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RedPiggy
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I’M THE ONE THAT WON
Note: I haven’t been able to buy that Muppet Show comic or anything.
Skeeter watched, bemused, as the Muppets scurried around the backstage like crazed ants.
Okay, some of them were crazed ants….
She had been hanging out at the Muppet Theater ever since moving back to Manhattan to try to take part in a media-hyped event. Theater wasn’t really her thing: she wanted to be an athlete, and the only athletic acts involved cannons or Gonzo’s interpretations of Cirque Du Soleil-type acts, which were already weird and “artsy” to begin with.
Ever since watching the one who became her boyfriend skateboard, though, she struggled to accept that strange things should still count – especially around here.
A high-pitched buzzing appeared right behind Skeeter’s ear. She brushed it away.
“Hey!” shouted a goofy, deep male voice.
Skeeter looked behind her. A small blue and white rubber ducky-like holographic creature with a Seussian top hat somersaulted backwards in the air. He finally stabilized and shook his head.
“Aren’t you that computer program thing?” Skeeter asked.
“I’m Waldo C. Graphic,” he announced, bowing his head with a grin, “the spirit of 3-D”.
“What are you doing here?”
Waldo bounced up and down in the air excitedly. “Kermit invited the crew of Muppet Central to come over and televise the show tonight! It’ll be a ratings extravaganza!”
Skeeter crossed her arms. “It’ll be televised?”
Waldo nodded. “Yup. Bunsen an’ Digit are setting up the systems now.”
Kermit brushed past Skeeter and stopped. “Oh, hey, Skeeter … I hope you don’t mind, but I thought you might enjoy a little competition tonight.”
Skeeter sighed. “The last time you paired me up with Gonzo, my glasses nearly melted off.”
Kermit gulped, nodding. “I promise I’ll keep Gonzo busy. This will be more of a ‘girl’s night out’, anyway.”
Skeeter stared at him dryly. “Kermit … I know Piggy. This will get completely out of hand. We’ll end up killing each other.”
“Maybe that’s the idea,” Waldo helpfully piped up.
Kermit glanced at Waldo curtly. “Don’t help.”
Waldo nodded, unfazed. “Right, boss.” He flew away.
Kermit chuckled nervously, placing a thin green hand on Skeeter’s shoulder. “I have to admit, this was more Gonzo’s idea than mine. He thought a competition between you an’ Piggy wouldn’t be interesting enough.”
Skeeter slapped her tiny forehead with her palm. “I dread the thought of how he’s gonna make it interesting.” She looked at Kermit with a pleading expression. “We’re not teaming up with Spamela, are we? She’s just eye candy. She hasn’t worked out a day in her life. It’s all liposuction.”
Kermit shook his head. “It’s not Spamela.”
Skeeter tilted her head in confusion. “Francine?”
“Nope.”
“Hilda?”
Kermit scrunched up his face. “Now you’re not even trying.” He started to walk away. “She’s got about as many trophies as you do, Skeeter. I think she’ll give you two a run for your money.”
Skeeter sighed and decided to help Beauregard push a large set piece onto the stage. After she finished, Piggy appeared behind her. Skeeter gasped.
Piggy laughed, twirling her hair in her purple-gloved fingers. “Yes, I do have that affect on people.”
Skeeter frowned and tried to walk away. “Blow it out your rear, Piggy.”
Piggy, unfazed, grinned. “I take it Kermie has informed you of your supporting role … losing to moi in a friendly competition for the show tonight?”
Skeeter turned around and smirked. “The script says I win.”
Piggy growled, but quickly recovered. “Whatever you say, Skeeter,” she replied in her melodious tone she used when she was trying to hide her frustration. “I intend on sending you all the way back to the nursery.”
Skeeter laughed, tapping her foot. “Will I be sleeping in your crib, Piggy?”
Piggy grunted sharply and left.
Skeeter chuckled. She turned around – only to see a golden-skinned female with a playful smirk, her tail flicking a small dumbbell up and down. She had two firey pigtails and a bright red turtleneck sweater. The newcomer leaned against a five-foot tall crevice that had formed last year in the back wall of the theater.
“I’m not late, am I?” she asked, in a voice just slightly higher than Skeeter’s.
Skeeter couldn’t help but admire the figure standing before her.
Kermit was right: this was going to be interesting.
Before the show, Beauregard, Beaker, Skeeter, and Red Fraggle (the pigtailed one who wasn’t a pig) helped push set pieces onto the stage.
Red grunted as they slid a full pool of water into the center of the stage. “Where’s that pig? Shouldn’t she be helping?”
Skeeter shrugged as she tugged at the pool. “She is helping, Red. She’s doing her makeup. It keeps her out of our way.”
“How does she think she’s gonna beat us if she’s just painting her face for an hour?”
“You don’t know Piggy very well,” Skeeter replied.
“Well, what is she like?” Red asked as the pool finally stopped.
Skeeter smirked. “Now … why would I give you tips about Piggy? I know her and that gives me a home advantage.”
Red grinned, her tail flickering. “I see.”
Scooter showed up just as the curtain was about to rise, the crew leaving the stage. Scooter glanced at Skeeter. “Hi, sis.” He looked at Red. “Great to see you, too.” He returned his gaze to his twin sister, the only real differences being she was slightly darker than he was due to all the tanning and her hair was longer. “Piggy’s not gonna be able to make it,” he announced, holding a PDA in his hand, a small gray stylus behind his ear.
Skeeter stared at her brother. “Why not?” She stuck out her tongue. “Did she break a leg trying to put on her hose?”
Scooter shook his head. “She’s allergic to some snacks she ate, as it turns out,” he replied, leaving.
Red bounced as she jumped up onto Kermit’s desk backstage. “Just imagine … being allergic to radish bars.”
Skeeter gawked at Red. “Scooter didn’t say what she ate.”
Red grinned, her tail flickering more ambitiously. “Oh, I know. But you’re not the only one who has access to inside information. I know that frog, Kermit. He knows a lot about what his girlfriend eats … and Boober has lots of stuff you guys have never heard of in his kitchen.” She giggled.
Skeeter didn’t know whether to be afraid or amused.
Red jumped off the desk and playfully punched Skeeter in the shoulder. “Let’s not waste our time in this competition with someone who doesn’t take her workouts seriously. Kermit says you’re the rival to beat.” She shrugged. “Piggy’s just some angry girl who confuses a couple of kicks with being athletic. In Fraggle Rock, top athletes compete in all sorts of events. We’re very well-rounded.”
“So is Piggy,” Skeeter joked.
Red didn’t get it, but didn’t let it bother her. She shrugged. “Are you ready?”
Skeeter nodded. “Let the best woman win.”
Louis Kazagger joined Statler and Waldorf in the balcony, narrating as the competition went underway. “Welcome to Muppet Sports. We have a phenomenal --.”
“Doo-doo-do-do-doo,” two Snowths chimed up from behind.
“I take it the jokes tonight will be filled with doo-doo,” started Statler, making Waldorf chuckle.
Louis shook his head and sighed. “It’s Ladies Night here at Muppet Theater, where Skeeter and Red Fraggle from the underground world of Fraggle Rock have decided to have a battle for all the ages.”
“Make it quick,” Waldorf shot back. “We’re not much longer for this age!” He and Statler chortled.
Red stood next to Skeeter. “They’re worse than the World’s Oldest Fraggle,” Red whispered.
Skeeter nodded. “For a couple of guys who keep saying they’re knocking on death’s door, they’ve sure been waiting on the porch a long time.”
The competition started with a grid of rings suspended from the rafters. Both contestants had to use the rings to swing over to the other side. The one who got there first, well, won that round.
Skeeter laughed. “See ya around, Red … I’ve been doing this since I was a kid.” She leapt at the rings and began to swing as fast as she could.
Red gasped. “Wait up!” she yelled, flinging herself at the rings.
Skeeter had nearly made it a quarter of the way across the stage when the rings started to move left and right, nearly forcing Skeeter to take a dive. She could barely grab hold of the next one. As she glanced upward, she noticed a chain mechanism moving the suspended rings back and forth. She growled to herself. “Gonzo,” she muttered.
Red swung past Skeeter long enough to chuckle. “I guess they figured it was too easy,” she laughed as she continued.
Skeeter grit her teeth. “You’re going down, Red!” she retorted as she swung her body to the halfway point.
Suddenly, several of the rings dropped several feet. Red gasped as she lost her grip – only to be grabbed by the tail. Red looked up as she hung upside down, finding Skeeter hanging in the rings with her legs while her hands were free to grab Red’s tail.
Red frowned. “Don’t think I owe you one,” she told Skeeter.
Skeeter smiled. “Technically, you owe me two,” she shot back before hurling Red back toward the rings, which were now going up and down. “But who’s counting?”
The last section of rings were rigid, making swinging very difficult. Skeeter made it first to the platform high above the stage.
Red plopped down onto the platform, nearly exhausted. “Th-thanks,” she panted.
Skeeter pat her on the back. “Don’t mention it. Let’s just focus on getting through Gonzo’s crazy stunts alive, shall we?”
The next stage had log rolls, strangely-angled ramps, a trampoline jump to a large net, and a twenty foot ladder leading to a small diving board with the pool underneath. The one who made it at all, or the one who made it with the faster time, won.
Skeeter made it to the ladder. She panted as she climbed. “I think … I’ll strangle … whoever gave Gonzo … tapes of … Ninja Warrior,” she griped. However, as much as she was annoyed at what was going on, she had to admit she hadn’t been challenged this much in awhile. Red was a valiant athlete, certainly stronger and more agile than Piggy could ever hope to be. Most of the time, the theater gave Skeeter acts like just trapeze work or something typically found in any run-of-the-mill circus.
Why did she keep flip-flopping between wanting tradition and wanting something spectacular?
Red started her run, thinking of all the times Fraggles had to escape the Gorgs, back when the hairy mountains were antagonists, bent on destroying them. Fraggle Rock was a dangerous place, filled with deadly traps around nearly every corner. This Gonzo person was inventive, but he’d never match the weirdness of Fraggle Rock. This was a cakewalk compared to hiking to Wonder Mountain. When she first saw the obstacle course, she asked Kermit why it seemed so easy.
His face had a bemused look on it, followed by a sheepish shrug. “Sorry about that, Red,” he had told her. “My insurance premiums are already too high to risk real death.”
When Red got to the top of the diving platform, she stared down at the pool below her. Gobo, her explorer friend in Fraggle Rock, was once caught by a Gorg and tossed into the Gorg Well, falling tens of feet into the Fraggle Pond below.
If he could survive that, she could survive this. She gulped and jumped off, cannonball-style. It seemed like hours passed as she fell through the air.
Finally, there was the abrupt sensation of smacking into the water. She stayed motionless for a minute, letting the tingling of her fur fade before heading up to the surface.
The crowd applauded.
After a song and dance number brought about the end, Red and Skeeter met with Kermit just outside the gigantic red curtain to close out the show with the announcement of who won.
Gonzo stood next to Kermit proudly.
Kermit glanced at Gonzo. “Okay, Gonzo,” he started, loud enough for the audience to hear, “who won?”
Gonzo stared at him in confusion. “’Won’?”
Kermit nodded.
Skeeter jabbed a finger in Gonzo’s shoulder. “Yeah, who won? You nearly had us killed! The least you could do was tell us who had the best time!”
Gonzo backed away slowly, laughing nervously. “Uh, well, I broke my watch trying to tap dance upside down yesterday.”
Skeeter and Red looked at each other in shock, then growled at Gonzo and chased after him as the audience laughed.
Kermit sighed, shaking his head. “That’s the show we have for you tonight, folks! With any luck we’ll still have a staff for next week’s show.” He gulped, then waved enthusiastically. “Good night, everybody!”
Gonzo suddenly flew through the air, grabbing at the curtain desperately as the two Muppet female athletes climbed up the curtain in chase.
THE END
Note: I haven’t been able to buy that Muppet Show comic or anything.
Skeeter watched, bemused, as the Muppets scurried around the backstage like crazed ants.
Okay, some of them were crazed ants….
She had been hanging out at the Muppet Theater ever since moving back to Manhattan to try to take part in a media-hyped event. Theater wasn’t really her thing: she wanted to be an athlete, and the only athletic acts involved cannons or Gonzo’s interpretations of Cirque Du Soleil-type acts, which were already weird and “artsy” to begin with.
Ever since watching the one who became her boyfriend skateboard, though, she struggled to accept that strange things should still count – especially around here.
A high-pitched buzzing appeared right behind Skeeter’s ear. She brushed it away.
“Hey!” shouted a goofy, deep male voice.
Skeeter looked behind her. A small blue and white rubber ducky-like holographic creature with a Seussian top hat somersaulted backwards in the air. He finally stabilized and shook his head.
“Aren’t you that computer program thing?” Skeeter asked.
“I’m Waldo C. Graphic,” he announced, bowing his head with a grin, “the spirit of 3-D”.
“What are you doing here?”
Waldo bounced up and down in the air excitedly. “Kermit invited the crew of Muppet Central to come over and televise the show tonight! It’ll be a ratings extravaganza!”
Skeeter crossed her arms. “It’ll be televised?”
Waldo nodded. “Yup. Bunsen an’ Digit are setting up the systems now.”
Kermit brushed past Skeeter and stopped. “Oh, hey, Skeeter … I hope you don’t mind, but I thought you might enjoy a little competition tonight.”
Skeeter sighed. “The last time you paired me up with Gonzo, my glasses nearly melted off.”
Kermit gulped, nodding. “I promise I’ll keep Gonzo busy. This will be more of a ‘girl’s night out’, anyway.”
Skeeter stared at him dryly. “Kermit … I know Piggy. This will get completely out of hand. We’ll end up killing each other.”
“Maybe that’s the idea,” Waldo helpfully piped up.
Kermit glanced at Waldo curtly. “Don’t help.”
Waldo nodded, unfazed. “Right, boss.” He flew away.
Kermit chuckled nervously, placing a thin green hand on Skeeter’s shoulder. “I have to admit, this was more Gonzo’s idea than mine. He thought a competition between you an’ Piggy wouldn’t be interesting enough.”
Skeeter slapped her tiny forehead with her palm. “I dread the thought of how he’s gonna make it interesting.” She looked at Kermit with a pleading expression. “We’re not teaming up with Spamela, are we? She’s just eye candy. She hasn’t worked out a day in her life. It’s all liposuction.”
Kermit shook his head. “It’s not Spamela.”
Skeeter tilted her head in confusion. “Francine?”
“Nope.”
“Hilda?”
Kermit scrunched up his face. “Now you’re not even trying.” He started to walk away. “She’s got about as many trophies as you do, Skeeter. I think she’ll give you two a run for your money.”
Skeeter sighed and decided to help Beauregard push a large set piece onto the stage. After she finished, Piggy appeared behind her. Skeeter gasped.
Piggy laughed, twirling her hair in her purple-gloved fingers. “Yes, I do have that affect on people.”
Skeeter frowned and tried to walk away. “Blow it out your rear, Piggy.”
Piggy, unfazed, grinned. “I take it Kermie has informed you of your supporting role … losing to moi in a friendly competition for the show tonight?”
Skeeter turned around and smirked. “The script says I win.”
Piggy growled, but quickly recovered. “Whatever you say, Skeeter,” she replied in her melodious tone she used when she was trying to hide her frustration. “I intend on sending you all the way back to the nursery.”
Skeeter laughed, tapping her foot. “Will I be sleeping in your crib, Piggy?”
Piggy grunted sharply and left.
Skeeter chuckled. She turned around – only to see a golden-skinned female with a playful smirk, her tail flicking a small dumbbell up and down. She had two firey pigtails and a bright red turtleneck sweater. The newcomer leaned against a five-foot tall crevice that had formed last year in the back wall of the theater.
“I’m not late, am I?” she asked, in a voice just slightly higher than Skeeter’s.
Skeeter couldn’t help but admire the figure standing before her.
Kermit was right: this was going to be interesting.
Before the show, Beauregard, Beaker, Skeeter, and Red Fraggle (the pigtailed one who wasn’t a pig) helped push set pieces onto the stage.
Red grunted as they slid a full pool of water into the center of the stage. “Where’s that pig? Shouldn’t she be helping?”
Skeeter shrugged as she tugged at the pool. “She is helping, Red. She’s doing her makeup. It keeps her out of our way.”
“How does she think she’s gonna beat us if she’s just painting her face for an hour?”
“You don’t know Piggy very well,” Skeeter replied.
“Well, what is she like?” Red asked as the pool finally stopped.
Skeeter smirked. “Now … why would I give you tips about Piggy? I know her and that gives me a home advantage.”
Red grinned, her tail flickering. “I see.”
Scooter showed up just as the curtain was about to rise, the crew leaving the stage. Scooter glanced at Skeeter. “Hi, sis.” He looked at Red. “Great to see you, too.” He returned his gaze to his twin sister, the only real differences being she was slightly darker than he was due to all the tanning and her hair was longer. “Piggy’s not gonna be able to make it,” he announced, holding a PDA in his hand, a small gray stylus behind his ear.
Skeeter stared at her brother. “Why not?” She stuck out her tongue. “Did she break a leg trying to put on her hose?”
Scooter shook his head. “She’s allergic to some snacks she ate, as it turns out,” he replied, leaving.
Red bounced as she jumped up onto Kermit’s desk backstage. “Just imagine … being allergic to radish bars.”
Skeeter gawked at Red. “Scooter didn’t say what she ate.”
Red grinned, her tail flickering more ambitiously. “Oh, I know. But you’re not the only one who has access to inside information. I know that frog, Kermit. He knows a lot about what his girlfriend eats … and Boober has lots of stuff you guys have never heard of in his kitchen.” She giggled.
Skeeter didn’t know whether to be afraid or amused.
Red jumped off the desk and playfully punched Skeeter in the shoulder. “Let’s not waste our time in this competition with someone who doesn’t take her workouts seriously. Kermit says you’re the rival to beat.” She shrugged. “Piggy’s just some angry girl who confuses a couple of kicks with being athletic. In Fraggle Rock, top athletes compete in all sorts of events. We’re very well-rounded.”
“So is Piggy,” Skeeter joked.
Red didn’t get it, but didn’t let it bother her. She shrugged. “Are you ready?”
Skeeter nodded. “Let the best woman win.”
Louis Kazagger joined Statler and Waldorf in the balcony, narrating as the competition went underway. “Welcome to Muppet Sports. We have a phenomenal --.”
“Doo-doo-do-do-doo,” two Snowths chimed up from behind.
“I take it the jokes tonight will be filled with doo-doo,” started Statler, making Waldorf chuckle.
Louis shook his head and sighed. “It’s Ladies Night here at Muppet Theater, where Skeeter and Red Fraggle from the underground world of Fraggle Rock have decided to have a battle for all the ages.”
“Make it quick,” Waldorf shot back. “We’re not much longer for this age!” He and Statler chortled.
Red stood next to Skeeter. “They’re worse than the World’s Oldest Fraggle,” Red whispered.
Skeeter nodded. “For a couple of guys who keep saying they’re knocking on death’s door, they’ve sure been waiting on the porch a long time.”
The competition started with a grid of rings suspended from the rafters. Both contestants had to use the rings to swing over to the other side. The one who got there first, well, won that round.
Skeeter laughed. “See ya around, Red … I’ve been doing this since I was a kid.” She leapt at the rings and began to swing as fast as she could.
Red gasped. “Wait up!” she yelled, flinging herself at the rings.
Skeeter had nearly made it a quarter of the way across the stage when the rings started to move left and right, nearly forcing Skeeter to take a dive. She could barely grab hold of the next one. As she glanced upward, she noticed a chain mechanism moving the suspended rings back and forth. She growled to herself. “Gonzo,” she muttered.
Red swung past Skeeter long enough to chuckle. “I guess they figured it was too easy,” she laughed as she continued.
Skeeter grit her teeth. “You’re going down, Red!” she retorted as she swung her body to the halfway point.
Suddenly, several of the rings dropped several feet. Red gasped as she lost her grip – only to be grabbed by the tail. Red looked up as she hung upside down, finding Skeeter hanging in the rings with her legs while her hands were free to grab Red’s tail.
Red frowned. “Don’t think I owe you one,” she told Skeeter.
Skeeter smiled. “Technically, you owe me two,” she shot back before hurling Red back toward the rings, which were now going up and down. “But who’s counting?”
The last section of rings were rigid, making swinging very difficult. Skeeter made it first to the platform high above the stage.
Red plopped down onto the platform, nearly exhausted. “Th-thanks,” she panted.
Skeeter pat her on the back. “Don’t mention it. Let’s just focus on getting through Gonzo’s crazy stunts alive, shall we?”
The next stage had log rolls, strangely-angled ramps, a trampoline jump to a large net, and a twenty foot ladder leading to a small diving board with the pool underneath. The one who made it at all, or the one who made it with the faster time, won.
Skeeter made it to the ladder. She panted as she climbed. “I think … I’ll strangle … whoever gave Gonzo … tapes of … Ninja Warrior,” she griped. However, as much as she was annoyed at what was going on, she had to admit she hadn’t been challenged this much in awhile. Red was a valiant athlete, certainly stronger and more agile than Piggy could ever hope to be. Most of the time, the theater gave Skeeter acts like just trapeze work or something typically found in any run-of-the-mill circus.
Why did she keep flip-flopping between wanting tradition and wanting something spectacular?
Red started her run, thinking of all the times Fraggles had to escape the Gorgs, back when the hairy mountains were antagonists, bent on destroying them. Fraggle Rock was a dangerous place, filled with deadly traps around nearly every corner. This Gonzo person was inventive, but he’d never match the weirdness of Fraggle Rock. This was a cakewalk compared to hiking to Wonder Mountain. When she first saw the obstacle course, she asked Kermit why it seemed so easy.
His face had a bemused look on it, followed by a sheepish shrug. “Sorry about that, Red,” he had told her. “My insurance premiums are already too high to risk real death.”
When Red got to the top of the diving platform, she stared down at the pool below her. Gobo, her explorer friend in Fraggle Rock, was once caught by a Gorg and tossed into the Gorg Well, falling tens of feet into the Fraggle Pond below.
If he could survive that, she could survive this. She gulped and jumped off, cannonball-style. It seemed like hours passed as she fell through the air.
Finally, there was the abrupt sensation of smacking into the water. She stayed motionless for a minute, letting the tingling of her fur fade before heading up to the surface.
The crowd applauded.
After a song and dance number brought about the end, Red and Skeeter met with Kermit just outside the gigantic red curtain to close out the show with the announcement of who won.
Gonzo stood next to Kermit proudly.
Kermit glanced at Gonzo. “Okay, Gonzo,” he started, loud enough for the audience to hear, “who won?”
Gonzo stared at him in confusion. “’Won’?”
Kermit nodded.
Skeeter jabbed a finger in Gonzo’s shoulder. “Yeah, who won? You nearly had us killed! The least you could do was tell us who had the best time!”
Gonzo backed away slowly, laughing nervously. “Uh, well, I broke my watch trying to tap dance upside down yesterday.”
Skeeter and Red looked at each other in shock, then growled at Gonzo and chased after him as the audience laughed.
Kermit sighed, shaking his head. “That’s the show we have for you tonight, folks! With any luck we’ll still have a staff for next week’s show.” He gulped, then waved enthusiastically. “Good night, everybody!”
Gonzo suddenly flew through the air, grabbing at the curtain desperately as the two Muppet female athletes climbed up the curtain in chase.
THE END
