Muppets Tonight outline w/ Sarah Michelle Gellar

[muppet maniac]

OPENING SCENE

Sarah enters the studio and finds Mongzo, a Gonzo-like green dodo. She asks if she is in the Muppets’ studio, which he says yes, and that they are the Muppets. A Kermit-esque character, a blue-green tree lizard named Hervin pops up and shows her to her dressing room. When she closes the door, it shows a sign that says “MUFFINS TONIGHT” and not “MUPPETS TONIGHT”

(No Kermit intro for this episode, so it just goes right ahead with the opening credits)

STAGE
Clifford comes on stage and is about to introduce tonight’s guest star, but Statler and Waldorf think they’ve had enough of this stupid show that they’re about to switch to another channel. They change their minds when Clifford says that tonight’s guest will be Sarah Michelle Gellar, which makes the two change their minds. Things go smoothly until Gonzo breaks the news to him...

Clifford: Yeah...uh-huh...(panicking) WHAT? You mean to tell me that after all the preparation and excitement we’ve been going through, you now tell me that our special guest star ISN’T going to be here?? Now what am I going to explain to those losers sitting over there...

(Audience gives him a look as if they’re going “What?”)

Clifford: (looks at audience) Oh. Uh...(laughs nervously) Well, it seems that things are a bit far from planned...(chuckles nervously) (speaks to himself) I knew it...the moment I put my shirt on backwards this morning I knew tonight was going to be a disaster...(turns back to audience) But nothing to worry about. We’ll know that Sarah Michelle Gellar will turn up sooner or later...(whispers to Gonzo)...What do we do now???

Gonzo: Um...(whispers into Clifford’s ear again to tell him what to do)

Clifford: Right (continues) In fact, this isn’t the first time Sarah has been with us. Her association with the Muppets dates back to 1976 in the popular Saturday morning cartoon, “The Groovy Dooby Sunshine Mystery Squad”. (to video team) Roll the clip!

(Projector screen slides down)

Clifford: This better work as you said it would, Gonzo

Gonzo: Relax, it will. Only thing is, this wasn’t really made in...

Clifford: (interrupting him) Never mind about that, man!

CARTOON: The Groovy Dooby Sunshine Mystery Squad

This segment is a parody of Scooby-Doo. In this bit, Sarah (portraying a Velma-type character), Kermit, Spamela, Fozzie, Clifford and a greyhound (the Scooby analogue) are stuck in an old abandoned mansion and must find their way out. They try several doors, which lead to ghosts, Mulch and a group of Frackles. At the end of the segment, they finally find a backdoor, which was right behind them all along. Sarah thinks this is the stupidest adventure they ever had until Animal rips through the projector screen.

BACKSTAGE

The Muppets worry about why Sarah hasn’t shown up yet. Rizzo is about to watch his favorite show on TV, but before he switches to the channel, they finally see why she hasn’t shown up yet: she is a guest star on “Muffins Tonight” with the Muffins. She is seen chatting with Mongzo, Hervin, A pink Miss Piggy-like cat and Grifford, who looks a bit like Clifford, only with an afro)

Kermit: (looking at the TV) Oh no...

Clifford: It’s our enemies!

Kermit: Yeah

Clifford: (forgets) Oh man...(to both)...Who are they again?

Gonzo: The Muffins. They’re nothing but a bunch of no-good copycat show stealers. For years they’ve been trying to boot us off the network in hopes that they will get their spot...

Clifford: Oh yeah, I knew that

In the hallway behind where Kermit, Clifford and Gonzo are standing, a photo of Oscar the Grouch can be glimpsed.

Sal makes an entrance and calls every Muppet into the control room. The Muppets present are Nigel, Fozzie, Spamela Hamderson, Johnny, Andy, Randy, Seymour, Pepe, Bunsen, Beaker and Bobo. Sal gets into his army uniform and makes everyone stand where they are and listen to their plans (while addressing them as “weenie bags”, “twig heads”, “wussy pants” and so on). He then lets Andy and Randy go over their attack plan with a “visual aid” they made (which is just a big piece of paper with their drawings of everyone and some words misspelled, like “enemee”, “meet heer”, etc.).

Next, Sal brings out a dummy and makes them pretend that it’s a Muffin, and what to do when they see one, which Animal demonstrates. It’s off to war!

Meanwhile at the Muffin Studios, Grifford is on stage chatting with Sarah about her recent work in TV and film (mentions Buffy as well). For some reason, she thinks that she might be on the wrong show, until Hervin and Mongzo intervene.

The KMUP team tries to sneak into the backdoor, but a guard-bear named Nobo stops them. Bill thinks that this could be the right time for him to help them out, which Sal and Clifford disagree with and try to shove him off. He does, however, distract the guard with his bubbles...without knowing that the Muppets are going in without passes.

Everyone splits up into different groups and they each have a codename:

*Green Stuff: Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, Nigel

*B Team: Bunsen, Beaker, Pepe, Seymour

*Dustbusters: Clifford, Johnny, Spamela, Bill, Swedish Chef

*Hog Brain-Drain: Sam, Bobo, Andy and Randy

...But for some reason Sal does not put Rizzo into any team. But he insists that he go alone as “Gas Man”, which sort of upsets him because of the name. Sal also goes alone. It all seems to go smoothly until the guard comes back and takes them to his “bosses”

On stage, they come face-to-face with their enemies, The Muffins. Sarah then realizes that THAT’S whose show she was supposed to be on: The Muppets’, not The Muffins’. And this mix-up happened because Mongzo tricked her into thinking they were the Muppets. Fight ensues between the two rival groups until they (Muffins) huddle around Sarah and hold her hostage, and they tie the Dustbuster Team to a pole of a basketball hoop (what’s it doing there anyway?). Luckily however, the other teams make a run for it by going “Hey look! What’s that over there?”

“B Team” goes into the kitchen where they see a green long-legged shrimp and a pink and blue aardvark working behind the counter. They’re Roscoe and Pedro. They have the exact same lyrics as Seymour and Pepe. Pepe blurts out “RIP-OFFS” loud enough for them to hear that they catch them under the table. Chase ensues. Bunsen, trapped by Roscoe, takes out his “Amnesia-Spray”, which he hands over to Beaker, but the device affects him immediately. Seymour goes “Oh, look! There’s Leonardo DiCaprio!”, and the two turn around trying to find him, giving B Team a chance to escape. Boy, that was close.

Skit: Sarah stars in a spoof of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In this bit, she fights against giant spiders instead of monsters, ghouls and vampires. The spiders however, are friendly and harmless and not evil and vicious, thus she doesn’t want to harm them. The Muffins are the ones making her do stuff she doesn’t really want to do...

How are the other teams doing?

Operation Hog Brain-Drain is well...in a very dirty situation. A dirty LAUNDRY situation that is. Andy and Randy are happily playing with laundry. They pretend to be spacemen fighting against the evil Zurkaloids from the planet Tabboo, then cowboys and jungle explorers. Bobo also seems to be carried away as well. Sam thinks, “Why did I get stuck with these weirdos?”

Dustbusters are still stuck to the pole and trying to come up with a plan to get out. Spamela keeps on suggesting some, but they tell her no. Bill thinks he knows how they can get out: by blowing a really huge bubble and they hold onto him and they fly away. Clifford thinks that’s the stupidest idea he’s ever heard. Chef however comes up with an idea, which Spamela disapproves of (it had something to do with her)

Green Stuff crawl in through the air vents. “Mission: Impossible” theme music is heard. They stop to the right passageway...

At the KMUP studios, the audience is still waiting for the show to start. Miss Piggy comes out and notices that she’s all alone...and for her that means she gets to be in charge!

Meanwhile, the Dustbusters can’t think of any more ideas on how to get out...when Spamela uses a pair of scissors to cut the ropes, and she had been trying to tell them that she had them all along, but they wouldn’t listen, because “she’s a girl”

B Team walks along the hallway and notice Rizzo in a trashcan digging in for leftovers. They also realize why he’s given the codename “Gas Man”.

Green Stuff notices Sarah in a cavegirl outfit in a jungle/rainforest setting, about to be in a sketch entitled “Barbarian Girl” (which they describe: “girl who swings from tree to tree and kicks big bad behind and all that stuff”). Green Stuff meets Hervin, Binzo (Fozzie clone), and Ratto (Rizzo). This could only mean one thing: FIGHT...on the set! No violence but rather, with food. Song “I Eat Cannibals” is heard.

Sarah is tired of all this and tries to yell at them to stop, but they don’t listen because they’re too carried away. She finally gets their attention by blurting out “I HATE SLICED CHEESE!” Now they stop. Near the EXIT door are a group of cheese enthusiasts who give a “What??” look at her. She tells them that since she is their guest, they should ask her what she wants to do. The two groups finally resolve their differences and make up. They ask her what it was that she wanted to do, and she says it’s “singing and dancing”.

MUSICAL NUMBER: “Locomotion”

Everyone says goodnight, without realizing that they’ve forgotten something...

Right before the closing credits, we see Piggy’s show still running. It’s a talk show called “Live with Moi”, and the audience is forced to applaud (because there are a bunch of tough pigs who will rough them up if they don’t, even though her show is somewhat ridiculous). She announces that her guest will be William Shatner...but it’s just Piggy wearing a cut-out mask of him after hiding under the table) She impersonates him as well, but then decides, “Ah, forget it!”

CLOSING CREDITS: Sal is stuck somewhere and tries to communicate on his walkie-talkie. The camera cuts to reveal that he’s in a washing machine(!), which Andy and Randy start. (Andy: Ooooh! Look at all the pretty colors!! [notices Sal] Hey, monkeyboy! You’re blocking our view!)