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Gorgon Heap
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Here's a Muppet Show idea that I had actually had when I was four (and recorded on the other side of the book and tape "Two for the Show"), however, this time I actually developed it. I hope you enjoy it.
Late first season style
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: BILLY JOEL
OPENING THEME:
Fozzie joke: "My cousin is so popular that when she broke her leg skiing, it inspired a trend!"
Billy Joel: shown in Talk Spot set with Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Floyd, Animal, George, Mildred and Droop
Gonzo bit: knocks himself on the head with a sledgehammer
OPENING NUMBER: Billy sings "Piano Man" in a bar with Gonzo, Fozzie, Rowlf, Floyd, Zoot, Nigel, Droop, 'Sexy Muppet', an old man ("Brewster" from Valentine show, reinvented as The Guru for Sex & Violence pilot and TMS first season), a bartender, and a waitress
Waldorf: "Ah, wonderful. That Billy Joel is great. I tell you, I've seen many a good piano player in my day."
Statler: "In your day you could've seen Mozart at the royal court of Vienna! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ah."
BACKSTAGE: George the Janitor angles for a raise. When Kermit refuses, George threatens to go on strike. Kermit tells him that anybody can do what he does.
SWEDISH CHEF: tries to make a steak. The cow ends up booting him out of the window.
WAYNE & WANDA: In their gazebo set, Wayne sings "And This Is My Beloved" (from the musical Kismet) to Wanda. During the number, Wayne frequently faces away from Wanda. He becomes so wrapped up in his own singing that he doesn't notice that Behemoth (the big yellow monster from "I've Got You Under My Skin") is gobbling up Wanda. When he turns to see the monster in her place, he faints.
MUPPET NEWS: the Newsman interviews fisherman Carl Gruberman (Billy), who has caught an ocean liner.
Carl: "That bait I got really, really works!... Sort of."
BACKSTAGE: George has done a lot of extra work in hopes of getting a raise. Kermit explains to George that he doesn't have enough money in the budget to give him a raise, and besides which he'd have to make a greater contribution to earn one, something a little more special than what he currently does. He says this as Gonzo goes to the stage.
George: "And I suppose that includes doing some sort of weird act like Captain Blue Beak over there?"
GONZO THE GREAT: Plays "Dance of the Reed Flutes" on harmonica while painting a cow (not painting a picture of a cow, but painting the actual cow)
Waldorf: "Maybe he should have tried a different song."
Statler: "Like what?"
Waldorf: "How about "If Heifer I Would Leave You"? Heh! Heh! Heh!"
Statler: "I've seen sirloin steaks funnier than that!"
KOOZEBANE: Kermit interviews the Koozebanian Snurb (the singing yellow thing from "Hugga Wugga"- not his actual name, just one I made up) but he is busy trying to hide from Sclrap Flyapp. Kermit has to run from him too, and ends up hiding in a crater.
AT THE DANCE
UK SPOT: Rowlf plays Beethoven.
TALK SPOT: Billy meets some of his "big fans" (Thog, Sweetums, et al)
Waldorf: "Hey, would you be quiet down there?"
Statler: "Yeah, we're trying to sleep up here!"
BACKSTAGE: George has scrubbed and polished all the floors in an attempt to get Kermit to give him a raise. It's so slippery that no one can stand up, and soon Muppets are sliding all over the place.
SONG: Billy sings "She's Always a Woman" to Piggy. At the end of the number-
Piggy: "I don't know whether to kiss you or knock you senseless."
MUPPET LABS: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew invents Gazelle Repellant
BACKSTAGE: George has dried up the floor, and also fixed the dryer. It blows up in Hilda's face. While Hilda chases him, Kermit asks (yelling) if George has taken the liberty to fix anything else. At this point an overhead light fixture falls on Kermit.
George: "Yeah I also replaced that broken light fixture."
Kermit: "Eeeeaaaargh!!"
FOZZIE'S MONOLOGUE: Fozzie decides to let all of Statler and Waldorf's insults go in one ear and out the other
Statler: "That should be easy enough. It's not like there's anything up there stopping it!"
He's able to keep it up until Statler and Waldorf pull out the heavy artillery… by throwing things at him.
Waldorf: "That'll teach him not to come out here when he's BEAR-ly prepared! Heh! Heh! Heh!"
Statler throws a tomato at Waldorf.
SONG: Billy performs "Say Goodbye to Hollywood" with the Electric Mayhem.
CURTAIN: Kermit makes a deal with George: if he stops all the ingratiating (and more harm than good, actually) extra services, he'll give him his raise. George agrees.
George: "Mildred, let's celebrate! We're having dinner on me!"
Fozzie: "No, THIS is dinner on you!"
He dumps a plate of food on George.
Billy, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Floyd, George and Mildred all gather round in front of the red curtain.
Waldorf: "This has really been an evening to remember."
Statler: "Why? You mean you actually liked the show?!"
Waldorf: "No, I mean I stapled your pants to the seat!"
(He leaves. Statler tries to move and can't.)
Statler: "Aaaaaaaahhh!!!"
I actually cheated a little bit. "She's Always a Woman" was off the album "The Stranger", which wasn't released until September 1977. The first season wrapped at the end of November, 1976. Not like that matters, considering that others have done this putting modern-day performers in the show. Just thought I'd make a note of that.
David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
Late first season style
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: BILLY JOEL
OPENING THEME:
Fozzie joke: "My cousin is so popular that when she broke her leg skiing, it inspired a trend!"
Billy Joel: shown in Talk Spot set with Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Floyd, Animal, George, Mildred and Droop
Gonzo bit: knocks himself on the head with a sledgehammer
OPENING NUMBER: Billy sings "Piano Man" in a bar with Gonzo, Fozzie, Rowlf, Floyd, Zoot, Nigel, Droop, 'Sexy Muppet', an old man ("Brewster" from Valentine show, reinvented as The Guru for Sex & Violence pilot and TMS first season), a bartender, and a waitress
Waldorf: "Ah, wonderful. That Billy Joel is great. I tell you, I've seen many a good piano player in my day."
Statler: "In your day you could've seen Mozart at the royal court of Vienna! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ah."
BACKSTAGE: George the Janitor angles for a raise. When Kermit refuses, George threatens to go on strike. Kermit tells him that anybody can do what he does.
SWEDISH CHEF: tries to make a steak. The cow ends up booting him out of the window.
WAYNE & WANDA: In their gazebo set, Wayne sings "And This Is My Beloved" (from the musical Kismet) to Wanda. During the number, Wayne frequently faces away from Wanda. He becomes so wrapped up in his own singing that he doesn't notice that Behemoth (the big yellow monster from "I've Got You Under My Skin") is gobbling up Wanda. When he turns to see the monster in her place, he faints.
MUPPET NEWS: the Newsman interviews fisherman Carl Gruberman (Billy), who has caught an ocean liner.
Carl: "That bait I got really, really works!... Sort of."
BACKSTAGE: George has done a lot of extra work in hopes of getting a raise. Kermit explains to George that he doesn't have enough money in the budget to give him a raise, and besides which he'd have to make a greater contribution to earn one, something a little more special than what he currently does. He says this as Gonzo goes to the stage.
George: "And I suppose that includes doing some sort of weird act like Captain Blue Beak over there?"
GONZO THE GREAT: Plays "Dance of the Reed Flutes" on harmonica while painting a cow (not painting a picture of a cow, but painting the actual cow)
Waldorf: "Maybe he should have tried a different song."
Statler: "Like what?"
Waldorf: "How about "If Heifer I Would Leave You"? Heh! Heh! Heh!"
Statler: "I've seen sirloin steaks funnier than that!"
KOOZEBANE: Kermit interviews the Koozebanian Snurb (the singing yellow thing from "Hugga Wugga"- not his actual name, just one I made up) but he is busy trying to hide from Sclrap Flyapp. Kermit has to run from him too, and ends up hiding in a crater.
AT THE DANCE
UK SPOT: Rowlf plays Beethoven.
TALK SPOT: Billy meets some of his "big fans" (Thog, Sweetums, et al)
Waldorf: "Hey, would you be quiet down there?"
Statler: "Yeah, we're trying to sleep up here!"
BACKSTAGE: George has scrubbed and polished all the floors in an attempt to get Kermit to give him a raise. It's so slippery that no one can stand up, and soon Muppets are sliding all over the place.
SONG: Billy sings "She's Always a Woman" to Piggy. At the end of the number-
Piggy: "I don't know whether to kiss you or knock you senseless."
MUPPET LABS: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew invents Gazelle Repellant
BACKSTAGE: George has dried up the floor, and also fixed the dryer. It blows up in Hilda's face. While Hilda chases him, Kermit asks (yelling) if George has taken the liberty to fix anything else. At this point an overhead light fixture falls on Kermit.
George: "Yeah I also replaced that broken light fixture."
Kermit: "Eeeeaaaargh!!"
FOZZIE'S MONOLOGUE: Fozzie decides to let all of Statler and Waldorf's insults go in one ear and out the other
Statler: "That should be easy enough. It's not like there's anything up there stopping it!"
He's able to keep it up until Statler and Waldorf pull out the heavy artillery… by throwing things at him.
Waldorf: "That'll teach him not to come out here when he's BEAR-ly prepared! Heh! Heh! Heh!"
Statler throws a tomato at Waldorf.
SONG: Billy performs "Say Goodbye to Hollywood" with the Electric Mayhem.
CURTAIN: Kermit makes a deal with George: if he stops all the ingratiating (and more harm than good, actually) extra services, he'll give him his raise. George agrees.
George: "Mildred, let's celebrate! We're having dinner on me!"
Fozzie: "No, THIS is dinner on you!"
He dumps a plate of food on George.
Billy, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Floyd, George and Mildred all gather round in front of the red curtain.
Waldorf: "This has really been an evening to remember."
Statler: "Why? You mean you actually liked the show?!"
Waldorf: "No, I mean I stapled your pants to the seat!"
(He leaves. Statler tries to move and can't.)
Statler: "Aaaaaaaahhh!!!"
I actually cheated a little bit. "She's Always a Woman" was off the album "The Stranger", which wasn't released until September 1977. The first season wrapped at the end of November, 1976. Not like that matters, considering that others have done this putting modern-day performers in the show. Just thought I'd make a note of that.
David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
