"Reflections and Thankfulness"
(A one-shot about the Muppets' Thanksgiving day. To all my fellow MC members, have a happy and safe holiday.)
“Uncle Kermit, when will dinner be ready?”
Robin tugged at his uncle’s hand, eager to sit down and share some quality time with everyone. Thanksgiving was one of Robin’s favorite holidays because he was able to think about all the things he had in his life and to give thanks for them. One of those things was his uncle Kermit.
“Um, it’ll be ready soon, Robin,” Kermit the Frog replied. “The Swedish Chef and Mrs. Bear are almost done preparing the food.”
“Oh boy! I can’t wait!” Robin said gleefully, and he ran off to play with his friend, Rowlf the Dog. Rowlf lifted Robin up and swung him around in his arms.
“Wheee! You’re flying, Robin!” Rowlf said.
“Faster, Rowlf!” Robin cried.
“Okay!” He spun Robin even faster, keeping a firm grip on the young frog’s sides.
“Hold on, little guy!” Rowlf said. “We’re coming in for a landing!” He lowered Robin and they both fell to the floor, laughing and gasping for air.
“That was fun!” Robin giggled.
“I’m glad,” Rowlf said. “Hey, you wanna watch me play the piano? I’ve got some Bark---I mean Bach, that I’m working on.” Robin nodded, and Rowlf gently led him towards the piano on the other side of the room.
Kermit smiled. He adored Robin. Even though he was Robin’s uncle, there was a deeper relationship between them.
Robin was like the son Kermit always wanted but never had.
Kermit walked over to the window. The sky was a broad canvas of orange, blue, and pink hues. He noticed that several flowers in Mrs. Bear’s garden were blooming. Even when the seasons changed, Mrs. Emily Bear, Fozzie’s mother, had a thumb that was greener than Kermit’s.
The trees were covered with beautiful brown and red leaves, most of which had fallen. Kermit made a mental note to rake the leaves over the weekend. Just as long as Floyd Pepper took Animal for a long walk in the meantime.
Gee, Kermit thought.
It’s Thanksgiving…what am I thankful for?
Kermit stared at the idyllic view and sighed. He realized that he was thankful for the world that he was born into.
Hmm, he thought.
This really is a beautiful planet…all the trees, the plants, the mountains, valleys, and all the ponds and bogs that a frog’s heart desires.
He was also thankful for his biological family, whom he hadn’t seen in years. He wondered how his mother, father, and brothers and sisters (all three thousand, two hundred and four of them, to be exact) were doing back in the swamp. Of course, he never had time to see them, but he was thankful for everything they had done to help him get where he was today.
Kermit thought about all the doors that had opened in his life, from that first encounter with his agent Bernie, to meeting all of his Muppet friends for the first time, to finally becoming a Hollywood celebrity. He was thankful for all the opportunities that had come his way over the years. Despite the massive fame and fortune that he had accumulated over his career, he didn’t bother to bask in the glory (unlike a certain lady in his life). He stayed true to himself.
And he was most certainly thankful for every one of the Muppets. Yes, even Crazy Harry.
Kermit felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw her standing there, with a sparkle in her eye. Miss Piggy leaned her head on his shoulder.
“Hello, Kermie my dearest,” Miss Piggy cooed.
“Hi, Piggy,” Kermit said. “Enjoying Thanksgiving so far?”
“Of course,
mon cherie,” Miss Piggy replied. “All because of you, of course.”
Kermit blushed slightly. Sure, he and Miss Piggy were often paired as a couple in the news, the general public, and even amongst their inner circle of Muppets. Even though Kermit didn’t share the same feelings for Piggy that she had for him, and even though she could be very stubborn and moody, he couldn’t deny that deep down, she was a very charming and kind-hearted person.
“Ah, isn’t this romantic, Kermit?” Miss Piggy asked. “Just the two of us, enjoying this breathtaking view of the sunset, in a comfortable house, with no problems or worries, and nobody to interrupt our---”
“FOOD! FOOD! WANT FOOD!” a voice bellowed.
Kermit and Piggy whirled around and saw Animal jumping up and down in a fit. Floyd Pepper was desperately trying to keep him from rushing into the kitchen and causing a potential disaster.
“Pipe down, Animal!” Floyd commanded, tugging on Animal’s chain with all his might. “Back! Sit! Stay!”
The wild-eyed, beastly Electric Mayhem drummer obeyed the beatnik bassist, but he pouted and crossed his arms.
“Want food,” Animal whined.
“Hey, no sweat, buddy,” Floyd said soothingly. “Just a few more minutes. In the meantime, let’s go upstairs and listen to some rock music!”
Animal’s eyes lit up. “ROCK AND ROLL! ROCK AND ROLL” he shouted. He raced up the stairs, dragging Floyd behind him. “ZEPPELIN! ZEPPELIN!”
Kermit chuckled. “Good old Animal,” he remarked. “He never misses a beat.”
“Aaaaahhhh!” Fozzie Bear laughed loudly. “Now THAT was fun-NEEEEEE!”
Kermit looked over to where his best friend Fozzie was sitting in an armchair, holding his trusty joke book. Walter, the newest addition to the Muppet family, was leaning on the side of the chair, reading with Fozzie.
Kermit shrugged. The pun wasn’t intended, but he didn’t tell Fozzie or Walter. “Thanks, Fozzie. I try.”
“Oh, Kermit, don’t be so modest,” Walter told him. “You’re one of the funniest people I know!” He glanced down at Fozzie. “Other than Fozzie, of course.”
Fozzie looked at Walter. “Awww, thanks, Walter,” he said. “You’re too kind.”
“Hey, I wouldn’t be saying it if it weren’t true,” Walter replied.
Fozzie grinned and went back to reading his book. “Chapter 6: Holiday Jokes…Hey, Walter! If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May flowers bring?”
Walter thought for a minute. “Beats me.”
“Pilgrims! Wocka wocka!” Then Fozzie and Walter burst into peals of laughter.
Kermit looked around and saw Gonzo the Great, Camilla the Chicken, Rizzo the Rat, and Pepé the King Prawn on the couch, watching TV.
“Hey, Piggy, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Kermit said. “I just want to see what everyone else is up to.”
“Oh of course, my love,” Miss Piggy said. “I’ll wait here, and then we can continue our romantic Thanksgiving rendezvous.”
Kermit got up, stretched his legs, and walked toward his friends on the couch. There was his dear friend Gonzo, the daredevil artist with nerves of steel and a heart of gold. His acts ranged from death-defying to just plain weird. Who else would be crazy enough to ride a Segway off a ramp and over a tank of piranhas one night, and then balance on one leg in a vat of Jell-O while playing the William Tell Overture on a rack of tuned coconut shells?
Camilla the Chicken was cuddling next to Gonzo. She and Gonzo were inseparable from the moment they met. Gonzo was the only Muppet who could understand what she said (besides the other Muppet chickens), and their love grew from there.
Rizzo the Rat and Pepé the King Prawn were sitting on the other end of the couch, sharing a bag of popcorn. Kermit knew that they had big appetites, but he thought it was unusual to eat right before a Thanksgiving feast. Judging by the looks on their faces, Pepé and Rizzo were not impressed with what they were watching. Gonzo and Camilla, on the other hand, were glued to the TV screen.
“Hey, guys,” Kermit greeted them. “What are you watching?”
“Oh hi, Kermit,” Gonzo said. “We’re watching my new favorite TV show:
The Clucking Dead!”
“
The Clucking Dead?” Kermit repeated, wrinkling his mouth ever so slightly.
“Yeah, it’s about these zombie chickens who terrorize a town,” Gonzo explained. “And the townspeople have to work together to survive!”
“I’ve seen a billion other shows that are better den this, okay,” Pepé grumbled.
“Yeah, I can see why it’s your favorite show, Gonzo,” Rizzo said. “It’s got CHICKENS in it! Jeez!” He shook his head and stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
“They’re not
just chickens, Rizzo!” Gonzo fired back. “They’re chickens from the undead! That makes it even COOLER!”
“Ho boy,” Pepé said. “Here he goes again.”
“And the acting is great, too,” Gonzo continued. “It’s poetry in motion!”
“More like
poultry in motion,” Rizzo cracked. He and Pepé looked at each other and instantly began to laugh.
“Ehhhh, jou know what I think of this show, Rizzo?” Pepé said.
“What?” Rizzo asked.
“It’s for de birds, hokay.” Rizzo and Pepé laughed so hard that they held their sides and gasped for air.
Gonzo and Camilla shook their heads.
“Bawk bawk bawk,” Camilla groaned.
“Yeah, I know Camilla,” Gonzo replied. “Just let them be. Let’s keep watching.”
“Well, I hope you enjoy the show,” Kermit said, patting Gonzo and Camilla on their backs and he left the living room.
Kermit opened the basement door leading to the laboratory where Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker were working. As Kermit made his way down the steps, he heard the sounds of test tubes clinking, chemicals bubbling through piping, and flames crackling from underneath the Bunsen burners.
“Hi there, Bunsen,” Kermit said.
The jolly doctor lifted his glasses and put down his Erlenmeyer flask.
“Salutations, Mr. Frog,” Bunsen said, waving at Kermit. “Welcome to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” Kermit replied. “And Beaker?”
“Oh, he’s just peachy,” Bunsen said. “Isn’t that right, Beaker?”
“Mee mee mee!” Beaker affirmed.
“Oh?” Kermit said. “Why is that?”
“That’s because we at Muppet Labs have just invented a revolutionary new formula that will change Thanksgiving forever!” Bunsen declared.
Kermit was puzzled. “What do you mean?”
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew brought out a half-filled test tube with a cork covering the opening. He removed the cork and held the tube in front of Kermit’s face.
“Please inhale, Mr. Frog,” Bunsen instructed.
Kermit took a whiff, and immediately his senses were hit with the aroma of the perfect Thanksgiving dinner. He could smell the turkey, the stuffing, the sweet potatoes, green beans, and the cranberries, all in that single test tube.
“I present to you the Muppet Labs Instant Liquid Thanksgiving Dinner!” Bunsen announced. “No longer will you have to shop weeks in advance for a turkey or vegetables. No longer will they have to labor over stuffing or carving a turkey, or baking apple pies, or even opening the canned cranberry sauce. It’s all here, right in this nifty little liquid.”
“That’s incredible, Bunsen!” Kermit exclaimed.
“Indeed,” Bunsen said. “And the honor of testing this formula goes to Beaker.”
Beaker instantly shook his head in protest. “Mee mee moop moop MOOP!”
“Oh, Beaker,” Dr. Honeydew said, handing the test tube to Beaker. “Go on. Taste it. It’s a Thanksgiving dinner in liquid form. It won’t hurt you.”
After a moment’s hesitation, Beaker took a sip of the liquid. He smacked his lips and his eyes lit up.
“Mmmm-MMM!” Beaker said.
“See?” Dr. Honeydew said. “It’s not so bad after all.”
Suddenly, there was a huge explosion, and the room filled with smoke.
“Beaker? Bunsen?” Kermit said. “Where are you?”
“Oh, dear me,” Bunsen lamented. “That was not supposed to happen!”
They coughed and fanned away the smoke. When they could see again, they gasped at what they saw.
Beaker had transformed into a turkey.
“Beaker?” Kermit asked.
The lab assistant gobbled in reply.
Then it hit him. Beaker looked at his body, which was covered in feathers. He ran to the mirror and squawked at his reflection. Panicked, Beaker began flapping his wings and waddling around the room.
“Well, back to the old drawing board,” Bunsen said sheepishly.
“See you later, Bunsen,” Kermit said. “Hope this works out for you.”
Once he was back upstairs, Kermit bumped into Sam the Eagle, the self-proclaimed moral and cultural enforcer of the Muppets.
“Hello, Sam. How’re things going?” Kermit said.
“Kermit,” Sam said. “It is good to see someone as SENSIBLE and as DECENT as you at this CHAOTIC and WEIRD Thanksgiving gathering.”
“Why do you say that?” Kermit inquired.
“Kermit,” Sam began sternly. “I consider Thanksgiving to be a time for Americans to PAUSE and be THANKFUL that they are living in such a WONDERFUL country as America. It is a very patriotic holiday, if you think about it. Isn’t that true?”
Kermit nodded. “I see what you mean.”
Sam gestured toward the common room, where the Muppets were gathered. Miss Piggy, Rowlf, and Robin were playing card games. Gonzo, Camilla, Pepé, and Rizzo were still watching TV at a loud volume. Fozzie and Walter were in hysterics over Fozzie’s joke book. Scooter, Kermit’s longtime assistant, was playing his handheld video game. Dr. Teeth, the leader of the Electric Mayhem Band, was sitting by the door, playing a harmonica and leading a small jam session with his bandmates: Janice, the blonde-haired valley girl, was strumming an acoustic guitar, while Zoot, the perpetually sleepy musician, was playing his tenor saxophone. Floyd was watching over Animal, who was munching on a box of crackers…not just the crackers, but the box as well. Lew Zealand was flinging boomerang fish in all directions. Link Hogthrob, the resident “macho” expert (or so he believed), was admiring himself in the mirror. Various chickens, penguins, pigs, dogs, and frogs were mingling together.
“Can you believe this?” Sam asked. “Look at this! These WEIRDOS are simply pursuing their own ridiculously UN-AMERICAN interests! Do you see ANYONE here who is taking time to be THANKFUL for their privileges in the land of the free? Is THIS what you call REFLECTION??”
“Yes,” Link Hogthrob chimed in. “I’m looking at it right now!”
Sam the Eagle put his head in his hands. “Ugh,” he sneered. “I cannot tolerate the level of WEIRDNESS in here.” He shook his head and stormed out of the room, but not without getting grazed in the back of the head by a flying boomerang fish.
“Oops! Sorry, Mr. the Eagle!” Lew Zealand called out. The fish sailed around the room, finally landing in Lew’s hand.
“Looks like we gotta keep practicing, Sidney,” Lew said, shuffling away.
“A-HEM,” Miss Piggy uttered, nudging the frog in the side.
He turned to her, and she smiled sweetly. “Shall we resume our Thanksgiving rendezvous, my little green angel?”
“Uh, sure,” Kermit agreed.
Miss Piggy wrapped her arm around Kermit and they walked back to the window. She couldn’t imagine spending a day without him. Kermit was the one person in her life that she was thankful for. She had abandoned her troubled family life a long time ago and had never looked back. Ever since meeting Kermit and becoming a world-famous superstar, she had no need or desire to look back. Miss Piggy was perfectly content with her current life, even if it meant putting up with some flat-out weirdos (especially Gonzo). But as long as she had Kermit in her life, she was happy. Time seemed to stop as she looked lovingly at her frog.
Her thoughts were cut short as a loud explosion burst from the kitchen. Everyone gasped or squawked in alarm as the windowpanes rattled. Kermit dashed to the kitchen, fearful of what he would see.
“Is everything all right in there?” he asked urgently.
“Mom!” Fozzie cried out suddenly. He leapt from his chair, dropped his book, and ran to the kitchen door. “Are you okay, Mom?” he shouted as he flung the door open.
Smoke billowed out of the kitchen. The Swedish Chef stood there, holding a perfectly cooked turkey. But he was covered in grease stains, burn marks, and bits of gravy, stuffing, and cranberry sauce.
“Der-töorkëe is øokee-dōokee!” the Chef chortled.
Then Mrs. Bear staggered out in a daze. Her clothing was charred, and her hair was mussed, but she was still smiling bravely.
“Did someone call for me?” she asked, letting out several coughs.
“Mom!” Fozzie exclaimed, rushing over to help her out of the kitchen. “Thank goodness you’re okay!”
“I’m fine, Fozzie dear,” Mrs. Bear said. “And so is the Thanksgiving meal!”
The Muppets let out a huge cheer.
“Let’s get you cleaned up, Mom,” Fozzie said. “You too, Chef.” The three of them headed to the washroom while Scooter opened the windows and Kermit used the fire extinguisher to get rid of the smoke. A few minutes later, they returned.
“Okay, everyone!” Kermit said. “Let’s get this started!” Everyone cheered.
As the Muppets set the table and brought out the dishes, they sang the special song that they sung every Thanksgiving:
It’s time to be with people
That you love with all your might.
It’s time for a great Thanksgiving
At the Muppets’ house tonight!
It’s time to eat some turkey,
We hope it’s cooked just right.
It’s time for a great Thanksgiving
At the Muppets’ house tonight!
Why don’t we get things started?
It’s time to get things started…
With the most sensational, inspirational, celebration-al, Muppet-tational…
It’s the Muppets’ big Thanksgiving FEAST!
Once everyone had been seated, Kermit clanked a glass with a spoon to get everyone’s attention.
“Uh, excuse me, everyone,” he said. But nobody was paying attention to him. They were busy chatting and talking about the food.
“Uh, everybody?” Kermit repeated a little louder. Still, no one heard him.
Miss Piggy stood up. “QUIET!” she screamed.
Immediately, everyone stopped talking and looked at her.
Everyone, that is, except for Janice.
“So I said, ‘Look man, I don’t let ANYONE touch me there, so like, if you think you’re going to…”
Janice stopped talking and realized that dozens of eyes were staring at her. Embarrassed, she swallowed and looked up at Miss Piggy and Kermit.
“Thank you,” Kermit said. He took a breath. “So it’s that time of year again…a time for reflection, a time for caring and loving, and a time for being thankful for what you have and who you love most.”
“LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!” Animal burst out.
“Calm down, Animal!” Floyd said, yanking Animal’s chain.
“Love,” Animal panted softly.
“Fer sure,” Janice chimed in, hugging Floyd.
“Uh, anyway, it’s Thanksgiving,” Kermit continued. “It’s a time to reflect on the things that mean the most to you. So let’s hear what you’re all thankful for.”
Sam the Eagle raised his hand. “I am thankful for this MAGNIFICENT country known as America! Without it, we would not have freedom, democracy, the Constitution, or baseball. Suffice it to say, I am PROUD to be an American!”
“Very good, Sam,” Kermit said.
Floyd Pepper spoke up next. “Yeah, me and the band are most utterly and certainly grateful for the ability to make music as we please! Ain’t that right?” The rest of the band nodded in agreement, except for Zoot who was already asleep. Dr. Teeth poked him awake.
“Hey Zoot, the bird hasn’t even been carved yet,” Dr. Teeth told him as the rest of the band snickered. “You can get some shut-eye AFTER you get some grub.”
“Hey Kermit, I’m really thankful for my job,” Scooter added. “And my uncle who owns the theater.”
Kermit scrunched his mouth. “Oh yes, your uncle,” he said. “How could I forget?”
“I’m thankful that I’m always well-fed,” Rizzo piped up.
“I’m thankful for my sweet Camilla,” Gonzo said tenderly. Camilla clucked happily and they cuddled.
“I’m thankful for my mother,” Fozzie added, giving Mrs. Bear a hug.
“Moi is thankful for fashion, chocolate, and Kermie,” Miss Piggy said.
“Hey Kermit, you know what I’m thankful for?” Walter said. “I’m thankful that I get to spend time with all of you guys…my best friends in the whole world.”
“Aw, thanks, Walter,” Kermit said. “That’s really nice of you.”
He paused and looked at all of his friends. No, they weren’t just his friends. They were his second family. And even though they were a wild and crazy family, they were a family nonetheless. Kermit was proud to know each and every one of them, and he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
“You know, Walter has a point,” Kermit said. “There’s no better way to spend this holiday than with the ones you love the most. We’re not the same, by any means, but our differences are what make us great, and unique. When you put those differences together, the whole is really greater than the sum of its parts. That’s how we’ve been able to stay together for so long, and let’s keep it that way. Let’s keep making people happy. Let’s keep following our dream. Let’s find more people to share our dream with…it only gets better from here.”
Kermit raised his glass and held it in the air. “To our family, our friends, and the Rainbow Connection!”
Walter leapt to his feet. “To the lovers, the dreamers, and US!” he added enthusiastically.
“Happy Thanksgiving, everybody,” Kermit said. “Cheers!”
One by one, everyone rose, clinking their glasses with those next to them.
“Cheers, Camilla sweetie.”
“Cheers, Beaker.”
“Meep meep meep!”
“Cheers, Kermie.”
“Börk börk börk!”
Kermit leaned down and saw Robin, holding a cup of juice. He smiled and clinked his glass against Robin’s cup.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Robin,” Kermit said.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Uncle Kermit,” Robin replied.
After a minute, everybody sat down in their seats, ready to eat.
“Okay, everyone!” Kermit said. “Dig in! It’s going to be a blast.”
Crazy Harry stood up. “Did you say BLAST?!” he cackled, and he set off an explosion that startled the Muppets.
“Sheesh!” Kermit said in exasperation. “Harry, no dessert for you unless you stop that!” Crazy Harry giggled and sat back down.
Kermit and Mrs. Bear started passing the food around the table. Everyone ate, drank, laughed, and shared great stories, and they all had a fantastic time that night.
Outside the Muppets’ house, an antique Cadillac slowed to a stop. The driver was a grumpy old man, and his elderly friend was sitting in the front passenger’s seat.
Statler drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Hey Waldorf, isn’t that the Muppets’ boarding house?” he asked, turning his head toward the dilapidated structure.
Waldorf looked at him. “Yeah, it is.”
Statler smiled. “Well, that’s another thing I’m thankful for tonight.”
Waldorf was puzzled. “What do you mean, Statler?”
“I’m thankful that I don’t have to be in there with them right now!” Statler said.
The old men’s laughter echoed throughout the car as they drove away into the late November sunset.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2013
THE END
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