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Princeton
Guest
No Day But Today- Episode 22
Airdate: 9-2-06
Written & Created by Princeton
Starring: Princeton as Himself
Redboobergurl as Puddin’
G-MAN as Colby
Amanda Seyfried as Madison
Jerry Stiller as the voice of Mr. Gus
Joan Rivers as the voice of Gigi
Open on Puddin’s house. She, Madison, and Princeton are waiting for Colby to arrive with Mr. Gus, Puddin’s family dog from her childhood, who also happens to talk.
Madison: Oh, Puddin’, I can’t wait to see him!
Puddin’: I know, me neither! I hope he’s aged well.
Princeton: Yeah, he should be so lucky.
Puddin’: What’s that supposed to mean?
Princeton: Well, he’s part of *your* family, and *you* certainly haven’t aged well.
Puddin’: Oh, DO be still! And, Mad, it just occurred to me that you haven’t met Colby yet.
Princeton: Yeah, I guess so. Puddin’s kinda sweet on him, even though he’s married.
Puddin’: Oh, please, Prin! I totally accept the fact that he’s married. I wish he could’ve married someone more like me, but that’s par for the course.
Princeton: Just be very careful around him, Mad, or you just might end up doing something that you’re not qualified for against your will. (Just then, Colby, walks in with Mr. Gus on a leash)
Colby: And the delivery boy arrives!
Puddin’: Oh, now, Colby, you do realize that it’s very much appreciated.
Madison: Oh, get a room, would ya?
Colby: And you just *have* to be Madison!
Madison: Yes, I guess I just have to be.
Mr. Gus: You call this a house? Far cry from Hapsburg Hall, if you ask me.
Puddin’ (hugs him): And of course nobody asked you, but that’s what I love about you, Gussy.
Princeton: What’s Hapsburg Hall?
Puddin’: It’s my parents’ estate in Liverpool. (to Mr. Gus) Oh, by the way, this is Princeton.
Mr. Gus (bluntly): This your man, Puddin’?
Puddin’: No, Mr. Gus, he’s not. But he *is* dating Madison.
Mr. Gus (laughs): Oh, Puddin’, I know he’s not your man. You’ve *never* had a meaningful relationship.
Puddin’: Are we forgetting Giles?
Mr. Gus: Of course not! Dumplin’ never did collect my money for that.
Puddin’ (shocked): YOU told Dumplin’ to tell Giles I was cheating on him, you monster?
Mr. Gus: Yeah, I know, I’m bad.
Colby (changing the subject): Uh, everybody, I heard something very interesting on the news this morning. There’s this peacock in the Toledo Zoo who hasn’t been acting like herself lately. They’ve tried everything: male peacocks, medicine, animal psychics. Nothing has worked.
Puddin’: Oh, my stars, that’s awful!
Colby: Well, see, I have an idea. Mr. Gus told me he can talk to animals, so I figured we take him to the zoo, have him listen to her problems, and see if maybe he can cheer her up.
Puddin’: It’s worth a try, I suppose.
Commercial Break
Open on the Toledo Zoo. Puddin’ has dropped Mr. Gus off so he can talk to Gigi (the peacock). One of the attendants let him in her cage and he approaches her.
Mr. Gus: Gigi?
Gigi: Yeah, what do you want?
Mr. Gus: I was hoping I could talk to you. Everybody who works here is awful worried about you.
Gigi: Well, it’s always nice to talk to a fellow animal, but I’m afraid I’m beyond help.
Mr. Gus: Sometimes it makes you feel better to get something that’s bothering you off your chest. And now you have an excuse, since I can talk to animals.
Gigi: Well, since you put it that way… OK, when I was a little hen, I always had the prettiest tail feathers. Growing up, there were my strongest feature. Well, now that I’m older, they’ve grown dull and shabby. All the other girl peacocks in the zoo make fun of me.
Mr. Gus: OK, now here’s how I see it. Those other peacocks that you speak of are clearly superficial, meaning they think that outward appearance is all that matters. When in reality, if you have a kind heart and good personality, that means that you’re really something special. So, you feeling a little better now?
Gigi: Boy, I’ll say. But what if I need to talk to you again?
Mr. Gus: You can always fly. My address is 248 Whirlwind Drive. Just be careful not to wake my owner from a lonely, single slumber.
Commercial Break
Open on Puddin’s house. She, Madison, and Mr. Gus are relaxing in the living room.
Puddin’: Oh, Gussy, it was wonderful what you did for that peacock today.
Mr. Gus: Oh, it was really nothing. When you’ve been around as long as me, you pick up a few important life lessons.
Madison: So, Puddin’ told me that you were sent here because you were spreading gossip; what kind?
Mr. Gus: Well, Mrs. Parker was having a dinner party one night, and Duchess Clopperton made Rice Krispie Treats, right? And you know how stuffy those Brits are, right? I try to find any excuse to liven them up. So, I started a rumor that they weren’t her recipe. Boy, did that set everyone off! It only figures that something as minute as that would upset them!
Puddin’ (laughs): Oh, you always were a rascal! Well, naturally I’m tickled to have you stay with me. I thought for sure you’d died long ago.
Mr. Gus: Yeah, you can thank my three bowls a day of Grape Nuts… and the occasional nip from Mr. Parker’s stash!
The End
Airdate: 9-2-06
Written & Created by Princeton
Starring: Princeton as Himself
Redboobergurl as Puddin’
G-MAN as Colby
Amanda Seyfried as Madison
Jerry Stiller as the voice of Mr. Gus
Joan Rivers as the voice of Gigi
Open on Puddin’s house. She, Madison, and Princeton are waiting for Colby to arrive with Mr. Gus, Puddin’s family dog from her childhood, who also happens to talk.
Madison: Oh, Puddin’, I can’t wait to see him!
Puddin’: I know, me neither! I hope he’s aged well.
Princeton: Yeah, he should be so lucky.
Puddin’: What’s that supposed to mean?
Princeton: Well, he’s part of *your* family, and *you* certainly haven’t aged well.
Puddin’: Oh, DO be still! And, Mad, it just occurred to me that you haven’t met Colby yet.
Princeton: Yeah, I guess so. Puddin’s kinda sweet on him, even though he’s married.
Puddin’: Oh, please, Prin! I totally accept the fact that he’s married. I wish he could’ve married someone more like me, but that’s par for the course.
Princeton: Just be very careful around him, Mad, or you just might end up doing something that you’re not qualified for against your will. (Just then, Colby, walks in with Mr. Gus on a leash)
Colby: And the delivery boy arrives!
Puddin’: Oh, now, Colby, you do realize that it’s very much appreciated.
Madison: Oh, get a room, would ya?
Colby: And you just *have* to be Madison!
Madison: Yes, I guess I just have to be.
Mr. Gus: You call this a house? Far cry from Hapsburg Hall, if you ask me.
Puddin’ (hugs him): And of course nobody asked you, but that’s what I love about you, Gussy.
Princeton: What’s Hapsburg Hall?
Puddin’: It’s my parents’ estate in Liverpool. (to Mr. Gus) Oh, by the way, this is Princeton.
Mr. Gus (bluntly): This your man, Puddin’?
Puddin’: No, Mr. Gus, he’s not. But he *is* dating Madison.
Mr. Gus (laughs): Oh, Puddin’, I know he’s not your man. You’ve *never* had a meaningful relationship.
Puddin’: Are we forgetting Giles?
Mr. Gus: Of course not! Dumplin’ never did collect my money for that.
Puddin’ (shocked): YOU told Dumplin’ to tell Giles I was cheating on him, you monster?
Mr. Gus: Yeah, I know, I’m bad.
Colby (changing the subject): Uh, everybody, I heard something very interesting on the news this morning. There’s this peacock in the Toledo Zoo who hasn’t been acting like herself lately. They’ve tried everything: male peacocks, medicine, animal psychics. Nothing has worked.
Puddin’: Oh, my stars, that’s awful!
Colby: Well, see, I have an idea. Mr. Gus told me he can talk to animals, so I figured we take him to the zoo, have him listen to her problems, and see if maybe he can cheer her up.
Puddin’: It’s worth a try, I suppose.
Commercial Break
Open on the Toledo Zoo. Puddin’ has dropped Mr. Gus off so he can talk to Gigi (the peacock). One of the attendants let him in her cage and he approaches her.
Mr. Gus: Gigi?
Gigi: Yeah, what do you want?
Mr. Gus: I was hoping I could talk to you. Everybody who works here is awful worried about you.
Gigi: Well, it’s always nice to talk to a fellow animal, but I’m afraid I’m beyond help.
Mr. Gus: Sometimes it makes you feel better to get something that’s bothering you off your chest. And now you have an excuse, since I can talk to animals.
Gigi: Well, since you put it that way… OK, when I was a little hen, I always had the prettiest tail feathers. Growing up, there were my strongest feature. Well, now that I’m older, they’ve grown dull and shabby. All the other girl peacocks in the zoo make fun of me.
Mr. Gus: OK, now here’s how I see it. Those other peacocks that you speak of are clearly superficial, meaning they think that outward appearance is all that matters. When in reality, if you have a kind heart and good personality, that means that you’re really something special. So, you feeling a little better now?
Gigi: Boy, I’ll say. But what if I need to talk to you again?
Mr. Gus: You can always fly. My address is 248 Whirlwind Drive. Just be careful not to wake my owner from a lonely, single slumber.
Commercial Break
Open on Puddin’s house. She, Madison, and Mr. Gus are relaxing in the living room.
Puddin’: Oh, Gussy, it was wonderful what you did for that peacock today.
Mr. Gus: Oh, it was really nothing. When you’ve been around as long as me, you pick up a few important life lessons.
Madison: So, Puddin’ told me that you were sent here because you were spreading gossip; what kind?
Mr. Gus: Well, Mrs. Parker was having a dinner party one night, and Duchess Clopperton made Rice Krispie Treats, right? And you know how stuffy those Brits are, right? I try to find any excuse to liven them up. So, I started a rumor that they weren’t her recipe. Boy, did that set everyone off! It only figures that something as minute as that would upset them!
Puddin’ (laughs): Oh, you always were a rascal! Well, naturally I’m tickled to have you stay with me. I thought for sure you’d died long ago.
Mr. Gus: Yeah, you can thank my three bowls a day of Grape Nuts… and the occasional nip from Mr. Parker’s stash!
The End
