Muppet Show Live!

[fozzieisfunny]

Hello, everybody!! I have gathered you here today to reveal a collaboration fiction I have done in the past couple of days. It's a Muppet Show Live which bears no resemblance to TMS Outlines that people have done, and has Steve Martin as a guest star. I had tons of fun working on it, and I hope you have as much fun as I did making it reading it. Here I go with chapter 1:

Kermit: Hello, guys! Welcome to our brand new Muppet Television Studios. Here's Patrick with some new TV show ideas. Take it away, Patrick!
Patrick: Hello!! So, we got Miss Piggy's Instructions on Being a Diva.. What do you think of that, Kermit.
Kermit: Ok! Cool! What else?
Patrick: Fozzie's Comedy Channel.. running The Three Stooges, Abbott and Costello, Charlie Chaplin, Laurel and Hardy, and many more 24 hours, and it's hosted by Fozzie!
Kermit: Ok, and what is Rizzo doing here?
Rizzo: I got some TV ideas, too. Here's one I thought of right now: The Cheese Channel. We could have cheese movies playing a lot, and rats hosting them, and sometimes the rats see which rat could eat the most amount of cheese in the shortest amount of time!
Lani: What?
Rizzo: Oh, hi, Lani! We're just pitching TV show ideas to Kermit for his new Muppet TV channel!
Lani: And, your idea is... cheese?
Rizzo: Don't judge me.
Patrick: Say, did you hook up my ideas for the channel yet? Because, I know you have that Super-Fast TV Channel Maker 5000 only for movie makers?
Lani: Super-Fast TV Channel Maker 5000? Animal ate it.
Steven: Cool, what about me?
Lani: Oh, hi, Steven!
Matt: And moi?
Lani: You're a dude. Stop saying moi.
Matt: Just practicing my French. Let me guess, you have a channel for that, too.
Lani: No, I know French.
Matt: Intresting.
Lani: Vous ne saviez pas?
Matt: Non, je ne sais pas.
Lani: Well, now you do.

 

[fozzieisfunny]

I'm back, and around the corner with more Muppet Show Live. In this chapter, the show is almost started. But, not necessarily yet....

Kermit: So, what sketches do you have planned for our guest star tonight?
Lani: I don't know. I have way too many things to do with the Electric Mayhem.
Floyd: All, right, Lani!
Lani: Oh, Floyd, here are your bass strings.
( tosses Floyd a packet of bass strings)
Clara: Lani, did you get my costume ready?
Lani: Oh, yeah, it's in your dressing room.
Patrick: Guys, GUYS!!!! ( everybody is quiet) Kermit, what TV channels are on the air right now?

Author's Note: Lani just made an joke that is so disgusting we can't post.

Patrick: Uh, Kermit, are you sleeping?
( shows Kermit sleeping)
Everybody: WAKE UP, KERMIT!!!!!
Lani: Okay, that was, like, right in my ear.
Patrick: HA!!!
Lani: ( rubs her ear) Not funny.
Patrick: Okay, if you think that me shouting in Lani's ear was funny, say me. If you didn't, say not me.
Lani and Rachel: Not me!
Matt, Kathy, Dominic, Patrick, Rizzo, Steven, and Clara: Me!
Kurt: ( gurgling)
Patrick: HA!!! More people said me than not me! HA!!!

Come back tomorrow to hear the story of when Lani gets more offended than she is right now!

 

[fozzieisfunny]

Hello, everybody!! Missed me? Why am I asking that question, when I know the answer already: YES!!!! I've got more Muppet Show Live that I will present to you. Now, in this chapter, Kurt starts talking.

Kurt: Me!
Patrick: Aww!! His first word was not agreeing to you!
Kurt: Lani is a poopy-head!
Patrick: AWWW!!!
Kurt: Mama! Dada!
Patrick: Okay, that's no reason to say aw at. Those are a baby's usual first words.
Matt: No, a baby's first words are usually " No" most of the time.
Patrick: I said ONE of the baby's first.... Wait, no I didn't.... Well, how was I supposed to know? Cut me some slack!!
Celia: Oh, my little baby boy! ( picks Kurt up)
Kurt: Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! I want to work for The Muppets when I grow up...
Patrick: Okay, that is VERY unusual!
Celia: Aww! You want to see Dadda and Rach?
Kurt: Uhhh... who in the world is Rach?
Patrick: Okay, now, it just seems like this is some sort of Muppet fan fiction. Back to the TV network things.
Kurt: Okay, mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!
Celia: Honey, get in here!
Patrick: Someone likes saying Mama!
Dr. Teeth: Can't! I'm working!
Celia: Then, I'll come to you!
Patrick: So, Kermit, what shows are on the air now?
Celia: Guess what Kurt said?
Dr. Teeth: What, honey?
Matt: Kermit, are you still sleeping?
Kermit: ( wakes up) I was!
Patrick: So... WHAT TV SHOWS ARE ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW, KERMIT??
Celia: Kurt said his first word!
Dr. Teeth: What was it?
Celia: Mama!
Patrick: Oh, and he also said, " Lani is a poopy-head!"
Celia: ( face palm)

Tune in at around 2:00-3:00, and I will have the next bit posted of when you find out about the guest star and when The Muppet Show Live! finally starts!

 

[fozzieisfunny]

Hold up, I lied to you guys! I said I would be here around 2:00 to 3:00, but I did other things!!! Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!!! Well, to make up for it, here is a new chapter:

Dominic: Technically, this is false information, because, definitely, " Mama" would be his fifth word....
Celia: Does it look like I care?
Kermit: Everyone, the guest star is in the building!
Matt: Huh? Who's our guest star? Are we even prepared yet?
Patrick: Wait, are we broadcasting live?
Kermit: Look at the camera, Patrick.
Matt: Yep!
Steven: Hey, isn't Steve Martin our guest star tonight?
Matt: No, Steve Martin was in the original run. Season 2.
Patrick: Well, he's doing it again. Say, is Fozzie going to be on tonight? I've always wanted to meet him!
Matt: He's on again!? ( pause) Hmm... that makes sense. John Denver was with the Muppets many times during the 1970's and the early 1980's.
Patrick: Hey, there's Steve Martin!
Steve Martin: Hi, everybody! Great to be back! Say, when do we start filming?
Kermit: Well... right now!!
Cameraman: In 5...4...3...2...1!
Kermit: It's the Muppet Show Live with our very special guest star, Steve Martin! Yayyyy!!!
( The song starts)
Kermit: Ok, everyone, the show just started. Patrick, can you go get Piggy for the opening number?
Patrick: Okay! Piggy??
Piggy: Hold on, I'm coming! ( she rushes to the stage)
Lani: Hi, Piggy!
Patrick: Miss Piggy, it's time for your opening number!!
Kermit: Thank you, thank you! And, tonight, it's kind of like a reunion for us, because we have Steve Martin! YAY!!!! Now, we had him on the show in season 2, and it's a delight to have him back! But, before we have Steve, it's time for Miss Piggy singing.... no, wait, acting.... to tell the truth, I have no idea what she's doing. Well, just give it up for Miss Piggy!
Piggy: Watch!

Tune in tomorrow... no, wait, Saturday, for Miss Piggy's opening number!

 

[fozzieisfunny]

I'm back!! I've brought with me a new chapter that you guys can read for yourself. If you haven't, I suggest you read the previous chapters, because, then, this will make absolutely no sense at all:

Miss Piggy: ( singing, obviously, because this is Never Before, Never Again from The Muppet Movie) Never before have two souls joined so freely and so fast. For me, this is the first time, and the last! Is this an angel's wish for men? Never before, and never again. And where to find the words to sing it's worth, this love was bound for heaven, not for Earth. This love was meant to light the stars, but when it touched, we made it ours! Would they take it back? No, they wouldn't dare! Why should they take it back?

Author's Note: Sorry, kathy26, you did a great job typing this song, but we're cutting it. My fingers are hurting!!

( Backstage)
Patrick: Kermit, what are the TV channels you've made on the air?
Kermit: Personally, I like America's Next Top Frog Model, and I need Steve Martin ready for the dentist sketch!!
Patrick: Got it. I'll advertise that show in Muppet Magazine, right now! STEVE MARTIN!!!!!
Dentist: I'm ready to go, Kermit!
Patrick: Hi, Steve Martin! It's an honor to meet you!
Steve Martin: Nice to meet you, too, Patrick!
Patrick: I loved you in the season 2 episode of The Muppet Show! That's my favorite episode!
Steve Martin: Why, thank you! How was I?
Patrick: You were GREAT!!
Kermit: And, Steve, you're also on next!
Steve Martin: Alright! Nice, meeting you, Patrick!!
Kermit: And, now, ladies and gentlemen, here is Steve Martin in the dentist sketch! ( the curtain opens)

Tune in later in the day when you actually get to read about the dentist sketch!

 

[fozzieisfunny]

Hey, what do you know?? We got 100 views!! WOO!!! In celebration ( and because it's fun) I will post a new chapter, because of that and because I already told you that. And, I'm a man of my word!!! .... Sometimes, that is:

Steve Martin: Okay, who's the patient, Patrick?
Patrick: Mr. Fozzie Bear is the patient, Steve.
Steve Martin: Where is he, Patrick?
Fozzie: ( mumbling) Right under this blanket.
Steve Martin: What was that?
Fozzie: ( mumbling) RIGHT UNDER THIS BLANKET!!!!
Steve Martin: What'd you say, Fozzie?
Fozzie: ( mumbling) I SAID, I'M RIGHT UNDER THIS BLANKET!!!!!
Steve Martin: Could you repeat that?
Fozzie: ( mumbling) OY VEY!!!
Steve Martin: Where's oy vey?
Fozzie: ( looks to camera) Really? He gets that!
Patrick: He's under the blanket.
Steve Martin: He said he was in oy vey!! Is that in the USA, or...
Kathy: Excuse me, dentist. You have a lot of patients waiting outside.
Steve Martin: Well, tell them all to LEAVE!! I DO NOT LIKE TO BE INTERRUPTED WHILE I'M DOING AN OPERATION!!!
Fozzie: Ow, my tooth! It hurts so bad!
Steve: Well, we found our patient. At least, he's not in Oy Vey! What's wrong with our patient?
Fozzie: I've got a toothache!!
Patrick: I guess, we're going to have to use the huge, pointy, needle, Steve!
Steve Martin: Like this one. ( holds up a huge needle)
Patrick: Yep! Like that one!
Fozzie: Oh, why does life hate me??

Author's Note: This'll be a long chapter, so hold on to your hats!

Steve Martin: Ok, Patrick, let's operate! ( turns on the electric needle)
Fozzie: NO!!!
Steve: Now, don't you worry! This won't hurt a bit!
Fozzie: Oh, sure, that's what they all say!
( Steve Martin is about to pull needle in Fozzie's teeth)
Patrick: No, stop!
Lani: Steve Martin?! I LOVED you in Little Shop of Horrors.
Steve: Oh, why, thank you, Lani! Patrick, what is the reason of your saying?
Patrick: Well, Fozzie is my favorite Muppet, and at the top of my top 10 worst things to do in life list is to perform an operation on Fozzie!
Steve: Now, Lani, let's talk more about how you loved my performance...
Lani: You were great, but not as good as Audrey 2.
Fozzie: Uh, what happened to the sketch?
Kermit: Lani, you just ruined the sketch!
( the audience boos)
Lani: Hey, Patrick started it!
Patrick: Hey, it was PART OF THE SCRIPT!! I agree with them, however. There's no need to just come into a great sketch, and just...... Let's get this back on track ( rolls eyes at Lani) without Lani!
Lani: ( whacks him upside the head, and walks offstage)
Patrick: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today! Steve Martin, it's your line.
Lani:
Patrick: Steve Martin? YOU'RE PLAYING THE DENTIST, STEVE MARTIN!
Lani: Oh, boy!
Patrick: C'mon, Steve Martin!
Lani: I'm hungry!
Patrick: You can't just go to eat!
Lani: ( Goes to eat)
Statler: That sketch bombed!
Lani: ( sighs)
Crazy Harry: Did someone just say bomb? ( blows a bomb up)
Waldorf: No, that bombed!
Statler and Waldorf: Do ho ho ho ho ho!
Lani: What the...?

 

[fozzieisfunny]

I'm back, even though I didn't identify it in the last chapter:

Muppet Newsman: I'm here with a Muppet News Flash. Dateline, The Muppet Show. Breaking news! ( the podium breaks and the newsman falls, hitting his head on the floor) OW!
Lani: ( giggles) Oh, Newsie. ( gasps) I LOVE that musical!
Kermit: So, Lani, Steve Martin won't come out of his dressing room, because of you.
Lani: What?! Why?
Dominic: You distracted him!
Kermit: Because you interrupted him! Now, the audience hates him!
Lani: It's not him I want! It's Audrey II! If only Levi Stubbs didn't die....
Dominic: Yeah..... he was great.....
Lani: Shut it, Domerella!
Dominic: Ok.... Rachel Berry.
Kermit: Dominic, tell the band to get onstage for their number!
Dominic: Sure thing!!
Dr. Teeth: We're ready, boss!
Floyd: Yeah, we're ready to do this thing!
Janice: Yeah, fer sure!
Lani: Good luck, guys!
Animal: GOOD LUCK!!! GOOD LUCK!!
Lani: That's right! You're such a good thing!
Patrick: Hi, Lani! Steve Martin, Fozzie, and I are not talking to you for ( looks at watch) for the rest of our lives!
Lani: Ok.
Dr. Teeth: All right, it's time to get down and boogie!
Floyd: When do we get out on stage? Teeth??
( Steve Martin walks by, and puts his hand on Lani's face)
Steve Martin: Patrick, let's go and discuss Lani in the other room.

Author's Note: This is another long chapter.

Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem!
Dr. Teeth: Thank you, Kermit! Today, we will be doing an instrumental of The Rainbow Connection. Let's go!
( they start the song, and perform the first verse)
Dr. Teeth: Wait a second! I hear something! This is over! Open the curtain that we are in!
( opens curtain)
Patrick: I hate Lani!
Steve Martin: Me, also! She ruined our sketch! I would want to appear with The Muppets again, but not if she's here!
Patrick: Oh, hi, Fozzie! Are you here for the Bail Lani out of the Muppets meeting?
Fozzie: Nope! I just came to use the bathroom.
Kermit: Dr. Teeth, keep playing!
Steven: Uh, Dominic, tell Gonzo he's on next!
Dominic: Gonzo, you're on next!
Steven: Ladies and gentlemen, here is The Great Gonzo walking on a tightrope blindfolded.

Tune in later in the day when we present to you a VERY LONG chapter, and the end of the story!

 

[fozzieisfunny]

I'm back with the finale of this story!! It's so I'm starting to up!!!!! But, don't worry, it's a really long chapter, also!

Kermit: Gonzo, are you ready back there?
Gonzo: Sure! What act am I doing again? I'm feeling very forgetful!
Fozzie: Uh-oh! I think the stunts have gotten to his brain, and he's got a concussion!!!!
Lani: Aw, man!
Gonzo: I'm dizzy...
Lani: How many fingers am I holding up?
Gonzo: Four hundred and seventy eight!
Lani: That's not even close!
Gonzo: What about three hundred and seventy eight?
Lani: Less. WAY less.
Gonzo: Two hundred and seventy eight?
Lani: Less.
Gonzo: One hundred and seventy eight?
Lani: Nope. No double or triple digits.
Gonzo: Zero?
Lani: Up a little.
Gonzo: Nine.
Lani: Down a little.
Gonzo: Wait a second! I know the number! It's 140, 789, 345! Man, I'm a genius!
Lani: No, and rully?
Patrick: Guys, we should go take Gonzo to the hospital!
Lani: Got it! ( calls 911)
Gonzo: No, don't call 911! I'm fine!
Lani: You're not OK!
Gonzo: Ask me some questions! I'm fine!
Lani: Help is on the way!
Kermit: Gonzo, look out for the trap ( Gonzo falls through a trapdoor) door?
Lani: Kermit!
Kermit: Yeah?
Lani: Are you OK? You fell through the trap door, also!
Kermit: Yeah, I'm fine. But, Gonzo isn't. Did he already get taken over to the hospital??
Lani: Uh huh! What are we going to do?
Kermit: Lani, don't panic. It's the closing number. We'll think of a replac....
( Gonzo comes flying through the stage wall, knocked onto the curtain, and flopping onto the stage)
Lani: Gonzo the Great, everybody!
Gonzo: I'll be here for the rest of the week, people!
Steve Martin: Gonzo, what are you doing?
Lani: Being great .
Steve Martin: Oh, you again...
Lani: ( walks off)
Steve Martin: Hooray! She's gone! She's gone!
Kermit: Come on guys, can't you give Lani a chance?
Lani: Thanks, Kermit!
Kermit: ( singing) If just one person believes in you, deep enough and strong enough, believes in you. Hard enough and long enough, it stands to reason, that someone else will think that if he can do it, I can do it.
Dr. Teeth: ( accompanying him on piano)
Kermit and Dominic: Making it two whole people who believe in you, deep enough and strong enough believe in you. Hard enough and long enough, there's bound to be some other person who believes in making it a threesome...
Kermit, Dominic, and Patrick: Making it three people you can say believe in me.
Steve Martin: Hold up! Patrick? I thought you were on my side!
Patrick: I AM! I just love this song! I just love this song so much.... ( Steve Martin stares at him like, " Seriously, dude?") that I'm stopping.
Kermit, Dominic, and Patrick: If three whole people...
Kermit, Dom, Patrick, and Steven: Why not four? And if four whole people...
The Cast ( including Steve Martin): Why not more? And more, and more? When all those people believe in you, deep enough and strong enough believe in you, hard enough and long enough, it stands to reason that maybe you will start to see what everybody sees in you. Maybe even you, can believe in you... too! ( the song ends)
Patrick: Yuck!
Steve Martin: Yuck yuck yucky yuck!
Patrick: Well, we can sing a song to not believe in Lani!
Steve Martin: Yeah! ( blows a raspberry at Lani)
Patrick: ( singing) If just one person chooses not to believe in Lani...
Steve Martin: Hey, I wanted to start out singing!
Patrick: Well, I did!
Steve Martin: I'm better!
Patrick: I'm betterer!
Steve Martin: Oh, fine...
Patrick: If just one person....
Steve Martin: chooses not to believe in Lani! Ha! I just started singing!
Patrick: Oh, shut your mouth!
Lani: Huh?
Kermit: And, that's the end of tonight's show! Thanks to Steve Martin for being on the show!
Steve: Lani, I'm sorry about the way I've treated you tonight.
Patrick: I'M NOT!!!!
Lani: It's ok.
Patrick: Really, Steve? You betrayed me?
Lani: Now, he's on my side!

CLOSING CREDITS

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
JIM HENSON


PRODUCED BY JACK BURNS

WRITTEN BY JACK BURNS, JIM HENSON, AND JERRY JUHL

DIRECTED BY PETER HARRIS

THE MUPPET PERFORMERS
FEATURING

FRANK OZ

AND RICHARD HUNT

DAVE GOELZ

ERIN OZKER

JOHN LOVELADY

STEVE WHITMIRE

AND JIM HENSON


THEN , THERE ARE A BUNCH OF CREDITS THAT WE LEFT OUT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TYPE ALL OF THEM. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WE LEFT OUT.

COPYRIGHTED 2006

HENSON ASSIOCIATES INC.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

 

[fozzieisfunny]

Hope that you liked my collaboration fan fiction! It took quite some time, and a whole lot of work!

 

[MUPPETFAN1976]

This is really good, but I have one problem. 2006?