Lew Zeland's Fish Resturaunt

[minor muppetz]

It was a typical day at the Distinctive Fish Resturaunt. By "typical", I mean slow, boring, and not a fun place to work at. The resturaunt only got an average of 10 customers per day, usually because they couldn't afford anything else.

The resturaunt owner, Frank St. Knarf, was looking at the bills and various other paperwork. He was sad. He realised that the resturaunt was going to go bankrupt within three days unless buisness improved. Then he was looking through his legal papers, and realised something....

"If Distinctive Fish Resturaunt has financial problems, it is the responsibility of whoever the owner is to pay off all debts", Mr. St. Knarf read outloud, "So all I have to do is find a sucker to take over ownership."

"You called?", asked a talking sucker who suddenly appeared.

"No, I didn't mean it literally", said Mr. St. Knarf.

"Okay, then", said the sucker, "I'm going home now."

The sucker left, and then Mr. St. Knarf stoped the sucker.

"Wait!", Mr. St. Knarf said, "We have an important, unnanounced employee meeting."

The employees, who mostly consisted of penguins and rats, although there were a few human employees and the sucker, got ready for the meeting.

"I have an important announcement", said Mr. St. Knarf, "I am selling the resturaunt."

Everyone groaned, all talking at once. Hardly any words could be heard.

"Who are you going to sell it to?", asked one of the employees.

"Well, Ted", Mr. St. Knarf said, "I am going to sell it to whoever the next person who walks through that door!" Mr. St. Knarf then thought to himself, "anybody who likes to eat here should be stupid enough to sign a contract without reading it first."

Just then, Lew Zeland walked into the resturaunt.

"Hey, he, hey!", said Lew Zeland, "I'm here for the usual today!"

"One moment", said one of the penguin employees.

"Congraduations!", said Mr. St. Knarf, "You are thenew owner of this resturaunt!"

"Oh, wow!", said Lew Zeland, "Thank you, sir."

Mr. St. Knarf then took a contract out of his coat pocket, and a pen out of his pants pocket. "Just sign this contract and you will be granted full ownership."

"Oh, okay", said Lew Zeland, who without hesitating signed the contract quicker than he was handed it.

"Thank you", said Mr. St. Knarf, "Employees, meet your new boss..", Mr. St. Knarf looked at the paper, "Mr. Lew Zeland!"

"Bye, Mr. St. Knarf", said the employees, "Hello, Mr. Zeland."

"Well, I guess I have a job to do", said Lew Zeland.

He was then handed his order, two cooked fish and a fried fish.

"I guess since I own this place I don't have to pay for it",s aid Lew Zeland, "And the customer is always right!"

"Yeah", said one of the rats, "But you work here now. you're not a customer."

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 2

Lew Zeland ate his meal and then decided to go straight to work. One of his rat employees, Thurston, decided to show him around the resturaunt.

"So there's the wall, that's the kitchen, and those are doors", said Thurston, "Oh, and that is where your office and rfinancial records are."

"OH, gee, thanks", said Lew.

"By the way", said Thurston, "Since you are the new boss, can I have a raise?"

"Oh, I don't know...", said Lew Zeland.

"Well, Mr. St. Knarf has been promising me a raise for MONTHS!", said Thurston.

Lew looked at his papers. "Oh, no!", said Lew Zeland, "Look at all of this debt. What'll I do?"

Five hours later, he was talking to his employees.

"Well, I've been the owner of this place for five hours, and I still haven't seen any customers", said Lew.

"Yeah, this place isn't neccessarily fun", said Thurston.

"I KNOW!!", said Lew, "I'll throw my boomerang fish!"

Lew threw his boomerang fish. The fish missed his hand and accidently hit Thurston.

"OW! Watch it!", said Thurston.

"Oh, sorry", said Lew. who then looked at the time, "Oh, gosh! I have to get to the Muppet Theater and show off my boomerang fish. Would anybody like to come?"

Everybody was talking at once, all saying either "sure" or "yeah" or "All right", or something to the effect.

"Of course, not all of you can come", said Lew, "Some of you have to watch the resturaunt."

"Why bother?", asked one of the penguins, "Nobody comes at this hour anyway."

So Lew went to the theater. The first person he went to was Scooter.

"Hey, Scooter!", said Lew, "I need to talk to your uncle who owns the theater."

"Oh, sorry", said Scooter, "He's on a trip in Canada, trying to raise money to start a charity for rich people who are in danger of becomming poor. We won't be back for another four months."

"Thank goodness for that", said Rizzo.

"Well, I just became the owner of a fish resturaunt, and it's already in debt. I needed to talk to your uncle for advice on running a buisness."

"Oh, I'd really like to help", said Scooter, who looked at his watch, "But I am three seconds late in telling our guest star that it's fifteen seconds 'till curtain!", and he ran.

"Now it's only 8 seconds 'till curtain", said Lew.

During the show, Lew was talking to his various friends at the Muppet heater.

"So, you own your own resturaunt, huh, okay?", said Pepe.

"Yup", said Lew Zeland.

"Doo yoo nede u cuke?", asked The Swedish Chef.

"I don't know", said Lew, "We are losing money."

"Well, maybe after the show we should all go to the fish resturaunt and help support you", said Fozzie.

"I'm not going to that fish resturaunt", said Miss Piggy, "Moi would rather go to Sardi's".

Scooter then came backstage. "Lew Zeland, you're on!"

"Oh", said Lew, who then went on-stage.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen", said Kermit.

Lew Zeland came on-stage and started his act before Kermit could finish introducing him. "Hiya, boys and girls", he said.

"Lew! I wasn't finsihed introducing you!", said Kermit.

"Too late, frog", said Lew, who hit Kermit with a fish. Then Lew faced the audienc,e "And now, here are my fish!"

Lew threw his fish into the audience, and they came flying back, and Lew caught the fish perfectly. The audience watched in amazement. They were clapping hard.

Statler and Waldorf felt stumpted.

"They are applauding at the boomerang fish thrower?", said Statler.

"Of course!", said Waldorf, "They are all a little fishy".

Statler and Waldorf laughed, but Lew heard this and threw som fish at them. The fish hit them both and came back to Lew. The audience laughed and cheered wildly.

"Thank you, thank you", said Lew, who then saw this moment as an opportunity to promote his resturaunt, "And I would to announce that I now ow the Distinctive Fish Resturaunt, so come down there tonight, after the show!"

Everyone in the audience started talking.

"So, a celebrity now owns that crummy fish place?"

"Wow! If a Muppet owns the place, then I've gotta eat there!"

"I wonder if he serves boomerang fish."

Statler and Waldorf also commented.

"Lew Zeland owns a resturaunt?", said Statler, "This I've gotta see!"

"Did you get your eyes checked?", asked Waldorf.

"Yes, I can see clearly now", said Statler.

Waldorf then hit Statler in the eyes. "Can you see clearly NOW?

After the show, Lew Zeland took the bus to the resturaunt. Kermit, Fozzie, Scooter, Beauregard, Seymour, Pepe, Rizzo, Gonzo, Bunsen, Beaker, Sam the Eagle, Floyd, and Janice all rode the bus with him.

"Well, Lew", said Kermit, "It seems like your resturaunt was the talk of the whole audience."

"Like, the audience was rully talking about your resturaunt", said Janice, "I think they even got so excited about the fact that you own a resturaunt that they didn't focus much on the guest star."

"Yes, you ceretainly upstaged the guest star", said Floyd.

"I have never seen Mr. Bush so upset", said Sam, "You should be ashamed of upstaging our best guest!"

"Oh, I can't wait to get there", said Beauregard, "I'm hungry. Do you got mashed potadoes?"

The bus got to the resturaunt. There was a big crowd standing outside of the resturaunt.

"What are all these crazy people doing outside the resturaunt?", asked Kermit.

"Certainly not the backstroke", said Fozzie.

"Oh, that's right", remembered Lew, "I closed the resturaunt early. I've gotta call my employes now and get them to work!"

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 3

Lew Zeland had opened the resturaunt and called up as many of his employees as possible. Kermit, Scooter, Gonzo, Seymour, Pepe, and Beauregard also offered to help.

Seymour and Pepe were cooking.

"So, why did I agree to volunteer to help, again?", asked Pepe.

"Because Lew Zeland is our friend", said Seymour.

"With friends like him, I don't need anymore friends, okay", said Peep.

Gonzo decided to take some orders from his customers.

"I want a fish salad", said one customer.

"Do you want chocolate syrup or melted toast for dressing?", asked Gonzo.

"Eww!", said the customer, "I think I've lost my appetite."

"Have you tried Harry Krisna?", asked Gonzo.

Fozzie noticed a microphone and a small platform stage. He took the microphone and started some comedy.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya", said Fozzie, "This is Fozzie Bear!"

"Well, can we get Gracie Allen instead?", asked Statler. He and Waldorf lauhged.

"Anyway, a funny thing happened to me on my way to the fish resturaunt....", said Fozzie, "Some bum told me that I should go to the bear market instead!"

Not very many people lauhged.

"Hey, you're jokes are very fishy", said Waldorf.

Floyd and Janice noticed that Fozzie wasn't getting much luck on-stage, so they plugged in their instruments and started performing, so loud that nobody could hear Fozzie's monologue. The audience cheered.

"More!", said Clifford, "The crowd loves it!"

Lew Zeland was watching the resturaunts success.

"Wow", said Lew, "This resturaunt has become financially successful within one day of owning it."

"Si", said Pepe, "But I think you should change the title, okay."

"Oh, okay", said Lew.

"I'll help", said Beauregard, who carried out some boards and some big letters, plus some tools.

"Congraduations", said Kermit, "it looks like you are a hit."

"Oh, Lew Zeland", said Scooter, "There are some reporters outside who want to interview you."

"Oh, okay, I'm comming", said Lew.

As Lew walked out the door, Dr. Teeth, Animal, Zoot, and Lips walked in.

"Hey, it's Floyd and Janice!", said Dr. Teeth, "Playing music, which proves to be successful."

"SU-CESS-FUL!!", yelled Animal.

"Hey, we should go get our instruments and join them", said Zoot.

"Good idea, Zoot", said Dr. Teeth.

Outside, The Newsman was giving a live televisionr eport.
"Here we are at the Distinctive Fish Resturant, which as of today is owned by Lew Zeland, boomerang fish thrower at The Muppet Show. And here he is now to talk about the resturaunts sudden success!"

"Thank you, thank you", said Lew.

"So, are you going to sell this place to oil miners?", asked Fleet Scribler.

"That's enough of that, Mr. Scribbler", said The Newsman, "How does it feel to own a resturaunt that was very unsuccessful untill you bought it?"

"Oh, great", said Lew, "And it gives me and my boomerang fish extra exposure."

They then heard some drilling.

"Hey, what's going on up there?", asked Fleet Scribbler, who pointed to the roof.

"Oh, I'm changing the name of this resturaunt", said Lew Zeland.

"Good idea", said The Newsman.

"Heads up", said Beauregard from up on the roof. Unfortunately, a big letter F fell on the Newsman.

"What a headline!", said Fleet Scribbler, "Giant F falls on Newsman!"

Mr. St. Knarf was watching the live news report on television.

"I can't believe it", groaned Mr. St. Knarf, "I pawn the pending bankruptcy resturaunt on somebody, for free, and now it's successful and I'm making no money from it!"

"Oh, just go to bed, Frank", said his wife.

"Sorry, honey, but something has to be done", said Mr. St. Knarf.

"I know", said his wife, seductively, "It's thursday..."

"No, I mean... I've gotta reown that resturaunt", said Mr. St. Knarf, with an evil look in his eyes.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 4

After the resturaunt closed, Lew Zeland got together with Kermit and his employees.

"Well, we've made 33 grand tonight", said Thurston.

"That's great", said Lew.

Kermit looked at the bills and financial records.

"It's amazing", said Kermit, "According to this paperwork, you would have been in debt by tomorrow if it weren't for the buisness you got tonight."

"I guess I must be magical then", said Lew.

They then heard a crash from outside. They checked it out.

"Who's out there?", asked one of the penguins.

"Oh, it's only me, Beauregard", said Beauregard, "I fell off the roof, and finished the sign."

They all looked at the new sign. It was a neon light sign that said, "Fish Palace".

"I like it", said Lew.

The next morning, the place was busy as soon as it had opened. Rowlf was playing the piano at the resturaunt.

"I really love this piano", said Rowlf.

"If you love it so much why don't you marry it?", asked Thurston.

Rizzo came by to make an order. He encountered Thurston. They starred at each other, angrily.

"Hello, Thurston", said Rizzo.

"Hello, Rizzo", said Thurston, "I just want you to know that there is only room for one rat at this resturaunt."

Several of Thurston's rat co-workers then walked past him.

"Hi, Thurston", said one of them.

"Hello, Bro's", said Thurston.

"Well, if there is only room for one rat here, then it should be one with waiter experience", said Rizzo.

"Look Who's Talking", said Thurston, "My second least favorite movie of all time, with Look Who's Talking Too being my least favorite."

Rizzo then put Thurston in a headlock, choking him to death. "Who's the rat now, huh?", asked Rizzo.

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!", chanted the other rats, and the customers.

Lew Zeland ran to see what was going on. "Now, what's the problem?"

"Rizzo's choking me", said Thurston, who was losing breath.

"Rizzo, let go of him", said Lew.

"You're not the boss of me!", said Rizzo, as he let go, "And you're on his side? I say we're not friends anymore!"

Rizzo thenleft, saying to himself, "like we ever were friends in the first place..."

Rizzo left the resturaunt as Link Hogthrob came in.

"Oh, hiya, Link", said Lew, "I haven't seen you in awhile. Where have ya been?"

"Oh, I've been inside a haunted house", said Link, "But enough about that, get me a fish sandwhich."

"Okay", said Lew, "Thurston, make him a fish sandwhich!"

"Okay", said Thurston, who then put Link in a fish outfit and between two large slices of bread, "You're a fish sandwhich!"

Frank St. Knarf then entered the resturaunt.

"Just the person I wanted to see", said Mr. St. Knarf.

"It's Frank St. Knarf, the former owner", said Lew, "How do you like this place?"

"I love it!", said Mr. St. Knarf.

"Then why don't you marry it?", asked Thurston.

"Anyway, can I talk to you, privately?", asked Mr. St. Knarf.

They went to Lew Zelands office.

"Can I have this place back?", asked Mr. St. Knarf.

"I don't know", said Lew, "I kind of like it here."

"Please, please, pleeeeease!!!", said Mr. St. Knarf, "I helped make you a success. I gave you this place, without asking for any money, and you became a success. The least you can do is give it back to me!"

"I was already a successful boomerang fish thrower", said Lew, "You didn't make me a success. I'll make you a sandwhich."

"No!", said Mr. St. Knarf, "I can see that you won't give me the lease to the resturaunt, so I am willing to write you a check..."

Mr. St. Knarf wrote a check for twenty seven dollars.

"Do you accept my offer?", asked Mr. St. Knarf.

"No", said Lew, "I won't even sell for twenty seven million dollars."

"Then this means war", said Mr. St. Knarf, storming out the door.

"I have a feeling that I now have a conflict", said Lew.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 5

Buisness started getting busier. Gonzo came for some lunch.

"I'll have some burnt fish", said Gonzo.

"Bawk bawk bawk bawk", said Camillia.

"Oh, I'm sorry", said Thurston, "I don't speak chicken. I'll have to get another waiter to translate."

At another table...

"Well, what will you have?", asked Statler, "fired fish or cooked fish?"

"Whatever sends me to the hospital and saves me from having to see The Muppet Show", said Waldorf.

Clifford, Zippety Zap, Digit, Floyd, and Chip were all at a table togetehr.

"Well, this appears to the the hippest place to be for now", said Floyd.

"Yeah, I can't get enough of the fish here", said Clifford, "And to think that nobody would give this place a chance before our very own Lew Zeland bought it."

"Bring on the ladies!", said Zippety.

"Yeah", said Digit, "Robotic ladies with lazer-beam breasts!"

"Right on!", said Zippety.

"I hope our food isn't giving us problems", said Clifford.

"We'll always stay cool", said Floyd, "Just as long as we avoid drugs."

"Yeah", they all said.

"Uh, what am I doing here again?", asked Chip.

The monsters were also enjoying the place. Sweetums, Mean Mama, Doglion, and Thog all had giant fishes, while Behemoth and Gorgon Heap had medium fish (which was just their size), and Boppity and Gloat had really small fish.

Lew was doing the cooking for the day.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Lew, as he tossed some fish out of the frying pan and caught them, "It'll be sixteen o'clock all day!"

"We've got six orders of fish sandwhiches, seventeen orders of large fish, and two orders of sushi", said Thurston.

"Okay", said Lew, "Would they like it tossed to them?"

"No", said Thurston, "And I'd like to remind you that if you toss fish to our customers again to remember to not use the boomerang fish or else they won't get it."

Bunsen and Beaker went to the counter.

"What do you want?", asked the penguin at the counter.

"Beaker and I would like to have six orders of fish", said Bunsen, "We need it for a top secret experiment."

"Mee mee mee!", said Beaker.

"Oooh, an experiment, huh?", said the penguin.

"No, not spear mint", said Bunsen.

"I never said spearmint", said the penguin.

"Oh, I must be craving spearmint again", said Bunsen.

"Mee mee mee", said Beaker.

"Oh, Beaker, how could you blow our top secret experiment?", asked Bunsen, "Now everybody knows that we're working on a vanishing cream formula and think that fish DNA would produce the perfect vanishing cream! HOW COULD YOU SQUEAL LIKE THAT????"

Everyone in the resturaunt started talking.

A delivery man then came in with a package. "Special delivery for Lew Zeland!"

"Oh, a delivery!", said Lew, "Oh boy!"

Lew Zeland opened the package and saw a karaoke machine.

"Oh, wow! A karaoke machine!", said Lew.

"You forgot to sign here", said the delivery man, holding out his clip board.

"Oh, yeah", said Lew, "Silly me!"

"Hey, look, Johnny", said Sal, pointing to the machine, "A karaoke machien! A chance for you to sing here!"

"Sal, I don't do karaoke", said Johnny, "It is embarrassingly square."

They then heard Lew read outloud the names of some of the tunes that were programmed into the machine. "'Mack the Knife', 'I've Got You Under my Skin', 'Let's Call the Whole Thing Off','My Way'...."

"Do you need help setting that thing up?", asked Johnny, who quickly ran to Lew.

It's too bad that Lew Zeland didn't look to see who the package was from, or even read what he had to sign, for the delivery was made by Frank St. Knarf. The delivery man was a spy for Mr. St. Knarf, and he soon took the paper that Lew had to sign to Mr. St. Knarf.

"Here is the paper", said the fake delivery man.

"Thank you", said Mr. St. Knarf, who gave the delivery man 20 dollars, "Has the karaoke machine exploded yet?"

"Not yet", said the fake delivery man, "I have to go do some good deeds for mote evil people now."

Mr. St. Knarf's wife then entered the room.

"So, what's all this about?", asked the wife.

"Oh, honey, I'm gonna get the fish resturaunt back before we know it!", said Mr. St. Knarf, who showed her the contract, which was a legal document signed by Lew Zeland stating that Mr. St. Knarf will get the resturaunt as soon as Lew zeland dies, as long as he doens't sell it to anybody.

"How do you plan on having him get killed?", asked the wife.

"Oh, baby, it'll be DYNAMITE!", said Mr. St. Knarf, "I've rigged soem explosives into the karaoke machine, so as soom as somebody uses it and sings really loudly, to soem really loud music, the thing will suddenly explode!"

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 6

Mr. St. Knarf went to the resturaunt to see if the place had blown up yet. He saw that the resturaunt looked like it was in good condition, from the outside.

"Six hours with a karaoke machine, and it's still not destroyed?", thought Mr. St. Knarf. He decided to come inside to check things out.

He came in, and saw Johnny Fiama singing, very quietly and slowly.

"Is he the onyl one who's been singing all day?", he asked outloud.

"Oh, yes", said Sal, "He's very good."

Mr. St. Knarf then saw Animal in the resturaunt, and then got Animal's attention: "Hey, Animal!"

"What?", said Animal.

"How would you like to use the karaoke machine?"

"LOUDLY!!!"

Animal came running to the karaoke machine, knocked Johnny Fiama out of the way, and selected a song.

"I can't believe what you have been doing", protested Johnny.

"Nobody messes with Johnny Fiama", said Sal, who ran up to Animal to give Animal a beating, but Animal threw him out the door.

Mr. St. Knarf was listening to the music for the song Animal was playing. It sure was loud music, and as soona s Animal sang very loudly, the whole thing would explode. So Mr. St. Knarf ran outside the building and put his fingers into his ears so that he wouldn't hear the loud explosion. After waiting a few minutes, he came back inside.

"Hey, is there a problem?"< he asked Animal.

"Yes, there's a problem", said Floyd, "Animal can't read the lyrics, so he ain't singing."

"Oh", said Mr. St. Knarf, "Then why not improvise some lyrics?", and then he ran back outside.

"That's a good idea", said Floyd, "Hit it!"

"YYYYYYRREREGGHHH!!!", screamed Animal, right into the microphone. But the machine didn't explode. Animal quickly ate into the microphone and tore the karaoke machine apart. Mr. St. Knarf watched these actions from outside. As Animal was ripping up the machine, the exploding device that was inside it flew out.

"What is that?", asked one of the penguin waiters.

"That's an exploding device", said Crazy Harry, "Only it's not properly set up, so there is no way that it would explode."

"Hmm", thought Lew Zeland, "I wonder if somebody is trying to kill us?"

He got everybody's attention and said, "Hey, I'm going downtown to the police station. Thurston, you're in charge."

"Okay", said Thurston. After Lew left, Rizzo came in.

"I heard that you are in charge",s aid Rizzo, "Well charge this!"

Rizzo punched Thurston in the face, but Thurston kicked Rizzo in the stomache and then picked him up and threw him out the door.

Mr. St. Knarf was watching. "I figured Lew would drive to the police station if he became suspicious", he said to himself, "So just wait untill he gets intot eh car." He laughed, very evily.

Lew Zeland got into his car and drove. The speed limit was 45 miles an hour, and when he got close to a red light, he stepped on the brakes, only he wasn't slowing down.

"Wait a minue", said Lew, "My brakes aren't working!" He ended up driving past the red light, causing some cars to suddeny stop or crash into each other. Lew looked behind him to see what was happening, but when he looked at the road again, the car had slid into a building. His car fell down the big stairway, and the car fell upside-down.

"I wonder if he's dead yet", thought Mr. St. Knarf.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 7

It was dress rehearsal at the Muppet Theater. They were getting ready for the next show. Rowlf, Janice, and Miss Piggy were dressed as their Veterinarian's Hospital characters, while Fozzie and Link were dressed as their Bear on Patrol characters.

"We rully need a patient for Veterinarian's Hospital", said Janice.

"Well me about it", said Rowlf.

"Okay", said Janice, "We waited untill now to get a patient, and...."

"Uh, Janice, I didn't mean it literally.

"Well, Moi thinks that this weeks show will be the performance of Moi's life", said Miss Piggy.

"You mean you can actually perform, okay?", said Pepe, who instantly got a karate chop from Miss Piggy.

"Hey", thought Rowlf, "Pepe can be our patient."

"Okay, everybody, let's get things started for rehearsal", said Scooter.

"Help!", shouted Fozzie, "My hands got caught in my handcuffs."

"Oh, where's the key?", asked Scooter.

"Animal ate it", said Fozzie.

"Then I'll eat your cuffs", said Carl, who bit into the chains of the cuffs, freeing Fozzie.

"hey, thank you", said Fozzie.

"Don't mention it", said Carl, who then took Fozzie's hat and ate it.

"I can't beleive that Lew Zeland wouldn't fire that roden Thurston", thought Rizzo, "He was always more popular than me in high school, and every time I'd try to pick a fight with him, he'd always win", said Rizzo.

"Oh, don't worry", said Gonzo, "I never had a problem with bullies."

"yeah", said Rizzo, "But you liked the abuse you got."

Kermit then entered the room.

"Everybody, I just got a phone call", said Kermit, "Lew Zeland is in the hospital. Dress rehearsal will be cancled untill later tonight."

"Oh, that's sad", said Pepe, "I really wanted to rehearse my act, okay?"

"So, is Lew okay?", asked Scooter.

"I don't know", said Kermit, "The doctor says that he hasn't been awake since the car accident."

"Well, let's go to the hospital", said Link.

They got to the hospital. They were in teh waiting room.

"We are here to see Lew Zeland", said Kermit.

"Okay", said the receptionist, "He's in room 13".

They all walked to the room. However, a parent saw Rowlf, Piggy, and Janice in their Vet's Hospital outfits (nobody undressed from their rehearsal outfits).

"You've gotta help me!", said the parent, "My son needs a doctor!"

"Oh", said Rowlf, "But I'm not really...."

But before he could finish, the parent dragged Rowlf by the ear. Miss Pigy and Janice followed.

"Hmm", thought Fozzie, "Maybe we should have undressed."

Another person in the hospital approached Fozzie and Link.

"Officers!", said the person, "I need you too!"

"Oh, but we're not...", said Link.

"Hurry!", interrupted the person, "Somebody stole my car!"

"Yes, but..", said Fozzie.

"Hurry!", interrupted the person. Fozzie and Link just followed him.

"Boy, oh boy", observed Bean Bunny, "Everybody is mistaking somebody for something."

"I wonder how Rowlf is doing", said Scooter.

In another room, Rowlf was checking on a kid.

"So, what's wrong with this here kid?", asked Rowlf.

"He was running with paintballs in his mouht, and he fell down the stairs", said the parent.

"Oh, then it's obvious what will happen", said Rowlf.

"What's that?", asked the parent.

"He's become a mouth-colored stair faller!", laughed Rowlf.

The parent was not amused.

"I'm taking my kid to see a better doctor", said the angry parent, "And I am going to get your license revoked!"

The parent left.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not really a doctor, then", said Rowlf.

"Rowlf", said Janice, "This humor is good for the show, but not for a real patient."

The other Muppets had made it to Lew Zelands room. Also in there were a real doctor and some of Lew's employees, including Thursotn and the talking sucker.

"My new boss just got a hit", said the sucker, "It's the crash of the day!"

"Shut up!", said Thrston to the sucker.

"You shut up!", said Rizzo.

"Oh, it's that awful rat again", said Thurston.

"Do you want a knuckle sandwhich?", asked Rizzo.

"No, a fish and cheese sandwhich sounds better", said Thurston, "But I know a cat who would love to meet you."

He snapped his fingers, and gaffer showed up.

"Big deal", said Rizzo, "I already know this cat." Rizzo pointed at Thurston and said, "Sick him!" Gaffer started chasing Thurston.

"Hey, I thought we were friends!", said Thurston as he ran from Gaffer.

Lew Zeland then woke up. "Ohhh, where am I?"

Everybody cheered over the fact that Lew Zeland was still alive.

"It's good to see you awake again", said Kermit.

"Yes, you had a very bad accident", said the doctor, "But now I guess you are safe."

"Yeah", said Lew, "It's almost as if somebody cut the wires from my brakes."

Lew then looked at the sucker, "So, how's the resturaunt?"

"Oh, great",s aid the sucker, "After word got out that you had a major accident and might be dead, we've gotten a lot more customers who have come to eat in memory of you."

Clifford, Zoot, and Bill the Bubble Guy all came in.

"Hi, Lew", said Bill.

"We are glad that you are alright", said Clifford.

"Yeah, I should be out of here soon, right Doc?", asked Lew.

The doctor starred for a minute, and then said, "Uh, don't get your hopes up", and then left.

"I wodner what that was supposed to mean", said Zoot.

"I've brought bubbles for you", said Bill, who proceeded to blow bubbles out of his head.

"Oh, that's great", said Lew.

Mr. St. Knarf came into the room.

"Oh, I heard what happened and had to check on him", said Mr. St. Knarf who then noticed that Lew was still alive. He cringed, but nobody noticed.

"Good to see you alive", lied Mr. St. Knarf.

"Oh, being alive is great", said Lew.

"Lew Zeland got in a car accident", said one of the penguins who worked at the resturaunt, "We don't know if he will live."

"Indeed", said Mr. St. Knarf, who looked at his watch, "Well, look at the time, I've gotta go!" and he left.

"Come back and see me!", said Lew.

"We promise to come visit you every day", said Kermit.

"At least every day that we are not busy, okay", said Pepe, "And I am very busy, if you know what I mena, okay?" Pepe started laughing innappropiately.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 8

Many of Lew Zeland's friends at the Muppet Theater visited Lew every day at the hospital, and often entertained them.

"So, what do you get when you drive with broken brakes?", said Fozzie.

"I give up", said Lew.

"You get a wreck!", said Fozzie.

"Boo!", shouted Lew, who threw a boomerang fish at Fozzie.

The Electric Mayhem later brought their musical instruments to the hospital and performed some songs for Lew.

"Wonderful", said Lew, "Now get to the resturaunt and perform!"

"My pleasure", said Dr. Teeth.

And Lew's employees visited him a lot.

"So, how is the resturaunt?", Lew asked Thurston.

"Oh, it's fine", said Thurston, "Though buisness is dying down a bit, but we are still making enough money."

"That's good to hear", said Lew.

Unfortunately, Mr. St. Knarf had another death plan for Lew Zeland. He walked to the hospital and asked the receptionist, "Can I see what kind of medications Lew Zeland is taking?"

"I'm sorry", said the receptionist, "But we are not allowed to give that kind of information to outsiders."

"Oh, it's okay", said Mr. St. Knarf, "I am Mr. Zeland's health insuranc agent."

"Oh, why didn't you say so?", said the receptionist, who then handed ovewr a list of what medications Lew was being treated with.

Mr. St. Knarf went outside the hospital, looked at the list, and then went to the small electricity box outside. He took out a knife and cut the wires for the security cameras, and then he went inside, snuck into the treatment room, and started to get to work. He found a cabnet marked "for Lew Zeland."

He found the pills that Lew was supposed to take, put the pills into his pocket, and put hot mints into the jar. He found the bottle of medicine that Lew needed, poured it all down the drain, and replaced it with hot sauce. He also found some medicine that was supposed to be pumped into Lew's body, poured it down the drain, and replaced it with bat urine.

He then headed out the hospital. He walked past Lew's room. Lew was sleeping, and Mr. St. Knarf whispered, "Rets in peace", and then left.

Soon, a nurse came into the room to give Lew his medications.

"Take your medicine and pills",s aid the nurse, "I'm going to put this insulin into the machine so that it can go into you."

"Okay", said Lew, who took his "medicine" and "pills". He screamed after taking them shouting "Hot! Hot! Hot!"

However, by that evening Lew was feeling all better.

"Nurse, look!", said Lew, who got out of bed and started excersizing, "My bone shave healed! I can breathe better! And I don't feel naucias anymore! It's a maricle!"

He was released from the hospital within hours, and the next day when Mr. St. Knarf got the newspaper...

"Lew Zeland is better than ever?!", questioned Mr. St. Knarf as he read the front page headline, "How could this be? Shouldn't he be dead by now? Oh, well, it doesn't matter, I just thought of the biggest, evilest, bestest plan yet!"

 

[MartyMuppets]

This looks like a very good story. I like the fact that you included my namesake in it. I hope you get it finished soon.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 9

Mr. Frank St. Knarf still had a set of keys to the resturaunt, so late that night, he snuck into the resturaunt. He put some hot sauce in some of the ingredient bags. He also pumped some rotten foods into sme of the fish. He also pumped some alchohol into some fish. He also took out some of the recipes and replaced them with different recipes, enough to send the customers to the hospital. He snuck out of the resturaunt.

The next day, the resturaunt got more customers early in the morning because Lew was back. His employees were happy to see him.

"Great to see you back!"

"Yeah, it's swell"

"Thanks, people", said Lew, "But we've got to get to work".

"Right!", they said.

Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem came in to play some music.

"What shall we play?", asked Dr. Teeth, "i know! We'll play 'Bennie and the Jets'!"

"No", said Floyd, "We should play 'Dirty Little Secret'".

"No, like, we should, like, rully perform 'You're so Vain'", said Janice.

"No, how about Lullaby of Birdland?", said Zoot.

"More like Dullaby of Birdland", said Lips, "I say we perform Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head."

"WILD THING! WILD THING!", shouted Animal.

"I know!", said Dr. Teeth, "Let's play them all at the same time!"

And then they proceeded to play all the songs. The customers came in.

"We want a fish sandwhich", said Andy Pig.

"And a cookie", said Randy Pig.

"I want two fish and a pickle", said Mr. Poodlepants.

"I want two thousand orders of fish", said Howard Pudman.

"Wow, we sure are busy today", said Lew, "They want everything!"

However, the customers started to choke.

"Uh, Mr. Zeland", said Thurston, "There's somethign wrong with the customers."

"Oh, no!", said Lew, "They are coughing!"

A health inspector then came into the resturaunt, witnessing the illnesses of the custoemrs.

"This does not look healthy!", said the health inspector, "I guess the call I recieved was correct. This is unhealthy. I am going to have to inspect the fish."

Thurston called the hospital and got several ambulances to come over, while the health inspector inspected the kitchen.

"Hmm", wondered Lew, "I hope he doesn't find anything bad."

"I'm sure it will be all right", said one of his waitresses.

The health inspector came back. "Lew, I have found some unhealthy things in your kitchen and in the food. I also found this recipe!", He handed Lew the recipe, "And as of right now I am shutting this place down."

The resturaunt got closed, and the customers got evacuated to a nearby hospital. Lew Zeland soon got some lawsuits.

"Oh, I've lost it all", said Lew, "I lost my resturaunt, I've got these lawsuits, I have been fined fifteen thousand dollars...."

Mr. St. Knarf then came by.

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that", said Mr. St. Knarf, "If only you had let me have the resturaunt back, then you would not have had to have dealt with these kinds of problems."

"No, but you would have", said Lew, "I don't know why you would have wanted it if the health board is going down my back."

The police then showed up. "Are you Mr. St. Knarf?", asked an officer.

"Why, yes", said Mr. St. Knarf.

"You've gotta come downtown immediately", said the officer, who then proceeded to put handcuffs on Mr. St. Knarf. "Mr. Zeland, you should come down to."

They went to the police station.

"So, what's this all about?", asked Lew.

Thurston showed up, "Well, the other night, I left my video camera in the ktichen, and it was recording, and I was just looking at the video and foundthe most interesting of things.."

The video was shown. It showed that Mr. St. Knarf was behind the whole thing.

Mr. St. Knarf was furious, "Son of a ...!"

The police interrupted him. "What you did was wrong! You have framed Lew just to put hundreds of innocent people into the hospital!"

"I didn't frame him just to put customers into...", said Mr. St. Knarf.

"You called the health inspectors too, didn't you?", asked Lew zeland.

"Mr. St. Knarf, you owe Lew Zeland twenty thousand dollars and you must pay the bills of all of the customers who got sick because of you", said an officer.

I don't have that kind of money", said Mr. St. Knarf.

"Then you have to spend ten years in jail", said the officer.

Eventually, money was taken out of Mr. St. Knarfs bank account. He was able to pay off all of the hospital bills but there wasn't any money left for him to pay Lew Zeland. Lew was forced to sell the resturaunt.

"But... but we'll be out of work", said Thurston.

"Yeah, I'm sorry", said Lew, "Maybe the new owner will hire you all".

"So you actually sold it already?", said Thurston.

"Yeah", said Lew, "I sold it to a buisness man who wants to turn it into a buisness for all buisnesses. He's inside the building now, if you want a job."

Thurston then ran into the building.

Rizzo then shwoed up, "So, how do you like the advice I gave you on who to sell it to?"

"Oh, good advice", said Lew.

Thurston ran and met the boss. What he, and Lew, didn't know was that this boss hates rats.

"I'm Thurston, and I want a job..."

"A rat? Ahhhhhh", screamed the boss, who took out a big mallet and hit Thurston.

Lew Zeland came back to the Muppet Theater. He was going to be the next guest star.

"Welcome back", said Kermit.

"I was never really gone", said Lew, "But I am through running my own buisness for now."

"We are glad to have you back", said Fozzie, "Especially since the last guest cancled out on us."

"Well, it's great that I can perform six acts tonight", said Lew.

"And we've sold out of tickets", said Scooter.

"I don't see what the big fuss is all about", said Sam.

"Well, it's time to get things started", said Kermit, and they all ran on-stage.

The End