MONSTERPIECE THEATER
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
Fade into Alistair Cookie's library.
COOKIE MONSTER: Good eve-a-ning everybody and wilkomem to Monsterpiece Theater, and tonight me very happy to bring to you that sugary sweet classic Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... remade by guy named Burton. And now, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Fade onto a city street where standing in front of a building marked "chocolate factory" is a little anything muppet boy named Charlie, holding a picket sign and shouting.
CHARLIE: WONKA'S A JERK, AIN'T GONNA WORK! WONKA'S A JERK, AIN'T GONNA WORK! WONKA'S A JERK, AIN'T GONNA WORK!
Just then an anything muppet girls walks over.
VERUCA: Charlie! What in the world are you doing?
CHARLIE: I'm protesting against Willy Wonka's chocolate factory!
VERUCA: What for?
CHARLIE: Haven't you heard? Mr. Wonka and his oompa-loompas are changing the formula for their chocolate bars!
VERUCA: WHAT?!
CHARLIE: That's right, SEVENTY-FIVE percent less sugar! SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT!
VERUCA: What are they trying to do, kill us?!
CHARLIE: I don't know, but I know what I'm doing!
VERUCA: What?
CHARLIE: WONKA'S A JERK, AIN'T GONNA WORK!
BOTH: WONKA'S A JERK, AIN'T GONNA WORK! WONKA'S A...
Just then Willy Wonka (as played by Gene Wilder) steps out of the factory.
WILLY WONKA: My children, please...
CHARLIE: AIN'T GONNA WORK!
VERUCA: Mr. Wonka, like, what's the deal here, man?
WILLY WONKA: My children, I have an order by the board of education, apparently the whole curiculum of Sesame Street is about eating healthy foods, and you have to admit, chocolate isn't very healthy now is it?
VERUCA: Well... no...
CHARLIE: But it sure does taste good!
WILLY WONKA: That it does, that it does... but I assure you, our new and improved chocolate bars will taste just as good...
CHARLIE: How can they if they have 75% less sugar?
WILLY WONKA: Because my dear boy, each chocolate bar now has a healthy surprise in them.
VERUCA: A surprise? What kind of surprise?
Wonka then pulled out a handful of new and improved Wonka Bars.
WILLY WONKA: Perhaps you take a bite of a Wonka Bar and find it contains raisins... or suppose you were to bite into a bar of chocolate here and suddenly had a mouthful of chocolate and peanuts?
VERUCA: I like peanuts.
CHARLIE: I like raisins.
WILLY WONKA: And I like little chunks of fruit as well, which is why I asked my oompa-loompas to drop some pieces of dried strawberries and blueberries in the chocolate. So, what do you say?
CHARLIE: Sounds yummy!
VERUCA: Yes, I want a new Wonka Bar!
CHARLIE: Me too!
WILLY WONKA: Of course. Here's one for you, and one for you. Enjoy.
Wonka bowed and walked back into his factory.
VERUCA: Hey... my Wonka Bar has rice krispies in it!
CHARLIE: Mine has slices of dried bananas...
Fade back to Alistair Cookie's library where Cookie is devouring a case of new and improved Wonka Bars.
COOKIE MONSTER: Mmm... fruity... nutty... and somewhat chocolatey. Ah, me like dat Wonka guy, and me hope you liked this edition of Monsterpiece Theater!