gathered her up in his arms, carrying her almost bridal style, and stood up. “Pan?”

Floyd got up too and adjusted her head so it rested more on Zoot’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t surprise me,” he chuckled. “The Green Dude may be cool, but his recruiting-kids-thing is gettin’ real-”

Tick-tock-tick-tock.

Both men froze, sharing the same looks of terror. Not even the sweaty swamp heat did nothing to cool the cold fear running through Floyd right now.

Tick-tock-tick-tock.

There it was again. Animal growled, low and dangerous and Floyd gulped. “Please tell me you have a watch on you.”

Tick-tock-tick-tock.

Everything grew dark around them as a huge shape loomed over them and Zoot whimpered, “No.”

“Hi, guys!” a new, grating, terrible voice exclaimed. “Fancy seeing you in these parts again!”

Floyd did the only thing he could think of. He put on his best fake grin and turned to face the beast, forcing himself to lift his head to look it in the eye. Carl the Big Mean Ticking Crocodile, with his yellow eyes, large horns and green fur (last time he checked, crocodiles didn’t have any of those, but who was Floyd to question the monster’s life choices when it saw him as a midnight snack) towered over him, his expression unmistakably greedy.

“Caaarl!” Floyd greeted, playing it cool as an ice-skating cucumber in Alaska while placing himself between Carl and Zoot. “My main crocodilian comrade! How’s it hanging?”

“Oh, not too bad!” Carl replied. He rubbed his hands together in a not-so-subtly devious way that made Floyd nervous. “It’s really nice of you guys to drop in. I was just about to make dinner.”

“BAD CROC,” Animal snarled and Zoot shushed him desperately. But the noise already caught Carl’s attention, his eyes swivelling then widening at the girl in Zoot’s arms.

“Oh!” he cried, his smiled wide and mad. “Oh-ho! And who do we have here?” Carl crouched down so fast Floyd just barely jumped back in time. “And here’s me thinking that boy frog was the one gathering an army!”

Carl deliberately bleached in his face, producing a green gas which Floyd tried not to gag on. The Croc’s breath smelled of something the Wagon Chef wouldn’t even dare try to make and they’re was a timid cry of ‘Help me,’ echoing from his stomach.

Animal’s hair stood up in hackles now. “BAAAADDD CROC!”

“Shut up, man!” Zoot warned through gritted teeth.

Floyd waved the gas away, putting on his best fake smile. "Yeah, well, we kinda needed a new, uh, kitchen maid anyways so now we got her and we'lljustbeonourwaybyenow!"

Rushing his words, he turned on his heel as was ready to run but Carl was quicker, blocking their way. “Aww, what’s the matter, Firecheeks? Won’t you stay for dinner? I serving up a groven special.”

Before Floyd could even try to worm his way out of this with words, Animal lost it. “BAAAAD CROC!” he yelled and pounced.

Carl roared, tumbling backwards into the river with a great splash! The pair wrestled brutally, a tangle of growling and snarling green and red splashing and scratching at each other.

Taking his cue, Floyd grabbed at Zoot and and the pair of them sprinted for their lives. “Gogogogogogogogogo!”

At some point, he heard Animal scampering next to him on all fours, panting heavily. The last thing they heard was Carl’s ticking clock and his screaming “I’LL GET YOU HIPPEN GROVEN HIPPIES ONE DAY! THE NEXT TIME YA CROSS MY LANDS, I’LL COOK YA IN A STEW AND SERVE YOU UP WITH SOME- Oo, hi Mister Bunny!”

Finally, they stopped by a large tree they all recognised as far and safe from Carl. Floyd and Animal gasped and collapsed on one another exhausted. Zoot gently laid the girl down beneath one of the tree’s arched roots then flopped down himself.

“Man, she’s heavy!” he groaned.

Floyd, despite his heart kicking in his chest, laughed wheezily at the comment. “Don’t be saying that when she wakes up, bud. Man, that was close. We have got to fence off that area.”

There was a moan and Floyd startled when he realised it was the girl stirring.

“Uh, oh wow. Like, what an awful dream,” she murmured, clearly dazed.

Floyd pushed Animal off him and scrambled awkwardly to his feet, approaching the girl. He knelt down to her level, just as the girl was sitting up and cradling her head. Zoot sat a little further away, watching apprehensively.

“Hey, little sister,” Floyd said gently. “You feelin’ alright?”

She shook her head, still dazed and squinted at Floyd. “Hm-eh wha-?”

Just then, Animal jumped in between them with his face right up close to hers. “HI!”

She shrieked and jerked upwards, banging her head hard on the root. She fell right back into unconscious.

“Animal!” Floyd and Zoot scolded simultaneously.

“OOPSIE!”

Floyd murmured disgruntledly, and then took the girl in his arms as Zoot did before. “Let’s just take her home before she cracks her head open. I’ve had enough freaky for one night!”

-

About an hour later, Floyd lay a blanket over the girl and fluffed up the pillow one last time. His tent wasn’t exactly ideal or tidy, especially since he shared it with Animal, but it wasn’t like he planned on sleeping much anyway.

He brushed her hair off her face, then jumped back a little when she moved. For a moment, he thought she was going to wake up again. Instead, she hummed and rolled over, curling in with the blankets.

Breathing out a sigh, Floyd exited the tent and headed over to the camp fire. He glanced over his shoulder. She’s safe now, he told himself. Undoubtedly sore in the morning, but safe.

Zoot was just finishing their story to their leader by the time Floyd arrived. His High Grooviness Dr. Goldentooth, as he so christened himself, stroked his beard and hummed thoughtfully. “A concatenation of riveting and heavy events has certainly occurred tonight, gentlemen,” he said.

Zoot tilted his head, confused. “Huh?”

Floyd plonked himself down by the fire and crossed his legs, passively allowing Animal to rest his head on his leg. “He said a lot of stuff went down.”

“Ah.”

“But,” Tooth continued, that all too familiar grin spreading across his face. “most foreseen, nevertheless.”

“Oh, really?” Floyd said, his tone dry. “Hey, if ya foresee us nearly getting turned into Carl Chow, give us a heads up, will ya?”

“Duly noted, but I was talking about the girl”

Floyd looked at him, incredulously. “How’d you mean?”

“Think about it,” Tooth replied, his eyes dancing. “Animal said she fell outta the sky and by the look of those psychedelic colours she’s wearing, she’s most positively into something happening, which we am!”

The bassist thought about this for a moment, then his eyes widened when he remembered an idea. An idea they had all made up, signed, swore an oath to. “You don’t mean…she’s…”

Tooth smiled softly. “Our own foretold sacred angel of whom the heavens have blessed us tonight, at long last!”

Floyd frowned, skeptical. “You do remember that you made that mumbo-jumbo up to keep our spirits away from Downsville, right? Yeah, it worked for a while but-”

“Ah!” the Good Doc interrupted. “Floyd, you must have more faith, for if not, all is but truly lost to for our little ghost-town. Also, Zoot didn’t just craft that axe for nothing!”

Zoot, Floyd was amazed to see, was polishing a new white electric guitar he had sworn wasn’t there before. He also could’ve sworn that stump and those broken branches a few feet away was a full-grown tree just a minute ago. Man, that dude has some sick skills.

“Besides,” Tooth added, setting up his keyboard. “Lord knows we’re gonna need it in bummer times like these!”

After a beat Floyd shrugged, picking up his bass. Well, he figured it wouldn’t hurt. No pressure on the little sister or anything. "Whatever you say man. Whatever you say."

Animal got of his lap and jumped to his drumset, sticks raised and ready as Zoot clicked his reed and strap on his saxophone. After a sound off from their leader, the band began to wail their sweet electric sounds into the swap night.

Which only five seconds as the Wagon Chef angrily stormed out of his tent yelling incoherently and holding out a deflated and green looking soufflé.

-

Fin

 

[charlietheowl]

I love the idea of crickets chirping "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"! Thanks for sharing this story.

 

[LipsGF4Life]

I love Muppet Peter Pan! One of the best comics! Well, Muppets Snow white is also better because Lips appears there. But this is a good story! Gr8 work!

 

[TheWeirdoGirl]

How did I manage to miss this? What a lovely story! I especially enjoyed Carl the Big Mean Ticking Crocodile. Muppet Peter Pan is one of the best Muppet comic books.

And just so you know, I am going to do the Muppet Ice Bucket Challenge that you tagged me in, I just haven't been able to actually sit down and finish it.