I’m Near! I’m Far!

[Mary Louise]

Just thought I’d post a transcription of this little animated bit I remember from years ago. Corrections are welcome. Oh, and as I recall, the announcer is female.

Announcer: The Sesame Street Vaudeville Theater takes pride in presenting “Near and Far”!

[Standing on the stage are two men. Upstage is a tall guy, and downstage is a short one.]

[sung]

Short guy: I’m near!

Tall guy: I’m far!

Both: That’s where [who?] we are!
If you want to know just where [who?] we are...

Short guy: I’m near...

Tall guy: ...and I’m far!

[spoken]

Tall guy: Wait a minute! Stop the music! Stop the music!

Short guy: What’s wrong?

Tall guy: What’s wrong? What’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong! You’re always near, and I’m always far.

Short guy: So?

Tall guy: So, they can see you better because you’re near.

[He starts walking downstage, toward the short guy.]

Tall guy: Because you’re near, they can hear you better. Because you’re near, you get all the applause!

Short guy: Okay! You be near, and I’ll be far. [Runs upstage.] Are you happy now?

Tall guy: Now, that’s better!

Announcer: And now the Sesame Street Vaudeville Theater takes pride in presenting “Wet and Dry”!

[Tall guy smiles and waves at the audience. Water dumps on him. The audience roars with laughter.]