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Princeton
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No Day But Today- Episode 30
Airdate: 11-3-06
Written & Created by Princeton
Starring: Princeton as Himself
Redbooobergurl as Puddin’
Amanda Seyfried as Madison
Jerry Stiller as the voice of Mr. Gus
Pat Carroll as Ms. Derbyshire
Sophia Loren as Ms. Rosalinni
Open on Puddin’s front lawn. She can’t find Madison and is starting to panic.
Desperately, she rings Ms. Derbyshire’s doorbell.
Derbyshire (opens door): What do you want, Parker? I’m a very busy woman, you know.
Puddin’(sarcastically): Oh, but of course I do, Octavia. Because Lord knows there’s cars backed up all through Whirlwind Drive waiting to meet *you*.
Derbyshire: Whatever, Parker. Just tell me what you want so you can leave.
Puddin’: Madison is missing! She’s not at home, she’s not at the mall, she’s not at Prinny’s house; she’s nowhere to be found!
Derbyshire: Ha! Oh, Parker, although we may be neighbors, we know so little about each other. I, of all people, know where she is.
Puddin’: What did you do to her, you monster?
Derbyshire: Well, she stood in the way of Kristy getting together with Princeton, so I sent her off to a boarding school in Rome.
Puddin’: Oh, I could just slap you. But being a lady, I won’t.
Derbyshire: Oh, please, Parker! If you’re a lady, then I’m a Victoria’s Secret model.
Puddin’: Octavia, do realize that my stomach is upset enough already; the last thing I need is *that* visual.
Commercial Break
Open on Puddin’s living room. She, Princeton, and Mr. Gus are discussing the Madison dilemma.
Puddin’: Oh, boys, whatever are we going to do?
Mr. Gus: Well, Puddin’, it seems the *only* thing to do is for someone to fly down to Rome and bring her back.
Princeton: Yeah, but who’s going?
Cut to the exterior of St. Augustine Boarding School in Rome. Princeton and Mr. Gus are resting on the steps.
Princeton: You know, Gus, maybe China could be our next stop.
Mr. Gus: Oh? Why’s that?
Princeton: Because in China, I could cook you and not get arrested.
Mr. Gus: What’re you sore at me for?
Princeton: Perfect choice of words: "sore"! My feet are killing from walking halfway across the town of Rome.
Mr. Gus: And how exactly is that *my* fault?
Princeton: Does the phrase "The Three Tenors suck!" ring a bell?
Mr. Gus: Hey, he insulted Sinatra first; what else was I supposed to do?
Princeton: Gus, you don’t insult The three Tenors to an Italian... *especially* one who’s controlling the wheel of a car. Because of you, we had to walk here!
Mr. Gus: Well, anyway, that doesn’t matter now, because we’re here. (They both stand up and Princeton knocks on the door)
Rosalinni (opens door): I suppose you are here in regards to the American brat?
Mr. Gus (aside): See, Prinny, Kristy isn’t the *only* one who thinks Mad looks like a Bratz doll.
Commercial Break
Open on the St. Augustine drawing room. Princeton and Mr. Gus have been reunited with Madison and they are all sitting and talking with Ms. Rosalinni.
Rosalinni: I am sorry, Signore Clarkson, but I am afraid I am not at liberty to withdraw Signora McDonald.
Mr. Gus: Apparently you’re not at liberty to use contractions, either.
Rosalinni (to Mr. Gus): Silence, cur! (To Princeton) Anyway, I am afraid there is nothing that can be done.
Princeton: Aw, and I got you a present, too.
Rosalinni: Really?
Princeton: You betcha! (Pulls blowgun out of his pocket and blows a dart into Rosalinni’s hand, which causes her to collapse)
Mr. Gus : I was hoping our pit stop in Africa would come in handy!
Cut to Toledo National Airport. Puddin’ is there to pick everyone up.
Puddin’ (hugs Madison): Oh, Mad darling! I’m so glad you’re back. So, Prinny, Gussy, tell me, how did you smuggle Mad out of there?
Princeton (hands her blowgun): With this.
Puddin’: Oh, that’s marvelous! I assume there’s plenty of extra darts in it?
Princeton: Of course, but why?
Puddin’: Because I’m getting the feeling there’s a dart in there with Derbyshire’s name on it!
The End
Airdate: 11-3-06
Written & Created by Princeton
Starring: Princeton as Himself
Redbooobergurl as Puddin’
Amanda Seyfried as Madison
Jerry Stiller as the voice of Mr. Gus
Pat Carroll as Ms. Derbyshire
Sophia Loren as Ms. Rosalinni
Open on Puddin’s front lawn. She can’t find Madison and is starting to panic.
Desperately, she rings Ms. Derbyshire’s doorbell.
Derbyshire (opens door): What do you want, Parker? I’m a very busy woman, you know.
Puddin’(sarcastically): Oh, but of course I do, Octavia. Because Lord knows there’s cars backed up all through Whirlwind Drive waiting to meet *you*.
Derbyshire: Whatever, Parker. Just tell me what you want so you can leave.
Puddin’: Madison is missing! She’s not at home, she’s not at the mall, she’s not at Prinny’s house; she’s nowhere to be found!
Derbyshire: Ha! Oh, Parker, although we may be neighbors, we know so little about each other. I, of all people, know where she is.
Puddin’: What did you do to her, you monster?
Derbyshire: Well, she stood in the way of Kristy getting together with Princeton, so I sent her off to a boarding school in Rome.
Puddin’: Oh, I could just slap you. But being a lady, I won’t.
Derbyshire: Oh, please, Parker! If you’re a lady, then I’m a Victoria’s Secret model.
Puddin’: Octavia, do realize that my stomach is upset enough already; the last thing I need is *that* visual.
Commercial Break
Open on Puddin’s living room. She, Princeton, and Mr. Gus are discussing the Madison dilemma.
Puddin’: Oh, boys, whatever are we going to do?
Mr. Gus: Well, Puddin’, it seems the *only* thing to do is for someone to fly down to Rome and bring her back.
Princeton: Yeah, but who’s going?
Cut to the exterior of St. Augustine Boarding School in Rome. Princeton and Mr. Gus are resting on the steps.
Princeton: You know, Gus, maybe China could be our next stop.
Mr. Gus: Oh? Why’s that?
Princeton: Because in China, I could cook you and not get arrested.
Mr. Gus: What’re you sore at me for?
Princeton: Perfect choice of words: "sore"! My feet are killing from walking halfway across the town of Rome.
Mr. Gus: And how exactly is that *my* fault?
Princeton: Does the phrase "The Three Tenors suck!" ring a bell?
Mr. Gus: Hey, he insulted Sinatra first; what else was I supposed to do?
Princeton: Gus, you don’t insult The three Tenors to an Italian... *especially* one who’s controlling the wheel of a car. Because of you, we had to walk here!
Mr. Gus: Well, anyway, that doesn’t matter now, because we’re here. (They both stand up and Princeton knocks on the door)
Rosalinni (opens door): I suppose you are here in regards to the American brat?
Mr. Gus (aside): See, Prinny, Kristy isn’t the *only* one who thinks Mad looks like a Bratz doll.
Commercial Break
Open on the St. Augustine drawing room. Princeton and Mr. Gus have been reunited with Madison and they are all sitting and talking with Ms. Rosalinni.
Rosalinni: I am sorry, Signore Clarkson, but I am afraid I am not at liberty to withdraw Signora McDonald.
Mr. Gus: Apparently you’re not at liberty to use contractions, either.
Rosalinni (to Mr. Gus): Silence, cur! (To Princeton) Anyway, I am afraid there is nothing that can be done.
Princeton: Aw, and I got you a present, too.
Rosalinni: Really?
Princeton: You betcha! (Pulls blowgun out of his pocket and blows a dart into Rosalinni’s hand, which causes her to collapse)
Mr. Gus : I was hoping our pit stop in Africa would come in handy!
Cut to Toledo National Airport. Puddin’ is there to pick everyone up.
Puddin’ (hugs Madison): Oh, Mad darling! I’m so glad you’re back. So, Prinny, Gussy, tell me, how did you smuggle Mad out of there?
Princeton (hands her blowgun): With this.
Puddin’: Oh, that’s marvelous! I assume there’s plenty of extra darts in it?
Princeton: Of course, but why?
Puddin’: Because I’m getting the feeling there’s a dart in there with Derbyshire’s name on it!
The End
You would've thought I would've remembered that, since I did a similar joke to that in "The Wheelbarrow Bandit", and used Korea. As far as pit stops go, I didn't really think that out too much; I only included the Africa line so as to explain where Prinny got the blowgun from.