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Welp, here's what muh trip to ol' Fraggle Rock was like...
Woke up at 9, got dressed and accessorized with my masculine huntin' pattern fanny pack (and new boots just for this), drove about 40 minutes, and then the tour started at 10 (Mammoth Cave is an hour behind---and it's also the longest cave system on the entire planet!...well, I guess 2nd only to Fraggle Rock...).
So I went on the "Wild Cave Tour", which was promoted as being extremely strenuous, 5 1/2 miles, and 6 1/2 hours long. And they weren't kiddin' none. lol! You also have to be 16 or older, have a chest size no greater than 42 inches (mine's 36), and only 14 people may go on each tour (cause good communication is vital). But I had a BLAST, and here's details of the tour:
-----------
We had 2 guides for the tour, a tough broad in her mid-40s named Darlene ("Red"), and a guy about my age named Nathan ("Gobo"). So it SO felt like me and the others were in "Gobo's School For Explorers", lol! :-P And we all have helmet on now, and li'l lights that strappy on.
First we take a bus to the Carmichael Entrance (not Doc's Workshop, lol), go down some stairs in a wood to some undergroundy place, and walk for a bit (while I say "Face facts, pack snacks, on your own!")---Red says she'll be our lead guide until lunch, while Gobo hangs in the back of the line. Then pretty soon we get to get on our silly creature hands 'n knees and crawl! Woo-hoo!
At the end of a short crawl (in SOFT sand/dirt, which wasn NOT always the case), we come to Split Rock. It looks like there's just rock in front of you and nowhere to go, but if you look up, there's a small space. So ya have to squeeeeeeze up through it and on top of the rock that "blocked" ya down below. It was pretty cool stuff, but I was about the 7th or 8th person through, and while I'm a-strugglin' to squeeze through, the first 1/2 of the others are watchin' me. I'm not claustrophobic, but I hate to be embarrassed in front of people I don't know, and I just wanted to say, "Um, could y'all please, like, turn around till I get the rest o' me through?", lol, but I didn't. I just hurried up and squeezed through.
So we get everbody through Split Rock, then we crouch-walk and crawl around to Bare Hole (it's got its name from the fact that, if you're a bigger person, you have to "bare" a few articles o' clothin' to fit through). I was behind Cindy (not Chapman, lol), who was behind Bob, and Bob took forEVER to get through. He's not really that big, either (he and Cindy are Wisconsoners---sure sound like it, too). So Bob fin'ly gets through, Cindy does it in a cinch, then I go---and it's fun, this hole goes kinda up at an angle, so I got to put my long arms in front o' me like Superman and pull my way through; it was actually easier than Split Rock (I just love these names and usin' 'em, it's so fragglish---heehee!)
Gobo advised us that, in tight crawls, to be sure and give the person in front of you plenty of room. He said they'd had people get kicked in the mouth before, but the kickees were mad at the kickers---when the kicker can't SEE the people behind 'em, and ya sometimes *have* to struggle to make it! lol So it's up to you to stay back from the person in front of ya. Sometimes when crawlin' there are muddy puddles ya squish in, too.
Then after Bare Hole, Red (Darlene) says we have time for one more activity; she decides to take us all through the H*** Hole (at which point I turn to one of two sisters next me, Trish, and say, "That's funny, I work there,", which garnered an "lol!"). So we get to the H*** Hole, and it's about 30 feet long or so, but pretty low. Ya have to pretty much belly crawl the whole way through. Now, that may not seem very tough, but I---like the man from Dayton, OH ("Hi, Emmy!" lol!)---much prefer to be on our side and sidewind than belly crawl. It's just easier.
Anyway, the thing with belly crawlin' is, you're just kinda "helpless" lyin' there, and have to reeeeeeeally PULL wif your hands and PUSH wif your elbows, knees, and toes (this would be a bit more comfy had not the knee pads they provided ALWAYS wanted to slide down on belly crawls and become ANKLE pads! Argh!) (I also forgot muh "tough gloves", but turns out that wasn't 'at important).
So I'm crawlin' along through the H*** Hole, and at then Pam (one of the two sisters behind me) calls out, "Hey, you lost somethin' back here!", and I turn around, and there's muh cookies I had in a paper bag mushed against me with the huntin' fanny pack belt. Like a trooper though, Pam manages to get the cookies on one hand and keep crawlin' her way through (Thanks, Pam!).
At last, I "see the light at the end of the tunnel", and get to the end of the H*** Hole. Now, where the H*** Hole comes out just happens to be a place where the Grand Avenue Tour passes by. And just as I get to the end, a Grand Avenue Tour is in progress. So while I'm strugglin' to get out, pushin', pullin', sweatin', pantin', helmet and light on and all, there's a whole crowd o' people watchin' me in awe, and several camera flashes go off---I so felt like a trapped miner escapin' from a rescue effort, and here was the media blitz---wow, 15 seconds o' fame! Lol! :-P
So I'm sure about now there are about 10 families somewhere in the US with a goofy picture o' me tryin' to struggle out of a hole deep in Mammoth Cave (if you see me in that picture, tell the person who took it you know me from the 'net).
Time fer lunch!
And boy, am I ready for it! lol
We then go to the Snowball Room, so named for the snowball-lookin' formations on the ceilin', and I eat my lunch while most others buy theirs there (the Grand Avenue Tour is 4 hours, so they also eat). At my table are me (imagine that), Sisters Pam and Trish, and Red and Gobo. This is where I tell Red and Gobo that I love readin' about the hauntings and strange happenings in Mammoth Cave ("MC", heh), and ask 'em if they've ever had any weird experiences. Gobo said no, though he's not closed-minded to it, but Red shares that yes, she has had many experiences, and she and another guide are wantin' to write a book about 'em. There's one out about past older ones, but not one of "current" experiences.
Stay tuned for Part II of "The (Unwilling) Return From Fraggle Rock"...
Woke up at 9, got dressed and accessorized with my masculine huntin' pattern fanny pack (and new boots just for this), drove about 40 minutes, and then the tour started at 10 (Mammoth Cave is an hour behind---and it's also the longest cave system on the entire planet!...well, I guess 2nd only to Fraggle Rock...).
So I went on the "Wild Cave Tour", which was promoted as being extremely strenuous, 5 1/2 miles, and 6 1/2 hours long. And they weren't kiddin' none. lol! You also have to be 16 or older, have a chest size no greater than 42 inches (mine's 36), and only 14 people may go on each tour (cause good communication is vital). But I had a BLAST, and here's details of the tour:
-----------
We had 2 guides for the tour, a tough broad in her mid-40s named Darlene ("Red"), and a guy about my age named Nathan ("Gobo"). So it SO felt like me and the others were in "Gobo's School For Explorers", lol! :-P And we all have helmet on now, and li'l lights that strappy on.
First we take a bus to the Carmichael Entrance (not Doc's Workshop, lol), go down some stairs in a wood to some undergroundy place, and walk for a bit (while I say "Face facts, pack snacks, on your own!")---Red says she'll be our lead guide until lunch, while Gobo hangs in the back of the line. Then pretty soon we get to get on our silly creature hands 'n knees and crawl! Woo-hoo!
At the end of a short crawl (in SOFT sand/dirt, which wasn NOT always the case), we come to Split Rock. It looks like there's just rock in front of you and nowhere to go, but if you look up, there's a small space. So ya have to squeeeeeeze up through it and on top of the rock that "blocked" ya down below. It was pretty cool stuff, but I was about the 7th or 8th person through, and while I'm a-strugglin' to squeeze through, the first 1/2 of the others are watchin' me. I'm not claustrophobic, but I hate to be embarrassed in front of people I don't know, and I just wanted to say, "Um, could y'all please, like, turn around till I get the rest o' me through?", lol, but I didn't. I just hurried up and squeezed through.
So we get everbody through Split Rock, then we crouch-walk and crawl around to Bare Hole (it's got its name from the fact that, if you're a bigger person, you have to "bare" a few articles o' clothin' to fit through). I was behind Cindy (not Chapman, lol), who was behind Bob, and Bob took forEVER to get through. He's not really that big, either (he and Cindy are Wisconsoners---sure sound like it, too). So Bob fin'ly gets through, Cindy does it in a cinch, then I go---and it's fun, this hole goes kinda up at an angle, so I got to put my long arms in front o' me like Superman and pull my way through; it was actually easier than Split Rock (I just love these names and usin' 'em, it's so fragglish---heehee!)
Gobo advised us that, in tight crawls, to be sure and give the person in front of you plenty of room. He said they'd had people get kicked in the mouth before, but the kickees were mad at the kickers---when the kicker can't SEE the people behind 'em, and ya sometimes *have* to struggle to make it! lol So it's up to you to stay back from the person in front of ya. Sometimes when crawlin' there are muddy puddles ya squish in, too.
Then after Bare Hole, Red (Darlene) says we have time for one more activity; she decides to take us all through the H*** Hole (at which point I turn to one of two sisters next me, Trish, and say, "That's funny, I work there,", which garnered an "lol!"). So we get to the H*** Hole, and it's about 30 feet long or so, but pretty low. Ya have to pretty much belly crawl the whole way through. Now, that may not seem very tough, but I---like the man from Dayton, OH ("Hi, Emmy!" lol!)---much prefer to be on our side and sidewind than belly crawl. It's just easier.
Anyway, the thing with belly crawlin' is, you're just kinda "helpless" lyin' there, and have to reeeeeeeally PULL wif your hands and PUSH wif your elbows, knees, and toes (this would be a bit more comfy had not the knee pads they provided ALWAYS wanted to slide down on belly crawls and become ANKLE pads! Argh!) (I also forgot muh "tough gloves", but turns out that wasn't 'at important).
So I'm crawlin' along through the H*** Hole, and at then Pam (one of the two sisters behind me) calls out, "Hey, you lost somethin' back here!", and I turn around, and there's muh cookies I had in a paper bag mushed against me with the huntin' fanny pack belt. Like a trooper though, Pam manages to get the cookies on one hand and keep crawlin' her way through (Thanks, Pam!).
At last, I "see the light at the end of the tunnel", and get to the end of the H*** Hole. Now, where the H*** Hole comes out just happens to be a place where the Grand Avenue Tour passes by. And just as I get to the end, a Grand Avenue Tour is in progress. So while I'm strugglin' to get out, pushin', pullin', sweatin', pantin', helmet and light on and all, there's a whole crowd o' people watchin' me in awe, and several camera flashes go off---I so felt like a trapped miner escapin' from a rescue effort, and here was the media blitz---wow, 15 seconds o' fame! Lol! :-P
So I'm sure about now there are about 10 families somewhere in the US with a goofy picture o' me tryin' to struggle out of a hole deep in Mammoth Cave (if you see me in that picture, tell the person who took it you know me from the 'net).
Time fer lunch!
And boy, am I ready for it! lol
We then go to the Snowball Room, so named for the snowball-lookin' formations on the ceilin', and I eat my lunch while most others buy theirs there (the Grand Avenue Tour is 4 hours, so they also eat). At my table are me (imagine that), Sisters Pam and Trish, and Red and Gobo. This is where I tell Red and Gobo that I love readin' about the hauntings and strange happenings in Mammoth Cave ("MC", heh), and ask 'em if they've ever had any weird experiences. Gobo said no, though he's not closed-minded to it, but Red shares that yes, she has had many experiences, and she and another guide are wantin' to write a book about 'em. There's one out about past older ones, but not one of "current" experiences.
Stay tuned for Part II of "The (Unwilling) Return From Fraggle Rock"...
! Glad you made it through the cave ok, and with your cookies rescued. I'm off to read the second half now! 
