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Here ya go...
Seven Deadlies…in the foam!
Note: ALL of the Sins are foam rubber, with the springy look and slight sheen to everything which that material typically possesses…no felt anywhere!
Avarice: in shape, rather like a peanut. Black back and arms, pewter-gray gloves, face, and front. His face resembles a flat coin in shape, with a squat bulbous nose in the center of it. His eyes are deathlike blanks with dollar signs in place of pupils. His enormous red lips are as fat as Steven Tyler’s, with a couple of fangs protruding from rubbery jaws rife with gleaming teeth. A fat belly is shaped like a cash-register front, with old-fashioned register keys (upon which he taps to a cha-ching sound when pleased). His black stovepipe hat has many loud garnishes of green paper bills on his right side, and also a sign tucked into the band which says “no checks cashed.” Money spills out from under the hat like hair. His bowtie is made of money. And he wears huge blingy rings on his left hand.
Envy: imagine one of those scrubbing tools with about a million spongy nodules all over… like a porcupine made from a sponge, or a really really large toothbrush head with all the bristles and gum-cleaners sticking out in every direction. Her face and hands are green; the nodules all over everywhere else (like hair, or fur, or really springy-looking hedgehog quills) are mixed green and purple. She looks like Mardi Gras itself threw up after too many Hurricane drinks. Her huge pingpong-ball type eyes have tiny black pupils and black eyelashes on every side except right next to her nose, which resembles a long, smooth, green turnip in shape. (Not as long as, say, Lewis Kazagger’s, but definitely a schnozz.) She also has large, thick, rubbery red lips, but tiny teeth barely glimpsed within her mouth.
Vanity: IS a vanity…French Rococo Revival, I’d say. His face is a round mirror encircled by an almost gingerbread-looking frame, with gold squigglies decorating the pointed-arch top and rounded sides. His body is the furniture part of the vanity, complete with drawers approximately where pants would be, spilling out random hankies (or are those lingerie?) and all sorts of perfume and makeup bottles completely covering the surface. His facial features look painted on with kohl or mascara: a thin, twirled-up mustache and goatee, and half-circle painted brows over lazily drooping purple eyelids. His eyes have the bored look common to emo posers from the court at Versailles on down through the ages. An earring dangles from one ear; the other is covered by his right hand, which seems permanently involved in sweeping up his hair…if he had any to sweep. The other hand holds a hankie; there is little doubt he takes snuff. (One of the little boxes among the melange of things he wears surely has the finest Dutch snuff.) Rings on his fingers and perfectly cufflinked sleeves at the ends of his brown arms complete the dandy look.
Gluttony: if Carmen Miranda not only wore meat, pastries, and unidentifiable comestibles on her head instead of the fruit hat…AND if she were made of food herself, and vaguely male…yeah. What an image. Blech! Hard to tell where the top of his wide face ends and the hat begins, with two capon drumsticks for eyebrows. VERY wide face, and sagging cheeks frame a wide, redlipped mouth into which the creature is stuffing what looks like Double-Stuf Oreos. Or maybe small Whoopie Pies with the cream filling oozing out. Two more Oreos appear to be earrings…or maybe ears. There is no neck; must be a relation of Chuckie Gray from RHPS. The face and arms are flesh-colored. The hat is made of pastries, or meats, or whatever, and topped by a banana split, IN a proper banana split dish! His bottom half might be a frosted cake, with more cakes sort of glommed onto it. Or Big Rock Candy Mountain, with a giant rectangular torte smack in the center like some kind of bizarre belt buckle. A fried egg can be glimpsed on his side when he chases after the leafy green veggies.
Lust: er…er…I’m not sure what to say about this one in a family-friendly forum… Um. When was the last time you were in an adult “novelty store”? Okay…uh…length. Many lengths. Like bouncy rubber hoses, in various shades of maroon. All wrapped around its body, each apparently terminating in a purple-gloved hand…and the hands, of course, all seem to want to be grabbing someone. Its overall shape is…uh…well…let’s go back to that store analogy, shall we? Uh huh. Very little body color is seen due to all the arms, which enwrap it almost entirely. The face is a sort of light maroon or dark pink, with recognizable nose, ears, and chin, but the biggest feature is the long blobby tongue protruding from its red mouth, like Steve Tyler on Thorazine, making him drool. Its round eyes are small and yellowish, with wildly staring pupils, and it has scraggly black eyelashes or eyebrows (hard to tell which, on this thing) surrounding them everywhere except the lower edge where the fat cheeks take over. Oddly, it has hair or a headband of spongy-looking purple flowers with orange centers, like daisies on PCP, decorating what would be a forehead on anything more humanoid.
Rage: an orange, squat, spike-collared, angry-looking, barechested punk rocker. Sort of like a cross between Animal and Sonic on crack. A huge head of spiky black hair towers over a face like Ernie about to take a bite out of something he’s…well…angry enough to bite? Round nose, wide cheeks, permanent grimace, bared flat teeth, and sharply angled black brows complete the snarling look. The collar is gray with spikes as big as carrots. It wears matching spiked wristbands. It has four arms, two on each side.
Sloth: shows up only at the end, of course… Again, no neck, and one huge blue Mr Potato Head of a face, with its arms coming out about where ears ought to be. A pink pajama top with orange random polka dots comes all the way to the top of its head, surrounding the face; it wears a matching nightcap, complete with pink puffball at the tip. The pajama bottoms have thick vertical blue and white stripes. It carries a small pillow under its left arm, and remembered to bring a sash with its name on it for the pageant (everyone else showed up sashless at first). The face is mostly a lazy idiot’s wide mouth with thinner red lips than the others sport, and big droopy eyelids of a violet hue. Its maroon nose is squashed between these features. Though the hands and face are blue, blush seems to have been touched onto its rounded cheeks.
Hope this is descriptive enough!
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